r/SeriousGynarchy

First of all, I truly am married to the greatest woman in the world. I thank God — or, I should say, Goddess — that I get to share my life with my lady.

Embracing her leadership has changed me in ways I never expected.

• I understand women better. I’ve learned to listen more and genuinely value my wife’s perspective instead of assuming I should always know best.

• I’ve let go of patriarchal expectations. I no longer believe that being the man means I have to carry everything, make every decision or always be the strong one.

• I’m more open about my emotions. I can tell my wife when I’m struggling, confused or simply need support. I don’t see asking for guidance as weakness anymore.

• I’ve embraced my submissive nature. Accepting that my wife naturally taking the lead is something that fulfils me has made me much more comfortable with who I am. Even something as simple as bowing to her feels like a meaningful expression of my respect and devotion.

• I trust her guidance completely. Whether it’s my career, personal decisions or everyday life, having a woman whose judgment I deeply trust and whose guidance I can seek has been incredibly valuable.

• Her happiness makes me happy. Supporting her, seeing her succeed and knowing that I’m contributing to her happiness gives me genuine fulfilment.

• I’ve become less judgmental. I’ve learned that there isn’t one correct way for a relationship to work. If two people freely choose a dynamic that makes them happy, that’s what matters.

• She made me believe in gynarchy. The biggest reason I believe female leadership can make the world better is simple: I’ve experienced how much it has made me better. If accepting a woman’s leadership has helped me become more understanding, emotionally open, less ego-driven and more willing to listen, I can understand why a society that genuinely values women’s perspectives and leadership could benefit from those qualities too.

My Lady didn’t just change the way I see relationships. She changed the way I see myself — and, through that, the way I see the world.

I had hoped to keep a private disagreement between u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 and me private. Since she has now publicly identified me as the person involved and described me as exhibiting a “predator mentality,” I believe I need to correct the record.

The underlying dispute concerns information about my marriage that she believes I should disclose publicly to this subreddit. I disagree. I have acknowledged privately to her that when she previously questioned me about this subject, I was not as forthcoming with her as I should have been, and I have taken responsibility for that.

What I have not agreed to do is make additional private information about my wife and our marriage public. That is not a refusal to communicate. She and I have communicated extensively about this disagreement. I have also responded in modmail to the moderation team, including within minutes of being asked to address an issue there.

I also want to state unequivocally that I am not Kate, have never operated Kate's account, and have never knowingly participated in anyone impersonating a woman.

Given the breakdown in trust between u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 and me, I no longer believe I can effectively serve on this moderation team, and I am stepping down. I wish the community well.

I got inspired by a recent two posts by u/Appropriate_Cut_3536 alias u/GynarchGal, or more specifically her comments under the 1st one. If I understand correctly, she raised concerns over recent behaviour of the other moderator of our subreddit, u/Rocky_Knight_. I've also had a couple notable experiences with him, so I've thought I'll share them, to give her perhaps more context, as well as to encourage others who could potentially been in similar situations to speak up. To clarify, this is not meant to be a hate-post, my opinion on the involved is complex and not unambigous, but forming your own thoughts on this is encouraged.

So, as I said, I've always had pretty mixed feelings towards RK's activity. Some of his posts are truly excellent, providing scientific data, interesting articles or a good feed for thought. On the other hand, some other, especially his early ones, were odd. Some were pretty bland, just repeating that women are superior or other very basic stuff about gynarchy. He used to attach stock or AI-generated images of confident-looking women with added captions on them, presumably written by him: example 1, example 2. He also embedded these in otherwise somewhat more substantive posts: example 3, example 4. While there was technically nothing wrong with them, they gave an uncanny vibe, IMO. These pictures were made in the exact same fashion as sexual caption-images found in NSFW subreddits. He stopped adding them upon AWomanXX42 expressing her opinion they hadn't been adding anything to discussions and thus were unnecessary.

Another thing raising my suspicion is the fact he's been a mod of r/ChristianMatriarchy, which appears to heavily loaded with explicitly fetish content.

Around 2 years ago, I've experienced an odd situation with our subreddit's then-mods upon reporting a post, which I believed broke the rule prohibiting fetish posting. It was apparently deleted by Reddit automatic filters, but you can access it in the archive. The issue was an attached AI-slop image presenting a woman holding a man on a lead (content warning). One's gotta be 5 years old not to catch the BDSM reference. Yet the person responding to my report in modmail argued it was not. They added the poster was Viktor Gülbadamov, the then-owner of the subreddit—a profound porn addict only (poorly) disguising himself as genuine gynarchy supporter—implying they won't/can't touch him. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to recover this modmail now, I think Reddit changed how it works in the meantime, so it's just my word. I don't have any solid proof it was RK with whom I talked either. However, I suspect it must've been him by the style of his speech, he dodged concerns of fetish-y nature of disputed content in very similar manner as he did in a later episode described below. He also used to be the most active mod at the time, and I know him and Viktor were indeed good friends, they used to be the sole 2 mods earlier, so one had a reason to cover for the other.

