r/ToolJerk

If he got invited he'd give his own wine as a gift to save money the cheapskate.

My wife and I had a discussion the other night about what we want when we both pass away. My dying wish if for her to throw my ashes on stage directly at Maynard so I can become a part of him, and him a Part of Me.

If she can manage a good toss I’d like a little bit of my ashes to land on Danny’s snare drum so he pounds my ashes into the stratosphere. Ideally as my ashes spiral down a bit of me lands on both Adam and Justin’s hair and beard respectively.

This is my dying wish and she must honor it.

I miss the old days when Tool were mysterious and psychedelic and felt like you were discovering something post-human, but now it just all feels like a gimmick, and the members are cash grabbing celebrities, kuddos if they wanna get paid but it's like put out some music, quit trying to sell lame mass printed posters made by other artists with the band word on it. I still can't get into Fear Inoculum, it's so boring, i have to be on drugs to really "get it", otherwise if i put it on while driving around or whatever that shit is hella boring. The art to it was pretty meh, like oh you know what would be trippy, if we put eyeballs on everything, again.

Maynard ruined it most for me, like the wine thing alone was cringe, but then trying to sell everything under the sun, cheesy leather jackets that will never look cool on anyone, coffee, his little store in the middle of nowhere selling vinyl records that you could buy literally anywhere. But what really ruined the whole mystery of Maynard for me is seeing him pose on gun worshiper magazines, posing for social media outlets with jackoffs like Guy Fieri, and the most recent one I just saw 10 minutes ago that drove me to write this rant, him hanging out with no talent so called comedian Bert whatever the fuck his stupid name is.

Maynard's voice is just kind of annoying now, Eat the Elephant I started getting bored of his voice, Fear Inoculum was ok, some points pretty good, but it's also like you can only really appreciate it considering how old he is, if it was anyone else i'd probably be like BORING. I loved the first 3 Puscifer albums, but the lasts 2 were hella boring, especially the last one I just can't get through that entire album. And not all entirely Maynard's fault, the guitars are just yawn, same tones and similar riffs as the previous album, boring ass beats.

He should have stuck to the original plan for Puscifer, when it started he said it was going to continuously have different musicians and this and that, instead he found the only other pale bald guy in town and his twin cousin whatever her name is, and then stuck to that simple formula because it was more important for Maynard to be the guy that does so many things including dry humping other dudes in PJ's on padded floors in air conditioned rooms.

3 bands, not a single one has a non white guy in it, unless you count James Iha but he's pretty pale anyways. Like he's been in Arizona for decades and hasn't made a single mexican friend, which isn't that surprising cause Jerome is a trump worshiper town, yes i've been there a couple times, i have lived in AZ my entire life. I'm just saying maybe if he dropped humpty dumpty, reffering to the guitarist who's only trick as a guitarist is to play the same style on every song but change pre-amps, there's a ton of talent in AZ he could have chosen from and maybe his last couple records wouldn't have been such stale rehashed rushed starbucks art. Eh, what else is on?

you’ll see some funny shit like i love wearing my maynard themed lateralus encrusted diaper and the comments will be like “Um…. sorry, kid…. that’s pretty cringe. Don’t feed the trolls, guys.”

is it because you’re all 43 or is it something else?