u/thecaffeinated__

Yes, I wish this was a joke. In 2017 I was still in chabad community here in Sydney Australia. We have always learned so much about how amazing crown Heights is, and how incredible the rebbe and 770 is etc. To me, a frum chabad girl who has never been to America before, going to seminary there was a dream come true. Most of my friends went to Israel seminary, but since all their families were high up in the community (lots of yichus) and they had good last names, they all got into the sems they wanted to, and I got rejected.

I was so upset, because genuinely I was so chassidish and sincere, and it bothered my how unfair that system was - but that's another story.

Anyway, my second option was to go to crown Heights, but since my family is low income, it was really hard to afford it. If I would have gone to Israel, there would have been Masa funds and scholarships etc, but Crown Heights didn't offer that.

I started a GoFundMe, saying how I really want to go to seminary etc, and my friends sent it around. It got a lot of funds really fast, which was so exciting. We ended up raising $15,000 (and it makes me sick until this day that they have that money.)

In late high school I had depression, and saw a psychologist. It was really hard at times, but I got so much better, enough that my treating team was happy to send me overseas for a year. Thankfully, there wasn't much stigma about mental health here in Sydney, and I was able to get the help I needed at the time. However, very quickly I learned that crown Heights did not feel the same way.

After receiving my student visa I booked my tickets to go to seminary in bais rivka crown Heights. I was having my last session with my psychologist at the time, and we thought it might be a good idea to let the admin know that mental health is something I struggled with in the past, I was completely okay then, but just so that they had a heads up if I needed anything.

I genuinely was so fine with it because it seemed like a normal and responsible thing to do.

THE NEXT FUCKING DAY we get an email saying that they will be cancelling my student visa, as they "cannot deal with depressed people" and that "they can't cater for depressed people".

This was before speaking to me, before meeting with me, before talking to my team, before talking to my parents. No communication, no questions, just the information that they cannot have someone who had depression in their seminary. (meanwhile so many people had depression, they just had no clue what it was or were probs told that they should just write to the rebbe lol)

I was outraged, and thankfully so was my community. I had some people email them and vouch for me as well.

Morah gorowitz (the principal there) was so disgusting about it.

Anyway, I stupidly had my heart set on going still and seeing 770 and the ohel, so I fought so hard to still go. Eventually, I eneded up going 3 months late, with the condition that I had a carer. (after meeting this carer once, the carer was like bro your fine we don't need to do this)

This was my introduction to crown Heights. It was so disheartening to see that this was the very place that we learned about so far away in Australia, but this is how closed minded they were and how they treated people.

In my eyes, I was never rebellious, really genuine about going to learn and everything. I thought I was "good enough" to go on shlichus. The second day that I got there, they stared with how untznius I was. I was so ashamed, because for Sydney, I was the most tznius person. It pretty much went down hill from there, but it hurts me so much now knowing that I wasted all that money that could have been used for something good.

I witnessed first hand the hyorocrasy, and the closed mindedness and the cult like behavior. It could be because I come from such an open minded worldly city here in Australia, but wow it was such a bubble there.

So toxic, and I'm so glad I'm out, but it's been so many years and I'm still so angry at them.

For me, the first time I heard "Younger" I wasn't concerntrating on the words. All of a sudden I hear "I put a FORESKIN" and was like... There's no way 😂 I immediately rewinded and heart the real lyrics "put a FORCEFEILD around every single one of us".

Beautiful song, really resonates with me, but every time I hear it, I do think of the foreskin incident 😭😂

I have recently recovered from anorexia. I know that some people can go on diets, and have anti inflamory food etc. unfortunately with my history, any sort of diet or food restriction triggers my Eating disorder patterns, and it doesn't end well.

I had lap surgery last year, but the pain has since come back, and am working on some new treating plans.

I have a really good treating team that I worked with over my ED recovery, including dietitian to ensure adequate meals, GP, psychiatrist and psychologist etc. However, this endo thing feels like a real road block and I'm really struggling to figure it out.

While I try figure out management for my pain,

I keep getting obsessive with "will this food make my pain worse" etc.

I always hear people talking about how changing their diet helped their pain, but I know myself, and know how fast I can spiral back to the eating disorder.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing? I feel like I just want to try anything to make the pain less, but I also know that it can be so triggering for me :(

My whole life, I've been absolutely baffled that such complex dreams, detailed story lines can only last 9 seconds. Idk if you heard this when you were younger, but for over 20 years I thought this was true.

