u/Tiredplumber2022

Bragging post here. My wife, who comes from a family of absolutely NO college graduates, let alone attendees, is going to college!! I am SOOO proud of her! She's on campus today, meeting with advisors, and i am just over the moon excited for her. Congratulations, u/wild-n-unstoppable!!!

Addendum... sorry, MODS. I'm sure this one caused a ton of reports from folks who didn't read the whole post. Thank you for letting this one past the AutoBots. 😀

Quit drinking a year ago. Trying to get into something physical just to keep from fall8ng apart, but its hard. Some days, everything hurts. No reason, just hurts. Joints, muscles, feet, head...

Treatment resistant depression, and the VA has pretty much given up, after 15 tried and failed meds. Can't even do the ketamine (Spravato) due to brain damage.

No motivation, no libido, cang sleep mire than 3 hours at a time, but i force myself to go to BJJ class 3 times a week, and spend the rest of the time recovering, and hurting, and still not sleeping.

THIS SUCKS! Im not ready to just sit here quietly until I die. Has anybody here had legitimate success with TRT? Or any other suggestions?

Very rural property here. Nearest neighbor approx 1/4 mile east built a new house. Cleared the land, all old growth. It was heartbreaking. All last winter we had to listen to chainsaws and trees being killed.

Yesterday, apparently the insurance company told him he had to get rid of one more tree, a 250+ yr old Tulip Poplar. 56" diameter at waist height, about 40 ft from the new house. Completely healthy.

My house shook when it came down. It was huge. There should be rules against this.

\*I wrote this originally as a comment to a post, but thought I'd share it here and get the group consensus.\*

I know im an absolute noob at BJJ, BUT I have 48 years practice in several other martial arts, and was a semi finalist at State in wrestling in high school, so the memories are there in the muscles.

Im also 63 years old.

Folks, we all practice for our own reasons. Some just want to train to compete, some want to train for self health, some just enjoy the "physical chess match" aspect. That part is similar to many other practices. "Jiu-Jitsu is the Art of folding clothes... while people are still wearing them" 😀

At my age, injury is a big concern, so prior to any roll or training drill, I will explicitly state whether I want to go "Soft", "Medium", or "Hard". So far, Medium is the most i can handle.

There was a kid the other day who was violently slamming and throwing people. He was my size, but 50 lbs lighter, young, and angry. When it was out turn, I specifically asked him to take it easy, as I was new and just learning. First thing he did was that arm bar thing, and popped my right elbow. Hurt like hell, and pissed me off.

Next move, we were standing, and he grabbed my gi on the left lapel, so I turned away to my left to look like I was trying to turn away, presenting my back. As soon as he reached with the other arm for my neck, I squatted down, put my butt on his knees, leaned forward, pulled his gi, and stood up, and pulled him over my head. I forget what the move is called, but he hit the mat kind of hard, and he landed wrong.

On the one hand, I felt justified because he had intentionally hurt me. On the other, I feel badly because I should not have let emotions get involved... I should have just walked away.

Point is, even with years of control, it's hard not to get emotionally involved when you get hurt.

I'm reminded of the story of the Ronin and the assassin, where he finally catches up with th3 assassin , draws his sword, and th assassin spits in his face. The Ronin sheathed his sword and walks away, because it would be wrong to strike in anger.

Bottom line, consent is always important. There are a few young active duty Marines i train with that love being rough. There are civilians who do not. Regardless, CONSENT is the key. Communicate with your opponents, always.

Isaac and Sarah were in bed, late one night, and Isaac was tossing and turning, turning and tossing. Finally, Sarah lights the candle and says "Isaac! Why do you toss and turn so? What is wrong?"

Isaac says "Well, beloved wife... I owe Yitzak across the way 20 kopeks, and I cannot pay him, and he will not tell me "Mahool".

Sarah jumps up, throws open the shutters, and calls out "Yitzak! Yitzak!"

Yitzak opens his shutters and answers back "Sarah! Whatever is wrong? It is the middle of the night!"

To which Sarah replies "Yitzak! You onow that 20 kopeks my husband owes you? Well, he cannot pay you! Goodnight!" and she slams the shutters closed. Turning to her husband, she says "There, now you let Yitzak worry about it. Get some sleep!"

A young shlemiel was having breakfast, but after having smeared goosefat on his bread, he accidentally jogged it with his elbow, and it fell to the floor. Miraculously, it landed goosefat side UP!

