u/iamcreative2

I am entering my senior year and I have not been invited to a single party and am not part of any active group chat. My social life has been terrible on campus. If I am not invited to a party I could go to frat party, but I imagine that is a whole different environment than a dorm party, I am neurodivergent and have an auditory processing disorder so I am scared to go to one of those parties. I tried joining a photography club, and it was quiet and not really any interaction. I tried joining a robotics club and the people don't give the type of energy I want, socially akward. I do want to join a club sport, but I do have insecurities about being overweight and having some dyspraxia (physical coordination and motor issues). I could try and join a conversation, but because it takes a second longer to understand what they said, as soon as I talk someone starts talking and I immediatly stop talking. My whole childhood has been being told to stop talking over other people.

I am entering my senior year and I have not been invited to a single party and am not part of any active group chat. My social life has been terrible on campus. If I am not invited to a party I could go to frat party, but I imagine that is a whole different environment than a dorm party, I am neurodivergent and have an auditory processing disorder so I am scared to go to one of those parties. I tried joining a photography club, and it was quiet and not really any interaction. I tried joining a robotics club and the people don't give the type of energy I want, socially akward. I do want to join a club sport, but I do have insecurities about being overweight and having some dyspraxia (a lifelong neurodevelopmental condition that affects physical coordination, motor planning, and movement). I could try and join a conversation, but because it takes a second longer to understand what they said, as soon as I talk someone starts talking and I immediatly stop talking. My whole childhood has been being told to stop talking over other people.

I am looking for cheap public places where flirting with women is more socially accepted. Like obviously there are places where women don't want to be approached like the sidewalk, subway, while working, etc, but what are good places to meet women. Also social events would be good too. In addition I am not only asking for places, but what are ways to start the conversation. For example, if I make an observation of something I can make a connection with I can start with that.

To help with my social anxiety I am doing exposure therapy by trying to start a conversation with women in the city (Boston). I guess I also want hear a womans perspective of how they would prefer to be approached and feel safe. If anyone has any stories related, that would good too.

Edit: Just to be clear I do try to pick up on social cues and read the room. And I understand in many contexts approaching women may seem more predatory. I only want to approach women that give off body language that suggests they could be open to socialize. As I am talking to them if they seem unengaged I will politely walk away.

For a long time I have been trying to articulate how to describe this feeling, but I think I figured it out.

I am struggling with a feeling that occupies my mind often. It feels like more than loneliness or social pressure; sometimes it feels like grief for an experience I have never had. Because I have never dated, my brain sometimes treats that absence as evidence that it may never happen. I have no baseline for what a relationship feels like, so it can seem unreal, like being on another planet or seeing a color that does not exist. The barriers feel so large that I sometimes feel like a different category of person.

The question I keep returning to is whether romantic experience is realistically accessible to me through actions I can take. My ADHD makes this harder because I cannot simply choose what my brain focuses on, and I may stay hyperfocused on dating while working on other parts of my life. Many social behaviors do not happen automatically for me. First impressions, reading signals, and knowing how to act on an opportunity may be skills I need to practice deliberately. I often feel like a background character and wonder whether I have enough social presence to be noticed.

A lot of dating advice frustrates me because it feels incomplete. "Love will find you" can sound like I am supposed to be passive or hide my intentions. People say not to date strangers, but also warn against dating friends. They tell me to focus on friendship first, but why can I not work on friendship and dating at the same time? I also dislike being told that worrying about love will make it less likely to happen. I would rather learn how to take useful action without letting stress consume me. Being told to "stop stressing" does not make me feel heard.

I think it should be okay to actively look for love while continuing to improve the rest of my life. I would be selective about a relationship, but right now I would accept a date with someone I find somewhat attractive and compatible. Even one date could make dating feel real rather than something that exists only in my imagination. I expect I would make mistakes, but crossing that first barrier matters more than performing perfectly. I want to feel that I have finally gotten started.

