r/ShadowWork

When I started shadow work, I kept hitting the same loops — find something, sit with it, feel something, end up back where I started.

What actually made it productive for you? Is there something that forces you to look at the gap between what you say you believe and what you actually do?

Genuinely curious what structure, if any, made the difference.

Worst thing you can do is use words and ideas to feel better about yourself

Words and ideas are prone to ego inflation to the most distorted degree. These comforting are also like a drug, temporary gives you a quick dopamine hit and keep you feening for more. "Intellectuals" / mind-heavy people tend to fall into this trap. A stroking of their own ego.

Twisted and distorted comparison is their drug. Racism / Race-Superiorism , genderism / Gender-Superiorism, politics, classism, etc.. these are all just idea masturbations they are not linked to you as an individual. This is you attempting to don on a fake mask of identity to feel important without actually earning self importance yourself. They are linked to you trying to feel better about yourself indirectly...

Obsession with titles. Every time you try to tout "your group" you've identified with to be great you need to be careful with the ego trap. It's often rooted from a place where people lack self importance trying to feel importance even if it is a pseudo method in doing so

Everyone is obsessed with the mind stuff and the identity stuff because their connection to their own self and body sucks. Their sense as an individual body is nothing great, so the mind and identity stuff is just a coping mechanism.

Feeling is a bodily sensation. The only way to actually feel better about yourself is do better. Your self worth sucks because you suck as a human Being. You just need to step it up as a human Being and align more to your inner self instead of your outer self. Soul over the masked shallow Ego. Only then you can settle yourself in your own body instead of being stuck in distorted ideas about yourself

TL DR
- people who lack self importance try to fulfill that need indirectly through identifying with groups, namely groups that makes them feel superior than others

-these people are the same people who get triggered if someone else directly claim the great things that someone else has don done or can do, not realizing they themselves are low key envious/jealous and disconnected with their own self importance

This is the shadow of self importance. The triggers are the archetypal and the individuals relationship to it. The hate is towards the individual's relationship to the archetype, but they like to believe it is the other to feel better about themselves

The ego trap... Saying you are important without really Being important. Saying you are great without Being great. You flex your ego but it really is just air, an inflated ego. Thoughts and ideas are just air. The ego can only be properly filled with Soul.. and Soul can only be found in Art & Beauty, in Creativity & Freestyle, and in Healing & Strive... The Force of Life itself or LifeForce Energy

Does your action and energy steer the world towards the expansion of Life and impulse of Life... Or does your actions only feeds your ego and steer the world towards collapse of life moving towards extinction, an all consuming ego. This is what creates the shadow of self importance... Where you stand between Creator and Consumer of the Impulse of Life

Hi, I’d like some help on figuring out how to go about incorporating the shadow, I’ve read letting go by David Hawkins, and read through most of no bad parts by Richard Schwartz, and I think sometimes I get lost in intellectualising because letting go sounds so simple but sometimes in practice I just don’t get it?

I have had a significant amount of childhood trauma, I grew up in an extremeist religious household, my dad would beat the shit out of my mum constantly, my siblings would protect her as best they could, I as the youngest would hide in my room crying while covering my ears until 9 years old when they finally split.
My mother was like our rock because my dad was this terrifying, extremely abusive and also very physically strong person, but when my parents split, she found a new partner and various things happened like my siblings just disappearing from the home after he had choked my brother for not listening to my mum and I could hear the screaming from outside. When I went to live with my mum around aged nine at this point, she had completely turned on me, she allowed her boyfriend to be abusive towards me not so much physically in terms of hitting, but a lot of psychological abuse a lot of screaming, I remember once he grabbed me and took me into the shower (I was fully clothed) and would scream in my face and when I would scream back, he would point the shower into my mouth and the only reason my mother stopped it is because it was giving her a headache my screaming, she was extremely neglectful of me, and would often send me to random peoples houses because she didn’t want me, at the time, I was also getting severely bullied in school, not just by one specific person or a small group of people but quite literally almost every person in my year I was probably the most hated person in school, because I wasn’t an easy target I used to get really bullied for being tall as a girl as well, on top of this, my mum’s boyfriend’s daughter would also bully me both in and out of school with her friends and this one girl who at one point I was close friends with turned on me for her. My mum had completely checked out of being my parent at this point and she went from being someone who was fairly caring even though she also would be physically abusive towards me sometimes when she was still married to my dad. To hating me, not wanting me.

