I went to the sheriff to serve child support papers but they said they need 6 weeks ahead of time does anyone know a cheap service that can serve the papers other then a person I know I also tried a process server they wanted to charge so much
There are obviously parents who intentionally don't meet their responsibilities. But there are also parents who lose jobs, have hours reduced, experience illness or have another legitimate financial disruption.
By the time they're several payments behind, the problem can be much harder to solve.
What would an effective prevention system look like?
Emergency assistance? Employment resources? Financial planning? Earlier intervention? Something else?
Interested in perspectives from custodial parents, noncustodial parents and people who work in this space.
Long story short… my ex-wife keeps calling the police for disagreements on the parenting plan. The thing is, the parenting plan is put in place and enforced by a district court… as it is a civil matter, not criminal.
My ex-wife has figured out that if she calls the police, she doesn’t have to pay her civil attorney. So if I don’t pick up a phone call- boom, cops called. She called the police on me over 70 times in the last year and a half. I already have a no-contact order, but that doesn’t stop her from calling the police. The police say that you can’t tell someone not to call them. She’s also reported me to CPS 3 times- I was cleared in each investigation… wtf do I do?
Going through a divorce in NY with three kids and looking for insight from anyone who has dealt with something similar.
My ex makes about $182k and I make about $130k. Our current schedule is technically 4 overnights with her and 3 with me.
One important piece of context is that I never agreed to this 4/3 split as our permanent parenting arrangement. We were in mediation and I believed the actual long-term parenting schedule, along with the other divorce issues, would ultimately be worked out there. Mediation broke down before that happened, so the temporary arrangement basically remained in place.
The complication is that even on some of her weekdays, I’m still doing a lot of the actual parenting. I pick the kids up from school/camp, handle transportation and extracurriculars, feed them, and keep them until she gets home from work around 6:30. I’ve also been paying substantial expenses for the kids, particularly travel soccer/extracurriculars, and they are on my health insurance.
The judge actually acknowledged that I provide after-school care on my ex’s parenting days and that this saves us childcare costs. The court also found that my ex earns substantially more than I do.
Despite that, because the current overnight schedule is 4/3, I was ordered to pay $1,934.53/month in temporary child support.
What surprised me even more is that my ex requested $1,837.34/month, and the judge noted that the support worksheet her side submitted didn’t include the required FICA deductions. The court performed its own calculation and ultimately awarded more than she requested.
My attorney’s position is that the result was largely driven by the 4/3 overnight split. I already have the kids Tuesday after school, so Tuesday becoming an overnight would create either 4/3 in my direction or potentially a true 50/50 arrangement. We’re considering a four-way conference before making another application regarding the parenting schedule.
I’m not looking to avoid supporting my kids. I’ve already been spending a significant amount directly on them. I’m struggling with how the lower-earning parent, who is doing close to half the parenting and paying substantial direct expenses, ends up paying almost $2k/month to the higher-earning parent largely because of one overnight—especially when the 4/3 arrangement was never intended by me to be the permanent custody schedule.
Has anyone in NY gone through something similar where a temporary/informal parenting arrangement ended up driving a child-support decision before custody was actually finalized? Did moving from 4/3 to true 50/50 materially change support? And did the court meaningfully consider extracurricular expenses, health insurance, or actual parenting hours rather than simply the overnight count?
I’d especially appreciate experiences from NY family-law attorneys or parents who have actually litigated something similar.
Last year I was forcibly moved to a new location for my job which resulted in a 40% reduction in pay. I spent a year and 10k in lawyer fees to lower my support. I was paying 1070/m. It was going to go just below 700 but my ex and her lawyer discovered that our dear gov pritzker had signed into a law an increase for economic inflation. So my support went to 925/m. I was looking at my last paystub and comparing it to last year. Last year at this time I had earned 20k more than what I currently have. I did some rough calculations using the numbers submitted to the court and used the IL parent support calculator and the amount decreased significantly. When I asked my lawyer if I were able to file for another reduction at the end of the year once I get my w2, his response was that I need to fight for more parenting time to hit the 147 overnight mark. I told him that won’t happen because my ex will fight me tooth and nail for parenting time. She won’t let me have that much time. I get him every other weekend.
My questions is - why wouldn’t a 20k difference result in a support reduction. They had estimated my yearly earnings to be be 95k this year. My salary is 70k. I won’t be earning 95k ever again. My past three years employed I was earning close to 120k a year. I will never see that number ever again.
On this weeks episode of “baby mama owes back pay”:
My husband‘s DCS child support ENFORCEMENT officer just told him, she doesn’t want to create “bigger barriers” for the non custodial parent by enforcing any(fucking)thing apparently.
And that their “goal is not to make life harder for the NCP. It is to help them to a stable place so that they can continue to provide support on a continuous basis.”
**How exactly do they do that with a parent who is voluntarily,serially, unemployed?**
WA state. Sis is $9000 behind.