And then there was the "incident". That's how I call a particular post RK made around a year ago. I think there's not much to describe here, his actions speak for themselves. I highly recommend looking into it, be beware of potentially unsettling content though. While the text of the post itself could maaaybe be defended as just very awkwardly written, he left no doubts about his intentions by how he interacted in the comments >!(there should be a "load comments" button at the bottom)!<.

I reached to him via DMs expressing my distaste and urging him to take responsibility—you can see the full thing on the screenshots below (I attached two display versions: one for best readability on phones, and one for PCs below it).

Version for phones

PC version—1 of 3 images

2 of 3

3 of 3

In my opinion, he tried to diminish his fault and instead of either admitting to or at least denying fetishising gynarchy, he mostly dodged the concern ("fetish? what fetish?"). He used bland, corporate-style speech, trying to pull the wool over my eyes. I was very dissatisfied with his responses, but upon his rigidity, I gave up arguing. Of course, the post was quickly deleted, but I've been able to recover it through the archive tool. He later made a "corrected", cleaned version, which to me was genuinely hilarious. The fixation on hand washing and a few banal statements, such as "we men have to do better", made little sense on their own in the context of gynarchy. If it discussed the issue of public health across genders in a broader light, it'd have been actually substantive. To me the sole purpose of that "improved" post was cleaning up his image (or should I say, washing his hands LMAO).

Since then, he made a lot of really high quality posts, I must admit. While I still felt he should've taken more responsibility for the "incident", it seemed he genuinely wanted to improve and I had hope in him. Nobody's perfect, I've also behaved awkwardly over the internet and our subreddit a few times (although, to my best good-willed knowledge, never crossed the sexual line). But now, as new concerns towards him are raised, his growth is at question again.

It's understandable one can struggle. However, I think it would be wiser to not to serve such important role as a moderator of a subreddit like ours, if you have unresolved issues like this.

To u/Rocky_Knight_, if you're reading this. I hope you won't take this post down and/or ban me for criticism. That wouldn't make you look good.

Hey guys, please excuse me having a moment. I just don't know what to do or where to go from here. I didn't want to make this a whole post on the front page of our sub but I also don't know who specifically to reach out to from our page.

I keep my DMs off, hardly use chat, try to keep myself fairly distant from our users and be as professional as possible while also keeping a slow warmth for you all stoked in my heart.

But this issue has to do with the sub and the entire movement of Gynarchy and I've felt reduced to a child over these past few weeks. Something disturbing has been weighing heavily on my shoulders for too long now and I've practiced an undue level of patience - all to no avail and at zero benefit to anyone - least of which, each of you. It's not fair to anyone that it has carried on this long and I find myself becoming more heartbroken and hopeless as the days pass by.

Here's something I want this sub to chew on as it waits for the fruition of this clown world to unfold within our midst: does Gynarchy need a qualifier? Do we want a "Serious" Gynarchy, an "Ethical" Gynarchy, a "Heart-Centered Gynarchy", a "Voluntary Gynarchy", a "Female-first Gynarchy", a "Child-Centered" Gynarchy? Or does just the word Gynarchy suffice to describe what our values are?

I never wanted a qualifier. I don't even believe in the serious qualifier and - up until a few weeks ago - I didn't believe in the "Ethical" qualifier. I thought Gynarchy itself should be able to handle it and anything that didn't fit the bill wasn't "true Gynarchy".

But I'm leaning more and more towards the idea that Gynarchy is going to split, and we are not far off from that being a feature of the movement. It already has to quite a large degree when we look back at the path we've already walked down so far... many men in other Gynarchal spaces and even in our space here are not commited to women's superiority or women's power the way they proclaim. They use the movement to feel good about themselves or gain access to (or brownie points with) strong, confident, unbreakable women.

Being exposed to these men has rendered me into a state of weakness, uncertainty, and a broken sense of self. Which was probably their (albeit, unconscious) goal; to feel the power that comes from systematically manipulating ​women into docility.

Well, you know what? I came to this world to disrupt that pattern. I'm not going to succumb to docility and in fact I will be so fluid that the force men have used against me (and by extention, all women) will be allowed to pass by me, into the direction it was already headed. These men are moving down a path of making themselves docile, and there is nothing we must do but step out of their way and let themselves do it.

Keep your wits about you, a dark storm brews.

I'm really tired of every single person I meet trying to dominate me or exploit me for my labour - in any social context, but obviously exponentially more so if attempting relationships with men.

Those of you who have met partners or those of you looking, where did you meet them/are you looking, and how would you say the right person can be identified?

I feel many men, including those who may genuinely consider themselves to be anti-patriarchy, tend to have a strong disdain or resistance towards the Gynarchy movement, and/or some of the women within it, often to an almost theatrical degree.

As a man myself, while some topics or discussions can be a bit challenging or uncomfortable at times, I personally rather find the Gynarchy movement to be an incredibly loving movement at its core. Suffice to say, I find a lot of the resistance towards it to feel quite jarring.

I think part of this, particularly when it comes to the men who could otherwise have the potential to be good matriarchal men, has to do with how I feel many men may relate themselves to women.

