u/vanillqt

Hi! My boyfriend recently rescued a male zebra finch. We know that they should be in pairs, but he’s stuck on whether to get a female or a male for him. There’s so many different things online so if anyone knows that would be greatly appreciated! I know on one hand two males can fight but also a male and a female will be nesting all the time which will be more to deal with.

edit: the finch is about a few months to a year old. would bringing in another male be too risky?

Hi! I'm looking for some advice/tips on how to deal with this constant issue of mine.

I've had this ROCD theme of the fear of betraying my partner for a while. It's more of a fear of breaking a boundary/lying/etc. I get extremely hyperaware when I'm around anyone attractive or just men in general, because I worry that I'm going to act in a certain way that is making me try to look more attractive for them. The thing with this is that when I'm in this hyperaware state (which I can't get out of it just happens) I genuinely cannot act normally and it feels like everything i do is for attention/to look more attractive. A boundary my bf set in our relationship is avoiding trying to get others to be attracted to you, and I am really scared of breaking that boundary.

The reason why this stresses me out as much as it does is because I had this impulse-habit for a very long time where I would impulsively start walking/acting/talking in a way that is "cuter" or just generally more attractive whenever I sense there's a man nearby me. I told my bf about this habit and that I'm trying to fix it and that I immediately stop whenever I realize I'm doing this behavior again.

So, because of this, it's hard to just "remember my values" or "know where my intentions are" because this is unfortunately a habit I've had for years and years due to insecurity and because I always got my confidence through validation. Although I know I don't want to break this boundary, because I have the ability to do so due to this weird impulse habit, I still feel like I can and I just don't know how to get out of that loophole of being so aware of my every move that I can't act normally. It's so difficult to be in public because I can't even walk normally anymore due to a fear that I'm walking in a way that's trying to be more attractive for others. I get so incredibly anxious every time.

It isn't easy for me to just notice I'm being hyperaware and move on because the awareness doesn't go away. It isn't easy for me to just accept "I dont know" whether or not im doing something for attention, because it completely feels like I am since I can't do anything normally when I'm that aware. It's evolved to the point where I feel this awful anxious hyperaware feeling when I'm walking in front of windows in my own house. I can't change in my room anymore no matter how closed the curtains are because I'm afraid people can see me through the cracks, so I only really change in my bathroom where there's no window.

It genuinely makes it so difficult to live every day in this constant state of anxiety and hyperawareness and fear. I hate it so much and I just want to feel normal like a normal person. I envy women I see/know walking around in their relationships because they likely don't have to deal with this.

My goal is just to be able to get to a place where I don't feel like i'm so incredibly anxious and aware of every move I make, while also being able to not repeat this habit I've been working on (I know it's okay to be uncertain but it's hard when I feel like im fully certain every move I make is part of this habit)

I really hope this makes sense, and I'm wondering if anyone has dealt with something like this/has any tips for me. I don't have access to an ocd specialist therapist unfortunately :( there's none that take my insurance that are available. I've tried therapy with someone who had ocd in her list of things she works with, but she was unhelpful as she basically just told me that it's not a big deal and "as long as you don't cheat it's fine". I'm currently on 30mg celexa which has been doing right about close to nothing. I'm sorry this is so long. I just need some advice :(

Hi! I'm not looking for reassurance, just tips on how to deal with this constant issue of mine.

I've had this theme of the fear of betraying my partner for a while. It's more of a fear of breaking a boundary/lying/etc. I get extremely hyperaware when I'm around anyone attractive or just men in general, because I worry that I'm going to act in a certain way that is making me try to look more attractive for them. The thing with this is that when I'm in this hyperaware state (which I can't get out of it just happens) I genuinely cannot act normally and it feels like everything i do is for attention/to look more attractive. A boundary my bf set in our relationship is avoiding trying to get others to be attracted to you, and I am really scared of breaking that boundary.

The reason why this stresses me out as much as it does is because I had this impulse-habit for a very long time where I would impulsively start walking/acting/talking in a way that is "cuter" or just generally more attractive whenever I sense there's a man nearby me. I told my bf about this habit and that I'm trying to fix it and that I immediately stop whenever I realize I'm doing this behavior again.