Now, everybody knows that when you drop a piece of smeared bread, it always lands goosefat side down. The shlemiel was amazed, and so he tried it again. And again, it landed goosefat side up. 8 more times he tried it, and 8 more times the miracle occurred.

Excitedly, he ran to the village elders, and showed them. They had the shlemiel repeat the experiment for them numerous times, and none could understand why it was happening.

The elders pondered, and argued, pulling their beards and yelling, consulting the writings, and finally, after 2 days of deliberation, announced to the villagers anxiously awaiting outside, that it was, indeed NOT a miracle. They asked "Elders? How can that be? We all saw it!"

To which the elders replied, that the shlemiel, being a shlemiel, had merely smeared his goosefat on the wrong side of the bread.

I recently made a post about trespassers, and expressed my worry that maybe I was being paranoid.

https://www.reddit.com/r/homestead/s/gHI3IawIyk

The post got a huge amount of responses, and I want to thank all of you. It makes me feel really good to know that I am, by far, NOT the most paranoid person in th8s group!

Stay peaceful, fellow hermits. 😀

Combat veteran here, struggling with PTSD, paranoia, hypervigilance, etc.

Has anybody who is really rural ever have somebody just walk up to the house unannounced? For reference, im on 6 acres, mostly swampy and wooded, in a very rural area near Camp LeJeune, North Carolina. Driveway is 204 meters long off a small country road, gravel, unmarked except for numerous no trespassing signs, beware of dog signs, and purple marker paint and a cattle gate. Lots of turns, deep woods.

This kid (mid 20's, long hair, looked like a stoner ? ) comes strolling from the driveway into my front yard, asking where the slot machines were. (This place was a trap house about 6 years ago) Wow. Said he lives in the trailer park about a mile down the road.

I politely escorted him all the way back to the road, caught myself scanning the brush and surrounding woods for anybody else.

Trying very hard to relax, but it was very unsettling. The dogs were inside, so they didn't even notice. Even the guineas failed to alert, as it was feeding time and they were occupied.

I dont like this feeling, like i got caught sleeping, and with the way the world has been going lately, im not sure if my thoughts are paranoia, or legitimate security concerns.

Anybody relate?

EDIT/ADDENDUM Folks, I was kind of shook yesterday. Thank you all for your help... just knowing I was heard means a lot. There's a few things I forgot to mention.

The house sits in the center of a cleared square, 100m x 100m, with actual grass ("GREEN GREEN GRASS!") trimmed down tight. Treeline clearly visible 360°. 10 meters in from the treeline is the inner fence, an 8 strand electric fence, mostly for the dogs. No flagpole yet, but you get the picture. The chicken coop, where I was, is just outside the fence line, catercorner to the driveway entrance. This guy walked (supposedly) from the driveway, along the fence line, past the vehicles, around the corner, up to the coop, and was literally 30 ft from me before I saw him. Clear line of sight the whole way. No way in hell someone does that without taking some special care to not be seen. Only slept 3 hours last night. Sitting on the porch now with my coffee since sun up, listening to the rain and waiting for my sense of peace to return.

Im still struggling, but its better than it has been for the last 20 years.

BEST THING I LEARNED! Depression is not some single thing, not a monolithic illness that has a single cause and a single "silver bullet" cure, so quit hoping for one. It's also different for everyone.

I had to attack all the root causes one by one, and progress has been very slow.

1. Sleep. This was the hardest one. Had to learn how to fix my sleep, because in addition to depression I am prone to sleep deprivation psychosis at a much higher rate than most others, and certainly higher than when I was 18 (45 years ago). Despite what my brain tells me, I CAN'T pull an "all-nighter" any more.

2. Sunlight. This was the hardest one. No matter what time I got to sleep, or even if I didn't, I have to go outside and face the rising sun for a few minutes. Something about the early morning light helps reset all kinds of biological stuff in my brain.

3. Something physical. This was the hardest one. I had no motivation to do anything at all. Eat, shower, get out of bed. I even resented getting up to pee, to where I (almost) started pissing in bottles. What did it for me was finally getting talked into attending (watching, not participating) a BJJ class. I used to wrestle in high school, and it seems to have woken Something up in me. I now go 3x a week. Oldest man on the floor, can't do half the shit the youngsters do, but by God I'm there.

4. Quit drinking alcohol. Completely. Its been 10 months now. This was the hardest one for me. Been drinking since birth, basically, and entire family is alcoholic, going back as far as Ancestry dot com can see. "Family Tradition" of self medication to numb out bipolar, TLEs, PTSD, etc.

