u/suziec1de

A little bit of a vent I guess, but not really, I just want to know what to do in those kinds of situations.

I'm really tired of my friends/family treating my beliefs like something absurd and getting all sorts of weird looks when they see an altar in the corner of my room. It hurts so much. People say this stuff in a way that makes it feel like paganism is somehow inferior to all the other major religions, even though it's much more ancient and deserves the same respect as Christianity or Islam does. Even worse, they sometimes treat it like it's just believing in fairy tales or completely fake. It wouldn't bother me if those were strangers but those are my closest people and I don't know how to explain myself to feel accepted. I don't want to be ashamed of what I believe in, I already barely found acceptance in paganism. I'd really like to hear what are y'all's experiences with this, not something like "just stop caring about it", you just can't, like situations and what you said that might have helped

Look, above you towers a holy tree

On three roots that reach too deep

Nidhogg gnawing on one

But never to be done

Waters of urd heal the wounds

Stream's peaceful and quiet tunes

Norns, sitting around the well

Clay, white as an eggshell

In those distant lands, where threads of fate gently flow

Our stories were told long ago

Oh mighty tree, stay strong and evergreen

Forever and always, as it was foreseen

Like this is not funny anymore I really want to know

I tried really hard on both of them and it didn't get a single upvote like is it too bad or something

Look, above you towers a holy tree

On three roots that reach too deep

Nidhogg gnawing on one

But never to be done

Waters of urd heal the wounds

Stream's peaceful and quiet tunes

Norns, sitting around the well

Clay, white as an eggshell

In those distant lands, where threads of fate gently flow

Our stories were told long ago

Oh mighty tree, stay strong and evergreen

Forever and always, as it was foreseen

When I turned to traditional witchcraft instead of wicca, one prominent thing is that traditional witchcraft doesn't disallow harmful magic, and I was wondering what are the ethics of it and what are y'all's experiences with those types of spells? Like, have you ever been cursed yourself or wished harm upon others? It's just I think I need to do some justice and punish a couple of people for what they've done to me and my friends, but I'm still kind of questioning if I should do it or not

A poem I wrote about the World Tree

---

Oh Yggrassil, growing from the darkest depths of the abyss to the highest of heavens, holding the worlds on your mighty branches and powerful roots,

Despite the wounds, you persist.

Oh Norns, who heal the Tree with the holy waters of Urd’s well and nourish it with clay,

Urdr, of which has passed,

Verdandi, of which we witness,

Skuld, of which shall come,

Blessed be your labor.

Let the leaves be evergreen,

And the body be tough,

Oh Yggrassil, withstand the flames of ragnarok,

And give life to a world born anew.

---

What do y'all think?

So I've been diagnosed with clinical depression for 3 years now, and it had its turn for the worse, affecting my faith. I posted about it on r/pagan where I tried to say some smart things, but honestly it kinda doesn't help. I don't know what's real anymore. I don't know if gods are still with me. I am desperate for a sign, I think Anubis came into my life but I can't be sure of anything at this point. I don't know where my faith ends and spiritual psychosis starts. I'm trying to take a break from everything religious but something pulls me back every single time. If anyone here has experienced the same thing, can you tell me how you found the truth or healed? Because this is unbearable

And kemeticism in general... Idk, recently I went through quite a turbulent spiritual journey, gaining and losing connection to the gods, trying out heathenry and theistic satanism. The first was more influential than the other, but now it all started feeling weird and I didn't feel anyone's presence anymore.

So I was just listening to music, specifically Anubis by septicflesh, nothing much but my mind went with this image and ventured out somewhere far away. I remembered how frickin sad I was when my mom went on a trip to Egypt without me, visiting Luxor and a bunch of other historical places, I wanted to connect with this ancient history so much. I absolutely despise heat but for some reason I wanted to feel it there, feel the sun hitting my face, the same sun every human being on earth saw and praised. I don't know why but the feeling I have right now... Hits different. Like some sort of dark fog covering my mind but in a pleasant way. I always felt a connection with death, being on the verge of it a couple of times, I find it both comforting and horrifying. I'll try to pray, maybe I'm mistaken but I feel like it's going to be different this time.

I'd really want to hear how you guys came to this faith, like what's your story

So I've been diagnosed with clinical depression for 3 years now, and honestly, it's hell for keeping my beliefs alive... I still can't get appropriate treatment for it and my mind is all over the place, falling to the darkest pits of my thoughts when the effects of my kinda bad medication fade away.. And at those times I doubt everything in my life, my reality, my feelings, my worldview, all of it. It's incredibly painful to constantly swing back and forth, it destroys you from the inside, slowly but inevitably. It hurts so bad, I'm sorry for everyone who has to live with this too.

