r/bropill

Most of my friends are girls, I'm not really close with any cis dudes and the ones I know never treat me like a dude. I'm early in my transition and I'm kind of insecure about how un-masculine I am cus my close friends don't have that energy and I wanna learn how to act manlier ig? But I don't know where to start with cis dudes. I've got pretty good at the whole "oh I like your hair" with cis girls but I'm pretty sure that wouldn't on most of the guys I know

It's Sunday morning and like many Sunday mornings before I (M/37) feel absolutely miserable about myself. I feel that it becomes harder and harder for me to mentally move away from blackpill ideology, i.e. the idea that your looks determine your dating success, and specifically that my own looks are to blame for not having any success in that regard. I am already trying to reframe this kind of thinking by blaming my personality instead, but it becomes increasingly difficult to keep this mindset intact. Do you folks have any suggestions how to move past blackpill ideology?

I have been so freaking excited for this day, I cannot believe I actually did it and made it this far. After weeks of drinking every night and spending every last bit of money I had on alcohol (as well as some pretty traumatic experiences while drunk), I decided to quit drinking for good.

After some determination, a lot of willpower, and fighting off more temptation than I thought I’d face; I’m finally here. Six full freaking months! I’m so happy, I genuinely might cry over this, it means so much to me that I’ve gotten this far.

Y’all, these past few months have been difficult but I’m not backing down now😤 Next milestone is going to be maintaining sobriety until my birthday, after that it’s for life.

WOOOOOOOO!!!!

I’m an extroverted person. My favorite thing in the entire world is to make friends, socialize, and talk to people. I’m 18 now, and when I was younger I was always super social and friends with everybody from every group.

As I got older, around 4th grade and again in middle school, whenever friend groups grew really large (like over 100 people after COVID lockdowns ended), I started feeling self-conscious and overwhelmed trying to keep up. When that happened, I stopped putting in effort and fell into a pattern of withdrawing and alienating myself from my close friends, ending up spending a lot of time alone.

My senior year, I told myself that I had nothing to lose since I wouldn’t see these people again after graduation. I started becoming a lot more social from day one. Legit in the first week of school, I was being invited to the year group’s hangout spots. We ended up holding a lot of events, like football matches with other schools.

In one of those matches, I hit it off with people from other schools. Just because someone asked me for a lighter (even though I don't smoke), we ended up becoming really close friends. That night ended up with me in my friend’s trunk chatting with 3 girls about the fact that I want to be a lawyer and jokingly discussing ways to cheat on exams, right after I took my college entrance exams. Which I got a good grade in! I didn't go home to study just because of how much fun I was having. One of the girls was directly talking to me and staring me in the eyes. This was the height of my social life in years. Prior to all of this, ngl, I thought I came across as a dork/nerd so people didn’t want to talk to me. That night changed it all—I realized it was actually my own fault for not exerting any effort.

My social life started to boom. I got invited to a New Year’s party for the first time, and I got several internships from connections I made. In one of those internships, within an hour of knowing me, a girl was all over me, people were instantly engaging with me and eager to ask questions. On a flight, I made two friends and talked to them about everything from life ambitions to religion, and one invited me to tour his factories. Legit now I’m doing things with strangers I never dreamt of doing, like dancing with strangers in public to celebrate a football match win.

But still, whenever I hang out with my long-time school mates, I freeze up and feel self-conscious, and ngl I’m not that close to them. I’ve been added to groups and invited to things, but I’m just not able to be close to them and be my true self. In school or at parties with them, I'd get overwhelmed and go sit alone. I like start shaking and get physically sick and sweat so much. But whenever I’m with friends I made outside of school or complete strangers, I’m truly myself—even though my school mates have known me much longer.

I want to break this cycle (which has occurred for 5 years) before I start university so I don't repeat the pattern of isolating myself around everyday peers.

I'm in a pretty specific situation, which is left me stuck on how to get my exercise in. So I'd really appreciate any ideas or advice.

I'm working from home full time, while also being the sole carer for my partner. I have very little time to work out, but I know being stronger could really help with looking after my partner.

On top of that, I have adhd. Being realistic, I don't think a standard work out routine will be something I would make time for regualrly. BUT if I was doing something fun, I think I could more easily stick to it.

I've been thinking about a punching bag, since my arms are easily the weakest part of my body. But I'm sure it's expensive and our place is pretty small. Plus, I have no idea if that would actually build strength. Most of the advice online seems to be about aesthetics, looking bigger, but I really don't care about that. I want to actually be stronger in ways that matter.

I've been stuck thinking about this without doing anything for months. I've got a little more time right now, so it's perfect to build a routine. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I love everyone in this sub, improving men's mental health is a big part of improving the world. Keep up the good work

Hey bros! It's time for your weekly vibe check. How are you doing? Anything you're struggling with? Do you need advice, or would you like to share an achievement with us?