Then, when I got sent to live with my dad at the age of 11, he would constantly beat me for things like getting crumbs on the floor or accidentally breaking something etc..
There were many times where he would take me in the car and he would be driving and he would be screaming at the top of his lungs. Bare in mind my dad is a very big strong person physically which made it scarier, and he’d scream religious sentences at me and get me to repeat them over and over and over never ending, or he would ask me questions and if I answered incorrectly beat me, all while swerving the car wildly.
I remember once being at a dinner table at my cousin’s house with my cousin‘s family and my dad was sat next to me and we had had an argument and he was eating his food and it was really awkward because it was clear that we had had an argument in every two seconds. He would just thump his fist on my back whilst I was silently crying trying not to be loud because he would just scream at me to stop crying while beating me whilst everyone around the dinner table very awkwardly stayed silent.
He constantly programmed fear and religion into my brain, repeat repeatedly through significant amounts of physical and psychological abuse. This was constant, literally constant. I self harmed quite a bit in school, and a lot of my self worth was put into relationships even at a young age and I would do a lot just to feel worthy of other people outside of my family. Lead to a lot of toxic relationships etc.. I know it seems like a lot of info but this is kind of the overview of my trauma

The reason why I’m asking with the shadow work is because I am aware of a lot of different parts of me for example I know that I have severe abandonment issues which shows whenever I start to have feelings for a guy, if he doesn’t like me back it’s literally the end of the world because no one wanted me and everyone hated/abused me growing up.
I have a lot of envy, and jealousy, even when I hear my bestfriends hype themselves up sometimes it annoys me like there’s a pang of jealousy.
I scan peoples imperfections a lot because of my own
My nervous system still massively lives in fear.
There’s also a hypersexual side to me (probably due to religious stuff) but also a lot of shame and guilt not just surrounding that but surrounding a lot of my life.
I’ve done journalling and like I said I feel pretty aware of why I am the way I am, and certain aspects

But I’m struggling to find a clear guide on how I can operate and transmute this and use these different parts of myself to my benefit. I’m not trying to permanently heal from my trauma as I don’t even think that’s possible and I’m not trying to stay in a state of healing for the rest of my life. I just want to incorporate all of these aspects of myself so that I am working for myself and reprogramming my subconscious mind as well.

sorry it’s long but any advice would be appreciated, thanks

Grew up middle class, had a good life. Parents never taught me or my siblings financial literacy. I’m 27 now and still learning…

when I was 10, my mom packed up my brothers and I, and left our father. She had no job of her own. My dad was the breadwinner, and he was financially abusive. Still, she took us and ran.

From age 10-18, we lived in scarcity. The projects, because that’s what she could afford while being on welfare. She went to the food bank often, which was always stale or had mold. We were told to pick it off. I don’t want to sound snobby or “too good”… but to go from a mostly comfortable life with good food and good quality things to being in this state, it really messed with my head as a kid. Especially because my father made anywhere from 200k-400k a year, so I didn’t understand why he didn’t help and send more for us so we didn’t have to go without. It’s not that he couldn’t. It’s that he wouldn’t, unless the courts threatened to garnish his accounts.

My mom was proud to be on welfare and would constantly brag about how she finessed the system. Food stamps, cash assistance, you name it. It was low class behavior, which did not resonate with me whatsoever. If she at least tried to get a job to improve our situation, I would have been so understanding and patient. But she didn’t try. She didn’t want a job. She wanted that child support and welfare, and spend the rest of her time scrolling on her phone in bed. Barely ever spent time with us either. This made me very depressed during my teen years. Dad was physically and emotionally absent, and mom was… that. I know she was depressed, but she didn’t even try to help herself. Didn’t go to therapy, didn’t do any inner work. Just living life in survival mode, because that’s all she’s ever known. She grew up in the system too, so that played a part.

I’m not trying to sound pretentious or materialistic, because I’m not. But I do know that I enjoy having nice things. For me, that is good, clean organic food, buying and supporting local businesses, investing in myself and my education and my body, etc. health is WEALTH, and I take that very seriously.

