u/thespiderpr0vider

im tired of being single so i set up a tinder account and put my settings as ‘man only interest in men’, but then i selected the option to have ‘trans man’ visible on my profile so that people know right off the bat im ftm. i got two matches in a week. literally only two. i ended up deleting my account because i felt terrible, and then a few weeks later i remade it, but this time i didn’t disclose that im trans. i got 89 likes in the space of a day. im very open about the fact im trans, i don’t want to be ‘stealth’, i like being trans and im proud of it. but to see so clearly that all of these guys were only interested in me when they didn’t know i was trans is making me feel like no one will ever want to date me. is this normal/common? i didn’t realise cis men were so disinterested in trans guys until i started using apps like this. is the real life dating scene like this, or did i just get unlucky with tinder?

i used to use trans tape every day a few years back and then i stopped. i’ve gained a little bit of weight since then so my chest has gotten a tiny bit bigger. it’s barely noticeable, but when i tried trans tape again the other day i couldn’t get it to do anything at all for my chest. i used to be able to make myself completely flat, whereas now my boobs look the same size and shape with the tape on. it’s almost like the tape is too loose and stretchy, like it isn’t tight enough to actually move or hold my breast tissue at all. has anyone else had this problem?

i haven’t changed my legal name and won’t be able to do so for a long time. but i don’t want to use my birth name at things like doctors appointments because it makes me dysphoric. am i legally allowed to use my preferred name in contexts like this, or will it make things complicated?

hey, im on the wait list for top surgery but it'll be a few years before i can consult a surgeon directly so i thought i'd asked here. i have a pretty small chest but my nipples are really big and i hate them. i feel like they make my chest look way more feminine too. is there a way to resize your nipples as part of top surgery, and does this depend on whether you get peri or not? the doctor who referred me to the surgeon said there's a good chance i qualify for peri and i don't know if this makes it less likely that i'll be able to change my nipples at all. thanks!

i’ve gone from 104 to 110lbs in the past three weeks, i’ve never managed to gain weight before so i don’t know if this is good progress or not. i really want to gain as much as i can as fast as possible but i’m trying not to push myself too hard because my body is still struggling to adjust to eating 2000 calories a day. is this progress decent, and how long will it take until i have to increase my calorie intake again to keep gaining?

sorry if this sounds stupid, but my cis brother is a year older than me (i’m 26, he’s 27) and he has never worked out in his life. he mostly eats junk and doesn’t ever play sports or go to the gym. in spite of this he still has relatively defined arm muscles and super veiny arms (he’s really skinny). i assumed that for T to give me defined muscles and a more masculine shape i would have to start hitting the gym, but this obviously wasn’t the case for my bro for some reason. is there a chance that T will give me hand/arm veins and a bit of muscle even if i don’t work out all the time?

i'm thinking of going to pride tomorrow but i don't have many friends in the city yet so i was going to show up alone. i've been to plenty of pride parades but never one in edinburgh so i'm not sure what the vibe is like. has anyone been on their own before, and what was it like? i'm not expecting it'll be the best social opportunity because at most of the parades i've been to people obviously show up in their existing friend groups, but i'm lonely and queer so i thought i would give it a go lol. i'm a bit anxious about going alone, so if anyone can tell me what to expect i would appreciate it :)

i see a lot of posts on here from people like me who are looking to make new friends in the city, and i was wondering if anyone could share their experiences with showing up to events alone? i see a lot of social events i’d like to go to but i don’t really have many existing pals to go with me and i’m really anxious about putting myself out there

i was born in edi and lived here my whole life, but five years ago i was diagnosed with a chronic illness and was bed bound for a long time, and i’ve lost almost all of my friends because of it. i’ll be honest my life feels pretty pointless at this stage but i really want to try and have a social life again and meet new people, but now that ive left uni and am in my late twenties i feel like it’s impossible. i’m autistic so my personality and sense of humour don’t always gel well with ’normal people’ and i’m absolutely terrified of showing up to events alone. i’m signed up to the ‘queer calendar’ mailing list and so many of the events seem really cool, but i always back out because it feels so impossible to take the plunge and get out there after being stuck in this rut for so long. i tried one event last year and basically everyone was there with groups of friends they already knew and i ended up feeling completely out of place and wasn’t able to work up the courage to talk to anyone because it felt like i’d be forcing myself on people.

i know this all sounds a bit pathetic and overly dramatic but being stuck alone in my house for so long kind of has me at my wit’s end and i’ve basically got myself stuck in this mindset where it feels like i’ll never be able to make friends again.

i would really really appreciate any advice.

i've felt like a gay man most of my life. my goal is to pass as a relatively masculine dude but to be able to do things like wear nail polish or have slightly longer hair without being read as a woman. i did pass as a man very early on in my transition, but i was only able to achieve this by completely erasing my queerness - i had to have a super short generic male haircut and wear clothes that i found really boring (mostly just sports shit and jeans). i don't have a super feminine style at all (i would never wear a skirt or a crop top for instance, not my thing), and i never let the back of my hair grow past my shoulders (i have a mullet), but because the rest of me still looks pretty feminine i still get read as a woman. i've been on T for two years and i have a decent amount of body hair, a bit of facial hair, and my voice is deeper than that of most men i meet. but somehow i kind of just look and sound like a woman still? i assumed that T would give me that generic 'gay accent' that people talk about and i was really excited thinking that this would make me fit in with other gay men. but i just sound like a woman with a deep voice. i only want to date queer men and feeling like a queer man is such a huge part of my identity i feel like my life is so pointless if i can't do those things, and no one sees me how i want to be seen. whenever i use gay dating apps i get a lot of messages and matches from people saying they're into me, but in the real world i come across as a woman so i would never actually be able to date a gay man. does anyone else feel like this? did it ever get better for you?

i'm in the uk and i use the tumblr app on my phone, my phone is busted and has basically no free storage, and i can't figure out a way to get a vpn on there that doesn't involve downloading an app of some kind. i've tried the face scan verification thing a billion times, on different browsers and different devices, and it just freezes every time and then goes straight to "can't verify age". i've seen a lot of people having this problem, but has anyone found a solution? i literally can't see half my dashboard right now and most of my favourite blogs are entirely inaccessible to me and it's driving me insane

hey, so i’m a nonbinary transmasc and im exclusively attracted to men. i know that ‘masc4masc‘ gay men exist, but i only see it talked about in cis spaces, where frankly i don’t ever feel very welcome. i express myself in a more traditional, ‘high masc’ kind of way, and that’s what i’m attracted to as well. ive found it to be a pretty isolating experience. when cis gay men date me they automatically put me into the twink bracket just because i’m relatively short and skinny, despite the fact i’m very hairy and have a pretty deep voice etc. they always expect me to be more on the feminine side, and that just doesn’t reflect who i am or what i want. ideally i want to be in a t4t relationship with another masc gay (trans)dude, but it feels like i never meet anyone who identifies the way i do. i guess i’m just putting this out here to see if anyone relates to what i’m saying, i would love to feel like i’m not gonna be alone forever 😅