So, because of this, it's hard to just "remember my values" or "know where my intentions are" because this is unfortunately a habit I've had for years and years due to insecurity and because I always got my confidence through validation. Although I know I don't want to break this boundary, because I have the ability to do so due to this weird impulse habit, I still feel like I can and I just don't know how to get out of that loophole of being so aware of my every move that I can't act normally. It's so difficult to be in public because I can't even walk normally anymore due to a fear that I'm walking in a way that's trying to be more attractive for others. I get so incredibly anxious every time.

It isn't easy for me to just notice I'm being hyperaware and move on because the awareness doesn't go away. It isn't easy for me to just accept "I dont know" whether or not im doing something for attention, because it completely feels like I am since I can't do anything normally when I'm that aware. It's evolved to the point where I feel this awful anxious hyperaware feeling when I'm walking in front of windows in my own house. I can't change in my room anymore no matter how closed the curtains are because I'm afraid people can see me through the cracks, so I only really change in my bathroom where there's no window.

It genuinely makes it so difficult to live every day in this constant state of anxiety and hyperawareness and fear. I hate it so much and I just want to feel normal like a normal person. I envy women I see/know walking around in their relationships because they likely don't have to deal with this.

I really hope this makes sense, and I'm wondering if anyone has dealt with something like this/has any tips for me. I don't have access to an ocd specialist therapist unfortunately :( I've tried therapy with someone who had ocd in her list of things she works with, but she was unhelpful as she basically just told me that it's not a big deal and "as long as you don't cheat it's fine". I just need some advice :(

So, I know in a relationship it's normal to have crushes, as they're uncontrollable. However, my boyfriend established his boundaries around crushes, and his personally are to avoid acting on them and feeding them. and to just distance myself in general. but I genuinely just don't know how this works when it comes to a false crush. I don't know whether I also need to distance myself from them and treat them like I would treat a regular crush, or if I should just treat them like a normal person and accept ill "never know", but that feels so wrong. especially if this is a person close to me. Ever since my boyfriend gave me these boundaries, the false crush intrusive thoughts have been getting worse and worse, to the point where they convince me I have a crush on my female best friend since I was 2 that I always knew I would NEVER see in that way, as well as a literal gay male friend (I am a woman). This seems ridiculous and I feel like I know deep inside like this is ridiculous, this is not at all me, and it's my ocd talking, but somehow they feel so real. I'm aware I'll never know for sure because it's OCD and it is what it is, but what I'm really stressed about is how exactly to act towards them. I need some advice please, and if anyone's dealt with this kind of thing as well.

I have moderate to severe ocd and also anxiety disorder (not depression but I get symptoms caused by those disorders) and my prescriber switched me from Prozac to 20mg celexa because I couldn’t sleep on Prozac. From what I was searching up, celexa is mainly meant for depression rather than anxiety or ocd. I haven’t taken it yet, should I ask to get switched to something else?

I also see that according to others experiences this med takes a while to get adjusted to and you experience a lot of anxiety/bad side effects at the start. I’m like actively in an ocd spiral and I don’t even know if I can handle even more anxiety. Any advice? Should I ask my prescriber to switch me to something else?

How to deal with not knowing what your intentions are? Today I kinda realized I might have a false crush on my coworker. We were talking and there was a silence and then without thinking I started talking about something random (how I found a coupon and used it and paid very little for what I bought like so random) and I started freaking out afterward that the reason why I said this random thing was because my intention was to keep talking to him because i had a crush on him and I wanted him to see me romantically by chatting for longer. I don’t normally fill silences with other coworkers because I don’t really care to, but he’s the coworker I get along with the most so I like talking to him. I don’t know whether this crush is real or not, and I know it’s okay to have crushes in relationships so I’m not too paranoid about that, but what I’m really scared of is watching my intentions because I know what matters is how you act on a feeling. I’m so freaked out because I don’t know what my intention was and I feel like a terrible gf if it’s true and that I could’ve acted on it. I just want to know how to deal with not knowing your intentions ever anymore. I know like typical erp is to accept that you don’t know, but I don’t know how to live with this fact that I could’ve potentially broke a boundary with my bf :( he’s been cheated on before and trusts me SO much so that’s why this is so stressful for me, I don’t want to betray or hurt him or break any boundary with him in any way and I know that’s why OCD is targeting this specifically

