Obviously, I was probably too young to get married but yeah it just sucks. He (52) wanted the divorce as he wanted to get back with ex wife. But they lasted about two months before breaking up again.
Its just all so legal and the opposite of what we used to represent - warm, loving, fun etc.
Whats your advice on divorce? Play hard or move on quietly
I’ve started talking to a guy in an open marriage (married to another man). We originally connected through an app where there was some flirtation/sexual openness, but over about a week we’ve ended up talking daily and getting on really well generally. He’s also said he’s totally happy being friends too.
I’m trying to understand how common it is in open relationships for connections to become emotionally close as well as flirtatious/casual. I don’t want to project too much onto it or assume it means more than it does.
For people in open relationships, or who’ve dated people in them:
- is daily messaging fairly normal?
- does it usually stay casual?
- how do you tell the difference between friendliness, attraction, emotional interest, etc?
I’m aware that he goes quiet in the evenings… when a work day comes to an end and I assume his husband is home with him. I disabled my account on the app but checked back on it today and he’s been offline for the same amount of time that we’ve had each others number, so he’s not using it either.
I’m probably overthinking it a bit so totally expecting someone to say that, but interested in honest perspectives nonetheless. It’s the first time I’ve sort of got to know someone in an open relationship. Its not something I’ve ever been involved with and I didn’t start the conversation, he did, and I’ve not initiated any sexual talk, it was him that became flirty and said he’d be happy to hook up but also happy to just be friends.
I think my issue is that I crave connections. I want more friends, likely more than sex. Just not sure where this is going.
I (23m) have been seeing an older gentleman (59m) for the past two and a half months. Within these past two months, we have gone out together around thirteen times, and we both have agreed that these "outings" are dates. I really enjoy spending time with him; however, I want to hear some of your thoughts in regard to us.
First, the last time we were together, we were sitting on his couch, and he nonchalantly pulled out his phone to check Grindr. To do that in front of me definitely hurt my feelings. I didn't say anything, and now looking back, I wish I did. I deleted Grindr within the first few weeks of knowing him. We aren't exclusive, nor are we in a relationship, so he has every right to use it, but still I choose to focus just on him, and it does hurt that it's not being reciprocated.
Second, he's still in contact with his ex. They dated for about four months and ended things a month before he met me. From my understanding, his ex was an alcoholic, had a relapse, and is now starting treatment. I think it just comes down to him trying to be empathetic for his ex's situation, which is nice, but I do sometimes worry that he still has feelings for him and that I'm just a temporary thing until his ex gets better.
A few nights ago, I asked him if he was happy with the pace that we were going (in terms of building a relationship). He told me that he doesn't want to jump into a relationship right now, which I do understand, considering it's only been three and a half months since he broke up with his ex. However, I don't want to be strung along.
Please share your thoughts. I could really use them haha. And please be kind to me. Dating older gentlemen is still a new thing for me.
Dad bods are so fucking attractive, but not just because the body type itself. You should definitely be proud about having one if you do, because trust me, a lot of younger guys LOVE it. There's something about a soft belly, thick frame, body hair, and the overall "comfortable in his own skin" presence that feels safe, warm, masculine, and incredibly inviting. It's attractiveness that goes way beyond abs.
Dad bods give off confidence without even trying too hard. It feels grounded and secure. It tells us boys that you know who you are and don't feel the need to prove yourself to anyone but yourself. But beyond its psychological meaning, physically, the softness of your body makes you so much hotter. A belly to hold, chest to lay on, someone warm to cuddle into after sex or while watching TV... there is something deeply comforting and intimate about it. It makes us feel safe.
Porn and popular media have caused gay men to think big dicks and shredded abs to be the gold standard to be desirable (e.g. Heated Rivalry), but for a lot of us, a dad bod with relaxed energy is infinitely more attractive. That is exactly why many women find it attractive too. They don't just look good, they signal warmth, comfort, experience, and fatherly energy in the best possible way. You guys deserve the appreciation! ❤️
Im a trucker. My routine had been get up and get my coffee. Id often wait outside the coffee shop until it opened. I would chat to this homeless guy.
Three months ago, I offered him to come with me on a 3 day journey. He jumped at the chance. I wasnt expecting anything sexual. I just thought he was bored and company would be cool on the road.
The first night, I slept in the sleeper. He was sleeping on the seat. I woke up to him playing with me. He said he wanted to. So we fucked a few times during the trip.