I've been remaking friends in my young adulthood, and something I keep running into it that a lot of guys are very detached and distant.

A childhood friend of mine who has minimal friends (struggling to even find a best man for his wedding; I'm moving far away so it can't be me) insists that this is normal.

I don't recall any of my previous friendships being so detached. Is this an age thing? (I'm almost 29). I still have good talks with other guys here or there, but the interactions are brief and almost never amount to a consistent friendship. A lot of people express loneliness but are bad at giving effort to friendships.

For the record, I'm open, have mainly analog and fitness hobbies, not really into gaming or anime anymore, and I'm a strong conversationalist. I'm not on the spectrum either in case some well-meaning stranger assumes it could be that. You guys have any thoughts?

so yes I know that this title might sound very odd to you , but I am soon to be 18 , and for last 2-3 teenage years I used to compare myself a lot a lot and in the process I was jealous of people / girls around me in every way like appearance , career, grades etc. , please don't judge but I really didn't want to jealous of those people like why? like if i see a pretty girl then I would be like but she has this flaw and then compare myself to her , which was very toxic tbh

so after being fed up from my mind , I reprogrammed my mind and today I just hardly ever compare myself to another person and even be jealous this is how-

so lets imagine my name is X and i compare myself to girl called Y , now I would see myself as Y like what if I was born as Y , then like every other individual I would want the best for myself like Y so why should I be jealous of Y when she is flourishing in life , because if i was her , i would be so happy for myself , this thing and mentality helped me put every individual on same pedestal and see everyone as normal human who wants good in life

now I thought about myself - my values , I realized that if a person's personality isn't good then I dont like that person regardless of good appearance / career etc. so I found the main factor - uniqueness in personality - each person carries one thats what differs them for me atleast

so regardless of crying or be comparative about my appearance or any other thing , I tried to be better in what can be changed like personality , style , attitude , and career , and accepted that yes each human has flaws , and every human wants to be happy in this world least , then why think bad or be comparative or jealous when we are striving for same thing -peace and happiness and love , definitely please criticize what is bad but all this actually made my toxic mentality , anger and jealousy emotions shut down , sometimes they come but again I think about above points.

regards.

For context, there are some people at my workplace I feel comfy being around whenever we talk, but the problem is that I talk with them when a) they initiate a conversation with me (which happens almost never) or my friend is around who is already friends with them.

The problem I have is, how do you ask them to hangout outside of work to hopefully build a friendship, when people usually avoid talking with you because you are not the most social person.

I am a person who despite being able to read the room still manages to be socially awkward in almost every conversation he has. So once again my question is, do any of you have advice on how to ask someone to hangout without making it weird?

Not to get too vent-y but I've struggled with depression for a long, long time (I think I started experiencing suicidal thoughts around 4th grade, and general depression symptoms around 3rd) and while I think I handle it much better now, it's very hard for me to "get going" on a lot of basic tasks.

Like right now, I know I should be organizing my room. I'm not hungry, I worked out, my dogs worked out, I don't have any shows I particularly want to catch up on, I've almost done the amount of language studying for the day I've hoped for, and there is absolutely no reason to not get started.

And yet...it just feels so pointless? Like I'm going to clean up, it'll look great decent (I shouldn't hype up my decorating skills), then I'll feel down again at some point in future, stop maintaining it, and a couple of weeks after that it will look worse than if I had done nothing at all.

Ideas for how to get over this?

Context: am late closeted transmasc that don't want to see myself turning into my dad (he treated my mom poorly verbally, insecure whenever anyone he conversed with didn't go 'yes man' with him, etc etc). I used to overcompensate by putting myself down in convos etc but I wonder if there's a healthier mindset to be a social man.

Big sister asking for advice in regards to my little brother and I hope you guys can maybe help (I'm way out of my depth here).

Tw: mention of suicide attempt.

My little brother, 26, almost attempted suicide a few days ago, but called before doing any physical harm. Emergency professional help was contacted immediately and he is beginning therapy this week. It came as a total shock to the family, everything seemed to be going well and we had just celebrated his master thesis graduation a few days earlier. He was about to start looking for a job after having a great student assistant job while studying, it seemed like he was doing well with friends, housing and finances were good etc.

Except none of that was true at all.

It was all a lie and it seems like it has been for at least a year, possibly multiple years. He never graduated, we don't even know if his bachelor degree is real. The student assistant job probably never existed, he had no money left, the internet had been cut off and he owed months of rent. His old friends had not been able to get ahold of him for months. He had pushed it as far as he could and had now cornered himself completely with no way to keep the lie going and broke down.

And even though all of that sounds like something out of a bad movie, that's not actually the key issue.