I need advice, I don’t know how to deal with this and I don’t have access to an OCD therapist. I want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this. About 1-2 months ago I was going through a rough patch with my bf where I felt very emotionally disconnected from him and was even wondering if I was just feeling attachment the whole time and not actual love for him, and a song came on that reminded me of a past situationship (I used to think of them with disgust bc they really hurt me in the past). Songs bring out emotions in me and I daydream often to them. I started wondering what it could’ve been like if it had worked out with him. Then I started imagining what would happen if I had seen this person again, and how I would run up to them with excitement and start talking to them excitedly, with like the same spark we once had. In my daydream, I also had my bf in the back of my mind and didn’t really care, almost like I was emotionally cheating on him in my daydream. I never thought like this again, and after we fixed our relationship problem I started seeing the situationship person with disgust again. I feel absolutely terrible for imagining this, because it also wasn’t intrusive, like I consciously imagined it and thought about this for maybe like about a minute or two total. my boyfriend values loyalty so much and sees me as such a loyal person and loves me for it. He has a past of being cheated on and I always reassured him I never would. but I feel like this was so disloyal of me, like I literally daydreamed about emotionally cheating on him. What do I do? I know this seems like reassurance seeking but I genuinely don’t know how to go about this. I know in relationships it’s normal to sometimes fantasize about others, but what if I was knowingly still dating my bf in my daydream? Is this something he deserves to know about? I can’t stop stressing out and just feeling so guilty every time my bf says something nice to me or talks about how he loves how loyal I am and how that’s the most important thing in a relationship to him.

I'm on week 2 of 10mg (for the first time ever ) and I notice I am an anxious ocd mess in the mornings, but by the evening I feel like a normal person. I usually take it at around 1 ish pm. Has anyone else gone through this? or is this a weird placebo?

I don't know if this is for anyone else, but when it comes to my moral scrupulosity theme, I feel like learning that "nothing is ever certain" kinda makes it worse. Every time I want to say something that I think is true, i will start/end it off with "i dont know" because i don't want to be lying if i'm uncertain about it. like i don't know how to state anything when i will never actually be certain or confident about it. i feel like i am never certain about any decision or opinion or idea or memory anymore and i don't know how to deal with it. i hope this makes sense & i was wondering if anyone had any input on this

Hi! One of my good friends loves to crochet and I was thinking of getting her some cute/funky crochet hooks for her birthday. The only actual cute patterned crochet hooks i see are on etsy and pretty pricey, and the ones I see on amazon are not very cute in my opinion 😭 Does anyone have any recommendations? Thanks :')

Hi! Sorry if this is a silly question. I’m in my first semester of grad school who is beginning clinic for the first time next spring and my hair is light pink. I was wondering if that is normally an issue? I know clinic is typically strict with the dress code but I’ve never heard anything about hair dye, I don’t know how unprofessional it’ll seem for me to have pink hair in a clinic setting and if I should dye it to a normal color once I begin next year. Does anyone have any knowledge or experience on this? Thanks ! :)

my weight fluctuates soo much throughout the year because I have months where no matter how hungry I am, food is just so unappetizing, but then other months im hungry all the damn time and need to watch how much I'm eating. currently in the phase where everything just seems gross.

Hi! I’m genuinely stumped. I’m not too close to my brother, so I don’t know a lot about him, but his birthday is coming up and I don’t want to not get him anything, he gets me really thoughtful gifts every year despite us not talking. He’s turning 27. He currently works at a law firm and he goes to the gym a lot but that’s pretty much it. He doesn’t really have many hobbies, I know he’s quite techy but I don’t really know if he does that stuff anymore. Any ideas? He’s the kind to tell you he doesn’t want anything when you ask. He currently lives alone in an apartment.