u/yungleangirl

i’m 20 and i live with my parents who cover most of my expenses, including college tuition. i make about $1,500 a month most of the year when i’m part time and in school, but i’ll have about $3000-4000 saved up by the end of summer from working full time. i have 40k in a college account that i didn’t end up needing (parents paid out of pocket because i went to a state school) and i’m planning on using that as a head start for my retirement fund.

i want to move out because i’m ready for my own space. i feel like i’ve grown as much as i can living with my parents still. i’m aiming to move out by the end of the summer. does this make sense for me financially or should i continue to save and live at home?

edit: renting a room in a house w roommates in the area i’m looking at is about $700/mo.

my mother and i have an okay relationship, but over my whole life it’s been very very difficult. she’s extremely anxious and neurotic and was very hard on me growing up. i don’t remember much anymore, but making mistakes to this day causes her to yell at me and overreact even if i’m calm explaining the situation. this instantly triggers me and i completely lose my cool and start screaming at her. as a child, i remember her ignoring me during my meltdowns despite me begging her to respond to me. some of my bpd behavior like intense anxiety and explosive anger feel learned from her.

i suspect growing up in this household caused or at least contributed to my bpd, as i’m genetically predisposed (schizo-bipolar great aunt, lots of anxiety and substance abuse in my family as well). i feel like i can’t blame my mom because she didn’t abuse me, but she definitely caused me trauma. i do have a difficult relationship with my dad for some other reasons i have no interest in exploring at this time in my life, but still no explicit abuse from my parents. i honestly have no idea where my bpd came from, considering i was raised by two loving and married parents.

i want to go into advertising/marketing for cosmetics and fashion when i graduate and i’m getting a double major in fashion merchandising and journalism w a minor in marketing. am i going to struggle to find a job when i graduate? i feel like i should drop the journalism part of my double major and switch to comms, but i feel like it’ll benefit me in the long run. i’ve seen plenty of people get journalism degrees and go into marketing positions, i just don’t want to completely waste my time in college to come out and struggle to find a career.

this might be just bc i’m going through zoloft withdrawals but tonight i’m sad be my partner is at a party and won’t be home in time to call me before i go to bed. i’m 90% of the time okay with this, but recently it’s been making me feel a little neglected. i have nights like this too, but they literally work tomorrow morning and are choosing to stay out late and get high at a party w their friends they see like every other day instead of making like a half hour to call me. we’re long distance so phone calls make up all of our communication when we can’t be together. we call every night and sleep on the phone so it’s a really dedicated party of my evening that i plan for.

i know it sounds silly and irrational, and i’m not at all asking them to come home for me. it just messes me up pretty bad when this part of my routine is skipped because it makes me feel unloved. am i being controlling or crazy? is it too much to ask for me to say i wish they’d make a little time in the evening for me if i feel like we haven’t had much time together lately?

hi everyone, i’ve been with my partner for a little over a year now. in the last 8 months as i’ve become comfortable with them and they’ve become my favorite person, i’ve started to raise my voice and have angry outbursts towards them. these are 90% of the time unrelated to their actions and triggered by me feeling uncertain about something which is my main trigger. they’re often shocked because my reaction is so extreme or they start to cry. i feel so terrible i end up crying out of remorse and feel selfish for making it about me. i’m going back to therapy because of this. they’re the sweetest most supportive person in the world and i hate hurting them. i’m terrified of pushing them away. for anyone who’s experienced this, how can i minimize these meltdowns and be more rational in the moment? we’re long distance so i’ve advised them to be firm and tell me they don’t want to be yelled at and hang up if we’re on the phone which usually works.

i’ve been formally diagnosed with bpd since i was 15 (5 years ago) and i found this out on sunday through clinical notes on my doctor’s office app. my doctors never told me, even though id asked about it. they always told me to go through another doctor, etc. i was in dbt with the same therapist for 5 years and it never helped me because we were treating my MDD and panic disorder. i feel like that time in therapy was a waste. i also just feel lost and scared facing the reality of my situation.

i’m in a long term relationship with my partner who loves me through all my emotions and i’m scared if i don’t go back to therapy they’ll leave. looking back, all of our issues have been a result of my bpd and i feel so stupid for not realizing it. the main ones are that i have intense/obsessive retroactive jealousy towards their ex and i get very angry very easily and raise my voice at them. i get bitter and sarcastic when i’m upset with them or triggered by something i perceive as abandonment. if they don’t answer me right away in an argument or give me a multiple sentence response then i will accuse them of not communicating or being honest with me. it’s awful because i’m so self aware and i know i’m doing it, i just can’t control my impulses to express these irrational thoughts and emotions.

it’s so hard not to feel guilty about how i treat them sometimes and i feel like they deserve better than me. i’ve tried to break up with them once or twice because of this. it makes me feel selfish because i know id never be able to go through with it. i love them so much and i feel like i have to try and get better for both of us.

i stopped going to therapy very impulsively and i don’t know whether to see my old therapist or start seeing a new one. i have a really good foundation with my old therapist, but part of me wants to start over since she started seeing me when i was 15.

i guess i’m just looking on advice on how to proceed because i’m feeling pretty hopeless and afraid right now.

for context, i work at a very small business and the week she wants to go is christmas. it’s literally the busiest time of the year and they will not be able to cover me because we are a small team and all work the same shifts. i feel like i’m letting down my entire family making us reschedule it to the summer because my mom was insisting so hard we go for christmas. i feel like i’m in the wrong because i’m not trying hard enough to make it work and just getting anxious instead. i also don’t really understand why i have to work around everyone else’s schedule when they know my job (which i’m lucky to have) needs me.