My unsolicited advice to everyone (and rant na rin)
Hello! I'd like to share here the red flags that I ignored in my first relationship (which cost me a lot--my mental health, my resources like money, and myself) that might help someone here (Of course, I acknowledge everyone's opinion might differ, which is very understandble. I'll only be saying what I have experienced and my point of view. You are all free to disagree. Also to MODS, if hindi to allowed, wag nyo na i-approve kebs lang naman)
Selosa. This is such a huge red flag lalo na if wala ka namang ginagawa to raise this emotion. Selosa sa kaibigan, selosa sa acads, selosa sa career--selosa sa lahat pati sa mga idol mo. Napaka-selosa. 🚩🚩🚩 Pati mga tropa ko pinagselosan jusq kairita. Oftentimes sa rel ko noon, this led to the second red flag:
Monopolizes your time. VERY BIG RED FLAG TO. AS IN. Your partner must be able to internalize that you ARE YOUR OWN PERSON and that you have YOUR OWN LIFE. If laging nagsasabi na magsama kayo lagi even after just spending time with her--na nakakasakal na, 🚩🚩. I ignored this kasi akala ko normal lang sya sa mga relationships (i assert that it's very normalized in our culture, which is nakakalungkot). Yung mga nagtatampo kapag nagwowork/aral/or spending me time ka despite having just spent time with them? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 putragis, nay, red flag as in. Dinaig pa capa ni Supergirl.
Yung mga nagsasabi ng problema right before saying goodnight/or matulog. Mga peste yan istg. Like, ano kayang thought process nila no? Alam na nga nilang patulog na kayo, tas sasabihin pa un right before kayo matulog (which andameng oras before that) which will mess up with your mind and may even cause you to be sleepless and/or to feel restless. Alam nila yang mga ginagawa nila. Alam nilang kakupalan yan. Wag kayo padadala sa ganyan. Call them out. Red flag din ung gusto usap usap until mapuyat kayo (mga 3-5am from 9-10 pm? jusq, itulog nyo nalang yan). Nako, kahit bata pa ko ayoko na nyan putragis. Let the woman sleep.
Mga hayok na hayok sa validation ng iba. Do yourself a favor and leave a person like this, nakakatuyo sa totoo lang. Alam mo ung puro decorum nasa isip to the point na kinakalimutan na nila ung mga sarili nila and YOU? Puro validation ng iba iniisip, usually it's their insecurities speaking (based on my exp w/ my ex). They hate themselves to the point that they crave the validation of others to feel good about themselves, which leads me to the next red flag:
PEOPLE WHO HATE THEMSELVES!!! Napaka 🚩🚩🚩 Yung ex ko magaling eh, magaling mag-manipula. Sya ung type ng tao na andameng ebas about growth and self-love or self-acceptance ang tawag nya, pero she hates herself so much that it bled into our rel and to me jusq. Buti nalang mahal ko sarili ko at hindi ako nagpatinag jan sa kanya. Pano ko nasabing she hates herself so much? Ang dami nyang sinasabi about my quirks that are part of my identity (e.g: dad jokes ko, my style, my hair, the way I carry myself--hell she even said na need nya raw akong turuan about etiquette na para bang savage ako? mind y'all, she said this after I choked in a restaurant. I choked. I CHOKED TAS MAS MAHALAGA PA ANG DECORUM?! for crying out loud). She asked me to change my style, lessen my jokes (for the sake of her friends kasi nahihiya raw sya which translates to nakakahiya ako for her lol), and change my hairstyle--basically, she asked me to dim myself for her. NEVER DIM YOURSELF FOR ANYONE!! KAHIT NANAY NYO PA YAN!! Natauhan ako a few months before our breakup about this eh. Kasi, all the things she asked me to change about myself--none of my friends did that. My friends always told me ang cuqui (cute) ng style ko, how they all laugh at my jokes (the same jokes I told my ex). NONE OF MY FRIENDS. They even encourage me. (i love my friends). I think nainggit ung ex ko sakin kasi i love and am comfortable with myself kaya andame nyang utos to mold me into someone else (kasi hindi nya kayang gawin sa sarili nya, which is so sad pero at the same time, bahala sya jan basta ako masaya na ko before and after nya. Not my problem).