Nowadays… whenever I have money, I am so quick to spend it. Without a second thought. I’m always stressed about money, especially in this economy and job market. I’m a stay at home wife and my resume is atrocious. I doubt I could get a job even if I wanted to. I’m also neurodivergent, so that doesn’t help. I’m lucky and privileged to be married to a hard working man in a lucrative industry, and his parents offer financial support from time to time if we fall short.

I’m just so depressed because of the current state of the economy and affordability crisis, and my dreams for ever owning a home are becoming nonexistent and hopeless. So… because of that, whenever we do have money, I spend it on things that’ll bring me happiness in the present moment. I don’t overspend, but I’m not good at saving either. We have just enough to pay bills, and maybe go out to eat every once in a while. It still feels like survival mode.

I went a big chunk of my life living in scarcity, so whenever I get my hands on money, I just want to spend it because I’m always chasing dopamine and I just want to feel happy in that moment. For me, a “guilty pleasure” purchase would be something like a new journal or book, art supplies… stuff like that. Not at once tho. No big purchases, just small things… but that adds up over time.

I’m a mom myself, and I definitely don’t let my child go without. I don’t want him to ever have to experience the “we don’t have enough” mindset. Because of my own trauma and experiences, I make sure he gets all he needs, eats the best quality food, keeping him in sports and activities, keeping his wardrobe updated, and anything that could possibly give him a happy and fulfilling childhood. Even if I go broke doing it.

How do I clear these blockages? I need to improve my relationship with money, without sacrificing lifestyle.

Most shadow work focuses on identifying patterns — recognising the People Pleaser, the Controller, the Perfectionist in ourselves. But what most approaches miss is WHERE these patterns live energetically. Every shadow has a home in the body. The People Pleaser holds tension in the Solar Plexus — the seat of personal power. The Controller contracts around the Root — the centre of safety and survival. The Victim collapses in the Sacral — where emotions and creativity flow. When a shadow goes unhealed it doesn't just affect your psychology. It blocks the energy at that centre. And when that centre is blocked — the shadow grows louder. This is why purely cognitive approaches to shadow work sometimes only go so far. The body holds what the mind hasn't processed yet. Has anyone else noticed physical sensations associated with specific shadow patterns?

I was doing okay at work. Not thriving, but holding. I could feel the familiar inner current (the one that questions whether I’m capable enough, whether I actually belong in my current team, whether I’m a cultural fit) but I was staying above it. Acknowledging it as it came up rather than being pulled under. I felt like I was doing the work.

Then something small happened that sent everything sideways.

A new colleague was introduced at our departmental meeting. Same level as me. He walked in with this easy confidence, vibrant, warm, naturally at ease with people. And I felt it immediately, that cold, contracting feeling of comparison. A voice that said, he will fit in here the way you never have.

I don’t have many natural connections with my teammates. A few, but not many. It has always felt effortful for me in ways that seem to come easily to others. And seeing him walk in, seeing what easy belonging might look like, cracked something open.
I kept trying to process it through the day. Tried to hold the shadow, name it, acknowledge it. Thought I was managing.
But then I came home. And the monotony of a predictable evening, the routine, the quiet, was like removing the last scaffolding. I felt the exhaustion underneath everything. I barely had energy to be present with my wife and son. I did what I needed to do. But I was entirely in my head.

That’s when the shadows took on faces. My workmates became my inner critics. My mind started running catastrophic scenarios: that I will always be seen as incompetent, that I won’t progress, that the verdict is already in. It felt completely real. The kind of real that makes it impossible to reason your way out.

I reached for numbing. Food. Doomscrolling for hours. Anything to hold off the weight of it.

What I’m sitting with now:

Jung writes that the shadow doesn’t disappear when you acknowledge it. It gets louder when it’s losing ground. I’m trying to believe that’s what’s happening. That the intensity isn’t evidence of failure, but of something being disrupted.
But I also recognize a pattern here. I can name the archetypes, I can trace the projections (my new colleague mirroring qualities I’ve locked away in myself — ease, belonging, confidence), I can see that the faces my inner critics wear belong to the exact people in front of whom I most want to be seen. All of that is clear to me analytically.

And yet the emotional flooding still comes.
I wonder if this is a common place to get stuck where intellectual shadow work runs ahead of embodied integration. Where you know what’s happening but can’t yet feel your way through it differently.

Has anyone been here? How did you move from naming the shadow to actually integrating it, not just understanding it, but letting it change something?