r/Pravitrenutek

It's a long description, as clarity at this stage is better than clarity post attachment to someone incompatible :) if you're predisposed to read the whole thing, you might be someone who seeks the same fullness in love and life as me! I'm not here to appeal to everyone, rather, I'm here to find that rare person with whom I am as compatible as possible.

About me, and me in love:

I enjoy slow travel, staying in the same place for days and getting to know its bones - the locals, the food and the vibe, rather than tourist-hotspot-hopping. Different cultures, languages and cuisines are endlessly fascinating to me. Currently Mexico, South Korea, Moorea, Tanzania, Guadeloupe, and Suriname are on my go to next list.

Frequent time in nature is an essential - i live among greenery, i enjoy rainy days, inside and out, finding remote waterfalls and hidden trails, and I'll always, always stop to take pictures of flowers and fruits.

My current fascination is mycology and i tend to have a new one every few months, which means I'll always come to you with little factoids. I love dressing well, and wearing beautiful flowing colourful dresses and saris day to day.

I am (if i may say so) a really good cook, and I'll spend hours perfecting your favourite dish in the kitchen - I'll also try my hand at any cuisine, and stockpile niche spices and ingredients from far off lands for months in the freezer. One of my ultimate life goals is to have a gorgeous rustic kitchen with a massive kitchen island and a view of our own herb garden and orchard, and in an ideal world i would just spend most of my time in there, experimenting with new dishes and cooking up old favourites.

I don't smoke or do any sort of drugs (and i would love the same from you, if possible) but i do love a really, really good glass of wine or cocktail, and sharing drinks with loved ones is truly a supreme joy in life for me.

Be warned - my sense of humour is EXTREMELY stupid, so expect ludicrous playacting and skits, multipile daily memes and videos. I sing everyday, i enjoy dancing, i love all games, except mindgames, especially old school FPSs, escape rooms, NYT word games and crosswords. I'm a voracious reader of all genres except biographies which I find dull as hell. A good thriller or horror is highly satisfying, be it movie, book or show, and Godzilla Minus One is my favourite movie of the last decade.

I don't believe a couple needs to share all the same hobbies, on the contrary, but i'd love to share in some of these interests with you should you desire that, as well as for you to teach me about some of yours! I've been dying to try my hand at woodwork, just in case that's something you know about :)

I'm a hopeless romantic - i love going on proper date nights, and talking endlessly with my man about everything. Banter, flirting, chemistry and a strong sense of intimacy, both physical and emotional, are lifeblood. I adore big beautiful gestures and surprises in love - making them, as much as receiving them.

I really need someone who's not too serious and who shares my stupid sense of humour because laughing together is the best thing in the universe.

In the interest of honesty - I can be stubborn and impatient at times (I'm not rude about it though), i can get anxious regarding unknowns, and I'm really, (possibly over) particular about getting to places on time. I'm supremely needy with regards to cuddling, physical touch and affection. I will pester you for back rubs every day. I also have a seasonal nasal drip, so there are mornings where you'll hear me hack and cough like a truck driver🤷🏽

Compatibility check:

I work remotely, and it would be great if you did as well, so we could travel around with a lot more flexibility, or live in different places and make the world our oyster.

But this is not a non negotiable, we can also just travel during holiday time, and I'm also willing to relocate for the right man - as long as it's to a warm place with a whole lot of greenery - I'm not good with the cold or barren landscapes!

I'm currently live between tropical paradise Goa, India and sunny, golden Spain, and I'd love for you to visit me if we connect. Ideally i would want our long term bases to be in South/East Asia and Southwestern Europe, but I’m flexible on this. I speak English, Spanish, and Hindi fluently, I'm currently learning Korean and French, and i would happily add your language to this list.

I'm an atheist, and while i genuinely appreciate and enjoy visiting places of worship or rituals culturally and at festival time, religion matters zero to me - so you can be from any faith (or any country for that matter), but someone very religious or devout would not be compatible, in no scenario would i be practicing or converting.

I have never been married, and i would absolutely love to be married to the right man, having a fun wedding would be a great bonus, so i hope you're not anti-marriage.

I am decidedly and wholly child free for endless reasons, and have been for decades - this is absolutely non negotiable, so i need someone else who is unwaveringly CF too, not someone open to / on the fence / hoping I'll change my mind about it. So no kids, previous or future, biological or adopted. You would be my number one priority and i would be yours, always.

