u/theskates

Fellow working moms, I need some perspective.

I’ve been at a big tech company for 8+ years. In the early days I fully bought into the meritocracy grind — nights, weekends, all of it. Then I had my first child and everything shifted. I even considered quitting, but the salary, stock, and healthcare kept me in the game. The work itself isn’t terrible and my team is solid.

Then during my second pregnancy, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. I spent maternity leave in chemo with a newborn, then medical leave for surgeries, and worked through radiation. Now I’m on daily meds and monthly injections that drain my energy and immunity. It’s a whole new body and a whole new life.

My employer and manager supported me through the hardest year of my life, and I’m genuinely grateful. But I also spent years before that working myself into the ground, so it’s not like I haven’t earned stability.

When I returned last fall, my manager (who lives in another state) mentioned I should have “more presence” in the office. Meanwhile, my peers are hands‑on individual contributors who need to be onsite — and they’ve been nothing but understanding. But our execs have pushed a strict M–F return‑to‑office culture.

My commute is 45 minutes each way. No onsite childcare, no gym, expensive food, and a stressful, loud chaotic building. I’ve been doing the bare minimum: driving in just to badge, then going home to actually work. My job is getting done, but I’m here for the healthcare and salary at this point, not career glory. If I were home I’d have more days with the kids (both under 4) and keep them home from daycare. Savoring the moments with them while they’re little. Projects around the house. Exercise. Wellness. Start my own business.

Today my manager sent me a badge report with a comment about my “light attendance.” It’s the message I’ve been dreading. I’ve been going in 2-3 times per week. He wants me in the office full‑time. I simply can’t. Since returning to work, my stress is up, sleep is down, and I’m spending 1.5 hours a day commuting instead of exercising or recovering. It feels like I’m trading my health for a badge swipe.

I have a 1:1 with him next week and I’m torn on how to approach it.

1. Do I ask for remote flexibility based on medical needs?
2. Do I keep silently badging in and wasting time and gas?
3. Do I quit and walk away from salary, stock, and healthcare? My husband can support us but it feels silly to give it all up in this ever increasingly expensive world.

I’m stuck between gratitude, survival, and reality — and would love advice from anyone who’s been here.

I’m new to Vinted and have really enjoyed being able to list things that wouldn’t get much interest elsewhere. I have tons of baby items, and recently tried to list a baby sling carrier and a set of swaddles. Both were removed, and now I’m banned for five days. Customer service wasn’t helpful, and I honestly can’t understand why something so simple would be flagged — especially when the same items are allowed on eBay and Poshmark.

They said they can’t verify the quality or safety of baby items, but these swaddles are literally brand new in the box.

If this keeps happening I will probably pull my stuff altogether because otherwise it’s just a waste of time to list stuff that’s just going to be deleted without any warning or chance to edit.

Has anyone else run into this too?

My 18‑month‑old is in a nonstop exploration phase — and it feels like all boundaries mean nothing to him. When we went to a pizza restaurant recently, he tried to walk straight into the kitchen. As I stopped him, he went full wet‑noodle scream mode, and I had to carry him out like I was wrestling an alligator.

Same thing happens in stores: he runs straight to touch the most delicate display, and instantly melts down when we stop him. He won’t sit in a high chair for more than a few minutes, throws most of his food on the floor, breaks anything he can get his hands on, and loses it whenever we stop him from doing something unsafe (running into a parking lot, climbing a ladder, opening the freezer, grabbing my glasses).

I know toddlers test boundaries and explore, but my husband and I are exhausted. He’s big, strong, and doesn’t listen at all yet.

The part I’m struggling with most is how anxious I feel taking him anywhere. I feel like I can’t control him, and I’m constantly bracing for the next meltdown. We talk to him, explain things, try to distract or redirect, but nothing seems to help. Our older child wasn’t like this, so we’re not sure what’s typical or what strategies actually work for littles like him.

Has anyone dealt with a toddler this intense? What helped you survive this stage?