r/Unclejokes

So I charged my phone.

Mostly because nobody has entered it in years.

I said

In the middle of the night I’ll hear “OOOHHH MY GOD YES!!! I’M CUNNING!!!”

When it has a pair of hands and a face on it.

She did the brakes on Diana’s car.

Dad: “Fsssh.”

Mom: “What do you call a pussy with no U?

Cums in handy

It immediately lowered the property value.

Suck his dick.

Not because she was easy, but because he was hard.

because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

That would be a big step forward.

They say that shoe shopping is a horrible ordeal for us, and you wouldn't believe how accurate that statement is.

I looked through 7 different stores to find a pair that fit me. Thank god that one is still in business, I've worn the same shoes for 5 years now because they're the only ones that fit.

And don't get me started on ski boots. It took 6 months of searching until I found a pair in the very back of a small shop 50 miles away from where I live.

This whole thing is an exercise in frustration. At least having a huge long cock makes up for it.

Now I get the last laugh. I gave him original recipe and he ordered extra crispy. Checkmate John, you fucking loser.

It depends if she wipes front to back or back to front!

I couldn’t see shit

At the viagra factory.

because screwingJesus on the cross would be way too kinky

When he checks your prostate, you feel both of his hands on your shoulders!