u/throwawaymylife90210

i’ve always had exceptional intuition, but only recently have i learned how to use it and to decipher what’s intuition vs. anxiety. only recently have i been listening to my gut instead of telling myself “i’m just being crazy” and the results have been astounding.

however, i keep feeling like i know TOO much. my intuition coupled with divination have both made it to where genuinely very little surprises me these days (this is not an invitation to challenge me, thank you my deities lol). i also work with the full and new moons and generally just spend every day doing yoga, meditating and reflecting on my life experiences, so most of my day is devoted to my craft because it is also deeply spiritual and physical and mental for me too.

through meditation and everything i’ve cast away a bunch of bad habits and traits of mine and i’m thankful for that, but the one thing is that i STILL get that “oh.” feeling when someone says or does something completely harmless and it’s like my intuition is speaking. i give it time because you know our girl intuition does not rush, but the thought will keep popping back into my head. this manifests in not liking mutual friends and ending up being right about them months down the line, knowing when it is and is not safe to do things, etc. and i almost always end up being right. this makes dating MISERABLE because i always feel like things are going great and then something is said/done that makes the gut light bulb go on… then it keeps going on again… until it just stays on to the point i can’t take it anymore and break things off, which i always feel immediately lighter after.

i’m very thankful for my intuition, but other girls get to enjoy the sweet lies that people feed them, not just men, but also girl friends, roommates, coworkers… even just being able to have small talk at a bar without immediately knowing the other person is socially anxious and trying their best. i know this is biased but i really don’t feel like someone can lie to me and that’s not something i can share with people because i’m sure it makes them uncomfortable to know i’m unintentionally reading their energy at all times. not to mention sometimes my intuition will put something on my heart that is still in the air (usually something greater happening that i need to investigate before addressing w/ the person) and i have to just keep it to myself and act like nothing is wrong or “off.”

it is a very lonely life, knowing that you have everything you need within yourself. i’m not sad or happy about it but i’m certainly feeling a lot. i guess that’s life.

i’ve always had exceptional intuition, but only recently have i learned how to use it and to decipher what’s intuition vs. anxiety. only recently have i been listening to my gut instead of telling myself “i’m just being crazy” and the results have been astounding.

however, i keep feeling like i know TOO much. my intuition coupled with divination have both made it to where genuinely very little surprises me these days (this is not an invitation to challenge me, thank you my deities lol). i also work with the full and new moons and generally just spend every day doing yoga, meditating and reflecting on my life experiences, so most of my day is devoted to my craft because it is also deeply spiritual and physical and mental for me too.

through meditation and everything i’ve cast away a bunch of bad habits and traits of mine and i’m thankful for that, but the one thing is that i STILL get that “oh.” feeling when someone says or does something completely harmless and it’s like my intuition is speaking. i give it time because you know our girl intuition does not rush, but the thought will keep popping back into my head. this manifests in not liking mutual friends and ending up being right about them months down the line, knowing when it is and is not safe to do things, etc. and i almost always end up being right. this makes dating MISERABLE because i always feel like things are going great and then something is said/done that makes the gut light bulb go on… then it keeps going on again… until it just stays on to the point i can’t take it anymore and break things off, which i always feel immediately lighter after.

i’m very thankful for my intuition, but other girls get to enjoy the sweet lies that people feed them, not just men, but also girl friends, roommates, coworkers… even just being able to have small talk at a bar without immediately knowing the other person is socially anxious and trying their best. i know this is biased but i really don’t feel like someone can lie to me and that’s not something i can share with people because i’m sure it makes them uncomfortable to know i’m unintentionally reading their energy at all times. not to mention sometimes my intuition will put something on my heart that is still in the air (usually something greater happening that i need to investigate before addressing w/ the person) and i have to just keep it to myself and act like nothing is wrong or “off.”

it is a very lonely life, knowing that you have everything you need within yourself. i’m not sad or happy about it but i’m certainly feeling a lot. i guess that’s life.

i have ptsd-induced psychosis. i experience delusions and hallucinations, auditory and visual, when i’m trying to go to bed. i take vraylar in the morning and stay active during the day to distract myself from everything and it’s not AS bad, but at night when it’s even remotely dark in my room, i genuinely feel like my life is in danger and someone is gonna break into my room and get me at any moment, i hear shit in my room, i feel eyes on me when i lay in bed facing the wall, im scared to even get into the hallucinations more bc i’m getting scared typing this.

i’m extremely paranoid at all times that someone passing me in public is actually someone that’s been stalking my every move for years waiting for the right opportunity to hurt me somehow. i don’t even want to call it psychosis because it feels very real to me but i’m realizing how much it affects my life, i have bags under my eyes and chronic pain because my muscles are constantly tensed up, i can’t enjoy anything.. like if you knew how much effort i put into not being hurt again you’d wonder how i can even do anything with enjoyment. i’ve been dissociating for the last week and have barely left my house without being ABSOLUTELY convinced someone is gonna get me and turning back around.

sorry for the rant, i am really, really fucking tired of this condition and i want to live my life again, how it was before this started.

over the years i’ve become more connected to my spirit guides and higher self and i’m very thankful for that. when i pray i get answers almost immediately and have felt that for some years since my first “awakening” (i hate calling it that but it’s a good buzzword for “i suffered greatly and realized i am not the good or bad person i thought i was, i just am”). i feel genuinely at peace & my nervous system is grounded, my energy centered. i’m very happy with the person i’m becoming and make an effort to improve one thing every day.

however, every time i attempt a romantic relationship i end up losing myself. i find it hard to get answers when i pray, everything feels less… divine. my thoughts become dark and i feel the need to OWN my partner rather than love them for who they are (desirous attachment kills me). my ability to let go & let the universe move without clinging on diminishes. my intuition (which is typically VERY strong) completely goes away until the relationship ends and i look back like “how the hell did i not see this?” and experiencing attraction/arousal just genuinely brings my vibration down in general.

i think celibacy will be the move for the next year at least. my friendships are flourishing, i’ve been manifesting a good support system for myself and more and more connections keep falling into my lap. my money flow is steady & will continue to be. my self love is off the charts and my life is genuinely good. my spirit guides have made it clear that a relationship will only stunt my spiritual growth, and i’m finally starting to learn where to put my energy and to pray that i completely decenter the desire for a relationship.

if anyone has experience with this i’d love to hear others’ thoughts :)

to preface im not here to trauma dump or receive relationship advice! just providing enough info for suggestions on the type of work i should do.

i’m not ready for a cord cutting. we are… technically dating but i don’t feel seen or wanted or valued and it kills me. i feel myself recoiling from him because of how little he shows that he cares, but i can’t seem to fully let go of wanting him to like me and obsessing over everything that went wrong since it wasn’t like this in the beginning. literal obsession, ruminating on everything for hours a day… it’s draining my energy so much.

there are things still in the air between us and a lot left unsaid, yet he dodges my conversations. is there any spell or ritual i can do to receive closure without him? to spiritually detach myself from him so that i can get back to healing and feeling like myself again? this relationship has been taking everything good from me to the point that nothing makes me happy anymore. i want to come out of this fog and get back to my potential, before this i felt clear messages from my spirit guides. the connection is very unclear now and that scares me. i’m in a vulnerable state so i don’t want to mess with anything that’s unfamiliar to me, i really like candle work, smoke cleansing, verbal prayer/manifestation/affirmations, and herbs/flowers, but open to much more. and tips for protection while i’m in such a funk would be greatly appreciated!