AITA for wanting to cover a smaller portion of the mortgage for our late dad’s house because I won’t be living in it?
My dad has three sons: Oldy the oldest, Middly the middle, and me the youngest (I’m 40). He lived on the east coast with his girlfriend of 20 years Girlette, and Oldy lived with them too. Middly is storing a bunch of his stuff in the basement and has his mail go here—he is a trucker so he doesn’t pay rent anywhere. I’m not living or storing stuff there. Unlike my brothers, I own my own house, which is on the west coast.
Unfortunately, Dad died a few weeks ago. And he had no will or estate plan. Oldy is doing a great job working through all the logistics, with a lot of help from Girlette. Middly and I have come out to help Oldy with Dad’s affairs, to start looking through Dad’s stuff and to have a memorial service.
Yesterday we talked about the house. Girlette is about 18 months away from finishing med school, so we’ve agreed that she and Oldy can live in the house until then and we’ll sell it after that. They may bring in a roommate Girlette knows well to help with the mortgage, and we’ll split the rest between us.
Because I’m not living or storing stuff at the house, and because I’m the only one paying rent/mortgage to live elsewhere, I said that I would like to pay less than 25% of our share of the mortgage. I proposed that I pay 10% (actually I proposed 35/35/20/10 to give Middly a discount too but that wasn’t discussed any further). Oldy asked if I would take 10% of what we get from selling the house, I said no I would expect 25% because I’m 25% of dad’s loved ones. Girlette was on board right away, and Oldy agreed after hearing my reasoning, but Middly was resistant. He thought it was an issue of being able to afford contributing while also paying my own mortgage. I explained that it’s not an issue of affording it, it’s an issue of fairness. I’ll be across the country, not getting residence or storage benefits from what I’m paying. We went back and forth a bit and settled on me paying 15%, which I’m fine with. And I assured them I would contribute to home repairs that impact the value of the house.
But since then I feel like Middly has been giving me the silent treatment, and I think he’s still not seeing my perspective that me paying equally would be unfair. I’m considering just saying fine I’ll pay 25% so it doesn’t become a family issue, but if I do I would resent it. Am I being unreasonable?