u/swiminasea

it seems like you found your next lover, and left your previous person for them.

there's a sense of relief. you're not following me anymore. i'm not the object of your desires. from one LO to another.

does this mean that i'm free? i don't know.

i guess only time will tell.

i'm sinking into this sense of dread. what will i do with my time now? how will i entertain myself?

its crazy that my mind can get so creative with making meanings out of nothing, out of songs that can be interpreted in so many different ways.

once upon a time, i thought those songs were about me. reaching out to me. when in fact, it's just about faling in love with someone else.

how silly my mind can be sometimes. disappointment sets in.

its an empty road ahead. i got myself here, j. i wanted this.

what next now?

i say... let's make the journey on this road a good time :)

hell f*ckin ya.

I’m reminded by the ghosting community that anyone who ghosts someone is a pathetic coward.

I will not come back to you anymore.

I will not cave and respond to you.

And the fact that you have to send a message via playlist to your wife, making it public like it’s some dramatic spectacle for someone else’s entertainment instead of talking about it privately like a grown ass man…. I’m so glad I made the right call years ago and I’m so glad I never gave up my life for you!

Everything I ever dreamed about with you is a lie. An illusion. All the signs were there. You ain’t a local god. Just a man who’s an expert at image management. But there’s a crack in your mask.

And who I am to judge. I attached to you like a leech desperate for an ounce of attention. Am I not just as broken as you, for I also matched your energy, your vibe, your spirit?

I can do better. I will choose me now. And tomorrow. And the day after. And even if I falter… I will remember to choose me.

Adios.

Ps they say I quit you at least 20x now over the past 8 years. Clearly I’m good at quitting. ;) joking aside. Just like any other day, I ride the wave. And today is gonna be another good day.

It seems like I have built a routine around you. Monitoring you. Wondering what you’re feeling. Coming up with a bunch of theories as to what your secret codes might mean.
I don’t know why I bother.
But it’s a game I tune into every day.
It doesn’t feel like agony, like it used to. It’s more a hum. A buzz. A background white noise that’s always there taking up at least 10% of my daily attention.
But I’d rather have this than you being actively engaged and interacting with me. When you respond, omg it’s so much worse. It’s like anxiety. A dog just whimpering wondering when you’ll come home.
It feels so sad.
To wish for emptiness and silence because it hurts so much less than if you were close to me.

It’s true. We could never be friends. How silly of me to ever convince myself that I could be friends with you.

There’s something very healing about writing unsent letters. When I write, there’s something about it that makes who I am and how I think less judgemental about how “broken” I am, and more accepting of who I am when I give myself permission to write my true thoughts and feelings out loud to the world to see (subreddit called unsent letters) except the person it’s intended for.

I mean, could I send the letter to the LO? For sure. But in my situation, sending the letter wouldn’t make it better, only worse for everyone involved.

So writing the unsent letter gives myself permission. Creativity. Space. Acceptance. Self love. Discovery of who I am. Growth. Healing.

Do I hope I see a letter out there written for me? 100%. It’s a trap sometimes. But every time I write, I learn about who I am. I learn about how romantic I can be. I learn about how much of a dreamer I am. I learn about how much love I can carry for someone I barely know and for the people who are close to and around me.

Ive seen my transformation over the years. Growing from hyper self critical, traumatized, victim mentality to someone who is more at ease with herself, more self loving, more compassionate, less perfectionist, more expressive of all emotions including anger, sadness, and powerlessness. More capable and resilient of handling tough emotions. More accepting of myself as a flawed human being.

So I invite you all to write an unsent letter. Let your thoughts speak. Without judgement. Let the energy flow through you from the pen onto paper / text onto page. And send it to a sea of strangers to witness it. And in due time, I hope you’ll see your own growth change over time, like I’ve seen with myself.

hi... what are you up to? i miss you.

sometimes i imagine my hands running through the curls of your hair.

sometimes i imagine myself curled up in your lap.

but it's been many years since i've seen you in person. so many years.

and i have never curled up in your lap. and i barely held your hand that one time.

i wish i could listen to a song that you've been listening to.

but you're being distant. just like i want you to be.

because being any closer would make me want you more.

is it fair for you to be this far from me?

delphinium blue - cassandra jenkins. "chin up, stay on task. wash the windows. count the cash."

