r/ChildSupport4Men

Bit of a messy situation, but keen to hear what people reckon.

I've got a young kid I've never met. The mum's had full care since birth. When she first fell pregnant, I was in another relationship and wanted nothing to do with it. I was worried about what it would mean for my life and finances. I said some things about not wanting my name on anything or being involved in child support, and even mentioned coming back for custody down the track if she pursued it.

Paternity was eventually confirmed and I've been paying child support since.

I work for myself, have a business and have a few years of tax returns I still haven't lodged. Child support's been worked out using provisional income, and now the mum's put in for a reassessment. She reckons I'm earning more than what's being assessed and wants them to look into my business finances, potentially going back a bit as well. Not sure what'll come of that or whether I'll end up with a tax bill once I get everything sorted. The application is so invasive asks to go through all my info and it honestly feels like harassment. She's also supplied stuff from social media to show my lifestyle i guess.

As for seeing the kid, I changed my mind about being involved and have been trying to organise something. I've done a parenting course, suggested dates, spoken to supervised contact services and offered to pay for the visits.

The mum's agreed to supervised contact, but wants it locked in for the same time every week. My work's all over the place and involves travel, so I've offered dates well in advance instead. She reckons that's not consistent enough for a young kid who's never met me.

She also wants the initial visits supervised, I can't bring anyone and she wont agree to unsupervised, and wants sole say over major decisions. I wasn't comfortable agreeing to all that, especially before I've even met the kid.

I've asked for some information about the kid and suggested mediation, but she thinks I'm putting too many conditions on things instead of just getting the visits started.

There's obviously not much trust there, and I get that a fair bit of that comes down to how I handled things originally.

We've had plenty of back and forth over email. I've accused her of making things difficult and threatened to take it to Family Court a few times. I even told her I was going ahead with an application, but haven't actually followed through with anything formal.

We eventually agreed on a supervised contact service and a set number of visits, but still couldn't sort out the weekly schedule and whether mediation needed to happen first.

She then sent me a pretty lengthy email going through the whole history, including what I said when she was pregnant, the child support stuff, the time I wasn't involved, the court threats and the fact I've still never met the kid. Basically told me I've spent more time arguing about my rights and blaming her than actually trying to build a relationship.

She's now said she's done going back and forth and that if I want to take things further, it needs to be through lawyers or court. I haven't replied since.

So I'm sitting here with a kid I've never met, a child support reassessment on the way, a few years of tax returns to sort out and no parenting arrangements in place.

I reckon I've made a genuine effort more recently, but I can see why she doesn't trust me. At the same time, I don't think I should have to agree to every long-term condition she wants just to start seeing my kid.

Just wondering how this would look if it ended up in court, whether I've made things worse with the emails, and how much trouble the child support and tax side could cause. Also wondering whether the child support stuff is harassment. She has said I'm controlling and emotionally abusive before so I guess if I applied for an IVo she will too.

I’m currently going through a child support case in Ohio and just been contacted by my lawyer that she’s going for the time since birth 12 years as of now for arrears. My lawyer said since I signed the birth certificate Ohio is a state where they can go that far back, but I found out in Florida where she’s been living for a couple years they only go back two years. How can I prove that in court? I’ve found a domestic violence against her in 2025 and she’s provided a W-2 from 2025 working in Florida all year. Florida should of picked this case up from the beginning but she lied on the application claiming to be a resident there less than six months

Is there anyone that's willing too file a lawsuit against Denver county child support for making people pay without due process? Or is there anyone currently in a lawsuit with child support because they keep closing my case and then re opening it saying I owe more I'm not understanding even though my daughter was emancipated at age 15 just inquiring?

Update: HR had provided the numbers

Plan Pricing
Your Cost (State Bi-Weekly)

Employee Only: $132.08
Employee and Spouse: $264.54
Employee and Children: $246.35
Family: $377.65

My ex is switching the kids to her new husband’s insurance. I know that his premiums are cheaper than hers and mine and I am ok with it. But she is telling me what the weekly price is and how she is calculating. She thinks that the family premium divided by 4(2 kids) is the cost of the premium. I’ve explained that is not the correct amount and that she needs to subtract the employee and spouse premium from the family premium and that is the cost for the kids. I will pay what I need to, but I’m not too fond of paying for her and her husband. Which math is correct?

