u/zyzarBozy

Dm me

Ok so as a kid I remember I was in Turkey and I bought some bracelet with blue eye, its the most popular symbol, obviously comercialised because of capitalism etc.

At that time I didnt know or belived it had anything to do with sacral, but for some reason I deceived myself into thinking that I saw something in that bracelets eye

At that time I knew it was BS but I still belived in it. I HAD no clue that this symbol actually means something in turkey.

I told my childhood best friend about it. She took it seriously anr on every friday hang out we were summoning spirits, no internet no nothing just intuition and frequent work and convos with spirits

I forgot about it but just now I remember

So... I actually made an appointment to a psychiatrist long time ago and Im waiting... but right now in a koment I feel like Ive woken up.

With sudden clarity

I got myself into occultism to give myself hope for better tommorow. I made a ritual and I lived all hopefull but right now the sudden clarity hit me

IM fucking delusional and its ALL i ln hopes of getting better in life

How BAD can it be. IM ONLY 18.

Edit: I mean that I was literally moving like a psycho bro. Like crazy. How can a person be so lonely to end up so destroyed

Hii I'm writing this to possibly ask you all If you have had similiar experiences with manifesting spirits.

Today I randomly thought about doing a manifestation, Ive never done it before.

At first I was really sceptic, like absolutely sceptic.

But when I started introducing myself my incense burned in 10 minutes...

The problem is...

I tried burning the same incense before. I could never burn it to the end because it was only 1/4 burned after 30 mins. AND suffocated me with smell and smoke.

And now the WHOLE STICK BURNED IN 10 MINUTES?

Without even much smoke...

I think its a huge sign... How about your experience with manifesting spirits and gods?

I suspect I had been cursed by somebody, for years I've been feeling like Im in invisible cage. Hpw do I uncurse myself?

This is not going to be a serious big vent, just a small complaint.

I'm asexual, but very romantic. I'm a YEARNER

One time I was yearning in front of my friend, I was overdramatic Ik but basically I was laying on the floor and complaining to my friend "I want him so bad, why can't I be with him". I was complaining about a celebrity back then😭😭 I know its embarassing.... But still

While I was in the middle of my yearning and then my friend started beating me up and saying something like "youre such a pervert, stop being so horny" etc. etc.

Obviously it was a joke and all but it seriously shocked me and hurt my feelings at the same time.

Like... It just somehow hurts when people assume I'm "horny" while I'm clearly romantic..?

Also I remember when I was around 13 and I didn't know I was asexual. I've gottenna crush on a random boy. He knew I was staring and just yelled "I know you want to fuck me" I was like.. What??????? I wasn't even aware at that age that people would want to fuck. I was like, why would I fuck you? Geniunely

Everytime it happens its just shocking.

I feel shock and I do NOT know why. But its a hard feeling. It feels very sad and overwhelming.

Also being an asexual romantic yearner is another problem but its for another topic lmao

I understand it at some point but.... Asexuality makes us inherently different, when it comes to mindset way of thinking everything. We do not just lack libido bro....

I'm tired of heterenormativity being pushed onto people, especially that lots of people confuse asexuality with their lack of desire and they THINK!! They "were" asexual because this and that blah blah blah

Its like not ending spiral of sex being pushed everywhere, every media every song every tv show every movie. It's like when you're adult its hard to find someone you can be with, because sex is the centre of the world for allosexuals, like they have nothing more in their heads.

Nobody will seltle down for celibacy and thats okay.

BUT I'm so TIREEEEED of hearing "you can't be sure", lad. It's exactly the same like telling lesbian she can't be sure. It's like telling a gay person, that everyone is a little gay so theyre not gay because there doesn't exist anything like that.

It's like were that one outsider group where people do not belive we're real, and they cannot connect with us because our world doesn't revolve around SEX and CRACKING and FUCKING and allat "oh god I love having dick in my ass and its the most important part of my life" THIS IS HOW SOME OF THEM SOUND TO ME!!!! I DO NOT WANT ANY DICKS IN MY ASS AND I DO NOT WANT ANY FOLK TO BE PUSHING THIS CONCEPT ONTO ME.

They think because they were confused, then I must be confused too. They do not understand sexuality even a bit. They cannot imagine reality out of sex and heteronormitivy. Tiring.

Im not sure if they exist, thats why I ask for three just in case. Some of them has to exist. 1. Spell for someone to give me a chance (NOT a love spell, I do not want any love spells) 2. Spell for gaining friends 3. Spell to be pretty

So I had motorola... I cannot stand motorola. I had two, they start bugging quickly. I used to have a "realme 7 pro", cool phone sometimes but terrible camera quality. I travel rarely, but I noticed that every of the phone I had, had laggy camera and lagged a lot overall. It completely ruined my trips.

Lately I've been to Opera with my friend and when she turned on her camera and showed me the pics and the color edition after... I was speechless. I thought it was an iphone. I asked her what phone she had.

It turns out it was actually an OLD very old Samsung s20. I wanted to buy this, but apparantly it's so old that it doesn't have any updates no more.

So I just wanna purchase a samsung that would be similiar but a little newer, to avoid future problems. I used to have lots of phones and when they stop updating they're really troubling. I want a phone that could be free from that problem do at least 2-3 years.

I'm looking for a samsung that will have a smooth pretty good quality camera like hers. Although I'm asking y'all because I've been dissapointed multiple times while looking on my own.

All the phones I had I searched by prioritizing good camera quality. All these phones promised a good quality at first but when they came, it was bugging after just a weekend and durning the night or in an enviroment where I wanted to zoom, it was always like a microwave. All of these phones I had were fraud, but they were also cheap. So I'm willing to pay a little more

I pay in ZL. To put it in comparison, samsung s20 is 1k in my country, iPhone 17s is 5-6k in my country, and the best most expensive samsungs are around 8k, and the motorolas I had were 1200zl usually.

