u/throw_Awbiscuit

Yet here I sit every day wishing for your smell .. your laugh..

Why does our sense of humor blend so perfectly? We have the exact same humor and it's just always been so easy to vibe with you. .

But that's also where it kinda ends. We don't have the same moral ethics or beliefs, we don't agree on the fundamentals of a relationship and what's important. You value money and success, I value time and memories . You value health and wellness and I value a good cheeseburger and going out for dessert before we go home and take a nap together.

Your dream is to own a farm and grill every night while the kids camp in the yard and my dream is to live in the city and sit on the porch and listen to society breath late at night. You cry when you drive in the city.

You're kinda dumb, but also surprisingly smart. You have no interesting skill or hobby , but you're probably one of the most dependable people anyone's ever met. You have helped me on the side of the street so many times , helped me out of financial binds , and you're the rockstar of every blue collar job you've ever had. Me? I work in customer service. You roll your eyes when I talk about the stars and you're skeptical about spirituality.. yet , you always listen when I have a message from the universe for you and you were convinced I cast a spell on you when we broke up because you couldn't stop thinking about me.

I remember years ago when it first started to go wrong .. you made a comment to me that I still think about to this day. You mentioned wanting to cut your hair and I said "I like it long" and you responded telling me to not comment on your appearance because then you'll overthink about it and try to be who I prefer. At the time you were trying to get me to leave , and so you didn't want to be appealing to me , but that information has made me second guess the version that I thought I knew of you since the beginning. Maybe that's why I held onto the illusion of how perfect you were... Because you were literally mirroring my idea of a perfect partner. And maybe that's why it all went wrong.. maybe that's why I was so blindsided by the sudden 180°. I thought I knew your heart and in a way this makes me angry , because you kind of wasted my time.

When I first noticed the changes I kept calling you "anti - J " .. you didn't like that .

Now I sit here mentally critiquing every post, every public sentiment "that's so stupid. That's not what you said years ago" .. while romanticizing a version of you that likely never existed. Maybe that's why I'm still so enthralled.. it was all fairly tail

I've been a flex supervisor for only a couple months.

Got hired off the streets in a VERY lengthy onboarding process.

The job was advertised as a leadership role with managerial responsibilities . I have about 6 years of management experience and 9 years of leadership experience.

My HRC laid out expectations as basically a delegator or extra set of hands to make sure everything goes right and the MOD (if not myself) isn't stressing. I primarily work 3rd shift. HRC made it sound like I would pretty much never be leading a shift , despite already leading one on my 5th day of training. I was sent out to a store suddenly and expecting just to be in the kitchen my 2nd week in, only to be told I was unloading a truck and running the shift with just me and one other person. I had never been walked through that process at that moment , and so the MOD who was already there gave me a crash course of what to do with vendors and how to unload totes and do the drink cooler ECT.

I informed my HRC just in case I needed help later and she was upset , informing me it is not my job to unload their truck or stock their cooler and wanted me to tell them to get someone else to do it before 2nd shift left..

I did not do that , because I really didn't mind, just didn't appreciate the lack of heads up or information for what I was walking into. The shift went fine.

So far , I love the job. It pays so much more than my previous leadership roles and the culture really is great , compared to the toxic environments I'm used to... But , yet I still don't really understand what my job is and get anxiety every time I walk into a store because the employees who work there seem to not know either! Most days I'm just floating around looking for things that need to be done , unless I'm running the shift..

I've been trained to do EOD , store operations , kitchen, sbc (except the Frankee) , front tasks, wastes , lottery , code pulls , HFD , counts , menu operation , and work orders .. the ironic part is that I havent been able to do literally any of this at other stores. They don't want me checking temps , doing pulls, closing duties, they barely ever want me in the kitchen .. they stick me up front on the register and give me grunt work that nobody wants to do.

Upon being hired and training I learned pretty quickly how un-liked flex sups are in general , and keep this in mind and try to perform well and be helpful..

I've been to 5 different stores in my district and have no complaints except..one .. store..

I've been to this store about 4 times now. Last night I came in . Two 2nd shift supervisors and 3 2nd shift employees were still there. ( I was the first on 3rd to arrive) . The store was an absolute wreck. A freeze was spilled in fizz City , totes were everywhere, bathroom was horrible.. nothing was stocked. I noticed a milkshake needed to be made as soon as I clocked in and couldn't even make it because all the ingredients were out. I made a mental note of this , but kept in mind that I was early and that 2nd shift still had time to hand over the shift. I asked one of the MODs where I'm helpful and they immediately sent me to the sales floor to unload totes.. which I expected because that's what they had me do the last 3 times I visited. I heard two of the employees get excited and say "does that mean I'm done being up front" and the MOD said no , but I never saw either of them again until they clocked out.

I spent the first hour and half of my shift bouncing between totes and manning the register. A 3rd shift employee arrived and took over the register.. she kept disappearing and I assumed she was doing closing duties so I continued to bounce between them. 4 .5 hours later I finally emptied all the the totes. Let the 3rd shift MOD know and awaited my official position for the rest of my shift .. she then informed me that my cashier went to break and that there's cigarette totes up front she wanted me to get started on. I asked why my cashier went to break when I got here first and leave later ? IDK if she heard me , or just didn't know what to say because she didn't respond. She asked if she needed to show me how to unload the tabacco totes and I said no , but mentioned that I just spent 4 hours unloading totes and asked why we aren't spreading the load between employees.