Been divorced and pay CS for 10 years. In Indiana, CS stops when the child turns 18 or 19 if they go to college (and mine is).

Since my child turned 18 in June, they have not spent any overnights at their mothers. Effective middle August they began living in a college dorm. I pay for everything (tuition, dorms, food, clothes, car, etc.). CS is still going to the mom, my childr sees none of it). Can I file to stop it early (it will stop in June 2027 anyway)?

Helped a single dad who had been paying support for years on 4 kids who lived with him. He was surprised the Court granted his motion. The ex wife now owes him back child support. I know it’s a win but why does it feel wrong 😭😭😭

Hey y’all, I currently on child support through IWO. My company is going through an acquisition and the deal completes in November. We are entitled to 6months severance package. Since I am on CS, will they take 6 months worth of CS from this severance package? Has anyone been in this situation before and how did you or they go about it? Thanks

Hello I’m male(32)divorced .it was determined once the divorce was final that i would have a 50/50 split with my kids mother and still would have to pay child support.long story short I am behind in payments to the point my professional license are suspended,mi can admit that i am very prideful and don’t believe either parent should pay child support when it’s 50/50.btw my kids are well taken care of but i just feel like I shouldn’t be paying anything especially since I pay for everything including clothes,food ,trips,school activities,sports.does anyone have any experience or advice I can take to get the court to agree to no child support for either parent

I’m looking more for perspective from people who have been through something similar than legal advice. I’m already planning to speak with an attorney.
My son is a teenager and getting close to adulthood. His biological father has always known he is his father. For complicated reasons, another man was listed on my son’s birth certificate when he was born, and legal paternity was never corrected.
His biological father did financially contribute voluntarily when my son was younger, but several years ago that essentially stopped.
Over the years, there have been different explanations for why he wouldn’t contribute.
At one point, he told me he wasn’t going to financially contribute to a household where another man was living.
Later, he lost his job. At the time I was doing very well financially, so I told him not to worry about helping while he got himself back together. I could afford to take care of our son, and I genuinely wasn’t trying to make his situation harder.
My own circumstances eventually changed significantly. When I later asked him for help again, I was told he wasn’t giving me money unless his name was put on our son’s birth certificate.
Eventually I stopped asking and continued taking care of everything myself.
He has occasionally contributed small amounts indirectly through one of my family members, and I would absolutely disclose and give him credit for anything he actually provided. But there has not been consistent financial support for years.
I previously tried going through my state’s child-support agency, but nothing really moved forward. I recently went back and finally learned that the man currently listed on the birth certificate has to be legally removed first. Once that happens, biological paternity can be pursued through DNA testing and the courts.
That process is now something I can actually move forward with.
And suddenly I’m conflicted.
Part of me thinks: My son is almost grown. I’ve made it this far. Why open this whole can of worms now?
Another part of me thinks: Why exactly should making it this far by myself mean his father’s financial responsibility simply disappears?
I’m also trying to understand his thinking.
Maybe he genuinely believes that because another man was legally listed as the father, he wasn’t responsible. Maybe he believes that because he didn’t trust me with money, withholding financial support was reasonable. Maybe he believed that because I managed without him for years, I would simply continue doing so.
And maybe he genuinely believes I’ll never take legal action.
For years I think I viewed him as someone who was always several moves ahead of me. He’s very educated, intelligent and good at navigating systems, and when I was younger I often felt like he understood things I didn’t.
Now that I’m older, I’m questioning that dynamic.
Maybe there isn’t some complicated strategy I’m failing to understand. Maybe he simply made choices that worked because I kept figuring out how to take care of our son anyway.
I’m considering hiring my own family-law attorney rather than continuing through the state agency. I want to establish the correct legal paternity, understand whether any retroactive support is realistically available, and let an attorney tell me what the case is actually worth before I decide how far I want to take it.
For parents who have been in a similar situation:
Did you pursue paternity/child support when your child was already a teenager?
Did you regret doing it—or regret waiting?
How did the other parent react once they realized you were actually going through the legal process?
And if you were the parent who didn’t pay support for years, I’m genuinely interested in your perspective too. What did you believe would eventually happen?