r/Afghan

I’ve heard many different things about Afghanistan from the media and online discussions, and honestly, I found myself wondering what is actually true.

Instead of only relying on what I see online, I decided to ask someone who actually lives there. I spoke with Shabir, a university student from Kabul, and asked him about everyday life, women’s situation, education, safety, and the economy.

I first asked him about women’s lives in Afghanistan.

He told me that women are facing serious difficulties, especially regarding education. He said many women are deprived of educational opportunities, restricted from certain public places, and banned from government positions, which makes financial independence very difficult.

When I asked what life is like for women who are still able to study or learn, he said that many stay at home but continue learning through books and online skills. He also mentioned that in some families, girls are married at a young age.

I also asked about things I had heard online, such as whether women have access to the internet and smartphones, and whether television is banned for women.

His answers were:

• Internet and smartphones: “Yes, 60%” (his personal estimate)
• Television being banned for women: “No, it’s not true.”

I also asked him about “Bacha Posh” (girls being raised as boys), because I had heard about this practice online. He said he had heard of it but had never personally seen it, and that he believed the claim was exaggerated or false in his experience.

When I asked about dangerous areas, he mentioned that some remote areas with security issues or mines are still dangerous, especially places like Nangarhar, Kunar, Nuristan, and parts of Helmand. He said the situation can differ from one area to another.

He also shared his own experience as a student in Kabul. He said finding work is difficult, the cost of living is high, and supporting yourself as a student can be exhausting.

I know one person’s experience cannot represent an entire country, especially one as diverse as Afghanistan. But I found it interesting to hear directly from someone who lives there.

I’m curious: for people who have studied Afghanistan or lived there, how accurate do you think international media coverage is compared to everyday reality?

(I’m sharing screenshots of our conversation below. I removed personal information for privacy.)

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I’m (M22) in Herat and will be leaving soon, what are some original stuff that I can buy from here as souvenirs and daily use before I leave? I’d like to own a nice shawl like a Pashmina or something but I guess they don’t sell those here

I am on a mission now to ask each country subreddit what people think about beans (my favorite meal), just to see how people like or dislike them all around the world out of curiosity (and boredom). Do you like beans, hate them, anything else, just share your thoughts 🫘

Afghans you are up first since I'm going on alphabetical order, Salaam!

I’m 19F and Pashtun/Afghan, and I’m curious to hear from people who have navigated relationships that are very different from what their family/culture traditionally expects.

For context, my family doesn’t necessarily expect me to have an arranged marriage. It’s more that, culturally, there is a strong preference for Afghan/Pashtun people to marry within their own culture, or at least within a similar cultural/ethnic background. There are obviously variations between families, but that’s the general expectation I’ve grown up around.

I’m also not Muslim anymore. I believe in God, but I’m not a practising Muslim and I don’t live my life according to Islamic rules. My parents don’t really know the full extent of that, so there are still conversations where my mum will call me and remind me to pray, remember God, etc. I usually just say “yeah, yeah” because I don’t want to create unnecessary conflict. I know she says it because she loves me and genuinely wants the best for me.
The thing is, I’m currently getting to know someone who is Nigerian and Black.

We’re not even officially together yet. We’re taking things slowly and I’m very conscious that I’m only 19 and that nobody can predict the future. I’m not saying he’s definitely going to be my husband. But we have a very fulfilling connection and, if things continued to develop over the years, I could potentially see myself marrying him and having a family with him.
And THAT is where I think things could become complicated.

It wouldn’t just be that I’m marrying someone my parents didn’t choose. He would be completely outside the cultural expectations they’ve grown up with. He’s Black, Nigerian, from a completely different cultural background, and neither of us are practising Muslims.
If, hypothetically, seven years from now we were genuinely ready to get engaged and married, I know that would probably come as a huge surprise to my parents.
I don’t want to lie about how we met or pretend our relationship happened in a way that fits cultural expectations just to keep everyone happy. I also don’t want to spend my life hiding my relationship from my family.
At the same time, I genuinely love my parents and would want them involved in my life and, ideally, involved in my wedding and future family. I don’t want to intentionally hurt them or make them feel like I’ve rejected them or my culture.

But I also don’t want cultural expectations to ultimately determine who I marry.
I’ve grown up seeing relationships and marriage from a very particular perspective, and I’ve realised that I want something different for myself. If I marry someone, I want it to be because we genuinely love each other, respect each other and consciously choose each other — not simply because we come from compatible backgrounds.
I’m also not saying I would suddenly reject my culture. I still value parts of my Afghan/Pashtun background and I’m sure there are things I would want to pass on to my future children. I just don’t think culture should determine who I’m allowed to love.

My mother-in-law says we shouldn’t name our child Dario because in Dari/Hazaragi, dar/dār can mean “gallows” and she associates it with hanging herself. She says this makes Dario an inappropriate name.
I’ve asked several other Hazaras from Afghanistan about it, and they didn’t make that association at all — they immediately thought of Dariush, which is a normal Persian name.

I understand that dār can mean “gallows,” but I’m trying to figure out whether Dario itself actually sounds strange, negative, or inappropriate to Hazaras/Dari speakers, or whether this is simply my mother-in-law’s personal association.

For people who speak Dari or Hazaragi: What would you genuinely think/associate with the name Dario if you heard it?

As a Pakistani man, Please brothers and sisters just know that the current government of Pakistan is pure corruption and i will never agree with their system. Not the country and people (even though there are a decent amount of brainwashed people in Pakistan who im against aswell). I will never forgive the government and the justice system for their injustice and injustice against our neighbouring countries aswell as the injustice against the best leader our country has ever had Imran Khan. Also what is happening in your country is so bad and honestly war is the worse thing to happen in this world just don't let it DIVIDE us muslims from uniting because that is what the shaytaan wants and this is all the works of the shaytaan within the government system and outside of the system to try and control us and divide the ummah.

