u/whenthelightismine

Apparently, Brian pulled the plug on the Waterloo show in order to get vocal rest. Not sure if this was posted elsewhere, but just making sure folks know.

I’m a 43M, and my parents recently stayed with my family (me, my wife, our son) for three days. Things had mostly been going well until about ten minutes before they left our house last night.

My mom was telling us about organizing a meal train for her mail carrier who had colon cancer and apparently didn’t have anyone to take care of him. While she was telling this story, my dad suddenly started saying that the mailcarrier had “gotten his balls cut off” because of the cancer.

I was genuinely confused and asked what he was talking about. My dad acted as though he didn’t understand why I was confused. My mom then explained that he was joking, which is what she often does when he makes an offhanded or inappropriate comment.

This particular subject had already come up repeatedly during their visit. Our male dog was recently neutered, and my dad kept describing it as the dog “getting his balls cut off.” He also used the same phrase to describe his own vasectomy from decades ago. By the time he brought a cancer survivor’s testicles into my mom’s story, I was fed up.

I told him I didn’t understand why he would say something so cruel about a man who had survived cancer. I didn’t yell at him or call him names, but I was clearly angry. I also told my parents that I was tired of my dad making everything about genitals and turning ordinary subjects into something sexual or weird.

They objected to the word “cruel.” They said he was only joking and acted as though I had accused him of being a fundamentally cruel person. In fairness, I can see that saying he “makes everything sexual and weird” was broad and probably sounded like an attack on his character. I also understand that he may have just intended the comment as juvenile humor. I still thought the joke itself was demeaning, and the repeated genital/sexual comments made me extremely uncomfortable.

After that, both of my parents stopped speaking to me. My dad eventually left and walked back to the Airbnb where they were staying. My mom asked me to drive her there. During the drive, she berated me for being mean to my dad.

I tried to explain why the comments bothered me. She argued that they weren’t sexual, while I said that repeated comments about genitals felt sexual and invasive to me.

Then she said, almost word for word, “OP, no matter how much you’re hurting right now, trust me, your dad is hurting 5,000 times more.”

That was the part that affected me most. I told her that this represented a painful pattern in our family: when one of my parents says or does something that hurts me and I react, the focus immediately shifts to how much my reaction has hurt them. My original feelings become irrelevant and/or are treated as something I’m doing to them.

The next morning, I sent them a calm text saying that I loved them, hoped they had a safe flight, and was sorry the visit ended painfully. I acknowledged that I had been angry and used strong language. But I also said the joke and my mom’s “5,000 times more” comment had hurt me, and that I didn’t want this to become weeks of silent treatment.

I’m willing to apologize for expressing myself too broadly or making my criticism sound like a judgment of my dad’s entire character. I’m not willing to apologize for being uncomfortable or for saying that I thought the joke was cruel.

Added context: my dad is nearly 80, a veteran (diagnosed PTSD), grew up in a very unloving, abusive household, and has a lot of medical ailments. He's also possibly on the spectrum (runs in the family) and has/had an unhealthy relationship with pornography my entire life.

So, AITA for confronting my dad and calling his joke cruel? Should I have ignored it or handled it differently?

TL;DR: My dad repeatedly made jokes about people and animals “getting their balls cut off,” then made the same joke about a man who survived colon cancer. I called the joke cruel and said I was tired of him making things sexual and weird. My parents stopped speaking to me, and my mom said that however much I was hurting, my dad was hurting “5,000 times more.” AITA for confronting him?

This is a long shot, but I’m hoping somebody here might be able to help me recover a little piece of one of the best concerts of my life.

I saw Paul at the House of Blues in New Orleans on March 10, 2005. I was in my early 20s, a huge Replacements/Westerberg fan, and the show was everything I could have wanted. Paul played an incredible set, and afterward he stuck around and met fans. I got to meet him and talk to him for a little bit.

That said, I have basically nothing from it. No photos, no setlist, no recording. Nothing physical or digital to take me back there.

So I’m putting out a Bat signal to the archivists and folks with boxes of old concert stuff: does anybody have anything from this show?

A recording would be the holy grail, but I’d be thrilled with absolutely anything: photos, a setlist, a scan of a ticket stub, a flyer or poster, a newspaper ad or review, somebody’s old write-up of the show, or even just your own memories if you were there.