r/bropill

Hey bros. 22TM here, going through a really rough time right now. Been on testosterone over 5 years, post top surgery and total hysto and still struggle to pass. I started looking into facial masculinization surgery to help me pass. After asking the surgeon who performed my top surgery if they also do FMS, he said yes, but that it wouldn't benefit me much.

He said this was because my issues with passing as male lie in being 5'4, and particularly petite, not because of my face. It was hard to hear, because it was an idea I'd been degrading myself with for years. I just don't even know what to do anymore, it feels hopeless.

It's not even like I can pass as a short man, because apparently the combination of my face and body can only ever read as a woman, and there's just no fixing it. I'll be seen as a tiny woman forever. If I could get height surgery I'd give up running forever just to be seen as who I am, I wouldn't care. I feel like I'm built like a bird. I feel like I was born weak and scrawny and being neglected/abused as a child had permanent effects on my body and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't make nearly enough to afford going to the gym, but I also have no home equipment. Neither of those sentences even matter because I never learned how to properly work out anyways, so even if I did have access I'd be a fish out of water.

It feels like I'm going to be like this forever, just some small ugly not-woman-thing. I feel like testosterone is uniquely ineffective on me. I feel like how I look now is the farthest I'll ever get. I feel like now I experience all the worst parts of being a woman on top of all of the worst parts of being a man. But I'm a man regardless, so there's nothing I can do.

Repressing and detransitioning has never been an option, so I just have to exist miserably. I feel ashamed to go out in public, my dysphoria only tripled after my surgeon told me I'll essentially never be seen as a man. I've been too depressed to do anything, I've become miserable to be around. It's eating me alive, and I don't know what to do. It feels like there's literally no options for me, I just don't know where to go from here. What do you even do when a medical professional tells you that your transition was useless??

Autistic guys are way to easy to co-opt to these movements, so I want to know what led you to escape or leave them