u/ugleplastina

I have two common things that happening and both I have confusion. First one is the word kawaii (I really hope not kowai), I guess I can say I hear it often, from males and females, or when I even not supposed to hear it, when for example in my part time one of the co worker girl told to tencho that I'm kawaii and I was behind the wall and heard accidentally. And the reason its confusing me, its... I heard that kawaii is telling to people when someone is ugly but you need to be polite. And, especially when in times I have a thick beard hearing kawaii is very suspicious

The second one is the most confusing thing is japan for me. People telling me I have a small face. I kinda knew it, people was joking at me and my childhood about my small face, but why would japanese straight trying to offend me? I still cant understand how its supposed to be complimentary. For example, today I had event at senmon and one of the senpai girls told me about my small face. I heard it also from co-workers, but I decided to ask straight "Is it bad of good"? They told me its good and told うらやましい. At the moment I didn't know this world, but how I translated it means jealousy. And... Can someone explain me how my small face supposed to be compliment while at my hometown people will trying to offend me for the same reason?

Firstly, Nothing wrong with Tokyo. I have nothing against Tokyo, it's not about homesick or something. It's more about personal problem.

I'm 22 now and live in Tokyo more than a year, and studying at language school, next year will go to senmon. As a self entertainment I already visited cliché places like a tourist experience, etc. And last months of life feels terribly sad and lonely, like it just goes away without me.

I just don't know how to spend my weekends, when I have free time from school and part time. And spend time more like at home (spiritually home, not nostalgia about home times), not running from tourist place to tourist place.

I didn't have a luck to find friends at language school, so I'm totally alone in Japan. And the most awfully thing, I'm poor, as a young student can be poor. My income from part time not that big to afford a lot of things in Tokyo.

I saw bar or izakayas is good options and doesn't cost a lot if it's not some fancy place, and even if we drop social anxiety, due to my meds, I can't drink anymore. And I noticed it on a practice, not just on doctor recommendation, so there is no way I'm drinking, because results can be very bad. And being fully sober among drunk... You know... Can be funny, but usually awkward.

P.S. Don't hate this post please 🫪 I will give you an upvote

P.S. God dammnn, I thought my post was removed and didn't noticed answers

I want to use escort for the first time in my life in using service and in sex general.

I understand basic rules, like protection, hygiene, don't be a jerk and communicate and don't make a pain to girl and be respectful.

But other than this, how should I treat this situation? Like service provider or like girlfriend. I mean, should I care a lot of her pleasure or it's okay just adjust to my preference, what can I ask for and what should I expect?

I want to use this service not to cure something, but for just to try what is sex like and woman's body. And if it natural things, you both have connection and care for each other pleasure, but in escort you both understand, that this just a service, without connection or a deep care for each other, so I don't really understand how should it be.

I want to go to a representative of the oldest profession on the planet, because at my 22 years old, I'm still a virgin. And considering my unpopularity among girls in real life and dating apps, I think in nearest future there won't be any success. I think I might be boring or autistic, or both. That's why I want to go to professional curer of virginity, see what this thing is even about without lying to anyone and life my life.

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But. The controversial thoughts is that - 1: I feel sad or sorry (idk how you describe this feeling) for them. It's sad, that their work is sleeping with a lot of various man per day. I wouldn't be happy making this kind of work. And 2: I'm kinda disgusted that they instead of doing some normal work, getting education and staying strong in life, just choose to sell their body for a bit higher than average salary.

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I was diagnosed with depression a long time ago and currently on meds. And life is not quite enjoyable, and probably you can see it in my eyes, at least it's what I heard, even if I'm trying not to be sad and positive, but I guess I can't hide my eyes, even if I laugh. And when I try to talk to new people it's never ends something more than small talk. I think just my vibe is kinda boring and melancholic. Even when I think I laugh one guy said that I have totally neutral not a giving fuck about life face. Boys and girls just don't interested in me. But I never try to vent to them or talk about my depression, because I know no one want to deal with depressed person. But what can I do with things that out of my control, and just result of loneliness and depression, like my eyes, even if I smile, my voice even if I'm talking about something good.

I heard about things like start to take myself to date or walk to enjoy things with myself, but I did so many things alone, including traveling, to that degree that I just don't even want to leave my house without need, like study or part time job or groceries.

I think the main reason for my depression is loneliness, and when I'm trying to find someone everywhere, like at school, at work, at dating apps, and got nothing, I just get trapped in an endless loop. When my depression scares people away, I get more depressed with every try.Repeat the cycle.

\*\*M\*\* by the way

Lately I noticed not just a feeling, but my realisation of this feeling. Every time I'm leaving my house, I feel like people find me disgusting or pathetic. Whenever I go to the supermarket to buy groceries, I feel like customers there feel disgusted by me, to the restaurant that staff thinks the same. Whenever I go, I feel like this. Despite that I live in foreign country and this feeling can have a place, because I foreigner for locals, but I understand that it cannot be 100% true, because other people probably neutral to me and even do not notice me, they mind their own things. But I just can't stop feeling it when I go out. This feeling follow me everywhere and I don't know how to deal with it.

I often hear that people are complimented for some things like clothes, fragrance, etc, by girls, making some cues to approach them or try to talk to them, so you can continue the dialogue. But I just don‘t get any of it. The only person who complimented me from the opposite sex is my mom and a weird, possibly egocentric, lesbian. And when I just try to talk with girls, they never ask me something back.

I‘m just curious, is it me who is so "cooked" that no matter what kind of clothes I wear, fragrance, or anything else, I won‘t be able to receive any interest from girls? Or is this basic for most men?