For example, I used to consider myself to be an almost inherently “good man” on my own merits alone, and felt that I was relatively equal to women. However, since then I have come to realize and acknowledge that the best parts of myself are ultimately the culmination of women's own wisdom, efforts, and general influence on me. I wouldn't be half the man I am today if not for the many women I have meaningfully interacted with, and I wouldn't even exist all if not for the generations of women who came before me.

I feel the same is true for other “good men”.

To illustrate this, you could say that men, at their best, are autonomous living incarnations of women's love for humanity.

As such, I feel what we, as men, really want more than anything, at our core, is to give love back.

To do this, we must be mindful to center women's prosperity first and foremost. Whenever we consider a policy, we shouldn't default to how it may affect us personally, but should instead default to how it will benefit women.

Take having a curfew for men as an example. A man might see this policy and almost immediately be hesitant about it, if not straight up against it, as it would strictly cut down on his freedom to some degree. However, if we look at how this may benefit women, we can see that it would allow women to be much more safe and secure in their own freedom, which most certainly does serve to increase women’s prosperity. Not to mention, it will also incidentally serve to make men safer themselves if you think about it, but that's besides the point.

In fact, I feel that whenever men do get the chance to make relatively small but meaningful sacrifices in favor of women's best interest, they should feel extremely honored to do so rather than burdened.

I feel some men may feel inclined to reject this to some degree, as it can often be difficult to break through feelings of unfairness towards oneself, but I believe this self-victimization type of mindset mainly only serves to make themselves more miserable, if not also to uphold the Patriarchy. Afterall, in order to have any significant chance to counter the Patriarchy's extreme hatred towards women, we must find and maintain an even stronger radical love for said women.

To put it simply, women's prosperity is everyone's prosperity. Therefore, it is our duty to make a hyper-focused emphasis on women's prosperity, and trust that the rest will follow.

Furthermore, while we should be willing to put a great deal of our own efforts into this, we also ought to practice consistent mindful gratitude and appreciation towards women. Afterall, none of this would be remotely possible without them, so we must stay humble and not feel entitled to anything in return. We are lucky to even be here.

We must also remember that any of our positive efforts towards a better world is less a reflection of our own innate “goodness” as men, and more a reflection of women's combined efforts acting from within us.

At the end of the day, I don't wish to feed my own ego. I just wish to make women proud to have invested in me, and to show their efforts paying off. I would like to think that most other matriarchal men feel the same way.

With all that said, I feel the Gynarchy is not just a movement for us to contribute to or support. It is a natural home for our best selves, built and owned by women, which we are meant to advocate for, defend, and help maintain, with all our hearts.

There's no need to make a fuss about any of this, even if we are directly criticized. It's okay to make mistakes. What matters most is learning from them, and not allowing our egos to get in the way.

Regardless of your feelings, the blunt fact of the matter is, we exist, in general, because of women, for women. I believe a critical step in becoming our best selves is truly acknowledging and internalizing this fact.

As for the women, I just want to take this moment to thank you all for your efforts in establishing and maintaining this movement, and for your patience in working with us men. My gratitude extends beyond what I feel I could ever tangibly express 🙏

As a guy, I do support this example of matriarchy. Usually a lot of feminists talk about matriarchy being about equality. I guess matriarchy can be defined in a few ways. Then I see misandrists online talking about they want revenge on men. So which one is it because it can't be both. If its just about patriarchy with a skirt on, then forget about it. Im not supporting another oppressive system to replace another one. So many ignore and mock real issues men face. Laugh about when a guy is hurt, thinking he deserves it. What's the point to all this? Was I foolish for thinking matriarchy was about helping everyone as a community? because that was the impression I got. People want to play their fetish games to themselves, good for them. Im not personally putting up with abuse from anyone. That includes verbal abuse. Like men cant be abused and have feelings? but we cant talk about it. we're told to shut up and get laughed at. Is that the idea of gynarchy or matriarchy people want? Then acted shock when a guy finally has a nervous breakdown and laugh at that. I wonder what that does to a person after awhile. This post isn't about doing a way with matriarchy. Im asking what kind of matriarchy are we talking about. That's a very fair and valid question.

Hello,

I was wondering, who are the most well-known authors on gynarchy today ? Writers, video creators who discuss this topic, etc. ?

I'm talking about serious Gynarchy, not anything related to BDSM.

Thank you very much :)

Updates for the sub:

- I'm going to switch to u/GynarchGal

- I appreciate transparency and radical honesty

- My husband has joined reddit to support me and the movement here, please welcome u/GynarchyGuy

I'm a mature man (48), dentist, with a quite classic style : I'm everyday in shirt, dress pants, and low vamp tassel loafers.

And my wife wants me to have a perm to be curly, very tight, all back, with a lot of volume, like an old lady's perm. She finds it very refined, quite feminine, for a mature man to dare a real old lady's perm, and she loves it, that's why she would like me to go to a hairdresser for ladies only.

She told me that she would like me to be permed like an old lady's definitivly, for always, for all my life. I'm a submissive husband but it's a real radical change for me ! What do you think about it? Do I change my appearance to please my wife ? How will I be perceived (by my clients and colleagues)? THANKS so much for your advice.