Who I'm looking for and who should be looking for me:

Someone who wants to experience a whole lot of life together, across the spectrum:

I'm as happy movie marathoning while cuddling and being tucked into a blanket with my partner as i am going out bar- hopping together, I'm as happy homebodying for weeks as i am taking a spontaneous couple's trip abroad. I'm equally comfortable sharing tea or a spicy snack at a roadside shack as i am at a superfancy restaurant on date night, and i love being out in nature hiking in the remotest of spots amid a storm as much i love exploring cityscapes and bustling towns together.

I find beauty and joy in all these experiences, and i want to be able to experience all of them with you. So someone who's neither too posh to rough it out at times, nor too 'grounded' to enjoy the finer things in life would be the ideal fit.

Someone inherently monogamous:

I am made to be a girlfriend or a wife, and i would want a man who loves being a boyfriend or a husband, in an old fashioned way.

I want quality intimacy over quantity - I deeply desire the emotional and sexual depth that goes with a long term commitment, and I'm okay with dealing with the potential 'boredom' that comes with it, since I'm great at keeping things fresh and bringing novelty and spice into the relationship, i hope you would be too. I do not wish to share you with anyone, and i would not be okay with you wishing to share me, sexually or romantically.

Someone who's (I'm sorry, but it's unfortunately the perfect description) 'daddy' vibes:

While i dont believe anyone 'should' subscribe to any traditional gender role, I happen to lean extremely traditionally feminine, physically, emotionally and energetically, and so a man who finds that attractive, and who brings a healthy, secure and assertive masculinity would be a perfect fit for me.

Beyond perks like old-school dating and chivalry, I love a man who's protective, deeply emotional, hands-on (i like fixers), consistent and dependable, someone generous, loyal and resilient. Someone who's very comfortable leading and takes a LOT of initiative (please note none of this means controlling), and who loves femininity, sensuality, initiative, empathy, emotion, complete loyalty, and a gentle touch in return (please note none of this means submissiveness, i am the last person you should be looking for if you want someone submissive).

It's really important that you actually enjoy being this man, and it's not something you do because you HAVE to - because that never lasts, and I'm not here to nag you or change you, but I'll always desire it, and it's the only type of man I find attractive!

If you believe that all masculinity = inherent /implied/real misogyny, or that femininity and feminism can't go hand in hand, then we likely wouldn't be on the same page.

Someone extremely financially stable:

Speaking from a difficult past experience, I never again want to deal with either the potential conditioning/ego clashes of my partner not earning well enough by his own standards, nor the logistical issues of having to restrict our joint lifestyle because of constant money limitations.

I love having a clean, spacious, beautiful home, good, healthy food, a calendar full of upcoming flights the world over, and a secure safety net, and that's not something i want to ever compromise on again. So i would want a partner who equally enjoys the same.

While i love my work, earn, invest, and am very responsible with money, and would always continue to do and be so in order to contribute, as well as maintain a healthy stability and non-dependence, i also lean very old-school when it comes to dating and relationships. So I’m drawn to a man who is well established and who takes pride in and is comfortable being the primary provider and protector, the way i take pride in being an inherent nurturer and organizer to make our home, travels, and lives as beautiful and soulful as possible, and by being a calm, soft place for you to land at whenever you need.

This is imperative for me, denying it or feigning it on either end would only lead to future unhappiness and resentment.

We would both lead in our own ways, bringing those qualities and strengths to the table, and be equal partners with overlapping yet distinct roles. Once we know each other and there is a baseline of trust established that you and i would always take care of each other in the ways we best know, i would hope all transactionality would go out the window.

Someone who has worked on their EQ:

I genuinely believe in 'it's not me versus you, it's us versus the problem' and i hope you do too. I never play mind games, i communicate upfront, and in times of conflict i always strive for calm, sensitive and productive conversations, and would need the same from you.

I want to be your peace and safe space, and for you to be mine. I want you to trust me with your bad days, hold me on mine, and always be a part of my team. This doesn't mean being a yes man, as i also believe partners need to check, push and challenge each other from time to time to help each other grow and learn, albeit kindly.

I believe I've spent a lot of time on self work, in therapy and outside, to become aware of my patterns, weaknesses, insecurities and strengths and to learn good communication and conflict resolution.

So it is important to me that you've also at least started on this journey, and are comfortable with your emotions / communicating well. That's not to say i expect my partner to perfect and be fully healed, no one is, and I will always support you through your path of growth while hoping for the same from you.