Last night I had such wild dreams, I was like this can't just be only 9 seconds.

I looked it up, did some research, and here is what I found

Actual Dream Length

Duration: Dreams usually last between 5 to 30 minutes .

Progression: The first dream of the night is typically short (around 5 to 10 minutes), while dreams later in the morning can stretch up to an hour .

Total Time: In total, the average person spends about two hours dreaming each night, cycling through multiple dreams.

Wild, but also somehow terrifying idk

Any Australian fans here? I'm a HUGE fan, ID have been my favourite band for over 15 years, and I never got the chance to see them play. I was really hoping they'd come to Australia on their Loom tour but the didn't :(

Has anyone heard anything about them coming to Australia in the future? I genuinely have money set aside for the day they come to Australia lol

Hey everyone, I'm nootch, 28 years old.

I'm writing this sobbing in pain, so please me kind and gentle as I'm very vulnerable right now :(

I started visanne last week, and it has been so hard.

For context, last year I was finally officially diagnosed with stage 4 endo after successful laporoscopic surgery/ excision. I've had a Mirena in since 2023, which helped lighten the period but the pain was still there. After the surgey, we kept the Mirena in, and I added a new birth control Levlen (only active pills).

The idea was to attack from both ends, as I was still getting period on the Mirena, which caused a lot of pain.

For about 5 months I was mostly symptom free, and didn't really get my period. Literally living my best life compared to the horrors of pain before the surgery 🎉

However, I went overseas in March, and accidentally forgot to pack my pill, didn't take it for a few days until I was able to buy it, and since then hell has broken loose again :(

I started having random spotting, yeast infections and pain. It was only very occasionally at first, but then in the last month or so the pain started coming back and started spotting again. I would bleed for a day or two, but every 2-3 weeks.

We did ultra sounds so make sure Mirena was still in place, but of course, we know how it is "everything looks fine, we don't know..."

Last week my Dr told me about visanne, and it sounded really appealing to me, and we decided to go ahead and give it a try.

It's been about 7 days since I started it, and I have been getting terrible migraines, headaches and sooo tired. I have been bleeding, and the period pain is so so bad. To the point of tears, curled up in bed, and even strong pain killers don't help.

I was wondering if anyone experienced this? I am only week 1, but the side effects are so bad and I have so much work to do that I can't to, so I'm really overwhelmed.

Has anyones side effects passed over time?

Also, I have weight/body image and a lot of people have been saying they gained a lot of weight from it... Is this something that passes too?

Im just really struggling and scared, and feel so misunderstood and alone. does anyone have any reassurance/ advice?

Thank you so much in advance, nootch

Hey everyone, I'm nootch, 28 years old.

I'm writing this sobbing in pain, so please me kind and gentle as I'm very vulnerable right now :(

I started visanne last week, and it has been so hard.

For context, last year I was finally officially diagnosed with stage 4 endo after successful laporoscopic surgery/ excision. I've had a Mirena in since 2023, which helped lighten the period but the pain was still there. After the surgey, we kept the Mirena in, and I added a new birth control Levlen (only active pills).

The idea was to attack from both ends, as I was still getting period on the Mirena, which caused a lot of pain.

For about 5 months I was mostly symptom free, and didn't really get my period. Literally living my best life compared to the horrors of pain before the surgery 🎉

However, I went overseas in March, and accidentally forgot to pack my pill, didn't take it for a few days until I was able to buy it, and since then hell has broken loose again :(

I started having random spotting, yeast infections and pain. It was only very occasionally at first, but then in the last month or so the pain started coming back and started spotting again. I would bleed for a day or two, but every 2-3 weeks.

We did ultra sounds so make sure Mirena was still in place, but of course, we know how it is "everything looks fine, we don't know..."

Last week my Dr told me about visanne, and it sounded really appealing to me, and we decided to go ahead and give it a try.

It's been about 7 days since I started it, and I have been getting terrible migraines, headaches and sooo tired. I have been bleeding, and the period pain is so so bad. To the point of tears, curled up in bed, and even strong pain killers don't help.

I was wondering if anyone experienced this? I am only week 1, but the side effects are so bad and I have so much work to do that I can't to, so I'm really overwhelmed.

Has anyones side effects passed over time?

Also, I have weight/body image and a lot of people have been saying they gained a lot of weight from it... Is this something that passes too?

Im just really struggling and scared, and feel so misunderstood and alone. does anyone have any reassurance/ advice?

Thank you so much in advance, nootch