5. Zyrtec-D in the morning. The pseudoephedrine HCL 120 mg gives me just enough of a boost to get morning things done. The antihistamine helps also.

6. 200 mg L-THEANINE also in the mornings, and again around 5 pm. Keeps the "crazies" away. Stimulates alpha rhythms and suppresses Beta in the brain. Calmer, think clearer, less anxiety.

Like I said,lots of little things, none of which by itself made a huge difference, but together seem to be having a positive effect.

And yes, at the time, they ALL seemed like the hardest thing to do. 😀 Good luck.

I am SO F@CKING TIRED OF BEING DEPRESSED!! I have a ton of things that need to be done, that i haven't been doing. It's a farm; i absolutely have to do some things at specific times. My life is falling slowly ro ruin from this constant depression.

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Is there any way (other than illicit substances from Columbia) to reliably induce a hypomanic state just so I can get s#it done??

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Ugh. Rant over.

(Originally posted in r/Parenting , but MODS suggested i post here instead.)

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Wife's son visiting for the summer. 15, heavy duty gamer 24/7 if he could, mostly shooting games, Call of Duty, and a bunch i never heard of. Loves his toy guns, carrying them everywhere. Big kid. 5'11" 270 lbs. Father is ex-Army retired.

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I came into the house today and caught him at wife and I's bedroom door "shooting" one of his toy AR15s at our bed, making shooting noises, rotating back and forth between shooting at our bed, and shooting towards the bathroom (back of our bedroom). When he realized I was standing behind him he jumped like he'd been caught, apologized, and hurried off to his bedroom.

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I told my wife about it, and she didn't seem to feel like it was a problem. "The house doesn't have many obstacles for him to practice around".

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My issue? I'm a combat veteran, with TBI, PTSD, hypervigilance, and a whole list of issues. (Im at the VA regularly). All I could see when he was doing this was someone "practicing" to shoot us in our sleep. Either me or her or both, seeing as his changed targets 3 times rapidly.

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If he had done this while I was actually in bed? Bad things would have happened. As it is, it is very concerning behavior to me.

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Wife says I'm over-reacting. I always have to question myself due to the above listed issues, but this sounds like something you'd read in an FBI file about "the shooters home environment and how they grew up".

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No guns here, othe than a couple Daisy BB gun rifles.

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So, Parents Of Reddit; "Concerning Behavior" or " You're over-reacting " ?

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UPDATE: Thank you all so much for your comments. For those few of you that dont see an issue with this, ask yourself how you would feel if it was a toy knife instead, and you found him stabbing your pillow? And a knife is less "deadly" than a rifle.

Wife's son visiting for the summer. 15, heavy duty gamer 24/7 if he could, mostly shooting games, Call of Duty, and a bunch i never heard of. Loves his toy guns, carrying them everywhere. Big kid. 5'11" 270 lbs. Father is ex-Army retired.

​

I came into the house today and caught him at wife and I's bedroom door "shooting" one of his toy AR15s at our bed, making shooting noises, rotating back and forth between shooting at our bed, and shooting towards the bathroom (back of our bedroom). When he realized I was standing behind him he jumped like he'd been caught, apologized, and hurried off to his bedroom.

​

I told my wife about it, and she didn't seem to feel like it was a problem. "The house doesn't have many obstacles for him to practice around".

​

My issue? I'm a combat veteran, with TBI, PTSD, hypervigilance, and a whole list of issues. (Im at the VA regularly). All I could see when he was doing this was someone "practicing" to shoot us in our sleep. Either me or her or both, seeing as his changed targets 3 times rapidly.

​

If he had done this while I was actually in bed? Bad things would have happened. As it is, it is very concerning behavior to me.

​

Wife says I'm over-reacting. I always have to question myself due to the above listed issues, but this sounds like something you'd read in an FBI file about "the shooters home environment and how they grew up".

​

No guns here, othe than a couple Daisy BB gun rifles.

​

So, Parents Of Reddit; "Concerning Behavior" or " You're over-reacting " ?

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​ UPDATE: Thank you all so much for your comments. For those few of you that dont see an issue with this, ask yourself how you would feel if it was a toy knife instead, and you found him stabbing your pillow? And a knife is less "deadly" than a rifle.

Soooo tired of being depressed. My life ticking away second by second and day by day while I lay here useless. At my age I don't have many years left. I'd much rather be manic and go out with a bang than just rot away .... at least if I'm manic I'll get stuff done.

The th8ng is, most of them are not native English speakers, and so they keep misspelling it as "kys". Oh well, it's the thought that counts.