u/_humanERROR_

My tactic to make friends or acquaintances is to attend a lot of public events which there are a lot of and I'm grateful for that. But sometimes they do have fees at an average of 10 Euros, and sometimes they're out of the way and I need to take a taxi (I can't drive).

And so many times I spend an average of 20 Euros to attend something and I get nothing in return. As in I don't manage to really talk to anyone.

Sometimes I'm lucky enough that I find people that I know, like I know their faces, so that they're acquaintances. But for multiple reasons we never become actual friends.

Of course I feel chronically lonely even while surrounded by people (though I don’t feel good in large groups). But what worries me is the number of times I’ve had to cut out people in my life. And I’m just trying to examine the reasons why and if they’re justified or if I’m just a weak little bitch who can’t handle conflict or hardship.

 

Example 1: Cut off my best friend of 7 years. We were growing apart and arguing quite a bit by the end of it. But I also had issues specific to me as I was also crushing heavily on her and also couldn’t bear to watch her suffer due to her own decisions while she would take no advice. Though then we got back together after a couple of years and we’re still friends now because we both grew more mature (I think).

Example 2: Cut off a guy who I only knew for a couple of weeks because he was in general a very negative and troubled person (who also ignored advice) and also because he talked extremely negatively about everyone behind their backs for no reason.

Example 3: Kind of the same situation except I feared for my safety. I think this guy was a genuine sociopath because he thought that he deserved to kill his parents for simply bringing him into this ‘miserable’ world.

Example 4: Had to cut off a friend/acquaintance of 3 years. It was very complicated because my relationship to them was also in the form of a care-tacker/helper and also funded by the government. But in general I never felt that we were truly friends, instead I felt like a hospice nurse walking on eggshells because of helping them constantly because of their disabilities but also their major mental health issues such as Borderline Personality Disorder. I was very passive with them and literally never tried to oppose them, but the meanness because of their situation and refusal to accept any advice or more help (and thus making them more mean) took a toll on me.

I don't know exactly what it's called though. Attention?

The idea of traditional romance scares me. Because couples spend a lot of time together and sleep in the same bed. And I absolutely need my own space and feel like I can't fully relax if I'm in the presence of another person. However I do desire devotion, loyalty, purpose and cuddling.

But what I also really want, and seems far more achievable, is for someone to be fascinated by me, to look at me like I'm the most important thing in the world right now, to be nearly hanging off every word I say. Even for a short while, even if I know it's fake or manipulative.

I live in Europe.

I haven't travelled since I was 14 (so 12 years now). Wasn't really my choice but I do want to travel again.

The thing is I am an anxious person (I'm medicated though) and some health issues make things much more stressful.

I've concluded for a long time now that to minimise my stress and of course maximise fun I'd rather go somewhere that speaks my language (English), and during the winter time because of my extreme heat sensitivity. So to me that narrows the option to the UK (Britain, Whales, Ireland, Scotland). Australia would be too hot to me and the USA and Canada would have too many disadvantages at my beginner level.

Another conundrum is whether to travel alone or with someone and/or with a tour.

I know that tours can be expensive and restrictive, but I feel like I do need a structure and commitment to keep me motivated. Or else I'm really afraid I'll let my anxiety and depression get to me and just not go places.

And as far as travelling with friends, that can go wrong too as for example people tend to see the worst in each other if they share accommodation. I was really thinking about even paying a portion of a friend's booking/accommodation fees to get them to come with me.

If I go alone, again I'm worried that my mental health issues will prevent me from actually going places or even socialise with anyone.

Now this may just be disagreement, but my dad keeps insisting that I don't go to the UK (and therefore not an English speaking country yet) because of complications related to travel documents. But I really don't know what these might be for just a holiday.

By the way this is coming from someone who just had to cancel their holiday and send 400 euros down the drain because the friend who was coming with me had an intense mental health episode.

So in a lot of videos characters will have more than 400 Luminas and I don't understand WHERE people are getting them from. Personally I aimed for all characters to have the same number of Luminas and right now they're at about 180. As far as I know, one can't change to who they assign Lumina points.

I also don't understand how I'm not doing more than 400 000 in damage including with parries, because I see people doing way more. I've tried many combinations of Luminas, skills and weapons according to what makes sense.

I've completed the main game and have defeated pretty much all mini-bosses and Mimes, collected all the collectables laying around and lost gestrals, and bought all the stuff from the merchants. Believe me I've been through all the areas 3 times each. However I haven't done all the Beach Gestral stuff because they're pretty annoying and as far as I know only give cosmetics upon completion. In the Endless Tower I'm up till the 2 Lampmasters. Right now I'm trying hard to beat Simon and Osquio which are mostly a question of memorizing the parry timings.

