u/wokeuptopoppy

I used to be in hypomania most of the time, I stopped the anti depressant I was on and since then I seem to just be in an anhedonia spiral. the days just seem so long and drawn out yet when when I go to bed it's like it's completely flashed me by.

I used to get a lot of enjoyment out of the things I was doing whether that was art, music, gaming, cooking, or even just talking to people and now nothing interests me at all.

there's really no point in going out or trying to "work past the depression" like people sometimes recommend cause it isn't depression, it's anhedonia I just feel empty and then miserable bc of it.

I've since started the anti-depressant again (prozac) not sure if it's gonna make a difference or not but I just wish I didn't have to go back on it at all

why are my options either mania all the time or horrible nothingness... what is being "stable" even like

Bello, I would like to get back into digital art and hopefully make a twitter for furry art ^_^ I am offering free torso up drawings to practice anthros as I haven't drawn any in like two years at least.

DM me or reply to this post with your character and i'll be on it ASAP

EDIT: I got like 15 requests which i am working through right now so as of NOW 2:00 PM EST 5/17 this post is closed ❤️

I have spent the last six years dealing with insomnia and sleep problems. the current solution i'm trying as of last week is olanzapine.

my question though is how many of guys actually have a "standard" schedule. I honestly feel like my body is meant to operate nocturnally, working night shift back when I could work was pretty ideal for me.

ofc the problem with that is that my symptoms get worse at night and that the rest of the world operates for day time people 🙄

I am not completely vegan yet, I just am unable to eat anything containing whey or casein (milk products) now and my appetite is so poor cause of how long I was sick from those that I just can't force myself to eat "heavy" meals anymore so I'm trying to transition to a diet with more vegetables and fruits that aren't as hard on my stomach.

I have to get groceries soon so what are some ONE person cheap beginner friendly vegan/plant based recipes? also special request that they aren't mushy cause I have a texture issue with that

for example my mom has made lentil stuff for me before but it was always mush so I couldn't eat it...

I have a stove, oven, microwave, blender, and an instapot in case that's needed information.

thank you in advance!!

haven't slept in quite a while, clicked on a YouTube video to try and lull me to sleep

he sounds like you.

Suddenly I'm bombarded by memories of us lying in bed intertwined. memories of you talking to me to try and help me sleep the warmth of your body next to mine.

memories of falling asleep feeling the safest I've felt in my entire life. waking up from nightmares with someone there to comfort me.

waking up in the middle of the night and staring at your peaceful sleeping face inches from mine, half coherent kisses.

its funny how my damaged brain will forget names of current friends but somehow remembers what your voice sounded like. even though we haven't spoken for almost a year.

the space in my bed is too big now.

I wake up reaching for you, wondering why you aren't there when you were just in my dreams a moment ago. the dreams are too short and reality is too cruel.

have slept roughly 10 hours in the last 62 starting to get some kind of visual snow or something idek what this is hasn't happened b4 from lack of sleep which I have had plenty of before...

can't contact my previous psych cause it's a Saturday nor want to cause she doesn't care about me and didn't give af about me nearly dying in February so new doctor it is cause idk what the hell else to do im not tired at all. I'm tryna get new meds before I slip into an episode and end up being too paranoid to seek medical help.

problem is no damn sleep meds I've tried OTC or prescribed have worked either do nothing or my stupid STUPID brain fights them off so I just get paralysis and hallucinations. I usually just wait for the insomnia episode to just subside or end but this time I feel like something is wrong.

I feel everytime I talk to a doctor about insomnia they don't ever take me seriously like I'm p sure going fairly often 36+ hours no sleep is no Bueno what can I say to this new doctor to make her actually listen to me??

in case the reader is wondering I have tried

melatonin, hydroxyzine, trazadone, the purple benadryl stuff, seroquel, ativan, multiple sleep tea brands, magnesium, L-theanine

I've been in a particularly bad insomnia episode and all my friends actually sleep so I need something to do to pass the time...

I have a few other multi-player games besides roblox and would be willing to buy (cheap) friend slop but I've been kinda on a shitty roblox games kick lately.

if you're a fellow insomniac or maybe just a night owl feel free to hit me up!

I've been diagnosed schizoaffective officially since last year but I've had symptoms since 2019.

I had a really bad break from reality in January during an emergency hospital visit following an attempt due to a...separate psychotic episode to the point I wasn't even lucid for most of it and since then I've been in a major depressive episode.

I find myself less and less attached to things around me both people and material goods. Nothing really seems worth energy or time. I've withdrawn from school and from majority of my social life. I've just been giving away a bunch of my stuff on FB. I've been making an attempt to get back into friends through discord...but honestly online friends just don't feel real to me. it's an okay way to pass the time I guess but.

I've deleted most of my social medias that had any relevance to my actual life (photos, videos, blog posts etc) due to general paranoia.

To compound this feeling of vanishing the few irl "friends" I have which.... I don't feel attached to and consider them moreso aquintances...leave me on read/seen or are ghosting me when I ask for help. Which is odd to me because they seemed so grateful I hadn't died in january....but now it feels like maybe I did die and I'm just a ghost living in my own purgatory now. I don't really feel like a person, more so an object or something that's just ...here. This life doesn't really seem like a life at all and I often find myself slipping into passive ideation with the oh so wonderful help of my voice. I actually kind of miss being in the psych ward cause at least in there I didn't have to put any effort into "taking care of myself" or masking for normies.

For general info, I am still on mood stabilizers (depakote) and I take seroquel occasionally for sleep but I prefer not to due to how much it fucks with me.

is it normal for negative symptoms to be exacberated following a bad episode? or do symptoms just get worse over time? does anyone else no longer feel human, how are you coping with it?