Why do I want my SP so bad?
I don't know them that well. Our relationships were extremely intense but the anxiety was always too much and we people pleaded each other. She ghosted me multiple times in the past, which honestly I get because I was giving off possessing energy. She recently unblocked me and we talked. She proposed we chat via video and then stopped responding. It made me realize I don't know what reels or "light" things I could even send to ping her. Everything is so heavy. I'm so heavy around her. Physically she's not even my type.
And yet I absolutely love talking to her. It's strange but it's like my full undivided attention comes out and my brain fully activates. I don't get it but we can talk for hours.
I miss her. She'll reach out sooner than I fear but I hate this part.
When we were younger, we sat across a table and stared into each other's eyes for 8 minutes. I think that did something big to me. I've always wondered what it did to her.