r/PHSapphics

I rarely see WLW describe themselves as Hard Femme, so I’m genuinely curious—are there others here who use that label for themselves too? Because I do. 😂

For me, being a Hard Femme isn’t just about how I dress or present myself. I’m definitely femme, and I enjoy looking feminine, dressing up, and embracing that side of myself. But I’ve also always had a very tomboyish side that doesn’t necessarily fit the typical image of a femme.

I actually like a lot of “guy stuff.” 😂 I’m into things that are stereotypically associated with men, and sometimes the way I think, approach situations, or interact with people feels more traditionally masculine. I can be straightforward, practical, competitive, independent, and sometimes I honestly feel like my brain works more like a guy’s. Lol.

I’m also comfortable dressing masculine sometimes. There are days when I’d rather wear something loose, simple, and more traditionally masculine than put on a dress or anything super feminine. But that doesn’t make me feel like I’m masc. I still identify strongly as femme.

I think that’s what makes Hard Femme feel like it fits me. I can enjoy being girly and feminine, but I can also be a tomboy, have masculine interests, think in a more traditionally masculine way, and occasionally dress masculine—without feeling like I need to choose between those sides.

For me, it’s basically femme with a little dude energy. 😂 I like having that contrast because neither side feels fake or forced. They’re both genuinely part of who I am.

So I’m curious—are there other WLW who feel the same way? Do you consider yourself a Hard Femme? How would you describe your personality, interests, style, or way of thinking, and what made you realize the label fits you? 👀

Hi I (F23) am an unemployed registered pharmacist and my gf (F22) is a med student and we’ve been having problems with our relationship lately.

Context po pala, she’s not out po sa family niya and kasama niya sa rooom yung kapatid niya so ang mode of communication namin is through message lang talaga. Also we’re 5 years na po na in a relationship

Sabi niya she feels disconnected with us and parang nawawalan siya ng gana makipag usap sakin. She’s a first year med student and gets ko naman na sobrang busy sila and I always try to understand and be there for her in any way that I can. Sabi ko naman sakanya di niya kailangang mag update every now and then basta mag ingat siya at magpahinga kako pa nga. Kaso napansin ko she’s been so distant lately. I always try to reassure her naman na we’re okay and that tiis lang talaga since ldr kami. I keep saying na pagtrabahuhan namin to to make it work ganun pero I feel so alone kaso ayoko naman na dumagdag pa ako sa iisipin niya kaya I just act like I’m okay na lang. Feeling ko burden na lang ako sa buhay niya. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just really need to let this out kasi it’s already eating me up.

Almost 1 month pa lang kami in a relationship and 1 month dating stage. But every time may misunderstanding kami, gusto niya na lagi makipag break. Dahil jan, sobrang na-a-anxious na ako tuwing gusto niya makipag usap ng seryoso. Top 1 na agad na nasa isip ko na makikipag break na naman siya. For context, galing siya sa 3yr relationship and last year sila nag break. While ako naman, this is my first every serious relationship since situationships lang talaga experiences ko.

In short, this is my first time taking a risk to be in a committed relationship so I want to hold on to this a little longer. That's why I always beg her to be more communicative and tell me what I can do to make her stay.

Pero, i'm fearing that it's starting to affect my mental health. I often get panic attacks pag nag-i-isolate siya and hindi nag rereply. Napag usapan na namin yung last na away namin and promised each other to improve ourselves. But, the feeling of anxiety still does not go away. I don't know what to do because I think this is my own problem na. Nabasa ko sa tiktok na maybe I have an anxious attachment issues.

If nakaranas na din kayo ng gantong situation, how do you handle the stress? Please help.

Hey guys, where do you meet single women (na feminine) who are interested in dating mascs? I like to drink in quiet bars and it's hard to meet people there or baka I'm just generally not attractive to be noticed? Haha kidding, parang ang hirap talaga ng dating scene ngayon. So where do I go?? Hehe. Thank you!

On a random Thursday afternoon, my relationship of 11 years ended over text. That was more than two months ago.

