u/urafakediamond_

Genuine question. Up until recently I was dead set on being with a guy who’s above average in terms of looks. I’ve spent so much time and money improving my looks because I figured attractive men want a pretty girl, but I really don’t know if that’s the case, especially for what I want (longterm monogamous relationship). When I think about this beyond myself, I very rarely see attractive men dating beautiful girls or anyone at all for that matter. I could throw a rock and hit a couple where the girl is way more attractive than the guy. Conventionally attractive men who are all alone seem just as common too though, which I find bizarre.
As I’ve matured and experienced a little more with dating, I’ve decided not to hyper-fixate on looks anymore, but I am still curious about this pattern.

I’m a black woman mainly interested in latinos. My best friend (female) is Honduran and another friend of mine (male) is Mexican. They BOTH told me I may not mesh well with a latino because I’m too sweet/chill and not “crazy” enough. I’m sure you can imagine the utter confusion and discouragement this made me feel. I’m young (23) so I definitely have my moments, but I wouldn’t say being belligerent or crazy is part of who I am as a person, it takes quite a bit for me to get there. If you’re latino or currently with a latino please tell me this is not true and I should stay just the way I am🥲

Yes I’m living vicariously through them. Wish I could be drunk and sexy with friends, selling cheap t-shirts for some guy in exchange for a rent free summer at his beach house. I fear that “guidos” are exactly my type. Snooki is much cuter and sweeter than I was expecting, but I’m still just on season 1 so that may change. Pauly D’s Cadillac tattoo is ridiculous, and Mike (the situation) is annoying. Jwow is my favorite. I love how it takes the guys just as long to get ready as the girls. Trashy summers are a lost art.

I’m sure there are women out there that do this, but not nearly as much/as well as men. I’m also in the midst of a soul-crushing breakup, so I’m sure that makes this post even more biased, but I rarely see anyone bring this up.

The relationship I just got out of ended horribly, and I’ve just been replaying it all in my head the last few days. Up until the end, all the time and effort I was investing was reciprocated back to me x10. Everything was perfect and I was on cloud 9 for a little while, until I wasn’t. What shocked me wasn’t that the relationship ended, it’s that so much of it ended up being a lie. Things he said and did early on made me think, ‘SURELY he wouldn’t have said or done that if he wasn’t into me.’ Maybe these were the moments I was actively “falling for it”, but that’s the problem; the false hope/reality that some men purposely give women.

So many of us “fall for it”, when really we’re just believing that someone is genuinely interested in us and wants us. I see all the time that women get blamed for “picking the wrong men”, when it’s these same wrong men going out of their way for weeks, months, even YEARS just to SEEM like good men, and some of them are very good at it! They make us feel cherished and seen when really it’s all well-crafted deception and, at times, hard to discern from the real thing. Then everything you thought was real comes crashing down and they’re no where to be found, you’re nothing to them now. It’s maddening, and makes it harder to trust not only others, but yourself and your own judgment. People say, “When someone likes you, it’s obvious” and sure okay, but men seem to be getting better and better at PRETENDING to like women to get what they want from us in the long run. As someone who would pride themself on bouncing back from heartbreak and always having love to give, I don’t wanna date anymore, like ever again.
I’ve noticed this often but couldn’t put into words until experiencing it firsthand. Women, how many times has this happened to you, and how do you know when/if to trust a guy you’re dating? How long does it take you to trust anyone again after something like this happens? Men, has a woman ever done this to you? If you’ve done this or know someone who has, why do something so evil?

As the title says, I’ve been with my boyfriend *officially* for just over two weeks. Our talking/dating stage was amazing - chemistry, honesty, talking nonstop, perfect dates. He’s a busy guy but always made time for me, until about a week ago. We spent the weekend together, he texted me Monday morning, then disappeared. No more calls or texts unless I initiated and even then, he’d only respond to my text/answer my call 40% of the time. Barely hearing from him for an entire week after near constant communication for a month freaked me out. Instantly, I knew his feelings for me were changing, and I got scared. Fear and anxiety (especially in romantic situations) usually manifests as anger for me, so I called him angry one morning, and he apologized but wasn’t taking me seriously (laughing, joking, changing the subject while I’m telling him that my feelings are hurt). I ended up apologizing for my small outburst that evening.
Anyway, I know we both have to put in the work for the relationship to prosper, but I don’t understand how/why he’s dropped the ball so soon. He’s told friends, coworkers, HIS PARENTS about me, but no longer acknowledges my existence? I’m trying to relinquish control, but this hurts y’all. We got together knowing we both wanted a relationship, and we share the same relationship “pillars” (desire for marriage/kids, same religion, etc.) which makes letting go feel like I’m throwing my dream future away. Given the chance, I would give this man the world, and I genuinely thought he felt the same way about me at first. Now I just feel dumb and lonely.

I’ve been dating this guy for the last month or so and I really like him. Chemistry is great, we want a lot of the same things in life, and we enjoy spending time with one another. Overall, things are great, but I’m scared. I’m scared that he’ll ghost me one day. I’m scared that we’ll never be official, that I could be a “placeholder”. I’m scared that he’ll randomly decide I’m not right for him one day. I’m scared of getting hurt again. I’m scared of all the things that happen to so many people every day in dating. I don’t want to live in fear or be overwhelming pessimistic with someone I genuinely see a future with. He hasn’t done anything to make me feel this way, but the more I fall for him, the more intense this fear becomes. Whenever I get scared, I get in my head and self-sabotage or withdrawal but that can’t happen this time. How can I remain positive but not naïve? How can I let go of this fear?