Ya Allah guide the Ummah of Muhammad ﷺ and unite us together to defeat any form of evil/injustice/division and may we all live in peace as one ummah (ameen)

🇦🇫⚔️🇵🇰

Im considering visiting Afghanistan later this year and would appreciate hearing from people who have travelled there recently as well as locals. I haven’t booked anything yet but I’ve been speaking with an Afghan guide who has been very helpful. If I go it would be for roughly a week with a guide, private car and driver. I’d enter and leave overland via Uzbekistan and visit some of the main historical and scenic areas. I understand Afghanistan is a very different place to travel and I want to make sure I’m respectful of local culture customs and rules while I’m there. For anyone who has visited recently what was your experience like? How did you find travelling with a local guide, the road journeys, permits and checkpoints? Is there anything you wish you knew before going? I’m also heavily tattooed and have some tattoos that are difficult to completely cover. My guide has said this shouldn’t be a problem and I’d obviously dress conservatively and respectfully while travelling. I have visited countries in the Middle East before so am aware of views on tattooed but I’d be interested to hear from anyone with visible tattoos who has visited recently, or from locals about how they’re generally viewed on foreign visitors. Also interested in any general advice on clothing, photography, interacting with people and being respectful while visiting. I’m still researching and deciding whether the trip is right for me, so recent experiences would be really helpful.
Thank you !

According to the Wikipedia page for the list of asian countries by average wage, Afghanistan has a net average monthly salary of 205 USD, compared to 169 USD in Tajikistan, and 157 USD in Pakistan.

However this does not make any sense, as both Pakistan and Tajikistan are more developed in terms of HDI and GDP per capita. Plus many Afghans move to Tajikistan and Pakistan, rather than the other way around.

Does anyone here know roughly what is the average salary in Afghanistan?

Thanks.

There is a long history of refugees coming to the U.S in large numbers like those from Eastern and Southern Europe in early 20th century to those from Vietnam, Cambodia, Somalia, Sudan, Bosnia, Albania and parts of Latin America but relative to those refugee population, the Afghan refugee is relatively smaller compared to those refugee populations. I live in a state that has a very open policy in refugee resettlement and has a lot of programs for refugees but most of those programs tend to be for those coming mainly from Latin America, Central and East Africa.

Not many Afghans coming here relative to them and given how long the war in Afghanistan has been going on and the U.S withdrawal a few years back. Meanwhile, there was a massive wave of Vietnamese refugees and now they are three to four generations in now and have assimilated and intermarried into the greater society.

So that leaves me wondering, why has there not been a massive wave of Afghan refugees like there has been for other refugees groups in the past?

Relative to other refugee populations at least here in the U.S, the Afghan diaspora community is relatively small compared to the Vietnamese, Cuban, Somali and other refugee populations. Genuinely wondering how does somebody who is an Afghan American find a Spouse? Compared to other Muslim groups, there are fewer Afghans to choose from so do Afghan Americans stick to marrying someone who is Afghan or do they intermarry with other Muslims or Non-Muslims?

I have come across a few Afghans who have intermarried with Non-Muslims because they could not find an Afghan women in the states. Genuinely wondering if this is the inevitable future of the Afghan diaspora in the U.S where they will eventually end up intermarrying with others instead of marrying strictly with Afghans given the smaller population.

I am surprised this community exists on Reddit tbh.. but let’s see how many of us are from London.

I am guessing not a lot.

I taught primarily Afghan (and Ukrainian) women and children English part time. This was arguably the most difficult job I’ve ever undertaken and it contributed a lot to my overall demoralisation and loss of hope for the country. Incidentally, I handed in my notice as it was having a huge impact on my mental health and I needed to focus on my full time job. I selected a few which have been anonymised, edited and rephrased to make them clearer to understand with a brief description of context.

A mother, Afghan- husband translated:

“She looks at the women here with jealousy. My wife never got to study, she is illiterate. These western women don’t appreciate what they have.”

A schoolboy, Afghan:

“Why does everyone in the west have depression? What can possibly make them sad?”

A young woman, Afghan:

“I used to be pious. Now I lost my religion.”

A schoolgirl, Afghan:

“I want to be a doctor because my sisters died from the well water in Nangarhar.”

A mother, Afghan:

“My child doesn’t need this help. I won’t be taking them to speech therapy, they don’t have […]. You westerners make up illnesses for everything. They’re perfectly fine.”

A schoolboy, Afghan:

“I came from a fucking village with no education, I can’t even read Pashto or Dari never mind English! I need more lessons if I want to be something!”

A mother, Afghan:

“I wanted to become a doctor. I even got a top result for the kankor and won a place at Herat University, but my parents didn’t let me go because it was too far away. I became very sad and upset so they married me off because they didn’t want to look after me.”

A young woman, Afghan:

“I threw five years of my life in pharmacy school at Kabul. Here in the UK, the GPhC doesn’t recognise my degree. It’s more worthless than toilet paper.”

A young man, Afghan:

“My case was accepted to come here because I worked with the Americans. My fiancé is still in Afghanistan. It’s been five years and her parents broke the engagement because I can’t bring her here. I loved her since I was a child. It was all for nothing.”

A male refugee, Afghan:

“Why does Allah hate me to make me born in that country?”

A little boy, Afghan:

“Everyone bullies me. I wish I wasn’t Afghan.”