I feel like the rug was pulled under me, my world has been turned upside down, and I'm still reeling from it. I'll use all those figures of speech, with which disorientation is the through-line-- all because they're true. That's how I felt (and still feel) when my former partner ended our relationship.

It was one of those partnerships where you place your bet that it was going to be endgame, and you work hard realize that "forever". I don't think there is ever a perfect relationship, but I swear to you it was close to it. We got along with almost all aspects of our lives, nag hihilahan kami pataas, trying to live a better, healthier life, and just generally achieving our dreams together. She was beautiful, so clever, so funny, and our life was always filled with laughter as in halakhak. We were so integrated with each other's families, mine loves her, and I'm very close to her's. We share groups of close friends, all the works. But most of all, she was my bestfriend, and I hope that I was her's too.

We met when we were young, she was a few years older than me but I can truly say we sort of grew up and grew into each other. There were lots of growing pains, mostly because I was quite literally in the process of maturing and learning.

We were LDR starting November of last year when I decided to go abroad. I know it's a lot to ask for a person to hold on tight for you when they couldn't. It was between her and staying and figuring things out abroad. When I thought long and hard about it, which future am I willing to let go? My future here or a life without her? I decided that imaginging a future without her is so abstract, so unknown, that i'd rather go back to Manila than pursue a life abroad. But it was too late. She already made her decision. She said in explicit terms that her decision to end the relationship won't change kahit na pa umuwi ako.

Thus, I was sent to space, hell, the void, to liminity, and idk if naka labas na ba ako don. I tried to reason out but I was immediately blocked everywhere. It wasn't even a conversation. I was dumped over text, thousands of miles away y punto. Di ako OA pero there hasn't been a week na hindi ako umiyak. Ang hirap kasi para kang namatayan, you're grieving. People think pinanghihinayangan ko yung pinagsamahan namin, when it's the life I was to have with her. The future together is what I'm grieving. Sabi namin, ang rami pa naming travel, magiging fit kami until we're in our nineties and such. I feel like I went through a divorce in my twenties.

A life you built of more than a decade was done just like that. Imagine all the love those years contained, all the moments you keep in your back pocket. Kulang na lang ikasal kami, kaso di legal.

I truly feel like that's it for me. I don't think I can ever find a love and partnership so rich and complex, so fulfilling. Tsaka, I don't think I can ever truly love someone again. She was my one great love. You only have one soulmate and that's that. I'm happy I got to experience it nonetheless.

hi! i’m (21F) bisexual—honestly leaning more towards women—and very feminine presenting. as in straight-passing ako, sis! walang maga-akala hahaha! and that’s honestly the hardest part for me especially when looking for someone in the local queer dating scene.

for instance, there was one time when me and my friend went to a get-together that was meant for sapphics specifically. tell me why everyone thought i was just my bestie’s chaperone 😔 like, hello, i’m looking for pussy too, ‘no!

another thing is i have a fem4fem preference, and if i do get lucky, a woman does approach me, kaso she’s masc. pls be kind as i have nothing against mascs, really just a matter of personal preference and types on my end! and if i do muster up the courage to come up to a queer femme, she’ll turn me down kasi ‘di niya ako type.

is it really that hard to find someone to date here in the local queer dating scene? feeling kinda hopeless na! 😔

(pls be kind im sad) i really do know they love me, i know that. it's js that sometimes i feel like they're not interested in me?? i feel like such a bad gf and i feel so guilty for feeling this way.

for example, usually ako nagsisimula ng convos. i usually ask questions first samin like "how are you, have you eaten, what are you doing..." the simple stuff. then they would reply with "idkk baby, im okay, im js playing, not yet, later". I feel bad for wanting them to excitedly chat me abt something. kung may nakita or naexperience syang exciting, it would feel nice to be shared sa akin. or if may random thought sya, ang cute lang kung ma-share sa akin.