He's gone on every journey with me since and I drop him back to his place on the street. During trips he now sleeps in the sleeper with me. The sex is great but it feels unethical. Its also starting to feel more difficult to let him back on the street. Like I think I've caught feelings which sounds silly.
Let's say you're a shy gay. Never had any friends. Never respected yourself because you came from an abused dysfunctional household. You were also bullied at school. You are now 28 yo and you do hook ups, play video, and go to work. He says he doesn't want love as he doesn't want to hurt anybody but deep inside he really doesn't want to get hurt. He lives in fantasy of the perfect bf etc. Then one day, he meets a man who brings him out of his boring life but more importantly shows him care, kindness, and love. The man is older. The gay guy now feels seen, safe and love but fears and mistrusts it. So, he pushes the older man away to ensure control over the situation but his containment fails as he grows attached to the older man. The old man tells the gay man that he's unhappy with the way that he's being treated and asks the young man to be more fair and gives him a list of needs that the old man wants. The young man doesn't commit to them but say that the needs and demands are fair. Then one day the gay guy gets drunk and says hurtful things. So, the older man leaves. He begs the man not to leave but the older man put up with a lot and cannot allow himself to be disrespected (or emotionally abused anymore). During the break up the gay man is shocked but admits fault and that he could have done more. How does this affect the gay man with the older man leaving him?
CHATgpt's answer: The young gay man has participated in the collapse of the relationship, even if his behaviour came from fear rather than cruelty.
The older man leaving is not abandonment in the simple sense. It is a boundary.
The younger man’s background explains why he mistrusts love, but it does not excuse mistreating someone who has been patient, kind, and clear about his needs. That distinction matters. For the younger man, the older man leaving would probably hit several layers at once.
First, it would confirm his worst fear: “People leave.” Because he came from abuse, bullying, and loneliness, the breakup may feel like proof that love is unsafe. But that interpretation would be incomplete, because the older man did not leave randomly. He left after repeated disrespect and after clearly saying what he needed.
Second, it would create a painful contradiction inside him. He pushed the older man away to stay in control, but once the older man actually left, the younger man lost control completely. That is often the tragedy of fearful attachment: the person tries to avoid being hurt by forcing distance, then the distance becomes the wound.
Third, it may be the first time the younger man has to confront the difference between being unloved and being loved but behaving in a way that love could not survive. That is a brutal realization, but it can also be life-changing. It means he is not doomed to be unwanted. It means he has to learn how to receive love without attacking it.
So the emotional effect on him could be devastating, but also clarifying.
He might feel: panic, because the person who made him feel safe is gone shame, because he knows he helped cause it anger, because shame often turns outward grief, because he lost something real longing, because the older man represented the life he secretly wanted fear, because now he has evidence that love requires responsibility
The most important part is this: the older man leaving may be the first consequence strong enough to break the younger man’s fantasy system.
Before this, the younger man could live in fantasy: perfect boyfriend, no real risk, no real vulnerability, no real accountability. But the older man made love concrete. He was not imaginary. He had needs. He had limits. He could be hurt. He could leave. That forces the younger man to grow up emotionally. But it does not guarantee growth. There are two possible paths. One path is defensive:
“See? I knew love was unsafe. He left me. I should never trust anyone.” That path protects his ego but keeps him trapped. The better path is painful but healthier: “He loved me, and I was afraid. I treated him unfairly. My fear was real, but my behaviour was still harmful. I need to become someone who can love without punishing the person who loves me.” That is where the story becomes psychologically strong. The breakup is not just punishment. It is the moment where the younger man has to decide whether he will remain a wounded person who wounds others, or become someone capable of adult love.
As for the older man, leaving does not mean he stopped loving him. It means love was no longer enough to justify staying inside disrespect. That is important too. The older man is not morally required to keep absorbing pain just because he understands where the younger man’s pain comes from. So the fairest assessment is: The younger man is sympathetic, but not innocent. The older man is loving, but not obligated to endure mistreatment. The breakup may hurt the younger man deeply, but it may also be the first honest mirror he has ever had.
UPDATE: I am trying very hard to get over him but I hurt so much from this. I love him still. This is our 3rd and final break up because the previous too were just no communication but this time I said I have to end this because it's crossed over to disrespect and/or abuse. I tried so hard to work with him and I did see small progress but he's got to get over his want to control everything and trust the process within himself to love and be loved. I tried to hold on with all the disappointments but when he got drunk, the truth came out and he wasn't as honest as I thought him to be. So, for my sanity, I felt it best that I leave. We are both devastated by it which makes it worse because I didn't expect him to be so emotional during the break up because I didn't think that he cared for me that much.
