r/IndianMuslimSocial

Did anyone heal from Existential crisis? Someone uk?

Long rant for the night-

Obstacles keep coming on my path.. I keep asking Allah for his help,but I can't see any change. I began my jee prep last yr during 12th, and couldn't succeed in it.. multiple reasons the- I feel my biggest problem was "Existential crisis right during January" I left books,schl everything. Mental health so worse that I was almost meeting w accidents,zoning out and wt not. I wasn't even bothered Abt my boards- thought I'll f@il them or score worse but it didn't rly matter to me back then. By the end of boards, I felt ki I'll study hard the next yr by taking a drop.

Guess wt? Almost similar things that happened last yr are happening now- earlier there was a wedding and uk joint family thing- so i couldn't study at start and ab? The family itself shifted here leaving me no room to study. I started going to hospitals back for treatments like last yr again. I got fever during August last yr asw and it went on for weeks,ab bhi fever waise hi hai. Family issues back then and even now. I initially thought to go to library and somehow I'll find motivation to study... But my sis told me it's hard for her to manage her baby.. coming from kinda broken family, we barely have someone to rely on. Sab apne ghar me to hai,lekin apne nhi hai. She's dramatic and toxic asw which ruins my mh, but still it's probably due to her past trauma. I went to other place and when I returned back my sis was telling me how hard it was for her to manage... Mind that she was fighting with me saying mai kuch nhi karta the other day. Yehi sab chalta hai. I can't hate her neither can I love her. She helps in few things and i do too. Current situation is so worse that I can't even go out. I go evening times for a ride but I'll be forced to come back soon.

I talked to a psychiatrist regarding this and he was stuck for like 2 min ig coz it's complex.. the family dynamics,my current situation and all the things I had faced in my life all these years.. he said "ye to Boht complex hai beta.. I can't even say something." Later he suggested meds but i didn't buy them coz meds never worked for me. They just make me drowsy.

I made istekhara on my drop decision... Coz I was confused if i should go for drop or go to the uni im getting. Kept doing istekhara, and somehow when I opened the portal of the uni, i felt unrest... Maine chod diya. I thought let's move with drop then- guess wt? Issues keep coming. I lost the interest in studies... i can't show my face either,coz i failed terribly.. from being an achiever to hating studying? But at times I feel like who gaf Abt that. Coz they h@ted me when I achieved and now they do the same.I can't find time or place for myself. I find like 2-3 hrs which i try to heal myself and try to chill out.

At times I feel like shayad i should have enrolled in the uni, coz atp of my life... I don't think I can do something. I'm not ready for the day of judgement but neither am I ready to live further. Things are worse when u have no urge to live or find interest in things. All my prayers feel like they went in vain... Idk but agar mere muqaddar me nhi tha, to drop ka decision hi kyu aaya dimaag me? Aur why did istekhara work that way then?

To bring back my interest, i thought I'll start doing things i liked earlier but alas i couldn't do that. I thought I'll write a whole poem on my situation but I can't pull myself to do it. Yet, randomly I got 2 lines in my head and then It took me over 3-4 days to complete it. Back then i would complete poetry within some time... Anyways here it is-

نہ کسی چیز کی حسرت ہے

نہ کسی سے نفرت

نظر انداز کرتے ہیں حقیقت

یہی تو ہے سب کی فطرت

Today, we honor the freedom we enjoy and remember the immense courage and sacrifice of our martyred ancestors who fought to give us a free nation. Their legacy is the very foundation we stand on today.

Freedom isn't just a gift from the past, it’s a responsibility for the future

Their legacy reminds us that true independence means standing firm against tyranny in all its forms. Let’s honor their memory by protecting our values and working together to build a stronger, fairer and better India for everyone 🫡 🇮🇳

Today, someone posted that his frnd decided to end talks with him stating her reasons. She gave detailed explanation as well. She said it felt wrong to her yet she continued but later when she dug in deeper,she finally realised it's better to end it. And she did so. Even if we leave everything- it was her choice,be it wtever excuse she used. Instead of just letting it go, the guy took the ss of the chats and shared it out on the web. Most probably without her consent Obv.

I stumbled on another post, where ppl weren't letting mslims rent their homes. When I checked comments- there was barely any comment rather everyone stated "his choice". But wt Abt "her choice" that ppl criticised today on the sub?