it's not like they don't chat me. they do. they tell me "i love you, i miss you, wyd, whats on your agenda today" on normal boring days. i just miss cute, lambing chats.
naopen up ko na to sakanya multiple times, and it just ends up with me crying and feeling weirdly unsatisfied. nung inoopen up ko sakanya, they would ask me if i would want all their time, which is not the case at all. it's js nice to know about them esp when we're not tgt. they wld ask me kung ano dapat niyagawin to fix it. i would not know what to answer kasi,,,they do just enough naman, diba? they ask how im doing, they tell me they love me, etc. they do js enough. kaya naffrustrate ako na di ko maword out ano ba talaga gusto ko. last time i opened up, they told me na ganon naman kami lagi if di kami magkasama.

naiinis na ako sa sarili ko, i feel like a bad girlfriend, i feel guilty for wanting something pa, hindi ko na alam. ano ba dapat gawin ko? what else should i improve on myself? should i just get used to it kasi this is how adult relationships should be? i feel really immature for feeling this way

This is the first time I have posted, so please bare with me.

I am 27 years old (bisexual). I got to know someone accidentally in a bar. That night I never expected for anything serious, except the other way around.

I just danced and enjoyed the party until I got a bump on this beautiful girl. We had short talks and got a little laughs together. After dancing, I got tipsy that I decided to sit down to the point I saw her dancing, smiling and laughing while enjoying the music. I was struck by what I saw and got totally drawn so much to this 21-year old lady.

She got a good smile, beautiful monolid eyes and viral laugh. She was very confident too on the way she danced. Just that night, I fell in love.

This lady was taken though. So, I set boundaries. I never touched her nor asked her for a kiss - but, I still added her in Facebook just to know her more. We chatted few times. I got to know a little more of her. But I never expect something more. I even prayed to God for guidance as I didn't want to fall for temptation.

Until I found out she broke up with her gf. I was quite sad and happy at same time. I was happy since I would finally have my chance. I honestly wanted to pursue her. She's one of a kind. But, this time, I want to make it slowly but surely. I learned a lot from my previous relationships.

My problem, age is somehow a big deal for me especially on this kind of relationship. At her young age, she might think of exploring and dating a guy, which I think I won't bare the pain if it happens. At my age, I am thinking of settling down too.

Please help. What should I do then? Shall I confess or be just friends? Or just keep my feelings secret?

I really, really like this girl. No lust. Just pure intention and sincerity.

After talking for weeks, I finally met someone online for the first time and it went extremely well. We went out to different popup events, ate lunch and dinner, and then went back home to our hotel. Initially, we didn’t talked about doing anything sexual but since we are staying in the same hotel, we initially hugged each other lang and it led to something. I had my period unfortunately so hanggang second base lang kami but it was the best thing ever. I can’t get off the thought of her sucking my breasts and us doing the 69 breasts. Sorry I really just can’t get it out of my mind right now and i need to share it with someone before I explode. We will be meeting again next month for the main event, and im so excited.

I have this recent ex straight sya noon, sakin lang sya bumaliko haha ( I'm a masc & younger than her) and 3 yrs kaming usap usap lang wt landi pero naging kami 1 yr and 5months. When we started talking, both of us was mahal pa mga ex but as time goes by na develop. FF nung naging kami okay naman pero ako naiinsecure talaga sa ex nya kasi super love nya yung GUY like super tanga nya (3 yrs naging sila & legal both sides) naghiwalay sila kasi nag cheat yung GUY nakipag s*x sa iba. So yun nakipag break na sila ganyan.