These numbers might seem big , but in comparison to dollars, it is REALLY really cheap.

So now I'm looking for something inbetween 1500zl and 2500zl... Maybe even 3k if the phone is really going to be solid and working for years.

3000 zl in American value USD is like 826, in euro its like 706-708, but I can't tell If the numbers are actually accurate for how expensive are certain phones in US, and that's why I put the most popular models in comparison earlier.

1k zl is 275$ , 235€ (this is my bare minimum price)

8k zl is 2188$, 1885€ (and this is the price of the best phones on market)

3k zł 826USD, 706EURO (my limit)

I was also considering SAMSUNG A57 or s20+ but I'm scared because they're cheap and I do not trust cheap phones no more, they always dissapointed me

Disclaimer : I do NOT want any motorolas nor huaweis😭

When I was younger, I used to be a kid who looked at other people’s souls while interacting with them. I was nonconformistic, didn’t fit beauty standards at all — short colorful hair, oversized worn-out clothes, “emo.” I had the soul of an outgoing, happy child.

I quickly realized one thing: people LOVED my personality. They appreciated my company and what I brought with it, but as soon as school ended, I was NOT important. Everyone loved my personality but stayed distant. Nobody CARES to put effort into the friendship, because there was no friendship. I could be loved and excluded at the same time.

The only thing I dreamed of before entering high school was to finally be part of society, have fun, and have friends. But you're not seen when you're ugly. People really forgot to include me despite “loving me.”

I noticed a horrendous difference after I started looking just a little more equal to others. All I wanted was to blend in and be seen as part of society. Before, I felt treated like a “dog.” Everybody loves dogs, but a dog is just a toy — there for you when you get home, but forgotten once you leave the house.

I thought I was just unfortunate, so I went to camps to meet people. It got even worse. People physically didn’t see me. I was wiped out of their eyesight. Even when I made them laugh, even when I did something funny, I wasn’t acknowledged. I kept getting pushed toward other outcasts I completely did not fit with. I was cheerful, and they were depressed, shy, anxious — people I couldn’t connect with.

I went through the same destiny everywhere: pushed aside to people I did not fit in with because I looked a certain way. I felt inferior, humiliated, rejected, alienated — especially after showing difficult emotions like anger or frustration.

And belive me, this is like 10% of what I went through. Just belive me that my looks became a crucial part of my life.

Now I look different. I blend in more. But I cannot free myself from judging people harshly, hating everyone around me, and seeing humans as unworthy. I can’t stop chasing one goal: to fit in. I constantly think about how I can finally become gorgeous and free myself from lookism.

But growing up made me realize something darker. I lost respect for people’s opinions. I look at people and feel like I see their souls — and most souls feel empty to me. I despise it.

And now I’ve become what I always perceived as shallow. I judge people automatically. I laugh at ugly people in my mind. I cannot stop. Despite hating the system, I became THE SYSTEM — just a harsher version of it.

I know why. I was shown how much you can get dehumanized and lose in life because you “look” a certain way. I know I’m trying to heal my wounds and gain control. I’m paradoxically trying to liberate myself from the system by contributing to it.

But the compulsion feels like a survival instinct. Logic doesn’t help anymore. I can’t escape it.

My mind is a cruel place, but not in a way in which the thoughts are have arent mine. Theyre really mine. I have so much disgust and disrespect for people around me. I stop myself from being cruel, but belive me, that in my mind there is no place for positive feelings. I do not feel a singular positive feeling for another human being. Lately I even caught myself that I find another humans tears and hapiness disgusting, offpulling. Every human I meet at some point is offpulling and worthless in my eyes, not because I judge them conciously or make a choice to do so, but I just see them and I cannot FEEL that theyre worthy anything really. No person deserves anything in my mind. Nobody deserves pain but also I feel like a human creature is so shallow. Every need and every emotion another person has is such ridiculous, inferior and disgusting to me. I cannot even describe it.

I experienced such a horrible treatment in life, that I literally lost the soul I have. I became inhuman. I'm like a specie of a human being that evolved into a harshs shell. And why am I mentioning looks, because looks contributed to that a lot at the beggining. My suffering is not all looks, but lots of it begun at looks. I have much more many serious problems than looks, but looks were the first thing that cut my wings off.

And that shape another problem, not only I became evil cruel etc. but also everyday I'm chasing to be pretty, gorgeous. All I think about mostly is looks of other people and my looks. Its always in my head, just always. I miss the times when I would see a soul in another human being. All I see is faces of others and my own. All I chase is to look a certain way so I can heal my trauma by acknowledging, that I'm not threatened anymore. The thing is. I do not care anymore about fitting in because I literally lost the desire of being important. As I said people disgusting, I don't value their opinions and spending time around them feels exhausting. So why am I partially living in a world in which I chase to be accepted, If I Geniunely don't have the desire of being admired.

I really do not. I want to be invisible and live in peace. I want to be freed from my human form.

So why am I stuck at making everything about a human form, and why am I chasing a certain human form, If it leads me to a desire, that is not mine anymore? Im chasing it like I want to be included and admired. But in reality, even If I would be pretty enough to finally achieve my old dreams, and be admired - I would actually hate being admired and I would lock myself down in my own house. Because I hate humans I hate their company and I don't value them and I find their attention vain and annoying.

Why the hell am I so weird? Such a dualistic nature. Two of my desires are literally contradicting.

I cannot accept that the humane part of me is gone, and Im all cruel and dark now. I cannot accept that I'm not a kind soul I used to be once. There is no singular kind thing about me now, the old thing version of me is gone and I cannot accept that, nor understand myself anymore.