Have you read it, my love? It’s one of my all time favourites. It’s artistic, lyrical, abstract, sprinkled with a bit of sci fi. It reminds me of you. Two characters moving through life, and leaving surprise love letters hidden in secret places, waiting to be discovered by each other. somehow we find them. Somehow I find you. And when I do find a piece of you, whether it be a memory, a song, or from simply existing when I’m creating art or swimming in the ocean, I know I haven’t lost you. You’re still here. Always here. With me.

Personally I never understood why people like death metal. And why does Finland have the most death metal bands per capita in the world?

It seems as though the musical preference is deeply tied to the environment. Finnish people often prizes stoicism, and because of how limiting the daily expression of feelings are, the raw intensity of death metal provides a vital emotional outlet during the long, sunless winters. To them, I wonder if singing about hope just seems pointless or considered a coping mechanism.

Compare that to Brazil: their music is all about light, dance, and energy, even when things are tough. It’s like two different survival strategies. In Brazil, you look to the sun because you know it'll be there tomorrow. In Finland, you don't hope for the sun—you just learn to live in the shadows. One culture uses music to escape the hardship, while the other uses it to lean into the reality of it.

It’s an interesting look at how we either reflect our environment or use it as a release valve- both different from each other , yet both are effective survival strategies.

I felt eager to write a letter and then decided it would be better as an unsent letter and then I opened my Gemini and asked it the following question. The answer reminded me about the feeling of waves. The waves feel big at first, totally wiping you out. But overtime, while the waves still come, they’re smaller, and they don’t wipe you out anymore.

——

“Will I ever stop missing certain people ? Or will it always be there? That feeling? Yearning ? “

——

That feeling of yearning—that hollow space where a person used to be—is one of the heaviest things to carry. It’s a very human experience to wonder if the weight of it will ever actually lift or if you’re just destined to walk with a permanent limp.

The short answer is that the feeling changes, even if it doesn't entirely disappear. Here is how that "yearning" usually evolves:

### The Shift from Sharp to Dull

Early on, missing someone is often **acute**. It’s a sharp, jagged pain that interrupts your day and demands your full attention. Over time, that sharpness tends to wear down into something **chronic** but manageable. It becomes a quiet background hum rather than a loud siren. You don't necessarily stop missing them, but you stop being *constantly* interrupted by the missing.

### The Growing "Container"

There is a common psychological concept that grief and yearning don't actually shrink. Instead, **you grow around them**.

* Imagine the yearning is a ball inside a jar.

* At first, the ball takes up the whole jar. Every time you move, it hits the sides.

* As time passes, the "jar" (your life, your new experiences, your daily rhythm) gets bigger. The ball stays the same size, but it has more room. It hits the sides less often.

### Why We Yearn

Yearning is often just "love with no place to go." It’s your brain’s way of trying to maintain a connection that was once a fundamental part of your internal map. When that person is no longer in your immediate orbit, your "internal GPS" keeps trying to recalibrate, which creates that feeling of tension or reaching out.

### Will it always be there?

For some people, a small seed of that feeling may always remain, especially during milestones or quiet moments. But the **pain** of the yearning—the part that feels like it’s pulling you backward—does eventually lose its power.

Eventually, you reach a point where you can remember the person or the feeling without it destabilizing your present. You start to find a balance between honoring what was and being fully present in what is.

It takes an exhausting amount of patience, but the intensity you feel right now is not your permanent "new normal." It’s just where you are today.

——-

This response reminds me of a few songs:

1. Caroline polachek - butterfly net

“

1. wake tomorrow, hollow, hardly forgetting

”

1. mount Erie - love without possession

“What's this new version of love that intrudes

Into the peace I thought I had?

This love has no recipient

But still lies there smoldering

Indifferent stars in the night sky

Watch me while I churn

Still holding this love for you

Without a thing to do

But try to live

In this uninvited liberation

Without a home in your life or heart

Without a shelter at all

Exposed and burning still

This unattended fire

For no one emanates a wasted warmth on the wind

Pushing against the edges

Of what it means to give

Lost wisdom in sparks that rise and die”

——

Geminis insight holds true. The first time we “walked away” for real this time ( I think ) had me in tears. All I could think of was the song “all I need” by Radiohead. It felt so heavy.

But a month turned into two (?), and the weight isn’t as heavy. I am finding space for other parts of my life to take up more time. My hobbies. My goals. My other dreams. My loved ones.

The thought of him is always there. Maybe the space of him doesn’t represent a huge bonfire anymore, but a burning ember I haven’t found the courage to smother with water. And I guess I’m okay with that. He’s a reminder of someone I care for and will always have space in my heart.