u/v_shock823

After learning about Camus' philosophy, I became more present while living. That's when I go to the park, go to the mall, or sit in the car and look out the window, but there's one problem. My home and neighborhood lacks any color or beauty to bring me to the present, so when I'm bored, I start daydreaming with greed and desire, as if that has any meaning. I know it's meaningless. How do I rebel this time when there's nothing around to experience? I can learn from Buddhism. Letting go of attachment and being present with every breath. I'm no believer in sprirituality, but absurdism turns Buddhist concepts into something cool, rebellion. Instead of falling into boredom and despair, I can use mindfulness as a form of rebellion, not an angry rebellion, a calm kind of rebellion. When I'm outside, looking at the world around me, it's easy to be lucid, but when I have nothing to do at home, before I fall into greedy daydreaming, just remember, to bring my attention back to my breath, whatever I'm attached to, let go of that, realize that it's meaningless. I rebel by choosing peace instead of greed.

It's concerning to wake up to a dream like this. I know I'm not looking for a relationship. I don't wanna take this person seriously, but I'm just attracted to this person. When she shows up in my dreams, does that mean my feelings are actually deep?

I used to think that the goal is to have more happiness than pain, but that's not easy to acheive. Life is hard, but it's okay, because happiness exists, and it's not only found far in the future when you become successful. You must be aware of the hedonic treadmill. Happiness is found in little moments day to day, and from time to time, there are exciting events. Expecting happiness leads to no happiness. It only comes when you stop chasing it. My mindset now is that I don't care how little happiness I have or how hard life is, as long as happiness exists. Just recognizing that moments of happiness exist, even when life is hard, is enough to give meaning to life.

In the city center, we face the weather together and we see each other continuing to enjoy our lives despite the darkness. When it gets cloudy and it starts drizzling, people pull out their umbrellas and continue to walk and you can still see people enjoying their coffee or lunch. You see bicycles pass by. Life hasn't stopped. You feel a sense of solidarity, like we're united against the weather and nothing's gonna stop us from enjoying life. In the suburb, when the weather's gloomy, you're safe inside your house, but life has stopped. No one is playing outside. Not a single person walks by. You feel alone. That's how I would feel in these scenarios.

I live in Bangkok, a place with many amazing environments. Many expats like it here, but I'm a local who lives in a gated community with 200 identical houses. I feel happier when I'm outside my neighborhood because there are more interesting things to see. I want to move out of my neighborhood and live in a high rise in the heart of the city, but if environment were an important factor for happiness, then rich people should be happy and content because they have the freedom to choose whatever environment they want, but the hedonic treadmill is still a thing. Your happiness will always return to baseline. On the other hand, expats here in Bangkok seem more content with their lives when they move out of America or the UK and live in this vibrant environment. Is it really the environment, or is it just the cheaper prices? Does living in a beautiful environment, as opposed to rows of identical houses, really increase your overall happiness?

At first, I thought I should live to follow my dreams and become successful doing what I love. Later, I became more hedonistic because I realized that happiness shouldn't be saved for later, but there's a problem with that. If I create my own meaning by seeking pleasure, it will stop being fulfilling, and creating meaning by striving to acheive goals, hoping to become happier in life will also fail to bring fulfillment. Happiness doesn't last forever. If all I care about is success or pleasure, how can I be content with normal life? Gratitude is something that people teach a lot, but forcing gratitude doesn't work for me. I tried forcing myself to find meaning in daily life, but I couldn't. All I cared about was the next exciting event. Then I discovered absurdism. I'm no longer forcing myself to be grateful for my life. I'm just living and experiencing, knowing that everything is inherently meaningless, but I live fully and passionately.

Most people, like myself, have started playing music with struggle and frustration. Progress was slow. I've been playing the piano for 10 years and my skill level is advanced now. Piano is the single instrument that can play something sophisticated entirely on its own. It lets you see music theory visually. I'm interested in trying a new instrument, something simpler. There's a bass solo song I really like called "Elevated" by Charles Berthoud. I thought, what if I learn bass, the new instrument, and practice for one month, making sure I develop good technique, practice efficiently. With lots of experience playing complex piano pieces, I might know how to approach learning a new instrument better. Could I play bass for one month and pretend I have 10 years of experience? When I actually sat down and tried stretching my fingers across the fretboard, that position was excrutiatingly awkward, very different from piano. If it's just me and Youtube, no private teacher, there's no chance I can become a a pro bass player quickly. I guess I'll need patience when learning any new instrument.

Sometimes I want to leave my country and go somewhere completely new, like Italy, but then I remember I already live near Bangkok, one of the biggest tourist destinations in the world.
Like most locals, I live far from the touristy areas, in a neighborhood full of identical houses.
Whenever I go into the city for stimulation, it feels exciting at first, but after a while I just think, “Is this it?” after spending over an hour in traffic and crowded trains.
No matter how fun or attractive a place is, it stops feeling special once you’ve been there too many times.
I’m a pro pianist and can learn songs quickly by ear, but even that and the internet don’t stop me from getting bored at home.
The only thing that really keeps me from feeling empty is being around other people, which makes me think maybe the solution to boredom isn’t doing more, but learning how to feel content with less.