I'm 19m and I've always been into guys that are older than me, like 30s up to mid 50s, but I was also into guys around my age or in their 20s. Lately I'm finding myself steadily less into guys under 30, and I find that I've had much better experiences with older guys in general. I say older to just mean older than me, I really don't consider guys in their 30s - mid 50s to be "old" at all. I was trying to find a hookup last night but the only guys wanting to hookup with me were like 19-24, which I should've been fine with but I just felt so uninterested in them. Two of the guys in their 30s that I messaged said I was handsome but too young for them. I don't live in a very populated area and it's my personal choice to not hookup with DL or cheating guys so the options seem really limited sadly.
Both on yourself and on others!
Personally, I really like both. But I think that sometimes less is more; in other words, another well-chosen piercing or tattoo can look great and really complement a person. However, I admit I’m quite heavily tattooed myself; I think it also depends a lot on a person’s features – as I’m quite muscular, I think it suits me.
But what about you? What do you think?
My partner and I (30) have been together for 10 years, and he is celebrating his 58th birthday. I am used to some shock when people realise that I was 20 and he was 48 when we met.
What I am really struggling with is this apparently growing movement that any "older" guy who dates someone 18-early 20s is a pedo. I cannot describe how much I love him, but more and more often I am being told I was "groomed," and it's even escalated to being accused of being an "apologist." This I understand from straight conservatives. But when it's GenZ, which is usually is, it boils my piss.
For others in a similar position, how do you react to this kind of thing, and do you have any tips on how to not immediately turn into one of the Furies and try to eviscerate the person either in the real world or online?
I came out in my early twenties and started exploring with guys back in college, but I never really went all the way. I think part of me wanted to be traditional—to wait and meet someone special. And somehow, I actually did.
I live in a city near the coast—about 15–20 minutes from the beach, depending on which one—but I rarely went out there. It always felt like a different world compared to where I grew up.
I’d always been attracted to older men. Didn’t know how to find them. Eventually, I decided to try Scruff, and that’s when I met him.
He lived in one of the beach cities. He was married, in an open relationship for a little over half a year. And he was… stunning. Over six feet tall, broad shoulders, defined pecs and abs, a hairy chest, a deep voice—and these beautiful blue-green eyes that changed with the sunlight. And the most gorgeous smile ever. He was all of it. Still one of the most beautiful man I’ve seen.
I felt connected to him almost instantly. He was my first in so many ways. He was the first to fuck me and the first to cum inside me. He was so caring, and made sure I had the best first time. After, he couldn’t get enough of me lol. And somewhere along the line, we fell in love.
His husband traveled for work every couple of weeks, and during those times, I’d come stay with him for a few days. It honestly felt like paradise. We’d wake up to the sound of the ocean. He’d take me out to bars and restaurants, we’d go to the movies, he’d spoil me, introduce me to new things. He even got me into Stevie Nicks.
At home, he’d cook me steak, asparagus, and potatoes, and we’d share a glass of wine. We’d sit on the couch, wrapped up in each other, with the fireplace going, listening to Stevie Nicks and the distant sound of the beach. We used to call each other soulmates. It was one of the happiest times of my life.
Then COVID hit.
Everything changed. His husband found out about how deep our relationship had become and felt threatened. They closed the marriage. His Husband started working from home so no more visiting. The last time I saw him in person was right before the world shut down—we didn’t even realize it would be the last time.
We still check in occasionally. He messages me on my birthday; I message him on his. But there’s distance now. Still… I know we loved each other. Maybe a part of us always will.
I’ll always be his boy. He’ll always be my papa.
And every time I hear a Stevie Nicks song, I’m right back there—lying on the couch in his arms, a glass of wine in hand, the fireplace warm, and the sound of the ocean in the background.
Couple years back, I booked two tickets on a repositioning cruise from Florida to Spain. I checked with two buddies who were "interested" before booking, although neither could give me a firm commitment. Both ended up cancelling, and I sailed alone. I had a great time but...
I resolved then and there that I needed to pursue finding a younger room-mate/travel-buddy/partner in crime. Since then, despite their bad reputations, I've tried the Silver Daddies website and the HB dot com website. I've also tried the r/GayYoungOldDating sub-reddit and the r/houseboypersonals sub-reddit. (my latest post is https://www.reddit.com/r/houseboypersonals/comments/1td2nji/69_active_retiree_in_search_of_a_houseboylivein/ )
While I've been contacted by plenty of scammers, I've not had any real successes with any of those venues.