Then ayun nung talking stage kami nakita ko na nakipag kita pala sya noon sa ex nya di nya alam na alam ko. So ako nasaktan kahit walang karapatan jk di nya kasi sakin inamin kahit alam ko talaga. Nung naging kami lagi ko sya inaasar na "baka mahal mo pa yung ex mo ah" dahil sa nangyaring yun, at first dinedeny nya naman pero kasi makulit ako binibring-up ko lagi kapag nag aaway kami later on naiirita na sya haha mali ko rin. 5 months na kami then magkasama kami I checked her FB nakita ko recent searches nya, name ng ex nya so ako act cool lang pero nasaktan tinanong ko sya ano yan? sinabi nya sakin wala lang na curious lang daw tapos pinakita nya sakin na napagusapan nila ng friend nya (may bago na yung guy) and sabi nya "sayang di sya napunta sa engr." which is sya, </3. So aq iyak malala nasa bahay namin tapos sya pa nagalit sakin, sabi ko sakanya sorry lang naman need ko then ayun galit nga uuwi na raw sya sabi ko sige, hinatid ko pa sya lrt legarda (reviewee sya) tapos pati pala sa ig inistalk nya di ko na kinaya sakit kaya iniwan ko na sya nung malapit na sakanila na alam kong safe sya pero di nya ako hinabol lol kaya nagdoubt na tuloy ako sakanya abt ex nya. Tapos yung kapatid nya na hinahanap pa rin ex nya sakanya sad :'( tapos di nya na sinabi sa family nya na niloko sya ng ex nya for me kasi parang pinagtatakpan nya pa yung guy or pinangtatanggol sa fam na mabait image wahha sana all. FF nung reviewee palang sya taga province kasi sya so ako nanlilibre sakanya, ako kasi yung type na basta may pamasahe lang akong matira pang uwi kahit maubos pera ko okay na ako, pero nung nag ka work sya ako naman yung walang pera na pang bigay sakanya like di ko mapantayan yung binibigay nya sakin. Parang nung nagka work sya siguro dun nya na realize na di kami on the same page gusto nya yung may nagsspoil sakanya.

Pero nag break kami guys kasi may may anger issues daw ako I admit it naman, tapos sabi nya na adapt nya raw e inayos ko naman na after pero sabi nya dahil din naman daw sakin kaya sya naging ganyan para raw maramdaman ko rin. Tsaka ang thinking ko kasi bakit nung sa ex nya kaya nyang gawin or tanggapin na ganun lang sya, bakit sakin ang hirap hirap like legit diba guys haha lason talaga mga lalake.

Do you think guys minahal nya naman ako or not? Like pano ba or saan makakahanap ng femme na di ka tatratuhing lalake haha I'm a masc na gusto rin mag pa baby! May sense naman akong kausap and humor fr ngl swtg 2 yrs na akong single!

How many years would you say is a big age gap and not acceptable or acceptable naman?

For example, 5 years gap but 25 F and 19 F or 26 F and 20 F.

Idk but I'd rather agree with a 22 F then 27 F than 21 below and then a partner over 25, I'm just not sure if I'll consider the maturity level of the younger person but I feel like they are too young for me para makipagdate sa someone older like 25 and above huhu. Idk, I need your opinion, guys.

Context: someone younger than me confessed their feelings towards me, hindi sya minor ah pero 19-21 haha. I was open at first but when I found out na yung age gap namin ay medyo malaki, I was shocked, the example is not exact but close haha, I won't disclose our age too. I'm also not sure if I'll try to date that person. I think, hindi, curious lang sa tots nyo about this topic.

Hi guys, I’m 25 soft masc. After my long term relationship, I don’t know how to flirt na AAHHAAHAH Nagpapapansin ako sa ig stories and sometimes nagheart naman yung target ko but I don’t know how to start and she’s straight ata? also, san kayo nakakahanap ng mga partner nyo? pabulong naman 🤣

I’m 25F, femme, and I just got out of a long-term relationship. Now I’m realizing… how am I actually supposed to meet sapphic/gay people when basically all of my circles are straight?

I’m not really looking for anything serious right now. I’d honestly just love to talk to sapphic people, make friends, hang out, and find a little community. I’m into music, random conversations, and just getting to know people.

Also, am I too old to be doing this? I feel like I’m starting from zero lol. Where do people actually meet sapphic people—online or IRL?

I've been in 3 kinda long term relationships but out of them, sa isa ko lang nafeel yung depth ng relasyon. Tbh, I'm ok with kiligan part pero pag doon lang naikot yung relationship, parang I feel like the whole relationship is just to impress and it's a waste.