In therapy, I previously focused on improving my social life because I assumed I would be told to work on friendship before dating, even though dating occupied my mind more. I also feel like I am running out of time in college. I am not living the social life I imagined: clubs can feel artificial, I do not get invited to parties, and I wish I were part of an active group chat. I could go to public frat parties but I fear that it could be too overwhelming. I wonder whether I could ask trusted friends how they interpret my body language or whether I give off unintended signals. To be honest, I also want to experience a hookup, and sometimes my sex drive feels overwhelming.

I feel stuck and want concrete next steps that work with my ADHD rather than against it. I believe dating includes learnable skills. I want a healthier narrative: I am allowed to improve myself and actively search for connection without chasing validation or becoming desperate. I cannot control the outcome, but I can work on what is within my control.

This is a little messy because I am still trying to describe the feeling clearly, but I would appreciate ADHD-aware advice rather than generic reassurance.

I am struggling with a feeling that occupies my mind often. It feels like more than loneliness or social pressure; sometimes it feels like grief for an experience I have never had. Because I have never dated, my brain sometimes treats that absence as evidence that it may never happen. I have no baseline for what a relationship feels like, so it can seem unreal, like being on another planet or seeing a color that does not exist. The barriers feel so large that I sometimes feel like a different category of person.

The question I keep returning to is whether romantic experience is realistically accessible to me through actions I can take. My ADHD makes this harder because I cannot simply choose what my brain focuses on, and I may stay hyperfocused on dating while working on other parts of my life. Many social behaviors do not happen automatically for me. First impressions, reading signals, and knowing how to act on an opportunity may be skills I need to practice deliberately. I often feel like a background character and wonder whether I have enough social presence to be noticed.

A lot of dating advice frustrates me because it feels incomplete. "Love will find you" can sound like I am supposed to be passive or hide my intentions. People say not to date strangers, but also warn against dating friends. They tell me to focus on friendship first, but why can I not work on friendship and dating at the same time? I also dislike being told that worrying about love will make it less likely to happen. I would rather learn how to take useful action without letting stress consume me. Being told to "stop stressing" does not make me feel heard.

I think it should be okay to actively look for love while continuing to improve the rest of my life. I would be selective about a relationship, but right now I would accept a date with someone I find somewhat attractive and compatible. Even one date could make dating feel real rather than something that exists only in my imagination. I expect I would make mistakes, but crossing that first barrier matters more than performing perfectly. I want to feel that I have finally gotten started.

In therapy, I previously focused on improving my social life because I assumed I would be told to work on friendship before dating, even though dating occupied my mind more. I also feel like I am running out of time in college. I am not living the social life I imagined: clubs can feel artificial, I do not get invited to parties, and I wish I were part of an active group chat. I wonder whether I could ask trusted friends how they interpret my body language or whether I give off unintended signals. To be honest, I also want to experience a hookup, and sometimes my sex drive feels overwhelming.

I feel stuck and want concrete next steps that work with my ADHD rather than against it. I believe dating includes learnable skills. I want a healthier narrative: I am allowed to improve myself and actively search for connection without chasing validation or becoming desperate. I cannot control the outcome, but I can work on what is within my control.

For other people with ADHD who became hyperfocused on dating before having much experience, what concrete actions helped you build social and dating skills without letting the subject consume your life?

This is a little messy because I am still trying to describe the feeling clearly, but I would appreciate ADHD-aware advice rather than generic reassurance.

I am struggling with a feeling that occupies my mind often. It feels like more than loneliness or social pressure; sometimes it feels like grief for an experience I have never had. Because I have never dated, my brain sometimes treats that absence as evidence that it may never happen. I have no baseline for what a relationship feels like, so it can seem unreal, like being on another planet or seeing a color that does not exist. The barriers feel so large that I sometimes feel like a different category of person.

The question I keep returning to is whether romantic experience is realistically accessible to me through actions I can take. My ADHD makes this harder because I cannot simply choose what my brain focuses on, and I may stay hyperfocused on dating while working on other parts of my life. Many social behaviors do not happen automatically for me. First impressions, reading signals, and knowing how to act on an opportunity may be skills I need to practice deliberately. I often feel like a background character and wonder whether I have enough social presence to be noticed.