She informed me that she was in the kitchen by herself , that the other supervisor would be busy doing something all night (honestly not sure what that was) and then didn't mention the employee on break. I was kinda annoyed, but said okay and asked if I could wait a little bit because I need a break from stocking. She seemed annoyed ,but I didn't care. I took this moment to do a walk around the sales floor.

Absolutely nothing was done while I was unloading the totes.. the freeze spill still sat where it was 5 hours prior , the bathrooms were a mess , the dining area was worse fizz City wasn't touched and it was nearly 2am atp .

I went around and swept the floor, mopped the freeze spill , cleaned the dining area , and then my cashier came back and the supervisor rudely told me I was good to go to break. When I came back from break I immediately started unloading the cigarettes.. again my cashier was nowhere to be found, I THOUGHT she was cleaning the bathrooms because I saw her with a mop. IDK where TF' she was , but it definitely wasn't in the bathrooms. She appeared an hour later at the register paying for a pizza she just ordered. Then disappeared to go eat it.

I finished the cigarette totes and then walked back onto the sales floor to get started cleaning fizz City and run the coffee machines in their cleaning process. At this point , there was 2.5 hours left in my shift.. the supervisor asked me to do the dishes piled up in the back from the entire night.. I asked if they wanted me to finish fizz City and she asked ME why it wasn't already done . I shrugged. Then finished fizz City and did the dishes.

Did the dishes and by that point the rest of my shift was leaving and 1st shift was coming in. The 3rd shift supervisor asked me to do the floors in the kitchen and then left.

Is this typical ? Am I being sensitive for being annoyed?

"she has BPD" .. dude no she doesn't.

I usually never down a person for self diagnosing,I actually think it's a very helpful phase to getting clinically diagnosed.

With that being said .. your new girlfriend does NOT have BPD . As someone who lives with it every day , I can assure you she is fully functioning at a normal frequency .

She told you that she takes medication for it ? Weird , considering there's no medication that treats it.

"I think her 7 year old son has it too" ITS NOT HEREDITARY 🥲

"He's in therapy ... Doing some sort of exercises to manage his emotions"

Me: " DBT ?"

" YEAH . how'd you know?" Gee, I don't know just a guess 🙄

When I opened up to you about having BPD , feeling extremely vulnerable because it has so much stigma.. You rolled your eyes.

When I cried about hating my skin and then hurting myself , you told me to go to the gym and take fish oil tablets and that I was choosing to struggle because I told you it "didn't work like that"

When you came home and found me on the floor in the kitchen every week, you called it a floor day and just thought I was so spunky and weird.

When I was willing to let you cheat on me and beat on me , if it meant you'd stay in my life you told me I was broken and needed to respect myself more.

When I kept quitting jobs because I was being brought to the brink of sanity , you told your side chics that I was lazy and not carrying my weight.

When I fist fought you in a rage , you called me masculine.

When I asked for reassurance 50 times a day , you said I was insecure.

I'll never forget the day you texted my mother about me and said "according to her , she has BPD" .. completely ignoring the actual medical diagnosis I had received.

But this new girlfriend , who has a stable career , cleans her house every day , prepares meals and actually takes care of herself and is able to function normally in society , but maybe is a little sad sometimes tells you they have BPD and suddenly you're just supportive.. I almost feel like that was more painful than anything you could have ever done or said to me.

How interesting it is that it's so easily digested when all the ugly parts aren't present.

You probably respect her when you see her go to the gym or brush her teeth . You probably look at her in awe every time she musters the energy to prepare your dinner while she's struggling with this debilitating mental illness...

Completely unaware that I never consistently did those things because I spent so much of my energy masking for society,that by the time I clocked out at work I was spent and couldn't even fathom bettering myself....at least not until tomorrow . THAT is BPD .

And no it's not because she's with you. At first I thought maybe we would end up being besties because you have a type and surely to God we would have something in common , right?

Wrong.

She's a tool. She's full of herself and I don't understand how you could go from someone like me , to someone like her and not want to rip off your skin. No wonder you hit me up just to chat because you "just miss intellectual conversation" . Shes a pickme and her jokes are literally never funny.

She uses single parents and children and AI to literally sell death. Judges other moms and their kids , while simultaneously not being a very present or caring mother, herself. Her kids are traumatized due to the fighting with her BD and forcing them to take sides.. yet , she doesn't allow her kids around our lovely son because he's a "bad influence" ..

You're so happy with her yet you always reach out to ME? Why?

I love hearing about the little things that go on throughout your day, and how you're doing at your new job.. but at the same time it HURTS. Then I feel like I can't reach out to you , because you always come off annoyed when I do. The attention isn't reciprocated and it's probably because you're only reaching out when I know you're not near her.

I am so enamored by you , but I'm not even sure if we're friends at this point.

A friendship would satisfy me , despite my longing feelings but whatever *gestures* this is.. is just making me feel externally undervalued.

I still think about you every day and it's been years.

I'm aware you feel the same. But we're the epitome of "right person, wrong time" . .. and I don't think there will ever be a right time again. That was our chance and we blew it.

If there was ever a chance that I could be sure things would be different, or that you learned how to be a partner... I'd run so fast my feet would bleed. No shoes. In the rain. Whatever..

I hate that I respond to every little text and I hate even more , how sad and antsy I get when you stop . I'd relive the entire horrible and toxic relationship again .. Not a single regret, other than the fact that we never found our way back when we were more mentally healthy. I'm not delusional.. I just don't understand why I'm still mourning this connection we once had.

You met me at a very strange time in my life.