But my lack of damage is pretty annoying because it can take forever to reach the 2nd stage of each boss in order to actually practice the parries which I don't know so much.

I've also heard that this game does not require farming Lumina to complete everything??

I'm finding it really hard to keep track of which swimming spots are unsuitable due to sewage contamination. At one point I think there were a total of 15 spots across the islands that had contamination which is just crazy. The Marsascala and Sliema bays seem to be on and off all the time. However I want to swim at Valletta Fort St. Elmo side.

I’m constantly distracted by the feelings of my body: flesh rubbing against each other, digestive processes, the feelings of different fabrics touching my body and moving.

All this coupled with intense heat intolerance makes it very hard for me to enjoy life or work ☹

Do you think this is due to Autism or could it be due to some other mental happenings like OCD, chronic stress etc. ?

It's not the procedure itself I'm worried about or potential pain. It's the possible transphobia from the staff.

I know that there are options to be sedated or partially sedated. But it would still bother me that staff were transphobic and I wouldn't be able to speak up for myself.....

I'm a twice diagnosed autistic. Got my first diagnosis at 8 and then went for an adult diagnosis at 18. Now 25. Since 18 a lot of things have changed (one being that I changed sex).

I know that online questionnaires/quizzes screening for autism are not very reliable, but they are a tool. And it really bothers me that the answer options for a lot of the quizzes can be very black and white and don't take into account mental illnesses like depression (me) that can mimick some symptoms of ASD.

With regards to autistic characteristics, some things got better while some got worse. Like, much worse to the point of severely affecting my life, inability to function sometimes, panic attacks/shutdown etc.

Since some things did get better it's made me question if I'm autistic at all and I quickly panic-booked a review of my assessment. I've also been doing the online autism screenings again (the ones with aome validity), and I'm really worried because they're all coming very borderline or neurotypical.

I guess I'm worried that my mental health needs won't be taken seriously without an updated autism diagnosis. But yeah it's very hard for me to tell if my symptoms are due to ASD or depression combined with something else maybe.

Not that it matters that much, since this is above reddit's paygrade, but the symptoms that got better were related to socialising and the symptoms that got worse were related to sensory issues. Though the reason that my socialising became better was because I studied it a lot and learned from my many many mistakes (and still they've regressed a bit due to depression).

This is more of a vent post.

I am extremely sensitive to the way my body and my clothes feel. And then severe heat sensitivity in a hot country makes this worse.

I'm so frustrated at stores that never get the good stuff again, or get it only for 1 month of the year. Like just today I went to Tom Tailer to get exact replicas of my shorts and they did not have my size, and said they won't be getting more stock of those shorts. I try to see if I can order them from Tom Tailor directly, and see that they only have a grey version of the shorts (also out of stock).

Also this might be because I live in a small country, but clothes stores here operate by season and strange foreign traditions, like for example getting out fur coats in October even though most people are wearing shorts, where they've completely thrown out their summer stock which is still relevant to me.........

People also keep telling me to order online, but it's virtually impossible for me to regularly get sizes right. I mean, when one goes to a store they notice that even items having the exact same labler ex. 'slim bermuda shorts' can differn in sizing system and just little things like looseness that can also effect sizing.

In addition, finally related to the title, I hate it how I really dislike the 'universally' more 'comfortable' fabrics like silk, polyester, linen. Every single person who tries to help me brings up linen. But somehow it feels worse to me than cotton in a hot climate. Though I've read at least 1 account claiming that linen in fact does not help in humid climates (like mine).

Btw I had to get a medical exemption for work to let me wear bermuda shorts.

If you couldn't tell I'm very frustrated about my issue and there's pretty much no way to make it better.

I've even gone further than trying to order clothes online. I've actually tried to get clothes altered or even made from scratch in the past. Tried 5 times before I gave up as all the tailors around me seem to suck big time.

I'm very particular about clothes for multiple reasons. I find it so frustrating when I find a good product in a store and they never get it again.

Though in this case, I like to buy these very particular chino shorts from Tom Tailer. Went to their store and unfortunately they didn't have any of my size in stock. They also said that they won't get more shippings of those particular shorts.

So I thought I could try and order from Tom Tailer directly. And I find out that they only have the grey version of my shorts. I find it pointless to try and order other shorts because they will 100% have subtle differences and will probably be different in sizing to the point where I wouldn't be able to tell which is my right size.