Hello! I am not a man. I am trying to help my fiance out. Here's the story.
He has a 13 year old daughter who lives with her mother. They were never married. They split about 7 years ago. He bought a house and paid it off. He moved out so that his daughter would have a safe place to live. He goes to see her every Sunday and Wednesday. They never went to court to get any child support ordered. They way they had it is that he pays everything. He pays the taxes on the land. He has an account for his daughter with a little over $15,000 in it for college or whatever she may need when she turns 18. $100 a week automatically goes into it when he gets paid. He also pays the light bill, water bill, wifi/internet and the trash EVERY MONTH. He has receipts for everything. He also pays his exes cell phone bill and car insurance every month and also her car registration every year, but he does not have receipts for that. Him and I live together and he pays the rent here and I pay the light bill and internet bill and we each pay our own car insurance. He has asked his ex to get a job and start taking care of the bills at her home because it is getting harder for him to fund two households. He is still willing to pay the taxes on the land/house so his daughter will have a place to live. She is on a war path and is threatening court and child support. He has every receipt for the bills, just not receipts for giving her money for her phone and the other things I mentioned above. I'm not saying anything bad about him, but he's one that does not like conflict and drama and is a very sweet person. Has anybody ever experienced this before? What would the judge say/do to him if she does bring him to court? He is terrified. All he did was ask her to get a job and take care of the bills. He pays all of these things and the house is in his name, but yet he does not even live there. In my opinion, she is expecting him to fund her lifestyle. He has never been in trouble with the law besides a traffic ticket well over 10 years ago and has never been to court. Please, if anybody has been through this or something similar, please give me advice. We can't really afford a lawyer right now, but if it came down to it, we would.
In Texas, if the custodial parent dies,does the non-custodial parent continue paying arrears?
I think child support calculations are unfair and should not be based off of gross income. I also believe the first order should be adjusted in the best interest of all children no matter how many different mothers they have. It is not fair the second set of children get less than the first set just because said order was placed first. I believe the children in the home of the NCP (example: children in a current marriage) that are not in the order should be considered when obligations are calculated. I believe there should be something similar to a food stamp card with approved items that child support should go onto so the CP cannot buy things like weed or drugs with the money. I think when obligations are put into place with it should be placed visitation obligations because I’ve witness some CPs actively keep said child from NCP. (Coming from a CP myself) I think child support laws should be updated. I believe if a man has 4 kids then his income should be calculated between the 4 children fairly despite the 4 children having different households. Do you know those apps where you can communicate with the other parents like a court app? I think something like that should document purchases on a card similar to food stamps to ensure each child is taken care of financially… what are your thoughts on this?
Found out I have $6k + in arrears from back due support. Long story short I sent money directly, she filed for support, they backdated and didn’t credit what I sent directly. I pay my current and a payment plan towards arrears, lately at work I’ve picked up extra hours, and now I can’t shake the feeling that any extra money that comes in is gonna get levied. Is this a real concern? Anyone had any experience in this? P.S. I love my kids, and I’m always happy and willing to do whatever is right, and whatever helps to support them, I’m currently trying to move closer and just scared that any money I try and put aside to do so, is going to get frozen/levied
I’m being told that I might not be able to travel not sure I owe child support almost 40k i know i I know that’s a lot but for owing that much even though I still currently have an active passport will I still be able to travel outside the country?
I was also told I will not be able to submit a new application bc it will be denied
Hello, I’m in Summit County OH and newly divorced in June ‘26. My ex was not present during our divorce trial and made it a guessing game the whole time.
My parents planned and booked a trip for my son and i to go on, during her visitation weekend. We confirmed with her before booking that my son will be able to come with us during her weekend (not in writing).
Currently, I am the sole parent and she has a visitation schedule of every other weekend. The short of the story is that she blocked me from communication after stating he can go, and only chooses to unblock me to send a reply that has nothing to do with the messages I’ve been sending to a blocked number.
Since then I’ve had to file a motion for her to be held in contempt of court for not following the requirements of our divorce decree within the 30 day period. So now she is telling my son that he can’t go on this trip because “of what papa did with the courts.”
Is there any way that my son’s wishes can outweigh his moms?
How does child support work? I have almost 50% custody of my child. I believe it comes out to like 47%. Why would I have to pay someone who has the child equal time as me? In Texas it's 20% of your income. I feel like I should only be paying for the time that she has my daughter more than I do which would be 3%. So if you divided 20% I'm paying into how many days 1 parent would get with 50/50 custody I feel i should only be paying for the 3% that the mother has our child more than I do. I've heard that the way court bases child support off of is who the breadwinner is. For instance if the mother made more money than me then I could be the one actually receiving the child support. That the court sees it that way because they're trying to have the child live financially the same as the other parent does. Is that true? The mother just got a job as a teacher which they get paid pretty handsomely these days, not to mention the mother lives with her family rent free, they pay for most her bills and her family is pretty wealthy. I have a lot more bills I have to pay including my own house not. They are definitely better off than I am and get our child a lot more than I could and yet I still am the one paying child support. Its pretty lopsided.