Absurdism says you should with freedom, and that made me imagine going to a luxury resort and watching the sunset at the beach while eating fine dining, but wait, isn't that just hedonism? This is absurdism. It requires awareness of the absurd, not chasing pleasure, or else that's missing the point. So maybe you can have preferences, but you realize that nothing has more meaning than the other? It's like preferring chocolate over vanilla ice cream, not that it has any more meaning.

When I got rejected by my crush in middle school, I was too immature to think clearly and deal with the situation. The feeling was intense. I thought the other person was heartless, but I'm older now and looking back at it, there must be a complex feeling behind the seemingly cold rejection. The other person could've been as nervous as I was. How did it feel to be confessed to?

If someone is kind to us, we label them as kind. If someone mistreats us, we label them as bad, and we label ourselves as right. People are verbally abusive sometimes, and I would label them as opps, but then I realized that people aren't as simple as good or bad. That rude person who insulted me and hurt my mental health could be supporting their friend's mental health through tough times. Labelling people causes dehumanization and mistreatment. Mistreatment happens when we fail to see others as humans with complex lives as us.

When looking into the meaning of life, philosophers often think about why we exist, or what purpose we have, but we can't really answer those questions, and I don't think the meaning of life is about why we exist. Absurdism says that we look for meaning in the universe, but the universe is irrational and doesn't have any meaning, and instead of giving up on life, we can embrace the meaninglessness with revolt and passion. Now this didn't really click with me because I don't think it's about the nature of the universe, but I have a different perspective as someone who studies psychology.

We often look for happiness in the future and forget to enjoy the present. We always tell ourselves that we'll be happier when we acheive our goals, make more money, and become more popular, but there's not really an end goal that'll make us happy for the rest of our lives. Our expectations will become higher and we'll always be looking for the next thing to be happy. This is called the hedonic treadmill. Now realizing this can cause an existential crisis because we wonder what's the point of living if there is no end goal to become happy. Working hard seems meaningless now. The absurdist would say you must revolt against the absurd. Society tells us that we need more to be happy and it tells us what meaning looks like, and we're trapped in a system, school, work, retirement, death. We are brainwashed into thinking there's a big purpose behind all this, that there's meaning in working harder, but we run on the hedonic treadmill where no amount of success will ever be enough and the meaning we're looking for isn't there. This is called the absurd, but instead of giving up, we must revolt against the absurd by embracing the meaninglessness. Our work is just like Sisyphus, no end goal, but one must imagine Sisyphus happy because Sisyphus can embrace the futility of his job without hoping for a better future. We can be happy just by accepting the meaninglessness but choosing to act anyway. Now of course, life isn't completely meaningless. We have meaningful little moments like going out with friends, eating a good meal, and walking in the park. We can embrace these moments fully without hoping that the future will be happier. Life isn't a game to be won. It is something to be experienced fully.

I've never believed in any sort of religion, so I lived my life believing that the purpose of life is to achieve goals and be popular, thinking that it would make me happier. I was always thinking about a happier future, not enjoying the present moment, but happiness always returns back to the baseline level. There is never happy ever after. People who achieved the most in this world are not happy all the time. Many successful people are still dissatisfied with their lives. If there is no god or afterlife and there is no happy ever after, what is the point of living and working towards goals and doing all these responsibilities? Just do it. If I hate doing homework and it feels meaningless, I can just embrace the meaningless with revolt and passion, and when the time comes, I can embrace the enjoyable activities where I find meaning, like hanging out with friends, eating something good, and going to the park. And my problems seem to matter less, knowing that things like popularity are meaningless. Life doesn't need to have a purpose. It's just something to be experienced.

One day, I was walking back to the hotel in Manchester, very sleepy and drowsy,, my eyes struggling to stay open. I desperately needed the bed, but I was 1 km away. I wanted a taxi, but this was up to my parents. They would rather walk for free than pay for a taxi. I had no choice but to endure the walk, so I was like, "There's no point worrying about how far away the hotel is. I'll just keep on walking even if I'm tired. I don't care if I'm tired. It doesn't matter if I'm tired. It's up to me to choose how to react to the tiredness. It doesn't matter if I can't get a taxi. If walking is the only option, then I will just keep going." I remember feeling detached from the tiredness. I didn't stop feeling tired, I just stopped letting it control me.

Reasons not to care what others think

It's imposible to please everyone when everyone has different opinions, different from you.

Only the people who accept you for who you are matter to your happiness.

Greed for validation never ends until you're mature enough to stop caring.

Everyone is equal. Everyone is human, regardless of popularity.

You only have freedom to enjoy life if you don't let others' opinions control you. Now you know why their opinions don't matter.