26M

Since I was 17 I've suffered from very occasional bouts of fatigue with long-lasting headaches. When I was 19 I essentially ended up bed bound for a couple of months because of this. I really don't remember what medications I took, but I was inconsistent with taking them and the problem then seemed to fix itself.

Over the next couple of years I'd have only occasional days of fatigue + headaches like what I'd experienced. But for example last year I started needing a 3-hour nap every day despite sleeping about 8 hours at night. I took iron pills and Vitamin D and the problem seemed to go away. I discontinued the meds because I do take other medications and am always worried about side-effects, namely digestive ones.

Then all of a sudden for the past 2 months my health took a deep nosedive and it's starting to look like what I experienced at 19 again.

My main symptoms are:

• Severe fatigue despite sleeping for about 13 hours a day. My whole body feels wobbly. Not functioning at work.
• Low-grade headaches that last for many hours.

As I wrote in the title, from what I have been informed and seen, some notable blood components work together in a loop to keep things functioning and it seems that it can be difficult to find the break in the chain. Some of these components would be: Iron, Ferratin, Folic Acid, Vitamin D, Vitamin B12 and the Thyroid components.

I haven't had super detailed blood tests for a long time, but the results have been inconsistent. And I'm finding that different GPs (General Practitioners) are telling me different things. One says that X is low, another says it's not. One says my symptoms are probably due to X, another says my symptoms are probably due to Y.

I've been asked if I was vegan because of my low levels (in their opinion) of X, Y and Z. I am not. Ever since my episode at 19, I've made a conscious effort to eat a main dish of meat 4 times a week. Though my diet isn't perfect as it's filled with processed food.

Other possible symptoms that I have read could be associated with iron or thyroid malfunction is restless legs at night (which I have), and cracking at the corners of the mouth (which I get a few times a year and have to treat). I've also been wondering if my worsening heat intolerance has anything to do with it, but it's probably due to a combination of my autism and side-effects of psych. meds.

My primary GP has also now admitted that she's unsure of how to interpret some of my blood test results because of the fact that I'm trans (we're working on getting her a bit of training on this). Personally I'm not sure myself which settings the automated system is following to flag any numbers outside the norm, as my sex is still listed as female but at the same time it's marking Testosterone as abnormally low ?

I'm now on thyroxine but I know that if it works it will take many weeks to show effects.......

My mother has hypothyroidism so it runs in my family. But according to the internet hypothyroidism is less likely to affect men, and if it does it is usually a disease like Hashimoto's which I don't really have symptoms of.....

What it says. On the trans masc subs, some people, usually early stages of transition or debating if they 'can' transition make these kind of posts. And I find the comments even more off-putting than the posts. I get it that someone who's just starting out or starting to research about trans people doubts if they can pass (though they look like they haven't really tried). But even the commentors many times don't mention that T makes the vast majority of trans men pass given enough time.

I'm sure you've heard of the jokes/comments (as annoying as they may seem) about cis straight men having such a sense of audacity, arrogance and thinking they're always in the right. I try to reason that it's that toxic attitude that regularly gets cis straight men into trouble, even prison, lose relationships (and then cry that they have no friends/relationships at all).

But I wish a had some of that. Because I've always doubted myself all the time and nothing is ever going to fix that. For example I'm sensitive to every micro-facial expression and if I see a hint of annoyance or negativity in someone's face I get paranoid that it's about me or I'm doing a terrible job at X thing. Or for example some internet troll tells me that some random thing I do is manipulative despite no evidence, I'll be paranoid about it for a while.

Just today I posted on AITA because I need to vent my feelings somewhere. In short, I am a part-time caregiver to a disabled and chronically ill person in a chronically horrible situation, and got a bit mean to people who didn't want to help. (There's more context of course). Most people voted that I was the asshole, but not just that, some people actually asserted that I was gloating about helping this person and wanted to look like the only hero. And now it's stuck in my head and making me feel horrible.

Maybe my mistake was looking for emotional support in a possibly very judgemental echo-chamber. But even more relevant subs ended up being quite judgemental in the end.

But yeah. I really wish that I had that sense of 'fuck you I'm right' that most cis straight men tend to have, it would make me feel much less like shit.

We have a friend who is disabled, chronically ill and lives with a lot of daily chronic pain. They have fallen through the gaps in the systems because governments are shit and they have little support from anyone. In most medical settings they have faced neglect and almost DEATH by neglect and incompetence so things are not as simple as 'go to a hospital'.

I have committed to helping them on a weekly basis and have done so for a long time. I know that no one should be forced to help them, but it really frustrates us when mutual friends are only there for the fun parts of a friendship and not willing to help out in times of distress. And our friends range from those who are struggling to people who are objectively privileged and rich. Sometimes they do ask how they can help but coincidentally, any way we tell them how they can help they're unable to do.

