u/zombieplantz

My mom has a job offer in another state and her start date is in a month and we need to sell the house asap.
Renovations needed that we cannot afford:
-a new hvac
-replace the kitchen’s vinyl flooring
-replace the pantry
-there is water damage to the porch and some warping, not sure if it needs replaced or simply painted. It’s a full ramp and deck around the front and side of the house
-small spot of broken tile on kitchen wall

It’s 3 bed 2 baths, 2000sqft, on 5 acres of forest with about 0.75 of an acre cleared, with a large chicken coop and shed. We live in Charles City, Virginia. The average estimate for its worth across realty sites is about 340k, ideally we want to sell for 300k and we currently owe I think 251k. Ive seen realtors fees cost about 6% of the sale so to break even I’m guessing we’d need to sell for minimum 270k. I’ve also seen people say to employ a realty lawyer and independently sell to save money. My mom can go 4 months without paying the mortgage before being forced into foreclosure. We’ve also considered deed in lieu of foreclosure, it just takes such a massive credit hit and her score is only 601. We’re also considering those “we buy homes for fast cash” people and we’ve been warned of scams but genuinely we just need out of the lease without debt, we don’t even NEED to profit. We can’t afford the mortgage or repairs after a detrimental job layoff and acquired medical bills. What do we do??

I (20f) LOVE my boyfriend (23m) so much. He’s an amazing person. He’s kind, generous, thoughtful, extremely loving, devoted, open minded, intelligent, adorable, handsome, everything.

We’ve only been together 8 months and I’ve known him for a year. He calls me his wife and soulmate and goes on and on about how perfect I am for him and how he wants a life together and how I make everything “sunshine and peaches” (his nickname for me is peaches) and it’s honestly overwhelming. I’ve told him that, I’ve said I need more time to be certain and he understands, he gives me so much grace. I’ve never had a serious relationship before him, I gave him my virginity. I had a horribly rough childhood with crappy parents who still have me in a clutch, and he’s been my respite and breath of fresh air. He’s so sweet to me. He takes care of me emotionally, financially, and physically. It feels amazing to be loved like this. I return the favors, I do my most and best to satisfy him and he’s very happy with me at any level. Our relationship is very wholesome. He also SEES me. He describes me perfectly, he truly sees my identity and my core. No one ever has. It’s amazing, it’s all I’ve wanted in a partner. It feels so skewed that his JUNK is a dealbreaker…

There are some areas in which we defer though, ones I consider crucial. He’s Christian and I’m Hindu, a bit of a wild combo. We can’t really connect spiritually and it bothers me because my spirituality is what’s saved me countless times. It’s my reason for living. A more mild difference is our creativity. I’m an artist and he’s not. I thrive when melding minds with other artists, it’s something I heavily crave in a life partner. The last difference is we don’t share a sense of humor. We make each other laugh and we can have a lot of fun but it’s never belly laughing witty jokes that leave you breathless, something I have with my friends regularly.

He says I’m the love of his life and he’d never be happy again if he lost me. He said before me he had no plans for a spouse after 2 previous messy relationships. It makes me feel responsible for making him happy. I don’t want him to be alone, it breaks my heart. He has so much love to give and he DESERVES to be someone’s EVERYTHING.

I’m just not sexually attracted. He’s handsome and adorable and comfy to snuggle up on. He’s so incredibly comforting physically. Except he’s never made me finish. I have to take care of it on my own time. The sex just doesn’t turn me on…the kissing is just loving to me and not hot. I keep justifying it as a side effect of depression or that I need a stronger bond etc. With women on the other hand, they take my breath away. I admire women so much, they’re beautiful and sensual and spiritually stimulating. I stare at them, I obsess over them, I favor them. I feel like I’ll always yearn to be with a woman. Last year I professed my undying love for my best friend. Long story short it was very messy and she cheated on her boyfriend with me but ended up choosing him. It broke me. When I think of her I still get sharp pains sometimes. She was gorgeous heavenly otherworldly to me. I would have done ANYTHING for her. I gave her everything I had to give. I didn’t feel that when I fell for my bf. My heart didn’t pound and I don’t get flustered by his body or his voice and I don’t melt in his presence.

I can’t explain it. I can’t force it. I WANT to choose him. I WANT HIM. It’s awful. I feel like an awful person. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. He’s my best friend. How would I even go about it? Should I wait until I’m absolutely sure? Except that means leading him on if I end up leaving him. I’m sick to my stomach. I love him. I just don’t know if the love is enough.

EDIT:
For those mistaken, I did not sleep with my best friend. I would NEVER sleep with someone in a relationship. I confessed as an explanation for needing space to work through my emotions so we could continue our friendship, respectful to her relationship. She then claimed to reciprocate and made promises to leave him, but after a few weeks she never did. She was the type to “platonically” make out with her friends and we exchanged nudes and she got extra touchy when drinking. I sent her boyfriend a message saying “You should ask ___ what she’s not telling you.” And that was that. If she did that once she’ll do it again. They’re still together. I was naive to think our “love” was exceptional and transcendent and her boyfriend was tragic collateral damage. When after all she told me I was pretty much the filler for the holes in THEIR relationship. I’m glad it didn’t work out. It took me a long time to get over it because of how it happened.
Also I met my bf a few months AFTER we had cut contact. We then started dating a few months after meeting, I usually don’t move so fast but our families were close and we really connected conceptually. I was entirely unaware of my sexuality beforehand. I have never had a healthy relationship. I had a childhood sweetheart who was a boy so I thought I was simply bisexual. Most relationships I had imploded before I could imagine a future.

I have 7 cats (a lot, I know) and 4 we’ve had for 5 years, 2 we’ve had for 3 years, and the last we’ve had for 10 months. The first 4 are all 5 and the other 3 are all ~2. One of the 2 year olds, Kombucha, is all of a sudden bullying one of the 5 year olds, Olive. They’ve all gotten along famously until about 2 months ago. Kombucha will single out Olive and puff up and everything when Olive is very submissive and actually even grooms Kombucha. No one other than Olive has been caught in the act spraying which clearly is from stress.

There are no signs of health issues such as a UTI. We’re still taking Olive to the vet but it’s just so odd that Kombucha is the only aggressive one and it’s only towards Olive. Kombucha was actually renowned as the super sweet loving kitty as she was the first to accept and play with Batman (the one who arrived 10 months ago.) Another thing to add is Batman was a stray cat when we took him in so he wasn’t entirely litter trained and had a marking phase but that ended. We’ve tried pheromone diffusers, they’re fed well and consistently, there are 6 giant litter boxes that are kept clean, and there are multiple water fountains around the house. They all went to the vet last year and were all healthy.

I don’t know what to do. Any advice? Any similar experiences? Im very concerned. I’m considering moving in with my bf and splitting the cats, specifically Olive and Kombucha, so it’s less crowded. We are also currently building a catio.

Another note is we have 2 small dogs but they are unproblematic and isolated to half the house so the cats have their own space.