u/totori_kuuki

Like i have the money, and I WANT to buy TPOF and so excited about it but i have things to do first

So meanwhile, i want anyone to HYPE me up on why I should buy (even though I will) as if you guys are convincing a person who is doubting tpof.

NO SPOILER PLS

Is it possible to stop sleep paralysis?

For the record I have been getting severe sleep paralysis so many times so its not too foreign to me.

My severe sleep paralysis would include:
-the feeling of tornado attacking my body,
- heightened anxiety

And I can move my body. But if i move, it will get violent which is:
-audio hallucinations
-visual hallucinations (if i opened my eyes) (which i always did)

———
Above were the common sp I go through in my life. For the record YES i can move but i wont because it will make things more violent.
——

I got an advice from someone that moving making it worst could be because how my brain associated moving in sp as something bad will happen. Some says it spikes the fear reaction in brain. So they told me the best thing is to convince myself that all those voices and visuals are not real.

I followed the advice.

Since I had a lot of sp experience I know well if an episode is about to come. Usually i will woke up (in a way my eyes still not opened. Just that I am aware) and my body will feel like tornado is creeping up, while anxiety is building up.

My survival method is usually treating anxiety like it has a bar. I need to control my anxiety so it wont get to certain level where it would lead to sp. Sometimes I gave up because it took too much energy. Sometimes I slip up.
——

Lately, controlling the anxiety when the sp came is so much easier (im talking 2 years later after always losing to it).

Combined with telling myself this is not real.

The sp signs will come, only for it to subside a minute or two after.

I never experience ‘failed sp’

So is this a failed sp.
Or is it that sp can be manually stopped?

An Update from ‘im scared i will stab myself’ post: here

Hi. Im still struggling financially.

Im scared of professional help..

I wont go today.

But just in case i am ready to let it out.

I want to talk to a therapist. I think i really do need help.

Can anyone suggest me any therapist (website or face to face) that I can book later?

Asking early to survey and manage finances.

Also isnt it crazy that mental health for us is part of a surviving subscription too? Like I would cut down my food budget to rm50 and low just to accommodate for therapist session. (If im ready)

Thanks

HI! DO ANYONE HAVE ANY GOOD BOY WHO TURNS OUT TO BE A YANDERE? PREFERABLY VISUAL NOVEL?

(I already have Lurking for Love)

I’m sorry for simple post. I feel like life has let me down so much.

I only rely on fantasies to keep me going. Fictional worlds are the only reason I am able to be happy and to move forward. If someone were to take my ability to fantasise I will crumble.

The abuse has been since I was 10.
And now I am 21 it’s still ongoing, not as worst as when i was a minor that the adults think they can hurt me physically.
Now at 21 they dont respect whatever I did. I cleaned the house, but they will always think i’m the lazy one. They will always think im wrong.

My family is like the worst roommate you could ever live. They disregard cleanliness and will keep insulting how I look and what I do and never acknowledge me.

If I crash out about how I am tired of cleaning their messes all they do is yell back and say that I should clean genuinely. And if im not, i should not clean at all. They said no one forces me too.

If I didnt clean at all the house will be hazardous. Maggots everywhere. Im so tired of dealing with maggots if i gone for four days not cleaning their mess.

And now.

Everytime i clean, i feel like at any point i will stab myself.

I feel like im going to stab myself over and over if I saw them making mess and yell at me if I tell them not to do it.

This is just one of those little things in my life that i hate.

And I hate that theres also the bigger thing.

I have completely gave up on life.

I dont feel human.

I feel like humans are far more superior than I am. I feel like im worst. I dont belong anywhere. No one understands me and i am not exaggerating.

I hate that I still can function outside i still can laugh and enjoy myself because of my dependency on fictional reality. That makes people think whatever I feel isnt worse enough.

But its always a matter that I am my own therapist. I am my own motivation. I never talk abt my problem to anyone. I just let myself depressed and when I can think clearly i will soothe myself.

But when I am in shutdown mode that i cannot perform. I cannot make jokes or even say hi, why do people withdraw from me? Were they only friends with me because of how good I have performed?

When I am not on stage, is it the reason to leave my show?

I only have less than 10 acquaintances. Yes i called them acquaintances. They are not I would call a friend. They would leave if I stop performing

But im so tired sometimes and i dont have a choice.

And I am so ugly. I feel like i am not human at all.

It feels like my skin is a suit. I dont know whats inside me truly.

I believe in God’s plan. And I always will think good of what He gave me. Suffering or happiness. God is one of the reason i can move forward too. Knowing heaven exist.

But i dont even know if I am clean enough for Heaven and I know im a person of Hell.

And i wonder why God let me live like this. Do He hates me so much?

I want to stab myself to death.
I want to not be with humans.
Humans are cruel.
I hate humans. The contradiction of whatever they claim they are.

Doctors never really care about you they just try to make a living.

Psychiatrists are tired dealing with you.

Therapist charges you absurdly.

Friends would go once you’re too hard to understand.

I do not want to be a human.
Please God.

Make me something else.
Turn me into animals,
Even an abused one.

I just need to stop being a human.

I know that the river was the place that Lawrence let himself float as he dying and was somehow pulled back to life. And ever since that he got even worser than before. But I notice how it was also hinted that he is not a being anymore. But then I also read somewhere that he is still a human in btd2. But then I saw Gatobob saying that his body only decays when he died and the longer he spends his time in the river, the more damage it done to him.

The thing is does Lawrence physically go to that river, or is it just a metaphorical wording of him going to the river? Hes a complex, deep character and the challenge to understand him excites me.

I’m considering to write about him (fanfiction) and I did some research about him on the internet and watched Gatobob planning VOD. But I do want to know if any of you also have any facts about Lawrence that you can share! Please don’t overthink if I already knew this or not, just share whatever it is about Lawrence that you know!

Need help! Thank you in advance!

Title is self explanatory. i have experienced

-WILD
- High Order Narrative Control
- Voluntarily Waking Up
- hypnagogic hallucinations
- even trying to open my eyes during these episodes.

I still didn’t know much of what had happened to me or if i get the name right so if whatever i answer seems wrong with my description feel free to correct me

(And yes i do this to also know this chapter of my life better)

Hi yeah do anyone have any recommendations for willy romance mods? Three days ago I get a random awakening of intense attraction of this man. Pleaseee recommend me somee