I don't want it to be like the typical kind of relationships na puro greetings, exchanging gifts, giving your all to the significant other lang. Parang cycle lang sya without substance.

I love growth. I don't want my lover to love me like a fool like their world is just revolving in me. We can do the kiligan part but can we love ourselves more? Can we have our individuality? Are we ready to talk about hardships without getting offended? Can we be truthful to each other para hindi tayo takot maiwan if this doesn't work? We inspire and we grow not solely because we are together but because we love doing it para sa kani-kaniya nating buhay.

Sa past experiences ko, laging takot maiwan. And to think about it, it's all because they don't love themselves more. Being too dependent sucks.

It's really hard to find people these days na very genuine, has good morals, principles, and values, love yung sarili nila with being authentic, and also being truthful to themselves na there are things that they cannot control or they can't just get in an instant but still find ways to work on it while being happy in the process.

I don't know if there's a certain explanation about this but maybe nasa maturity na siya ng tao or what,,

I’m a femme lesbian and i really hate it when men hit on me. So, tell me, how do you make it obvious that you’re not into men? (asking as a femme) Help me out please huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

I’m 26F and after my first gf (1y 7m) I have had multiple talking stages but they don’t last , longest was 1 month wtf. It’s either they’re not ready, they ghost me, or we don’t match our paces.

I’ve been in different dating apps and I HAVE GROWN MY IG FOLLOWERS BECOS OF IT LMAO. It’s tiring to ask someone’s favorite color over and over again.

Is dating in wlw really that hard??? Or am I the problem?

heyyy ppl - what’s ur thoughts about throuple? like tatlo kayo sa relationship? not saying na this is for everyone, but for those who are curious about the setup, do you think it is something you’ll try to explore?

considering na common yung 3s but madalas mix ng men and women, but for this tatlong wlw nasa loob ng relationship? again, this is not just for sex. def relationship will grow within, sooo what do you think about it?

if you’re curious in such we can discuss it more privately. but of course i would love to read your thoughts as comments.

hi gays, haha. there’s this girl who acted nicely toward me, but i know she has an agenda with my ex (yeah, we broke up and then she got involved with this girl). and you know, i just really hate the fact that wala talagang pinipili, ano? i mean kasi i thought things like this only happened sa mga straight kineme, but i never expected it would happen here too. Somehow it stuck with me that even here, cheating still happens. Also, the girl is proud of being mang-aagaw and even makes jokes about it! It’s really kind of disappointing, and it’s sad because at first, it feels magical and genuine, then suddenly—what the heck happened? Like, uhm… so yeah, ayun lang.

I can't remember anything about her anymore, but somehow, she still lingers in my mind. Just earlier, I stalked her mom's fb to see if there were any updates about her, but I found none. I know that's kind of a toxic thing to do, especially if I'm trying to move on, but actually, it's the first time I've stalked her mom again after a year. I don't even know what I was expecting to find. Maybe I was just curious about how she's doing or if anything about her life has changed.

I can't remember our arguments, our conversations, or even the promises she made to me. It's weird because I used to remember those things so clearly, but now they're slowly fading. And I'm sure she's forgotten all about me too. Maybe I'm just someone she used to know, while I'm still here remembering what we had.

I keep hoping that one day she'll contact me and that somehow, we'll be together again, but that's such a dream to imagine. I know the chances of that happening are probably close to nothing, but a part of me still holds onto that little hope. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I still can't completely let go.

It's such an ass thing to feel like I'm better now emotionally and think that if I wasn't so immature back then, then maybe we'd still be together today. I keep thinking about how different things could've been if I knew back then what I know now. But I guess that's just how life is. You don't always realize what you had until it's already gone, and by the time you become a better version of yourself, the person you wanted to share that version with might already be gone.

If you ever find this, I hope you're doing better. :) I genuinely wish you the best in life, wherever you are and whatever you're doing now. Thank you for the 2 years, nel. I'll always be grateful that, at one point in my life, I got to know you and share those years with you.