Above all a relationship should be calm, and anxiety and drama free. No chaos, no eggshells. Neither of us should ever be relegated to emotional punching bag / default peacemaker / emotional labourer, as is is inevitable when one or both partners have not done any self work and are thus oblivious to their own patterns.

Someone who still likes people:

I'm incredibly lucky to come from an amazing, warm, hilarious, supportive, progressive, loving family and have also been very fortunate to have built wonderful, long lasting friendships the world over - they would be an integral part of our lives so i would want to be with someone who would enjoy that and embrace it, rather than just tolerate it.

I would absolutely love to be a part of your world as well - where you come from doesn't matter to me (and if you were dealt a rough family hand, that's nothing you could have done anything about), but it's important that you have some healthy relationships and friendships, even if they are few.

I would embrace your loved ones (and your culture and country, if it happens to be different) as mine, and would want the same from you, and i'd love for you to show me off as much as i'd show you off.

Of course, you and i would be a primary unit and not stand for any interference in our lives, neither from yours, not from mine. But socially speaking, nothing would make me happier than to visit each others' friends and families, and celebrate some holidays and festivals together, while making new connections along the way.

Easter Egg - If you actually have read all I've written here, and would like to write to me, start your dm to me with a flower you find beautiful? I've added this nugget at a random point midway through my text, it'll be a fun way to know who's actually read the whole thing! :) to continue:

Someone who likes animals:

I cannot overstate my love for all animals. I love them to bits. I cry at animal videos. I melt when i see them. They bring me so much joy. It would be great if you to have, at the minimum, a fondness and empathy for animals - if you don't, you'll get irritated when i stop to pet a dog or coo at a lizard for the 53rd time on any given day.

I don't expect you to share my love for snakes or hippos haha, but if you enjoy bullfights, hunt for fun, or just about tolerate dogs rather than actively like them and find them cute, i dont think we would work.

Also, on a related note - I'm vegetarian for animal-love reasons. I dont need the same from you, and would never dictate your diet, but if you believe that all vegetarian food is garbage and bland by definition, and can only exclusively enjoy meaty meals, that's a clash - I'm a huge, for lack of a better term, 'foodie'. I cook every day, and I could and would travel purely for cuisine.

While I'm absolutely okay with you eating whatever you want, i dont cook with meat unless it's a very, very rare situation, but i really want to be able to cook with love for my partner, or for us to share a great meal at a veggie place once in a while. Food is a huge part of my life, and if there's no crossover between our diets, then day to day life gets hard.

Someone physically strong:

I'm short, slim, curvy, and fairly fit (5'3/160cm, 51 kilos), so the tiny part of me wants to feel enveloped by a big man, with an all encompassing, protective bear hug that let's me melt into you every time we see each other.

My ideal type is really big tall and strong/built, with a deep voice although these are bonuses, not imperatives. Big, strong arms and are a must though, can’t do without (: and basic fitness would be great.

Fin-

I no longer believe couples need to like all the same things or share all the same qualities so I don't need us to be carbon copies, on the contrary, i hope I've successfully managed to describe the healthy duality and balance we could both bring to make our lives even fuller than they are now, halve our sorrows and double our joys.

I want us to be absolute clowns together, have fun, make love, slow dance in our living room, and tell each other everything. I want to feel safe, calm, loved, protected and taken care of with you, in good times and bad, and i would always do the same for you. I want for you to my best friend, for me to be yours, and for us to grow old together.

If this sounds like it could be you and aligns with what you want, get in touch (with a picture, so i can put a face to our conversation, I'm happy to share more pictures too once we establish a conversation)? Write me something about who you are or what you want in a relationship - the more you write the better! As you can see i don't shy away from long texts:)

Pri tem vprašanju se je pokazala največja negotovost glede razumevanja pravilnega namena.

Link do vprašalnika: https://www.pravitrenutek.si/vprasalnik

Večkrat je v odgovorih poudarek na individualizmu in zadovoljevanju lastnih potreb, manj pa na tem, kaj lahko posameznik prispeva odnosu ali partnerju.

Sprašujemo se... Bi morali drugače zastaviti samo vprašanje?

Kaj je pravi, dober in zdrav odgovor ?

Zelo bom hvaležna za vaš vpogled.