A lot of dating advice frustrates me because it feels incomplete. "Love will find you" can sound like I am supposed to be passive or hide my intentions. People say not to date strangers, but also warn against dating friends. They tell me to focus on friendship first, but why can I not work on friendship and dating at the same time? I also dislike being told that worrying about love will make it less likely to happen. I would rather learn how to take useful action without letting stress consume me. Being told to "stop stressing" does not make me feel heard.

I think it should be okay to actively look for love while continuing to improve the rest of my life. I would be selective about a relationship, but right now I would accept a date with someone I find somewhat attractive and compatible. Even one date could make dating feel real rather than something that exists only in my imagination. I expect I would make mistakes, but crossing that first barrier matters more than performing perfectly. I want to feel that I have finally gotten started.

In therapy, I previously focused on improving my social life because I assumed I would be told to work on friendship before dating, even though dating occupied my mind more. I also feel like I am running out of time in college. I am not living the social life I imagined: clubs can feel artificial, I do not get invited to parties, and I wish I were part of an active group chat. I wonder whether I could ask trusted friends how they interpret my body language or whether I give off unintended signals. To be honest, I also want to experience a hookup, and sometimes my sex drive feels overwhelming.

I feel stuck and want concrete next steps that work with my ADHD rather than against it. I believe dating includes learnable skills. I want a healthier narrative: I am allowed to improve myself and actively search for connection without chasing validation or becoming desperate. I cannot control the outcome, but I can work on what is within my control.

For other people with ADHD who became hyperfocused on dating before having much experience, what concrete actions helped you build social and dating skills without letting the subject consume your life?

This is a little messy because I am still trying to describe the feeling clearly. If you have ADHD-aware advice rather than generic reassurance that would be appreciated.

I am struggling to describe a feeling that frequently occupies my mind. It feels like more than loneliness or societal pressure. I may be grieving an experience I have never had. Because I have never experienced dating, my brain sometimes interprets that absence as evidence that it will never happen. It feels unfamiliar, and because I have no baseline or reference for it, it can seem almost like a fairy tale. It is something I want but cannot mentally comprehend. The barriers between me and that experience are so large that I feel like a different category of person. I can only imagine the feelings I associate with having a girlfriend. I imagine that dating someone would feel like being on a different planet or seeing a color that does not exist. My life usually changes slowly, so I struggle to imagine a relationship suddenly becoming part of it.

The question I keep returning to is: Is romantic experience actually accessible to me, not merely theoretically possible, but realistically reachable through actions I can take? At times I feel hopeless because I worry that my neurological issues make it harder for me to develop the social skills needed to attract someone. A lot of advice ignores how my ADHD brain works. I need advice that accounts for the fact that I cannot simply choose what my brain focuses on, so I may remain hyperfocused on dating even while I work on other parts of my life. Many social behaviors do not happen automatically or unconsciously for me. A lot of advice makes first impressions sound effortless, but for me they are something I may need to practice deliberately. Sometimes I wonder whether I have enough social presence to be noticed because I often feel like a background character. Even if an opportunity appears, will I recognize it and know how to act on it?

Much of the advice I hear annoys me because it feels incomplete and does not make me feel heard. One way I have tried to understand my feelings is by examining common advice and asking why it does not help. For example, I hate hearing that love will find me. It can sound as though, when I meet an attractive woman, I am supposed to avoid being direct and pretend that I have no interest in dating her. How is attraction supposed to escalate between two people if neither person is clear about their intentions? It sometimes feels as though people are saying, "Do not date strangers, but do not date friends either." People also tell me to work on making friends first, but why can I not work on friendship and dating at the same time? I also dislike the superstition that the more I worry about finding love, the less likely I am to find it. That may be a correlation rather than a simple cause-and-effect relationship, and the reality has to be more complex. Telling someone to stop stressing can sound like telling them to stop working on the problem that is causing the stress. I would rather learn how to take useful action without feeling consumed by stress. Simply being told to stop stressing does not make me feel heard.