Today my friend had a medical emergency again. I was unable to stay with them much because I was quite sick myself. And I sent a bit of a mean text in the group chat to ask for help. Though the sentence that offended some people was: 'I don't mean anyone in particular when I say this, but can someone, anyone, please MOVE THEIR FUCKING ASS AND GO HELP XYZ PHYSICALLY?!'

To be clear, with my friends' many and complicated diagnosies there is always a chance that they can die from relatively 'minor' things like a cold, stomach bug etc, as they can easily become unable to move or respond or call anyone for help.

But you know what? IT WORKED. Some people got offended, others actually got off their asses for once and helped, and someone also told me privately that my tone really opened their eyes and spurred them to help.

To be clear, I don't care if I'm an asshole in this. If I have to be an asshole to prevent someone from going through an inhuman amount of pain and suffering or possibly die, so be it.

EDIT: I had also offered money for transport to get any person to my friend's house since I could not help in person.

25M

I've had clinical depression since 12 years old but thankfully at 21 I finally got medicated which made me able to make some drastic changes in my life and I'm now in an objectively better situation with at least more life experience than one might expect for someone like me.

But I've come to the conclusion that I have always and will always have: very little motivation. What I mean by that is that I usually have very little intrinsic motivation to do stuff (even though I might still do them), possibly because I just never feel as much joy/happy chemicals from doing the thing as the random person? Therefore, most of the motivation I do have comes from the knowledge that things will be even worse if I don't do certain stuff, and not like 'this thing/activity looks cool let me do it'.

Examples:

• If I don't take care of my space and keep it clean I'll feel bad and embarrassed about it and possibly get sick.
• If I don't keep up with my education I'll remain stuck with lower wages.
• If I don't maintain relationships with certain people and hang out doing stuff I might not necessarily like I'll feel very lonely and even worse about myself.
• If I don't at least try and date/approach people even for acquaintanceship I'll feel even worse about the fact that I haven't tried.

I hope people understand what I'm trying to say.

One of the things that really kills me inside is the fact that I'm not very passionate about anything or have any 'cool' hobbies. Statistics and common sense show that passion for something, anything, makes a person very attractive. I just happen to have multiple things that I try to do and then abandon and then go back to from time to time in a cycle. Not really any hobbies save from video games.

And it really hit me how embarrassing this is 2 days ago when I was at a dating event. Granted I was not in a good state of mind (or body) when I attended and nobody really stuck out to me (I am aware of how hypocritical that statement is). But when the guy I was talking to asked me 'what I do for fun' my response was very telling.

I have faked responses to this before (or rather was in a better state where I was trying out some hobbies). But this time I just couldn’t fake it or give a much better response. I said something like: ‘Oh I bounce around many different things like X and Y, I just try lots of things and go wherever my friends drag me’.

‘Drag me’. ‘Drag me’. Because yeah, that’s how I feel the majority of the time. That I just drag myself around as if life is all one big chore.

I know that it is necessary to think if one is really ready to date. But what's also objectively as common is that people keep moving the goalposts regarding when and what 'ready' means. That they have to have reached this or that goal, bought this or that thing to be ready. And if it keeps going like that you'll never end up dating.

I don't know I'm just trying to find a balance but it's hard for me. The perfect scenerio is obviously that a relationship forms organically without trying too hard. But the chances of that happening are not too high for most people in the world we currently live in.

25, post-top surgery, 2.3 yrs on T.

I dress in a binary male fashion and have only 2 looks: smart-casual or construction worker. I keep my facial hair at stubble length as it itches too much to grow into a beard, and more hair still needs to come in. My chest hair is also coming in nicely. However I am disappointed at my voice which is still quite high, and then sometimes throat dryness makes it even worse (still have to find a cause/fix for it).

When I meet people outside my age cohort (30+) they frequently assume I'm younger than 20 or even as young as 16. I'm probably obsessing, but I've always been jealous of older-looking and 'rough-looking' men because in my opinion it makes them look more masculine and unmistakibly male. Non-trans men keep telling me it's a privilege that I look younger than my age, but I'd happily have it the other way round.........However there's nothing really I can do about it.

I'm very sensitive to the heat and my workplace won't allow shorts till the knee.

I'm a newbie planning to fish with a rod and reel from the coast not a boat. Where would you recommend to fish? Personally I'm leaning towards Valletta on the coast side facing Sliema as it looks deep with not many people around and good parking. But looking for other suggestions.