Nekaj mesecev nazaj sem se odločila, da na redditu povprašam po dating dogodkih v sloveniji in kako bi to lahko le te najboljše zapeljali. Veliko ljudi je podelilo svoje mnenje in začutila sem, da je velika potreba za to, da bi imeli možnost normalnega spoznavanja mimo dating aplikacij. V tem hitrem tempu življenja, super ljudje dneve preživljajo v službi, z družino ali na svojih hobijih s prijatelji in zato nimajo toliko časa in energije za spoznavanje novih samskih ljudi.

Odločila sem se, da pozovem ljudi na redditu, ki bi si želeli pomagati in se pridružiti ekipi. Javili so se ČUDOVITI ljudje z raznoraznimi skillsi, ki bi radi pomagali pred, med in po srečanjih. Imamo dober moški in ženski vpogled. Vsi smo se spoznali preko tega projekta.

Fraza 'Pravi trenutek' se mi je zdela prava za zagon vseh nas, da zajame brezčasno srčiko take skupnosti. Vedno je lahko pravi trenutek in nikoli ne bo pravi trenutek.

Ves ta čas smo snovali koncept srečanj, katerega primarni cilj je omogočiti prostor za spoznavanje ljudem, ki pokažejo resen pristop, trud, skrb in jih zanima delo na sebi, a so odprti, sprejemajoči in jim obenem veliko pomeni prosti čas in kvalitetno preživljanje le tega.

Sedaj nam je ratalo postavit osnovno super stran, www.pravitrenutek.si

V enem mesecu smo nabrali okoli 130 prijav, 50/50 žensk in moških, vseh starosti, iz cele Slovenije. Ker vse delamo na roke in nekega velikega oglaševanja še nimamo, smo naredili akcijo na Instagramu, ljudje se odzivajo in dobili smo veliko pozitivnega odziva. Verjetno bomo lahko v septembru speljali prva srečanja za starostne skupine med 25 - 45. Starostne skupine bomo še bolj jasno določili, ko bo prišlo še več prijav.

Bi pa tukaj rada tudi poudarila, da je večino žensk, ki je izpolnilo vprašalnik, odgovorilo z veliko pozornosti, medtem ko je pri moških standard odgovorov očitno nižji. Tako da, bi pozvala moške, ki bi se radi pridružili takšni skupnosti, premislijo, kaj prinašajo s sabo in v odnos. Če so iskreno pripravljeni delati na temu, da bodo zagotovili konsistentnost, varen prostor, bili mož beseda, in se ne prijavljali samo iz ega ali potrebe po zapolnitvi osamljenosti, so vabljeni.

Po toliko prijavah nam je že bolj jasno kdo k skupnosti pristopa z trudom in pravimi nameni in kdo bi 'samo malo tko neki probaval'.

Dekletom in ženskam, ki so se prijavile na to, moramo zagotoviti družbo ljudi, ki se ne mislijo zajebavat. Ki hočejo postaviti zdrave temelje v odnosu, brez igric. Zelo skrbno bomo delali na temu. Iskreno lahko pomagamo samo do določene mere in mogoče pade skozi še kakšno gnilo jabolko, a se bomo potrudili najti sistem, ki bo poleg vprašalnika o zrelosti, to eliminiral. Pripravljeni smo sodelovati tudi s psihologi in ljudmi, ki imajo glede tega več znanja in izkušenj. Zelo bomo veseli, če nam tudi koga predlagate, ki bi z veseljem pomagal s svojim (kakršnimkoli) prispevkom znanja. Delovanje tega projekta bomo prilagajali feedbacku uddeležencev.

Opazili smo, da je na redditu aktivnih več moških kot žensk, tega ne izražamo, da bi kogarkoli strigirali, in prosim, da klimo jemljete resno, ker realnost je taka, da to pišemo iz izkušnje, ki se nam kaže in ne iz neke namišljene ideje iz naših glav. Za vse želimo da bo prostor vključujoč. Zelo zelo veseli bomo konstruktivne kritike!

To je prva iteracija spletne strani, teksta, vprašalnika, vsega skupaj.

Dogajanja na srečanjih imamo zaenkrat zasnovana. Popoldanska srečanja bodo potekala v parku in pa tudi v enem mirnem baru v centru ljubljane, katerega prostor nam bo prijazno oddal redditor, ki je prepoznal iskrene namene te skupnosti.

Želimo si vam pridt nasproti in ustvariti fajn prostor tudi za introverte, ki bi se znali v večjih skupinah umakniti, prav tako pa jih pozivamo, da bomo morali vsi stopiti malo izven svoje kože.

