u/theiconicchloe

Im 19 and it's been rough lately. I'm diagnosed twice exceptional and right now life is really testing me. I lost many friends from mid November to December and i had to navigate through a hard breakup alone. I was not truly alone, but i felt so lonely in my head.

It was an almost 2 years long relationship that ended rather unexpectedly (to me) and i was already loosing friends before that so my ex was one of the people i needed at that time. I've always had very few friends and close people so me and my ex were basically codependent. As i am writing this i am much better about that but i did get in another relationship soon after (in February) but it has helped me a lot with coping and regulating myself in a healthier relationship, until a certain point.

So this new bf was very much like me, we have so many common intrests, he has made me want to get into cars so we could talk about it, he was always very respectful (my ex was constantly ragebaiting and calling me bro and things i told him i did not appreciate). But in the first week of april he grew very distant, less plans, less talking... We almost broke up, he picked me up to go to the restaurant to talk about it. He acted like nothing was happening and i couldn't enjoy it even if it looked like he was. He explained that he felt like he didn't love me like i did, that he had this idea of a perfect relationship and that he felt like we didn't quite capture that. He couldn't tell my who, how or anything. He would always say "I don't know" but he truly didn't know. He started crying as we walked to his car, he continued crying in my arms in the car, he never cried before that, and he told me he didn't want to break up. So we didn't. Almost a month later, we had another situation. I told him i want to know how he feels and that i want to understand. Two weeks later, again he was so distant, he had explained the first time that he felt like he was forcing himself to see me and that he couln't enjoy the time we spend together (even if it was fun) because of the guilt. I had a hard time to set boundaries because im scared it will make people leave. I told him that too. He left the morning after telling me he didn't make a decision yet. It was now the 3rd time we had to have a hard talk, everytime he said he wanted to talk again but we never would. We never argued because we would never have hard conversations. Mind you, it was only 3 months in. So this sunday i told him that we needed to talk and i knew it would probably end up in na breakup. It did. He told me that he looses feelings as soon as he gets really attached to a girl and that it was often the issue before me. He only has had one girlfriend before and it was 2 months total and that was 2 years ago. He knows that it was hurting me and thats why we decided to end it. He really tried to change, he really wanted it to be me and so did i.

Now i don't know what is happening to me. I feel like im hyperfocusing on my own consciousness, i feel every thing so big and im starting to realize i have childhood trauma to heal from and im am so not ready for it. I didn't think i'd have any trauma to cope with as an adult but here we are. My relationships with others have always been so hard but i am starting to figure out why and it hurts a lot.

I don't know if i'm asking for opinions, advices or if i just needed to write it out but yeah.

I have 6 peas in a 16 gall. I’ve had them since october 2025 and i believe they are around 10-11 months old.

I couldn’t tell who’s a girl who’s a boy to save my life. Some have yellow bellies with white line in the middle, they are mostly small except for two of them. The two big ones are darker, more dominant but one has a white belly with very wrinkled eyes… I want to add that i see no aggression, no nipping and no exclusion whatsoever. I know it’s not the best to have two dominant puffs but what can i say?

Like it’s so confusing. And they are camera shy so i can’t take good pictures. Is it normal that i can’t tell ?

It like for my goldfish i had before, it had a females private part, breeding stars, and like the in between of a male’s and a female’s body…