u/unpopularopinionftw

But I'm not.

I cannot love but I do have crushes and physical desires sometimes (rarely), and very limerent ones. I'm completely depleted of social energy at all times, yet there's someone I can't get out of my head and some demon inside myself urges me to say "hi". This is audacious. What the hell.

Nobody in their right mind would get involved with a nutcase like me. I even feel like the bad guy within this subreddit. I feel like something else.

How many people do you interact with in a day/week/month and how close/distant are you with them?

Do you have relationships, relatives you talk to, colleagues, friends, neighbors, therapists...?

Do you only socialize by force/necessity or are there people you freely choose to spend time with?

*without constantly dissociating and drifting into the void?

I just can't do it. Seems rude not to pay attention but I seriously just can't. I'm talking about several hours of non-stop communication.

Didn't know how to tag this.

I usually just read because I don't actively work on my issues currently. But sometimes, it just baffles me how you people can just put it into words and publish your greatest vulnerabilities on reddit. It just hit me that I couldn't do that. The mere imagination of sharing such details with anyone really makes me freeze.

I've been thinking of doing that here so many times, but I doubt it'll ever happen. I'll take it to the grave.

So kudos to you! This kind of trauma makes people feel weak and insecure, yet you still own it. You have my respect and I hope some part of you can acknowledge your strength too.

Just out of curiosity.

My only friend texted me today, basically saying we can never see eachother again because he's letting his girlfriend take control of him and she forbid him to meet another female person.

He's a really kind and gentle soul and deserves so much more. I'm surprised by how much this is triggering me, not because I want to meet in person so badly but because I'm getting protective of him and feel an urge to help him out of this.

There was never even the slightest weird moment between us in all the 13 years since we've known eachother and around 5 years ago, he himself had warned me about jealousy when my boyfriend (temporarily) didn't want me to be friends with my ex.

Now this b**ch stepped into his life and thinks she can lock him up and keep him from talking to women in general.

5 years ago, my friend knew perfectly well that this is damn toxic. His advice back then was if I couldn't settle those things with my boyfriend, I should break up. Now he's letting her do worse.

I feel an urge to help him set himself free, but I'm not exactly the most tactful person. I know I'm stepping into a minefield, but this guy has such a big heart and I don't want to stand aside and watch her break him. I view it as my duty as a friend to make him see where this is going.

First of: I'm drunk and will most likely delete this later. It's a rant, but I still require a human's opinion on it because I'm stuck and can't tell anyone.

I don't know whom else to turn to. I'm currently working on an over a decade old unclosed file of high importance: A connection happened with someone at least as difficult as myself ages ago, and there was only silence ever since. I think I accidentally sent the wrong signal and my mind couldn't rest because of lingering uncertainties and what has never been said.

I can't close the file, I'm stuck in a loop of unanswered questions, I want to clear up any misunderstandings on both ends. Maybe I even want to connect again, but I don't trust myself and in the worst case, it's just a Zoid's version of delusional limerence.

I can't easily break the silence and there's risks involved for both of us. He doesn't know I don't pose a threat and would never tell anyone what needs to stay between us. We could clear it all up, unbothered by the rest of the world, without consequences... I don't know if he hasn't closed the file all those years ago already. It's probably just me being haunted by it. But he might still have questions...

After all those years, I'm almost willing to tell him whatever he wants to know. I sort of need answers and I have no clue how to approach this issue. It's a hot topic but I just want to understand and be understood- because maybe no one else can.

Honestly, forget about emotions both of us aren't capable of, trade some data we're both interested in and possibly, I close the file for good. I'm tired of "what if" when I can never know for sure. He has the answers and I'm hesitant to disturb his perfectly engineered routine or something. I don't mean to charge an attack on his reputation. I don't want to cause a mess. I want to step out of reality with him for a while and exchange information from one strange mind to another, similar one, with no strings attached and no consequences to face. I don't know how I could even make my intentions clear. I can't just send a text- I'm still me.

I know right now that I cannot find peace because there's still unfinished business we left behind and I don't wanna be a weirdo about it, but it's all weird and I can't forget.

Am I a liability? Am I attached? Am I being emotional? Am I insane for still thinking about it after all this time?

My mind keeps coming up with it and I've analysed whatever I could on my own. I cannot rest without the missing pieces of our puzzle. I could handle a rejection. I'd prefer to keep in touch somehow. Ignoring eachother seems like a waste- but I at least need to understand that one interaction. Any answer is better than this. Waiting for it to pass won't work, at least I know *that* now.

Sorry for being so cryptic but I guess you can tell there are reasons for it. If anyone can make sense of my rant, it's him or another Zoid. I'm really stuck and if any one of you can figure it out, I'd appreciate your advice.