r/SchemaTherapy

Hi I am 18M. I have emotional deprivation, failure, unrelenting standards as my dominant maladaptive schemas and avoidant protector mode as my current dominant maladaptive coping mode, previously it was perfectionistic overcompensater. I am currently transitioning and looking for a suitable schema therapist for me and have deep dived in the subject on my personal level and learnt about it independently. I feel that having an accountability buddy like an Empathetic but firm buddies help a lot in the journey. I am aiming to create an accountability buddy group where everyone keep their identities private or public as per thier convenience. The aim is to create a non judgemental supportive environment to support each person's individual journey and therapy on a regular basis. NOTE: By no means it will be substitute to actual therapy but it would be like a supplement, to support each other at our worst. If you have any other idea to improve this then please tell. And please tell if you're interested in joining.

I'm really struggling with something and wondered if anyone else has experienced this.

I do schema therapy with my therapist. Because of severe malpractice from a previous mental health provider, along with earlier trauma, I have a very hard time trusting people.

My therapist has repeatedly told me that it's okay to message her between sessions. She continues to reassure me that I'm not doing anything wrong and that I can reach out when I need to. But I just can't believe her.

I've brought this up with her so many times because every time I message, I feel like I'm crossing a boundary or doing something I'm not supposed to do. I keep waiting for the moment she'll suddenly decide I've messaged too much or that I'm "too much."

She recently asked me, "What can I do that would help you trust me?" and I honestly had no answer. I don't know the answer to much in my life right now.

I'm also autistic, and I often feel misunderstood. I struggle to know what the "rules" are in relationships, especially therapeutic ones, and I'm terrified of getting them wrong.

Is it actually okay to message a therapist if they've explicitly said it's okay? Has anyone else found it impossible to trust reassurance like this? If you eventually learned to trust your therapist, what helped?

Hey everyone! Hope you're having a fantastic day!

(Disclaimer: my native language is Dutch, and I follow schema therapy in this language. My specific vocabulary on schema therapy and therapy as a whole is pretty limited, so please do ask me to clarify if I am unclear!)

For context: I am in a schema therapy group fulltime on weekdays. The normal traject is 6 months, which would end very soon, but I have been extended for 2 extra months. I cannot speak about things that are discussed in the group, so I will make it as general and undetailed as possible, but I'd love to hear your feedbacks.

Members have to bring their life's story 3 times during the traject, once at the start in full, then once in the middle where the life story is meant to be shorter and there's room for reflection on the process so far, and then one in the end which is fully reflection on the process. A person that joined a month ago brought their story this week, and it triggered me, but not because of the content per sé: in fact, my intuition told me that the details of their story were either spiced up significantly, or straight lies. Today I learnt that the entire group felt this way.

The therapists know about it and take it seriously, since it undermines group safety in many ways, and we've been invited to speak about it openly in our next group talk. I was thinking about how to bring it up without being too confrontational, and I started analyzing the social isolation schema (that both me and they have, actually most members in the group do).

I remembered that, as a kid, I used to use exaggeration and lying a lot to make myself more liked. I was heavily bullied, but once I actually did build up a friend group, the lying stopped, and my method of being liked turned to drug use to become socially capable and connected.

In the context of social isolation, lying is a valid, perhaps even common schema expression to connect to people I'd say. People tend to take lying very personal, I dare say most people find honesty to be their most important value.

The very least I want is to make this person feel attacked or confronted. My biggest wish is that they will realize the function of the lying, be ready to face that it is an aspect that can safely exist within the group - as long as everyone is aware that it is a thing and we can check their statements openly for truth - but my fear is that they will overcompensate in shutting down and running away, maybe leaving.

My questions to you guys: am I missing certain things in my analysis of linking social isolation to lying? Am I generalizing too much?

And maybe the most important one: I do have a clear idea of how I will bring it up to them in group, but how would you guys deal with it?

Thank you so much for thinking along if you're planning to!