if i am in a situation where the mother hidden the fact that she gave birth to my daughter who is currently 2 now and only found out about her because she was taken by DSS and by the time i was involved they did not want to give me the option to take custody and decided to give back to her mother for majority of the time while only giving me weekends. The mother who still choose not to work to provide for my daughter decided to apply for assistance which then they forced me into child support where they made the calculation all on me and placed $0 on her portion of what she needs to provide which places me in a impossible amount to pay monthly and still maintain being able to pay my monthly bills and provide for my daughter when she is with me. i just started getting to bond with my daughter since spring this year and get weekends with her. The mom is fighting me on getting more physical custody of my daughter although she doesn’t provide anything for her and I’m providing health insurance and everything else for my daughter. Is there anything i can do make this fair? I do not want to lose my house and car due to the selfishness of the mother. Just to clarify i offered to take full custody of my daughter from the moment i got the dna test and found out she is my daughter while she was still in foster care . I never denied providing for her but the mom is a lazy yet she is being helped and I’m being destroyed by the child support amount they are forcing me to pay including me also having her some of the days and providing health insurance and everything else for her.
My ex-wife recently asked for a child support modification, but at the same time she doesn’t really follow the visitation schedule and is constantly verbally attacking and bashing me.
I’m honestly getting to the point where I feel like giving up. The constant conflict is exhausting, and I get bad anxiety just thinking about having to deal with the situation.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? Am I basically just paddling up the creek until my kids are grown, or is there actually something I can do to protect myself and make sure the visitation schedule is being followed?
TIA
I just received a notice from CS office in Texas saying they’ve sent an order to withhold earnings for child support, but my job already takes money out for child support. I don’t have any arrears, even stated in the document I owe $0. What are they trying to do?
I pay weekly per court order through income withholding. Mississippi created the order and sends my payments to Colorado to disburse. I have recently received two letters from Colorado stating that I am in arrears and they are going to take action. Mississippi says that I have not missed a payment, but that I appear to be in arrears because I pay weekly and the full amount sometimes has to catch up.
Do I have to look forward to Colorado always saying I am in arrears and can they take legal action even though I technically am paying on time? And can Colorado take action even though Mississippi is the state with jurisdiction?
I’m a U.S. Army soldier stationed in South Korea, approaching the end of my service, and I’m fighting an international custody battle over my 7-year-old son, my only child.
**My son is my world.** Everything I do is for him. For roughly the last two years, I have been heavily involved in his daily care: school, homework, appointments, meals, activities, transportation, bedtime routines, and everything else that comes with raising him. I have even missed military duties when necessary because taking care of my son came first.
Now I feel like I’m fighting the same system I spent years serving.
My wife has made multiple accusations involving my chain of command, military authorities, Family Advocacy, Korean authorities, and CID. I dispute serious parts of those allegations and have documentation that I believe tells a very different story.
From my perspective, when she makes accusations publicly or on social media, the Army seems more concerned with pacifying the situation and keeping things quiet than slowing down, looking at both sides, and asking what is actually in this child’s best interest.
She has now started a GoFundMe to finance her legal battle. Meanwhile, I have nearly depleted my savings and retirement funds paying attorneys and fighting simply to remain an active father to my only child.
My greatest fear is that if she succeeds in taking him to Germany, **I may effectively lose my son.** The international distance, different legal systems, and enormous cost of continuing litigation could make maintaining a meaningful father and son relationship extremely difficult.
I also have serious concerns about the environment she intends to take him into. Based on information available to me, members of the family environment she intends to rely upon have faced allegations or legal proceedings in Germany involving cocaine possession and distribution.
**I do not want my son growing up in an environment where illegal drug use, possession, or distribution may be present or normalized.** A 7-year-old deserves safety, structure, responsible adults, and stability.
That is exactly what I am trying to provide him.
I can provide my son with a stable home, consistent routines, education, activities, family support, and a father who has demonstrated that being present in his life is my priority. I believe I am the more fit and stable parent, and I’m prepared to prove that through evidence, not Facebook posts or accusations.
I’m not asking anyone to attack my son’s mother or take my word as absolute truth. **I’m asking for due process.** Hear both parents. Examine the evidence. Look at who has actually cared for this child, the environment each parent can provide, and then decide what is truly in his best interests.
**My son needs his father, and I need my son. I am his father, caregiver, and protector. Boys deserve meaningful relationships with their fathers.**
There is much more to this story, including international jurisdiction, military involvement, investigations, the accusations against me, and the evidence concerning who has actually been caring for our son.
If people are interested, I’ll answer questions and provide more context while protecting my son’s identity and anything that needs to remain private.
I don’t want to take my son’s mother away from him.
**I just refuse to quietly watch my son lose his father while I financially destroy myself trying to get someone to hear both sides and give my child the stable home he deserves.**