I think of the phrase "you will find love when you least expect it" through a poker analogy. Suppose finding love is like being dealt a strong hand in poker. I cannot control which cards I receive, but I can create more opportunities to play and become better at handling the cards I am dealt. I think it should be okay to actively look for love without panicking while continuing to work on other parts of my life. I would be selective about a relationship, but at this stage I might accept a date with any woman I find somewhat attractive and compatible enough to get to know. Even one date could make dating feel like a real experience available to me rather than something that exists only in my imagination. I expect that I would make mistakes on a first date, but crossing that barrier matters more to me than performing perfectly. I could learn from the experience and improve on later dates. I think what I want most is to feel that I have finally gotten started.

The last time I was in therapy, I prioritized improving my social life over discussing dating because I assumed I would be told to work on friendship first, even though dating was what occupied my mind most. I often feel like I am running out of time. I sometimes fear that dating will get harder after college. I am not living the college life I want to. Clubs are not exactly the environment I want; they can feel artificial. I want to go to parties, but I do not get invited to them. I want to be in an active group chat. I wonder whether I could tell people I feel close to what I am missing without sounding needy. I also wonder whether I could ask people I trust how they interpret my body language and social cues in case I unintentionally give off the wrong signals. To be fully honest, and I am scared to say this out loud, I also want to experience a hookup. When I started college, I imagined this would be my chance. Sometimes my sex drive feels overwhelming.

I used to feel insecure about my weight. When I started working out, I lost weight, built some muscle, and felt confident in my body for the first time. Because of depression and burnout, I eventually gained some of the weight back, but some of that confidence remained. I am still working on getting my driver's license, even though the summer is almost over. I made a Hinge profile, but it still needs a lot of improvement. I need better photos that honestly show my personality, interests, and social life rather than trying to manufacture an image of social status. I also value books that help me build a more positive narrative about my life. The book Worthy by Jamie Kern Lima genuinely helped me.

I feel stuck, and I want to identify concrete next steps that work with my ADHD rather than against it. I am tired of people acting as though dating involves no learnable skills. I believe there are skills I can practice. I need a healthier narrative: I am allowed to improve myself and actively search for connection, but I do not need to chase validation or become desperate. I want to be secure. I can acknowledge uncertainty while still working on what I can control.

A lot of people have told me to see therapy and I know they are trying to help, but it is not very helpful. I have been in therapy since Febuary, but I still struggle to communicate effectivly. My therapist is a graduate intern at my university and he did say he will be graduating in a few weeks and I will have a new therapist after that. It is difficult for me communicate emotions verbally. I could bring a journal to have the therapist read, but it would probably be a whole book of unprocessed thoughts and emotions. Has anyone had any experience like this or have any advice?

I’m looking for advice on how to handle this in a healthy way.

Years ago, I briefly got pulled into red-pill-type content, but I eventually snapped out of it. Having female friends in high school helped me see reality, and I’m grateful for that. I’m not really in contact with them anymore, though we are on good terms.

Lately, social media gender-war content has been getting under my skin. I have ADHD, social anxiety, general anxiety, and executive-functioning issues that affect my social life. Some of the content I see also makes me feel like men with ADHD are seen as especially annoying, immature, unsafe, or not worth dealing with, and I’m trying not to internalize that. I struggle with knowing where the line is between acquaintance and friend, and right now I don’t think I have close female friends.

I know that not having female friends does not make me a bad person. I also know women have valid reasons to be cautious around men, and I’m not asking women to soothe my insecurity or debate their experiences. But I keep seeing online rhetoric that makes lonely men sound inherently dangerous, defective, or suspicious, and even though I know I should not internalize it, it still hurts and makes me feel ashamed.

I don’t want loneliness to turn into resentment. I want to stay grounded and responsible. What is a healthy way to process these feelings?

I am a student in Physics and Mathematics and I am studying quantum information and IBM is the company I want to network a lot with.