When I got to him he said that he had never been able to form close connections with anyone no matter where he went. When he started uni he hoped for a fresh chance and broke when it turned out to be the same as previous places (we never knew this was an issue at all, he seemed to be part of multiple friend groups while living at home). He had always felt like something was wrong with him and all failed relationship attempts were his fault because he couldn't figure out how to closely bond with someone.

It seems like this is what caused him to self isolate and cope with gaming, completely avoiding real life.

So here we are now, as a family trying to do emergency mental health care. No one has blamed him and we can get everything practical sorted together. Worst case he moves in with me.

But I can't "teach" him how to connect with people and I think a lot of the reason why it has gotten this far is because he is a guy. Looking back there has been plenty of asocial behaviors that would have been clocked as problematic (and attempted to be corrected) if he had been a girl, but were excused away as "just a boy" things.

I don't know how much of his problem is inherent, if any at all, but I suspect that a part is that he simply wasn't taught some of the socialization skills that are required for long term friendships. Our parents are complicated and certainly don't make for good examples, it's possible that trauma from them has also contributed to the whole mess (my dad, bless him, has the emotional intelligence of a plastic tea spoon, so no good male role model there).

By the time my brother was an adult he had become extremely adept at hiding that anything was wrong. I only saw him cry on the night were I was the first to arrive at his messy apartment with the knife still in the bathroom. Not a tear since and he acts like normal and as if we can quickly fix everything.

As a sister I just don't have the male perspective, hence why I'm reaching out here. Where do we even start? How do I get him out of the virtual world and back in real life? How do we nudge him in a healthy direction? Find him somewhere that he can actually find peers to talk to? Get him to talk about his feelings?

I'm hoping that therapy will help some, but I think he may also need to be handheld a bit to participate in something where he can meet other people and get a new chance to connect. I've considered suggesting a weekly walk'n'talk group for young men nearby once we are past the initial emergency stage, but other than that I'm drawing a blank. It seems pretty limited what you can realistically suggest to someone who is obviously depressed.

Thank you if you followed along this far, I know it's a bit all over the place. To be frank I'm running on very little sleep these days.

I’m 21M and fairly mature to a point where I feel like I shouldn’t have a problem with this.
Main problem is sharing my experiences with women to my friends. Whenever I get with a girl or something funny happens etc. it’s basically impossible for me to hold it inside, I try but always end up folding.
I reckon the problem is because i grew up without a dad and no role model or shit but I’m rly trying to stop, it’s decently bad form and annoying. Especially bc everyone knows that one guy who’s always flexing or making shit up and I rly do not want to be that guy

Thanks yall

Hey, bros!

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Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.

Hey everyone,

I’m a 25 year old guy, and I’m looking for some honest advice or maybe just a bit of reassurance.

To put it bluntly: is it too late for me to start weightlifting and getting into shape? I know 25 isn’t "old," but I can’t help but feel like I’ve already passed my peak "prime" years (18 25) where my body would have responded best to training.

On top of that, the biggest barrier for me is that I have dealt with severe social anxiety and crippling shyness my entire life. Just the thought of stepping foot inside a gym makes my stomach turn.

I don't know how to use any of the machines, I don’t know proper form, and I’m terrified of looking stupid, doing exercises completely wrong, or worse—ending up on some viral video on social media.

Logically, I know these fears are 100% irrational. I know people are just there to focus on themselves and that nobody actually cares about what a beginner is doing. But my anxiety doesn't care about logic, and it's keeping me paralyzed.

Has anyone else started from absolute scratch at this age (or older) while dealing with bad anxiety? How did you get over that initial fear of walking through the door?

Any advice on how to start without feeling completely overwhelmed would be deeply appreciated.

Thanks guys.

I'm in my late 20s. I feel comfortable in my own skin and who I am as a man. But, I've always had issues with men with authority. Father, boss, seniors, sometimes peers. I could never be close to them because I feel like I could never be what they want me to be.

With my father, I strayed so far away from what my father wants me to be. I feel so much anxiety when I talk to him. I know he loves me but part of me also knows he doesn't like me. I feel like I've let him down because I've seen the way he talks to his friend's sons and my cousins. Those guys are much stronger and have things going on in their life that my father is more impressed with. He talks to them with so much pride that I sometimes wish I could be that person. I'm on the verge of giving up though because I feel like there's no point in that anymore.

My boss has tried alot of times to push me to be at my best, which is not a bad thing. But, I just couldn't reach what he expects of me. And that sends me into a spiral where I end up in worse position than I started at. It got so bad by the time I resigned that my boss actively disliked me and sent me a text wishing me that I would fail in anything I pursued next.

These are just some of the things that makes me uneasy and anxious to get close with other men. I fear that they would start to form an expectation of me. Even with my friends I keep some sort of barrier. I don't let them in on everything that goes on in my life.

How do i overcome this anxiety of letting down other men in life? If you met a person like me, what would you tell them?