r/SplendidaBrown

And I don’t mean a super hot brown girl being compared to a mid white girl.
I mean, if we take two women both almost equally attractive in terms of looks, won‘t the white girl still be approached more often and considered more conventionally attractive?

I feel like having lighter hair, eyes, features just comes with it’s own novelty factor. Recently, I was sitting in college with a friend. Now I know that she is drop dead gorgeous and I am not right now (overweight and all). After a while she was approached by a guy that had been looking in our direction for quite a bit. I have never once in my life been approached and even past romantic experiences were pretty shit.

Good for her but I wonder if it is even worth it to make the effort to glow up. Will I even ever be considered as attractive? I don’t have light eyes (i feel like lighter eyed south asians are their own group) Sure, my features are not bad (high cheekbones, narrow nose and so on). But even if I manage to look as good as her, won’t she still be considered more attractive simply by being white?

My question is, If I was always expected to be in the house, helping my mother wasn't allowed to earn when it was the right time and wasn't allowed to be romantically involved with any man before marriage, am I wrong to expect that now my well being is my family's responsibility?

I am from a desi family a typical one which wouldn't let a daughter step out to earn and her only job is to score a good husband. They didn't provide me any emotional support and the financial support that has been there wasn't enough ever. Had we not been raised in a joint family our family would have landed on the road.

My parents wanted only sons. But they got me.

My father was an irresponsible man and quarrelsome who had fought with every family in our lane. A few guys showed interest in me but I was too scared of my father to respond positively, my father who wouldn't bear seeing me out and about had high expectations of me that without my freedom I ll be so confident and score some rich guy. I wasn't allowed to go to my uncle's house because he had a son and I was completely barred of visiting ANY relatives. This started when I was barely 8 years old to now at 37 years old it hasn't changed.

He thinks women to be lower to men and are only born to serve men, get married raise kids and do house work.

But now at 37 due to the health issues and chronic illness that this stress gave me, he and all my siblings want me to make my own money and move out.

They see me as a burden, a burden who helped her mother to raise her brood of children. And those children now see me as a burden dependent on them and due to me being here my brothers aren't getting any prospects because women don't want to live with sister in laws.

Our father never cared about earning seriously all his life and we were dependent on his siblings and parents for finances.

Once things got better and he worked steadily for 5-6 years we were able to move to a new house. But my mother's typical thinking never changed. She used to make me work like a maid for my siblings. Wouldn't give me money to go to the beauty parlour or buy something nice. Would curse me for wearing lipstick and yet compare my life to my cousin's who was a free bird and her mother was always on her side no matter what.

On top of it she also expected me to go through the abuse and maintain an image that all is well. My siblings took advantage of my situation and made me a target and when I lost my mind and tried to speak up they said it's my fault not theirs because nobody likes me and I have no friends.

Now after our mother has passed away they have made my life hell. They want me to marry and leave asap with whoever is available but I don't want to live that kind of life.

To be honest I am too afraid of relations due to all this.

Can you imagine that they make fun of me for not being in touch with my friends, I am not because when we were of maritable age (18-20) they all were married and back then we didn't have access to smart phones and social media so we lost touch gradually.

I couldn't get married because they made me wait for the guy they wanted me to marry and when he didn't I was already in my late 20s by then.

They kept on refusing really great proposals but now they wanted me to accept anyone they liked but even this wasn't working because I had lost my looks to weight gain and chronic illness.

They taunt me day and night for not being successful and have a career. They want me to disappear into thin air so that they can enjoy life.

Today, I experienced something in the most unexpected way, and it left me frustrated and speechless at the same time.

A guy's mother saw my picture on one of my relative's phones from my sister's wedding and wanted to send a marriage proposal for her son. When she asked about me, my relative said, "The girl is nice, educated, and comes from a respectable family. But she's not fair, so if you're willing to compromise on her skin tone, I'll take you to her house and you can decide for yourself."

That relative called my mother today to discuss the alliance, she repeated the exact same thing to my mother (about what she had told the guy's mother) including the whole "compromise on her skin tone" dialogue.

Literally used the word COMPROMISE.

Just to let y'all know I have a light to medium skin tone with warm undertones. Apparently, if you're not "gori," you're considered a compromise in some arranged marriage circles I guess. This is honestly so frustrating. In love marriages, people have moved from inter-caste to inter-faith marriages ages ago, yet some arranged marriage aunties are still obsessed with finding a "gori chamdi wali ladki."

2026, and we're still reducing women to the shade of their skin.

https://preview.redd.it/pg5d280n6z9h1.png?width=1114&format=png&auto=webp&s=4d1e4f3402955a1b59827af03e44446c4764d4cb

I feel there’s so much conflicting advice about desi hair - oil it, don’t oil it, wash less, wash more 😭

So i’m curious - what’s your actual routine for soft, healthy desi hair?

What products, habits or treatments made a visible difference for you?. It could be anything like oiling, shampoo, conditioner, hair masks, silk pillowcases, heat protection, etc

Would love to hear from desi girls with all hair types (straight, wavy, curly, thick, etc)

But I'm stuck with these ugly misogynists 😒

I’ve always had high self esteem about my looks since hitting my 20s (I’m 30 now). I was born and raised in the West Coast of the US, and throughout the last decade, it wasn’t uncommon for people to randomly approach me, compliment my appearance without knowing me, get flustered when talking to me, have people do random favors for me, get random opportunities based on my looks (modeling), learn that someone I am vaguely acquainted with has a crush on me, people strike up conversation, etc. I moved to the Deep South a couple of years back, and all of that abruptly stopped. I feel like if anything, strangers are actively more hostile to me here (people seem to speed up while I cross the road for example, bumping into me, letting doors slam in my face, etc), I no longer get random compliments, etc. It’s a glaring difference. I thought at first that maybe it was me approaching 30, but whenever I go back to my hometown to visit family and friends (which is a big city in and of itself) even at my current age, interactions revert back to how they were before. It’s honestly made my self esteem kinda shaky, as much as it sucks to admit. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this before?