Ko boste del skupnosti, vam bo na voljo okolje, kjer se bodo ljudje lahko menili za preživljanje prostega časa mimo naših dogodkov. Veliko ljudi potrebuje drugega spoznavat več časa, v različnih situacijah, preden se odloči za prvi korak, zato se nam zdi bistveno, da bodo ta srečanja potekala ob različnih aktivnostih, ki jih bodo predlagali ljudje sami. Ala skupno obiskovanje drugih dogodkov, šport, prostovoljne dejavnosti in tako dalje.

Veliko smo razmišljali o pritisku, ki pride zraven ob takih srečanjih in glede na ta pritisk premislili kako bi ga lahko s pomočjo programa zmanjšali. Vsi tisti, ki bodo sprejeti po pregledanem vprašalniku bodo obveščeni o vsem, prostor, čas, potek, ....

Predvsem pomembno nam je, da si ljudje, ki jih bi to zanimalo preberejo naš koncept, ki si ga lahko preberete tu: https://www.pravitrenutek.si/manifesto

Ta projekt sem se odločila speljat, ker sem opazila, da je okoli mene veliko super samskih ljudi, za katere bi si želela, da bi imeli dobrega partnerja. Simple as that. Upam, da bo ta projekt živel še ko umrem, iskreno.

Naši nameni so iskreni in presegajo denar in kakršnokoli sebično korist. Želim si, skupaj z vsemi iz ekipe, da bi ljudje lahko našli družbo zase in svoje bližnje.

V prvi vrsti je projekt namenjen ljudem, ki so pripravljeni na zvezo, pa tudi vsem, ki si želijo sklepanja novijh prijateljstev. V vprašalniku lahko pokljukate vse skupine, ki bi vas zanimale.

Zelo sem hvaležna, da je ta skupnost ugledala luč tudi tukaj na redditu in da so ljudje na tem subbu spoštljivi in solidarni.

Hvala vsem, ki ste prebrali in prišli do konca tega zapisa. Se vidimo. :)

Včeraj sem slišal pesem, katere besedilo mi je odprlo vprašanje o dinamiki, ki mi je osebno precej težko razumljiva. Link je na dnu objave.

Bil sem v situaciji, kjer sva se z neko osebo nekaj časa spoznavala. Nikoli nisva bila uradno skupaj, ampak hkrati tudi ni bilo čisto nič. Bili so lepi trenutki, kemija in občutek, da bi se mogoče lahko razvilo nekaj več.

Jaz sem bil tisti, ki je večkrat dal pobudo, spraševal, kdaj bi se lahko videla. Sčasoma sem dobil občutek, da se druga oseba bolj umika, kot da ji je vse skupaj postalo preveč.

Po drugi strani pa stvar ni bila tako enostavna. Ko sem se nekajkrat tudi sam začel umikati oziroma sem to nakazal, sem imel občutek, da ji vseeno ni čisto vseeno. Pravzaprav sem skoraj prepričan, da ji ni bilo. Zato mi je bila ta dinamika še bolj zmedena kot da bližina včasih ustvari pritisk, oddaljenost pa pokaže, da interes vseeno obstaja. Na koncu sem se sicer umaknil sam, ker mi je ta dinamika začela povzročati preveč stresa. Zdaj mi je sicer malo žal ko na to pogledam nazaj ampak vseeno mislim, da bi se bolj potrdila če ji ne bi bilo vseeno zame.

Meni je to nekoliko nerazumljivo, ker če mi je nekdo všeč, mi pozornost načeloma ustreza. Ampak očitno lahko nekaterim ljudem “preveč” pozornosti deluje kot pritisk, čeprav se meni osebno ni zdelo, da bi bil pri tem pretiran.

Zanima me, ali se vam je že zgodilo, da vam je bil nekdo všeč, pa ste se vseeno začeli umikati, ker vam je posvečal preveč pozornosti ali ker ste začutili prevelik pritisk?

Sam prej o tem nikoli nisem razmišljal na tak način. Na to sem pomislil šele, ko sem prvič slišal pesem v spodnjem linku. In še enkrat res nisem osebi dajal neke posesivne pozornosti ampak pozornost, ki bi si jo sam želel dobiti od nje.

https://youtu.be/dPQXvALlzrw?is=0JEBBZklnYR17xdV