Covert narcissist. Puro ka-passive-aggressive-an alam ng ex ko nakakatawa nalang talaga. Nakakatuyo guys. Search nyo nalang covert narcissist. Ganyan ex ko, nakakatuyo kasama nak. -10000/10.
Walang isang salita!!! Ang daming times when my body told me that something's wrong when she did "small things" that prove na wala syang isang salita. I ignored them kasi parang small things lang (e.g: she changed the price of the notebook she sold me despite having negotiated a price. I bought it kasi i wanted to help her get rid of it tas binago nya ung price right when I was gonna pay her. Natameme ako non pero i ignored that--tanga ko--kasi sabi ko sige, pantulong ko nalang. Naiinis pa rin ako now kasi alam nya financial situation ko so her knowing that yet still doing this, red is flag talaga).
Yung mga gustong laging "nanalo" whatever tf that means. Gusto laging nananalo or tama sa argument instead of solving the problem? 🚩🚩🚩🚩 Iwan nyo na yan sissyqouh. Matutuyo talaga kayo jan. Dadaigin nyo ung disyerto sa pagkatuyo nak.
Yung mga hindi marunong tumanggap ng ibang perspective. For context, ung ex ko devout tas ako agnostic. I respect her beleif and I never tried to turn her into agnostic pero itong ex ko jusq. Dinaig pa mga regular friars noong panahon nila maria clara kaka-try sakin mag-convert to someone na may faith in something. Dinaig pa mga Kastila as in. Ang dami pa. Eh kasi diba nga gusto nya ngang nananalo sya so naiinis sya pag iba opinion ko sa kanya. EH ???? PUTRAGIS 😭😭 Nag jowa ka pa kung gusto mo boses mo lang naririnig ba is liw talaga. Iwan nyo yang mga ganyan, nakakatuyo frfr. Taena ang saya saya kaya pag intellectual partner mo tas andame nyang alam na hindi mo alam tas ayon dumadame alam mo, diba? Yan gusto ko eh. PERO gusto ko ung nirerespeto ung mga paniniwala't opinion ko sa buhay kasi wat is da hell kung hindi. Bye ka talaga, nak.
Di marunong tumanggap ng no. Alam nyo na yan. matic red flag mga ganyan.
Bukambibig mga lalaki HAHAHAH putragis nasa sapphic rel ka na nga puro lalaki pa rin and mga ex-kalandian? Yang mga bukambibig ex-kalandian or fubu tas nasa relationship na eh kung wala namang maitutulong sa rel nyo? 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Hindi alam yung gusto nya sa buhay. Related to don sa walang isang salita. In general to ha, hindi ko sinasabing porke hindi nyo alam kung mag-dodoctor ba kayo o law eh red flag na. Iba to. Like if hindi nya alam in general ano gusto nya, mga prone sa pagiging indecisive tas decide nalang kayo if gusto nyong pumasok sa isang relationship with someone na hindi sure kung ano ang gusto nya. Gets ba?
Andame pang iba, i-comment ko nalang pag naalala ko na exactly ung mga happenings. Ayon, nag-rant na rin ako (HAHAHA kairita kasi). Masaya na uli ako ngayon!! TYL. Even ung bff ko napansin na ang saya ko ngayon, like grabe guys. Alam mong abusive ung relationship na inalisan mo if after that bigla kang nag-glow up tapos biglang umaasenso buhay mo (in all aspects). As in, it's like I'm being rewarded for finally choosing myself, which is slayyy. Kaya nyo yan mga bakla. Mahal ko ang mga bakla. Mabuhay ang mga bakla. Sa panahon ngayon, nakakapagod na yang chemistry na yan.