But in the end, I understand that our brain is an organ, it can get sick like any other thing in our bodies. This sickness twists reality in such ways that it's hard to comprehend sometimes. But the outside world stays. It's waiting for your return from this microcosm of suffering inside your head. The gods patiently stay by your side even though you can't feel their presence because your mind is covered by a veil of illness. If you don't see the light at the end of a dark tunnel, it may be because it's nighttime and when you come out you will see the stars.

Often it's hard to simply exist. But in the wise words of the Allfather:

May the halt ride a horse,

and the handless be herdsman,

the deaf man may doughtily fight,

a blind man is better than a burned one, ay:

of what gain is a good man dead?

It's going to be okay if you continue to fight and try to keep the fire of hope warm, even if everything that's left of it are little embers. There's no betrayal in despair.

Love all of you, my mentally ill friends

P. S. I'm writing this to remember these thoughts and maybe it will help somebody that feels guilty for questioning their beliefs.

So I converted to paganism a while ago, heathenry in particular, but I don't feel a strong connection to the gods anymore even though I constantly made offerings and my devotion was really strong. So I decided to figure out why they don't visit me anymore, and pulled out my tarot deck. And it was one of the most bizarre experiences in my life I guess. I can't recount every spread that I made, but I was asking questions like "do gods hear me" or "what am I doing wrong", "why they abandoned me" etc. All the cards came out with negative meanings and I was really sad... But then when I started asking what should i do next, what path will be right for me, it started getting weird. I am into satanic and dark stuff for a long time now, as I'm a huge fan of black metal and the occult in general. One of the first cards was the devil. And all that followed was leaning towards the fact that I should explore the darker side and it would be rewarding, when I asked directly if it's a sign from Satan himself the card was the emperor. I followed with a question "why did you choose me" and it was an upside down star (I think so, I don't remember clearly, it's all foggy now), and a number of similar questions. I'll try to connect in other ways to be sure, but I finally feel at least a glimpse of hope and acceptance. It still feels wrong as I was raised orthodox christian after all, but man... Maybe it's really something. I genuinely hope so.

What are your thoughts guys?

So I converted to paganism a while ago, specifically heathenry, and I can't really be open about my practice because I'm terribly afraid of being ridiculed by my family

I tried to connect with my gods in the middle of the night so I won't be discovered but my mom still smelled the incense and came to my room, she had questions and it felt awful, I know I was kinda dumb, but still...The thing I made now is kinda big, like a cloth, raven feathers, a horn, amber and an offering plate and a bunch of other things, all of it is in my drawer and it's kind of time consuming to take it all out and then put it back in so I was wondering, can I make an altar in a box or something? Wouldn't it be disrespectful to the gods? I just don't know at this point

I don't want to be questioned again by my mom ever again but I'm still strong in my faith so I really need help

If they can be chosen in the first place... I'm trying to improve on my practice but every source I find doesn't go into details of the process of worship and I'm kind of lost

What are your practices and how do you connect with him via words?

So I'm stuck in my spiritual journey, I couldn't find acceptance in wicca, traditional witchcraft or paganism, I'm kind of desperate at this point. I really do seek guidance from a higher being, I always felt like something's missing in my life. So I wanted to ask you guys what brought you to satanism in the first place and how do you keep your beliefs alive? Did you receive some sort of a sign? I really want to believe but I don't want to go in blind, or at least what rituals I can perform to feel a connection? The old sceptic in me still wants some sort of proof that this is real. Maybe it sounds silly, but I really don't know what to do at this point. Or if I'm like this maybe satanism isn't for me? I really want to hear someone else's opinion, I don't have people of any religion in my social circle so there's literally no one I can ask, that's why I'm here. I would really appreciate any advice or story that y'all might share

So I recently started worshipping Norse gods and right now I basically do this in my mind, trying to connect with them + I give offerings in form of food/drinks and precious stones

I want to figure out how to set up a proper altar, what rituals to perform and how to ask for guidance

I'm learning rune meanings and reading edda (prose and poetic)

I just want to know if I'm doing okay right now and how can I improve

So I did a healing/protection ritual with a candle, like that with a small one where you take it out of the metal base and put salt and herbs there

I added:

-salt

-rosemary

-cinnamon

And inscribed these runes on the wax: sowulo, tiwaz and dagaz

I know I took a candle with a very short wick but I was pretty sure it will start to burn once the wax melts a little

But it just went out after a short while and didn't light afterwards

I did this ritual to help me get through a depressive episode and tough relationship with my mom

I'm pretty sure this is a bad sign

What do y'all think? Did I do something wrong? And I also gave offerings in the form of seashells to the goddess and various seeds to the god

I'm somewhat new to witchcraft and I'm very anxious and ashamed if the gods didn't like what I was doing