r/asianweddings

I’m currently planning my wedding and running into a massive wall with my family regarding my outfit. Cultural tradition heavily dictates that brides wear a bright red lehenga (bridal gown).

The problem? I really don't want to wear a lehenga, and I don't want to wear red. I envision myself in a traditional golden-pink saree. I know my style, and I know I will look and feel so much better in that color palette.

Right now, everyone is projecting their fears onto me, saying I will "regret not being a red bride" years down the line. On top of that, my budget is around $250 USD (approx. ₹20,000 INR). In my culture's market, finding a premium, jaw-dropping red bridal gown at that price point is incredibly difficult. However, that exact budget can buy an absolutely breathtaking, high-quality silk saree.

I don't want to look back at my wedding photos decades from now and feel like I let everyone else dictate my special day.

For those who broke tradition or wore a non-traditional color for your culture: did the FOMO/regret ever actually hit you later? How did you stay strong against family bias?

I've lived on my own - including in other countries - but I'm still getting butterflies in my stomach at the idea of officially 离开娘家 or leaving my parents' home. Has anyone else felt that way? How did you adjust to the move?

I’m planning to do table visits at my western style reception but am realizing I don’t really know how it’ll work.

If you did table visits, who went with you? Parents? Bridal party?

How exactly did you manage red envelopes/cards?

Did you announce or tell people you would be doing table visits? If you did, was there a lot of drinking?

Hi all,

I’ve been engaged to my British born Cantonese fiancé for over 2 years now. His parents left HK at 16 and have been in Europe ever since. They’re in their 70’s now.

I’m struggling to deal with them because they keep learning new things from their family to complain about. Most recent being that we got his mum a custom dress that cost £400 in a gorgeous navy blue and she looks stunning in it! But recently learned that blue is a funeral colour for Chinese people. So now she wants to swap to a “brighter” colour 😅

We’ve had some issues with them before as I wanted to do a tea ceremony and they didn’t, but were forced to by the elders in the family. They didn’t even want us to throw a wedding to be honest! So it’s been a fun time planning with that.

I thought I was pretty clued up on Chinese culture as my dad’s best friend is from HK and his kids and I grew up together, yet this one slipped.

Can anyone summarise some key things I might be missing please? Like those smaller nuances I might not be aware of?

TIA ❤️❤️❤️

Hello everyone,

I’m Vietnamese and my fiancée is Nepalese, and we’re getting married this summer in the UK.

Nepalese weddings involve several ceremonies, so rather than having multiple events before the wedding, we decided to include one ceremony from each culture at our wedding venue. For my side, we’re planning a Vietnamese tea ceremony on the morning of the wedding.

My parents and my father’s siblings did not have tea ceremonies when they got married in the UK, so this will be the first time our wider family has experienced one here.

Traditionally, the groom’s family waits outside the bride’s home with gift trays and is formally welcomed in by the bride’s family. Because both immediate families and the wedding party will already be at the venue early for preparations, and other guests will start arriving before the ceremony, we’re finding this part difficult to recreate exactly.

Our plan is:

1. My immediate family will be at the entrance to greet guests and direct them into the tea ceremony room.
2. A family member will act as MC (my younger cousin but his father is the oldest sibling) and briefly introduce the ceremony.
3. I will enter with my groomsmen carrying the gift trays, which the bridesmaids will receive and display.
4. One of the bridesmaids will collect my fiancée so she can make her entrance.
5. We will serve tea to our grandparents and parents, who will offer blessings and advice.
6. Our toastmaster will then direct guests to the cocktail hour.

Does this still capture the core elements of a traditional Vietnamese tea ceremony, or are we adapting it too much? In particular, how important is it to recreate the groom’s family waiting outside and being formally welcomed in?

I’d really appreciate any thoughts or advice.

Thank you!

My traditional Cantonese mother has already told me I need to make sure my American partner knows to give them a dowry.

It's the one tradition I've always found rude to me as a person and want nothing to do with it. My partner also agrees with me.

I also know about the tea ceremony, sleeping at my parents for my groom to pick me up as part of the gate crash, and the family banquetwhich I do want as part of my wedding prep/celebration. My partner also knows about these traditions and has agreed to participate in them.

My parents do not know I am engaged, mainly cause I didn't tell them directly and don't really plan on having the wedding till 2028/2029 as we are saving to pay the entire wedding on our own). I am not hiding it. I'm just not actively bringing it up with my family/parents.

I'm not really sure how to tell my parents "no I'm not doing that" without souring any other part of the other traditions.

Edit for a bit more details: The wedding itself will be an intimate wedding with people we are close to. The family banquet is a separate reception with a large amount of family I honestly don't care for but know it's rude not to do it.

Not sure if this is the right subreddit for this, but I wanted opinions on wedding gift etiquette.

Context:

- I know both the bride and groom

- I’m decently close with the groom since we went to high school together

- The wedding is after work at a Chinese dim sum restaurant, so it feels a bit more casual than a traditional banquet

Questions:

1. How much would you typically give in this situation?

2. If I’m bringing my SO as my +1, am I generally expected to cover the gift amount for both of us since I invited him?

3. Or do couples usually split/contribute separately for wedding gifts?

Curious what the norm is here.

Edit: in NYC

Hey everyone,

I'm team leader of the Montreal Chan Lion Dance Club, and every wedding season, we see the exact same heartbreak happen: A modern Vietnamese couple reaches out to book us for their grand entrance and/or tea ceremony. They are super excited. Then, a week later, they cancel because their parents or grandparents vetoed it, claiming that lion dance is "only a Chinese tradition" and doesn't belong at a Vietnamese wedding.

If you are currently having this argument with your elders, here is the exact historical and cultural ammo you need to change their minds and save your entertainment plans.

A tea ceremony we performed at.

1. The History: It is a shared heritage. While it's true the Southern style lion dance was historically brought over by the Hoa people (Vietnamese of Chinese descent) settling in the Chợ Lớn district of Saigon, it hasn't been an "immigrant" tradition for generations. It is deeply woven into Vietnamese culture. Remind your parents that troupes like Tinh Anh Đường and Hằng Anh Đường are household names in Vietnam, and Múa Lân is a staple at Tết and temple festivals across the country.

2. The Meaning: It is a sacred blessing, not just a show. In Vietnamese folklore, the Lân is one of the four sacred mythical creatures (the Tứ Linh). The Lân only descends from heaven during times of peace and prosperity. Inviting the Lân to a wedding is a direct invitation for good fortune, fertility, and warding off negative energy. Frame it to your elders as a traditional blessing, not just a "dance."

How to compromise on the wedding day: If you want to keep the elders happy while still getting your cinematic moment, you just have to split the energy of the day:

• The Morning (Lễ Gia Tiên): Have the lions arrive at the family home before the groom enters. The lions clear away bad luck, awaken the ancestors, and bow to the family altar.
• The Evening Banquet: This is where you get your hype moment. After the first course when the room settles, the lions crash the room, part the crowd, and escort the bride and groom to the main stage.

Ultimately, Múa Lân is the ultimate bridge between generations. It gives the older generation the cultural weight they demand, and it gives you the explosive, unforgettable grand entrance you want.

I actually wrote up a much more detailed guide on how to structure the timing for this, which you can read on our club's blog here: https://chanliondanceclub.com/

Hope this helps some of you win that argument with your elders. Happy planning!