I picked up pottery as a hobby two years ago. I’m completely obsessed. Had this birdbath come out of the kiln this weekend and I’m thrilled with how it turned out!
Share your recent work and let’s see what all the ladies are making!
I am aspirationally handy. This means I have a lot of tools and ideas but my follow through and skills are subpar.
The project: I would like to build a bench/banquette for the awkward bay window in my kitchen. I do not have the skill set to manage this project on my own.
In an ideal world, a fellow queer person nearby (nova) who is good at this stuff would be interested in helping me figure it out! Through this project we could even cultivate a friendship. If a friendship isn’t interesting to you, I am more than happy to just pay for services rendered in cold hard cash (plus snacks).
Short backstory: I spent a lot of time at my grandparent’s house growing up and they had the tiniest kitchen in town. Half of the kitchen was a restaurant-style booth where some of my favorite childhood memories were made. My wife is currently pregnant with our first and it would bring me an immense amount of joy if I could recreate that booth experience for my future kid.
If this sounds interesting to you or you have any recommendations, send me a dm and let’s chat! Thanks!
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/TeacherWifeBlues
My wife (29f) says she gets to make 100% of the educational decisions for our child. I (28f) can't change her mind.
TRIGGER WARNING: >!Controlling behavior!<
Original Post May 17, 2016
My wife and I have been together for seven years. We're expecting our first child in June. It's a girl and were both extremely excited.
Background:
I grew up in a family that valued education above all else. My parents both supplemented my education at home and my mother did a ton of research and footwork to find the right educational environment for me. I ended up at an alternative private school that my parents could barely afford but it was a place that I thrived in.
My wife grew up in a very poor family who put no emphasis on education whatsoever. She worked extremely hard to educate herself and ended up majoring in education in college. However, she is not certified and does not teach.
Problem:
The other day I mentioned wanting to start researching schools in our area. I said something along the lines of "of course we won't know which school is right for her until she's actually here." But my wife said that she would handle it. All of it.
She said that because she majored in education she should get 100% control of our daughter's education. I told her that was ridiculous. Just because I didn't major in education doesn't mean I don't care and it doesn't mean I don't know enough about it to get a vote. She disagreed and told me I could have full control of "what she wears and who her friends are."
I was floored. I tried to argue but I couldn't even think straight. I went back to her about it a couple days later and asked if I was a doctor could I make 100% of the medical decisions and she said yes, absolutely. I'm pretty sure she only said that because I'm not a doctor. I was trying to poke holes in her logic but it didn't work.
Since then she won't even discuss it. I told her I wanted to tour preschools and daycare centers this weekend and she said that she already took care of it and won't even tell me what that means.
I'm not going to give in. I get a vote. But I can't make her listen to me. What the hell do I do?
TL;DR- my wife says she gets to make all the decisions regarding our daughter's education because she majored in education in college. I think I should get a vote too.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
[deleted]
> So at what point do your child's wishes enter into the equation? Because I'm pretty sure she'll have her own thoughts on friends and clothing and even what kind of learning environment she finds most stimulating, and if she's anything like her moms, she probably won't be shy about expressing them. > > I don't know how you two got this far into the babymaking process without this "all or nothing" attitude cropping up, but your wife needs to get it through her head it doesn't work like that. You two are a team. Either you figure out how to be a team together, you do it in counseling, or you hash it out in a custody agreement, but unilaterally shutting one parent out of the discussion is not going to fly.
OOP
>>Believe me, the all or nothing attitude is completely her. I have no desire to control my daughter's wardrobe or social life. I just want a say in where and how she's educated while she's young.
Illinoiscentralst
>How has this not caused issues until now? This attitude of hers makes any partnership with her absolutely untenable. Not to mention she thinks it's some kind of an "award" that she allows you to control your kid's friends and wardrobe???
OOP
>> It's come up before. The biggest problem (other than this one) is that she thinks I should wait on her hand and foot (literally...I do the cleaning, the cooking, pay the bills, grocery shop, do the laundry, and any time she's sitting down and can't reach something she needs I have to get it for her...even if I'm sitting down too). She says she pays me back for all of this with emotional support and that it balances out. I don't feel like it does, though. >> >> I try to draw lines and say things like I'll cook dinner but I won't pack your lunches for work. She just tells me my lines are arbitrary and make no sense. Then she refuses to do things with me until I comply and give her what she wants.
~
FailosoRaptor
> She is being completely stupid. > > 1) Telling your SO you will have no say in one of the most significant parts of your child's life is incredibly stupid, selfish, and unrealistic. Its so incredibly disrespectful as well. No words > > 2) Just because she majored in teaching doesn't make her the ultimate authority. Did she write a PhD dissertation at Harvard about various educational institutions and their effects on females? Does she have an MD/PhD? Like what is there to brag about doing a common thing and finishing a masters program. Amazing you we're able to do what most of the population can do. > > I can't even describe how much I rolled my eyes when I read this.
