r/aftergifted

So I was the smart kid, like a lot of us here.

I was always put on a pedestal, everyone expected so much from me all the time and looked at me different when my performance never met that incredibly high standard.

No-one ever told me getting all the answers right on a quiz at 6 years old could do this to you.

Then people use your intelligence to define your whole personality, calling you a know-it-all or nerd, always turning to you to explain the most absurd and impossible things and making fun of you when you can't.

They say it over and over, so you accept it as your personality, and then when you act full of yourself and become what they assumed, they hate you for it.

They even rally against you to knock you off the pedestal they put you on.

Years later, you look in the mirror and want to smash it. You never feel good enough for yourself. Nothing is perfect enough. And no-one lets you forget when you weren't perfect enough for them.

I am doing much better now, but I am saying all of this really fucks you up and for years, you start being depressed because you hate yourself and have an identity crisis because you feel you don't know who you are beyond the smart kid.

I am so happy I am finally out of that academic environment and things have gotten better for me personally. But the scars are still there. They're just not as evident as they once were.

And unfortunately, I don't think I can ever fully heal. Because at a time when I was suppsoed to be happy and carefree, everyone took it away from me.

That's my experience and thanks for reading until the end if you did! 😊 Just want someone who understands.

This is safe space of belonging for all those whose lives hasn't followed the specific scripts society creates yet never gave up but continue to navigate life through all the unexpected twist and turns life brings without guilt shame or judgement. Welcome to the club!!!

So um a teacher (who taught me for 3 years btw non consecutively) was basically out for my blood she once insulted me in front of the whole grade saying I was stupid and wasting her time when I just wanted to apologize for something I've done (another teacher was with me but she didnt bother to say anything) I cried for a day after that and skipped my extra curricular. and before that she changed the seating and I was in the front row. the other class teacher (half-joking) said now he could chat about ww2 with me. she said oh really? her history seems terrible to me though (excuse me you dont even teach me history) anyways I was really insulted by that for some reason because history is kinda part of my identity and I cried in the bathroom and didnt go home until after 7. my mom told her to lay off twice but she only pretends to for about a week before starting again. it feels in every grade level I enter there's a teacher who specifically hates me.

I keep seeing posts about parents getting their kids labelled “gifted” by schools or organisations. Or asking how to make their children gifted, or even recalling themselves as gifted in childhood.

This study is a pretty good reality check: "Early giftedness rarely lasts into adulthood"

I was gifted until very recently. I'm not used to the "You're a failure" treatment and I'm trying to make it easier to digest. I got diagnosed with severe OCD too so it's making the process worse. I'd like to have my own journey away from prying eyes and judgements. Any insights that made you feel better about who you were supposed to be and where you are now? Any exercises to make yourself feel productive when you're depressed and able to accomplish 10% of what you're capable of? Self affirmations? Self care habits? I'd love to learn something from people who can handle this better than me.

So many posts, here and otherwise, are people lamenting that they didn't meet their potential, or what they felt the world expected of them as a "gifted kid".

This can either come as a jab or a relief, but chances are you reached your potential whether you like it or not.

What I have seen anecdotally is that children - mostly in the US - are identified for gifted programs, assume the gifted label, have an average life, and mourn what could/should have been.

Most of the time, schools and districts had established programs that drew extra funding. Teachers selected kids that seemed to behave or do well, or who they wanted out of their class, to go into the programs. There may have been an aptitude test, but most were based on observation and nomination.

This has very little to do with giftedness. You were probably misidentified for nefarious purposes then lived up to your actual potential. If you're carrying around guilt or remorse for a life not lived, you shouldn't. You're the only one putting that burden on your shoulders.

Actually gifted people know there is no 'formerly gifted', and there is no 'I was gifted as a child'. There's also no shame in being average, and it's not your fault that you were mislabelled. Let go of the chip on your shoulder and you'll see how much it was weighing unnecessarily on your self worth.

Thinking back to that period in the mid-20th century, a degree of intelligence and eloquence in the public sphere were valued in a way that I don't think it is anymore. So I reckon it's very difficult to judge someone highly gifted in the current day as not being social when talking to average people. If someone spoke the same way a Richard Feynman did today on national television, it would probably not be well-received.

I think we have a tendency to outright dismiss painful truths, and anti-intellectualism and siloing of society with echo chambers has fundamentally changed this past dynamic. The general public doesn't seem to be exposed to that kind of intellectualism anymore, because it doesn't enter their purview.

We have a greater amount of access to such information but it is more stratified. I find some of the guests on the Lex Fridman podcast to have a somewhat similar kind of eloquence that a Feynman would have, but it is not something that is as well-received by the general public anymore. So, I very much think that extroverted, highly gifted people exist along a similar vein, but much of the frustration stems from internalized anti-intellectualism.

Thoughts?