u/wiy

My kid is 3.5. She’s only watched 3 other movies in her life and is currently Frozen obsessed (Totoro and Ponyo being the others), so when another preschool friend said how much they loved The Little Mermaid, I obliged her request to watch.

Yiiiiiiikes. I remember LOVING this movie.

We had a long conversation after about the reasons I didn’t like the movie and don’t want to watch it again. How I didn’t like that Ariel was elevated for being helpless and pretty and somehow that made a prince fall in love with her. I talked about how the expectations for girls have changed a lot since when this was made, and how lucky my kid is to be able to be loud without anyone ever expecting her to look a certain way, and how finding a prince to kiss isn’t the end game for happiness. We compared it to frozen, where the whole takeaway to me is “no man will save you / you’re in charge of saving yourself and caring for the women around you”.

My husband definitely thought I over did it. Do I just need to avoid all pre-2000’s Disney!?

Lately I’ve been seeing things about how sensory seeking kids are by default autistic. I stay away from diagnosing my kid on the internet, and know it’s a sweeping generalization, however I’m curious to learn more. I’ve been wanting to ask our pediatrician for a while now but it always feels wrong in front of my child, and my husband is offended by the idea of this so I only brought it up once.

I feel like each of the following factors on its own can be normal, but have concerns about the totality of them.

-My 3.5yo loves to smash her face into mine, and generally press hard against bodies she loves and feels safe with. Digging in fingers, squeezing, and putting her mouth on (she’ll occasionally lick her hands for comfort, and sometimes try to lick mine).
-She loves swings and can be on them for hours.
-She cannot sleep solo and must be touching someone. The more intense the touch the better; she often wants us to squish her or press hard on her belly. Bedtime is a 90 min endeavor, still.
-She hates loud - we went to an MLB game and she suffered through 1 innings before we left.
-She abhors attention, and will absolutely melt down when too many people are looking at her or if a single person praises her excitedly.
-She generally does not like music, unless it’s one of the simple songs she knows from daycare. Hates when we play music on the speaker. Only ever wants stories.
-She is also brilliant. Our pediatrician labeled her as gifted before 1; when she started speaking fluently. She was doing [basic] math on her fingers at 1.5, started learning to read and write around 2 (not hyperlexic, I think. Girl just loves letters and has great memory/pattern recognition). Plays chess. I try to avoid all conversations of smarts because that’s all anyone ever wants to talk about. I want her to be social, kind, happy, and confident. Idgaf how academically inclined she is, I know she’ll be fine in that regard.

All the research I see is allowing me to make any decision I choose; it seems like she meets enough criteria to be on the spectrum, but she also just might be a toddler with her own unique personality. I’m just not sure when we need to start worrying about this, if at all? Not sure what I’m looking for, beyond hearing from other people’s experiences and knowledge.

Saw this post and was reminded that the skaters I knew growing up were subtly some of the best kids around. It’s also just fun, and something my toddler would enjoy as they grow older. The burbs have plenty of spaces for varied age groups but I only ever see adults skating in center city.

3yo was devouring some tilapia the other day, I mentioned something about how we should eat more fish since it’s so good for our bodies etc.

She looks at me and just goes, “mama is this fish?”. In my most even-keeled voice possible I said “yep, sure is. Thanks fish for helping my body grow big and strong!”

Her eyes got a bit wide and I could see hear mental gears start spinning while processing this info. She refused any more bites. Said she was full and went off to play while parents finished up.

I haven’t re-approached this topic. She is a **fantastic** eater and I’m afraid to mess it up!

WWYD?

Edit; we’ve never explicitly hidden it. We always say chicken and shrimp when talking about food but clearly the associated hadn’t been made. I now realize I should have been more clear about it from the start but what’s done is done! Just looking for best path forward.