OOP
>>She doesn't even have a masters, she just has a B.A.
infiniteme
>>>Oh wow! I'm a psychologist and run into people with psychology BAs all the time that proclaim some deep authority. I don't even think of myself that way and I'm a PhD. Check out the Dunning–Kruger effect. Basically a little knowledge in an area can make you foolishly overconfident. On top of the personality you have described here for your wife... Bad combination
OOP Adds more on her wife
> My wife is very....hard to argue with. Once she gets something in her head your cannot convince her otherwise. Like one time we got into a fight about whether or not women pee out their vaginas. I told her that we have a separate hole for pee and offered to look up a diagram for her to see for herself and she refused. She said that she didn't want me to be embarrassed when I found out I was wrong. > > She also doesn't care about other people's boundaries. She just barrels right through them. It doesn't usually bother me because I'm pretty laid back but I've never been a mother before and it turns out I'm not willing to take a laid back approach to parenting my child.
Update - rareddit May 20, 2016 (3 Days Later)
I figured I'd give an update since a lot has happened. Or maybe it just feels like a lot.
A lot of the comments on the original post suggested my wife and I go to therapy to discuss our issues. So I approached her one evening (after I made her coffee so theoretically she should have been in a good mood) and told her that we are partners and that means we make decisions together...all the decisions. I told her I wasn't willing to be a bystander when it comes to something as important as our daughter's education. I told her that I will be involved and that's that. She just scoffed at me and said, "you are in no way qualified to make those kinds of decisions." It occurred to me to ask her what she thinks happens when neither parent studied education but I figured there was no point. So that's when I brought up therapy. I said if she couldn't treat me like an equal, like a partner, and with respect then we had some serious problems. She said that I was the only one who needed therapy and she refused to go. I told her it was therapy or divorce and I'd give her 24 hours to think it over. She laughed and said "you won't leave me. You need me."
The next day when she came home from work she greeted me by saying "my co-workers all think you're crazy." I asked what she meant and she told me that she'd told her co-workers about my "behavior" and they told her I was crazy. I asked if her she reconsidered her stance on therapy and she just laughed at me.
So the next day I left her. I called in sick to work, packed up as much stuff as I could, and I've been staying in a hotel. She's been blowing up my phone but I haven't answered. I saw a lawyer yesterday and will be filing for divorce. Eventually I'll be relocating (my boss agreed to transfer me closer to my family since I'll be a single parent) but for now I'm staying put because if I have to fight for custody I'd rather do it here since it's a very conservative area and the facts that I'm the biological parent and she smokes weed every single day will both work in my favor.
I'm pretty emotional but I'm also curtain that I did the right thing. Thanks for help, Reddit.
TL;DR- The warm, funny woman I married has disappeared and was replaced by someone cold and cruel. I've left her and will be filling for divorce.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
puffin
> "I asked what she meant and she told me that she'd told her co-workers about my "behavior" and they told her I was crazy." > > I wonder what sort of messed up version of the truth she told them!
OOP
>>Me too. To tell the truth, I was extremely hurt by that. I had an issue with our relationship and I brought it to an anonymous forum where I tried to present a balanced view of the issues. She turned to people we both know in real life and painted a picture of me that was clearly distorted. I don't know why it's come to that but it really hurt my heart.
~
[deleted]
>What kind of legal claim does she have on your baby if you divorce before your child is born? I am actually not familiar with what the law would do in your circumstances. I would have assumed that she would have no claim if you divorced and did not put her on the birth certificate.
OOP
>> The plan was for her to legally adopt the baby after she's born but my lawyer told me she can still fight for custody if she wants to because we planned the baby together. But he also said her chances of getting shared custody are small and her chances of getting sole custody are non-existent. >> >> And to a similar comment >> >> I have and he's confident we'll win. But if I have to stay here to give her visitation, that's not the worst thing. My lawyer says there's no way she'll get anything close to full custody.
~
[deleted]
>Good job, OP. You made the right choice. It saddens me that someone with your ex's temperament and issues is even in the field of education.
OOP
>>She actually isn't in education. She does something completely unrelated. She just majored in it.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
Hello all, I usually participate over in r/butchlesbians but I found this forum, and this experience may be more universal, so I thought I would post here.
For context, I was in the closet most of my adult life. Now at 50+ I have been publicly out and open for about ten years. I am "visibly queer" as a masc/butch. I am very lucky to live in a blue dot (not my hometown) in a reddish rural area, but I get looks and stares that aren't always friendly (both in my home city and when traveling), and I have had things yelled at me from passing cars. I am socially and politically active in my city, I work in a public facing position, and I attend as many events as I can, so a lot of people recognize me even if they don't know me personally. I choose to be visibly queer because after years of living in the closet, not only will I not go back, but I want people to recognize that I am just a regular person who also lives in this city going about my life. But it can be very tiring to be visible all the time, and sometimes I'm a little nervous before I go to a public event alone.
Last weekend I went to one of these outdoor events and spent some time just walking around, talking to people, listening to the band, etc. As I was walking toward a different part of the park, something suddenly hit my chest. In the split second it happened, all my brain could register about what hit me was that it was white and round. And it hurt. For a moment I thought someone had balled up some trash and thrown it at me, and my brain said "this is it" and for a moment, everything stopped. I even saw some shocked looks on the faces of the people around me. NOW, what actually happened was a kid was throwing a ball to his dad and it went wildly off course and hit me in the chest, and both the father and son apologized, and I laughed it off and said it was fine. But the shock and fear stayed with me and I left pretty soon after that.
*I know* in the grand scheme of things what I have experienced is mild, and my closeted passing protected me for decades. I just felt like I needed to write about these feelings somewhere, and I would also love to hear from some other older lesbians about your experiences and how you deal with the fear of being publicly gay.
Welcome to Single Sunday; a weekly space for anyone who wants to chat, mingle, make friends, or see whether a connection develops.
Introduce yourself, share a little about what you’re looking for, and feel free to reply to anyone who catches your interest. Keep things respectful, low-pressure, and friendly.
A quick safety reminder: please don’t post private information such as your full name, address, phone number, workplace, personal email, or exact location. Take your time getting to know people, keep early conversations on Reddit, and only move to private messages or other platforms when you feel comfortable.
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Welcome to our weekly Friendly Friday thread; a place for friendly, platonic conversation and connection among members of the sub.
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You do not need to have anything exciting to share. Even a simple “How is everyone doing?” is welcome.
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What’s on your mind this Friday?
I have been seeing a woman for the last 6 months. We are exclusive and recently took our first trip together; four days at a beach, three nights in a hotel. I overall had a lot of fun but one thing really bothered me during. She got mad if I used my phone at all. Im not one to sit on my phone when on a date, I dont text or call when we are together but one day we were coming back from the beach and she was driving back to the hotel and I got on my phone to check the news and reddit and she got instantly pissed. Mind you we had been together all morning actively engaged with each other, went snorkeling. I dunno if its from me having a controlling gf in the past and I got triggered but the moment really gave me the ick. What do you think? Was I in the wrong or just overracting because I had a controlling to the point of abusive partner before
Not the first time its happened either
Welcome to Single Sunday; a weekly space for anyone who wants to chat, mingle, make friends, or see whether a connection develops.
Introduce yourself, share a little about what you’re looking for, and feel free to reply to anyone who catches your interest. Keep things respectful, low-pressure, and friendly.
A quick safety reminder: please don’t post private information such as your full name, address, phone number, workplace, personal email, or exact location. Take your time getting to know people, keep early conversations on Reddit, and only move to private messages or other platforms when you feel comfortable.
No hookups, sexual solicitation, explicit photos, or unsolicited sexual messages. Respect a “no” and report anyone who makes you uncomfortable.
Have fun and be kind to one another!
I was talking about this on another subreddit and it made me think y'all might have good recommendations too. So do you have a favorite youtube channel you enjoy watching? It can be any subject because I love stumbling upon new channels.
My favorite channel that I actually get excited when they release a new video is Space Maker Method. It's a woman that visits clients to help them organize their space but it's for free since the sponsors cover her costs. You see a lot of women with adhd etc that just struggle with getting started and finding a system that works for them. So it's cool to see each person make progress.
https://www.youtube.com/@SpaceMakerMethod/playlists
My favorite clients have been Dani in South Korea, Julia in NYC, and Lulu in Chicago.
Lulu in Chicago is the newest series but she is older, divorced, survived cancer, lost both her parents and inherited a lot of their items and downsized from a 4,000 square foot home to a smaller condo. It's cool to see all her stuff and see how she's managing her life going into a new phase. I love how she loves her friends and is excited about living life.
It no longer has no new content but if you never watched it check out the Under a Rock with Tig Notaro. I think Funny or Die has a full playlist of all the episodes. It's a fun watch especially if you love Tig. She doesn't really know celebrities so they come on her show and she tries to guess who they are.
Welcome to our weekly Friendly Friday thread; a place for friendly, platonic conversation and connection among members of the sub.
Feel free to introduce yourself, chat with other members, or share whatever has been going on in your life. Some ideas to get the conversation started:
You do not need to have anything exciting to share. Even a simple “How is everyone doing?” is welcome.
Please remember that this thread is for platonic community and conversation. Be respectful, protect your personal information, and most importantly have fun engaging with other members in the community.
What’s on your mind this Friday?