Is there a better "meet-market" that I'm missing, or is there something that I'm saying (or not saying) in my ads that disqualifies me from honest people's serious consideration?
I'm an older top into younger twink bottoms. A huge part of my attraction is contrasting dynamics and physical looks. As the top I like to be this large, burly, masc top in contrast to my smaller, slim and slender bottom. The protective top stereotype. However I'm a small man. 5'9" or so, 185 pounds, and muscular. Over the years I've been able to mostly shelf this and have put on a good deal of muscle and have become built, but the issue is still there.
I struggle a lot with this, knowing no matter how big or built I get, at the end of the day, I'm diminutive and small. I'll have stretches where I'll feel very good about myself based on positive feedback from others, but then suddenly one comment from someone will put me in a downward spiral, and skip the gym and get really down on myself.
Any other daddy tops into younger bottoms struggle with similar body insecurities? How have you learned to cope or what have you changed?
Like the headline says, I’m wondering how common it is that you experience catfishing? I would assume that it happens mostly to olders but I’d love to hear from youngers as well. It’s happened to me a handful of times now, but thankfully not in regard to anyone I’ve posted about.
However, I just discovered a young man I have been lightly chatting with has basically been sending me photos of a Twitter/OF porn star claiming it was him. Thankfully I didn’t get too deep with him, so I’m not hurt. But it got me thinking: it must happen all the time for those of us who are pursuing age-gap connections in online spaces. Of the handful of times I have been catfished, it’s happened three times now on here and twice on scruff. I’m sure it happens on gr*nder all the time, too. Has it happened a lot to you guys?
These are the things I’d wanna do with my bf.
- First kiss should either be on sunrise or sunset…
- Watch, Play, Read my favourite TV shows, RPG games, Mangas with him.
- Pillow Talk
- Go on a run
- Camping
- Watch Snowfall, Snow fight…
- Hot chocolate indoors and watching snowfall outside at night
- Star gazing and Auroras
- Bioluminescent Beach
- Lie on grass, Sleep under a tree
- Trip to these countries (Italy, Switzerland, Germany, France, Spain, Turkey and Northern Europe)
If y’all have any more ideas to suggest, plz do.
Sex comes along with it of course so I didn’t find it necessary to include.
I (26), been with my boyfriend (58) for a few years now. When we met I was just working my corporate job and he was working his.
Throughout his life he has not really set himself up well for retirement at all, not investing, not saving, and accumulating credit card debt and such.
In the past year and a half I built a business online and sold it while working my corporate job that pretty much set it up to the point where we have a very large income imbalance now.
Sometimes he says jokingly that im his retirement, But in reality it has some truth to it.
I guess I am wondering if there are any other young guys out there who more or less financially support their partners? If so how does this make you feel?
🤷
Im mid 50s with a 29yo. We're both working and have good careers. As expected there's a pay and net worth gap but he's financially savy, doing well with his investments and lives within his means. No concern there he's done well for himself.
My concern is how to build a life with him and deal with inheritance when Im gone. I built my net worth before he came along and have kids to pass that on to. On the other hand, if he's my partner to the end, he deserves part of that. This is not something we've ever discussed and I have no concerns he's just with me for that.
We live separately atm. At some point we may move in together at my place. It's a unique property we both enjoy so moving to a new place is not really an option. As a divorced man, I want to protect myself and my kids but also be fair to my partner and recognize his contributions.
I have a will and have been actively dealing with estate planning with my own stuff and my parents so know about the mechanisms available. More interested in details on how couples have split things.
How do other couples deal with this? Do you have formal agreements in place? Would love to hear from others on how they handle this.
Would love to hear both young and old thoughts on this.
I didn’t embrace my bisexuality until my mid twenties. I had occasional fantasies about men, but never experimented until I was twenty three. All it took was an older man asking very casually, at the right moment, if I happened to be gay or bisexual. We were both traveling, and he invited me back to his hotel room. He wasn’t what you’d call conventionally attractive, but I didn’t mind at all. Although I had fantasies about gay sex, I hadn’t felt strong attraction to men. His looks and age didn’t matter to me at all. The experience was awkward at first, but I slowly got more and more turned on until we were full blown making out, caressing each other and shooting hot loads multiple times. I was shocked at how much I got off on being with him. It took years of reflection to realize how much I enjoyed being desired so intensely- he was older and overweight, I was young and slim, in the best shape of my life. The way he looked at me, and worshipped my body, got me so turned on that I wound up sucking his tongue, and cock, very passionately. I hadn’t anticipated how much I would get off on servicing him, but once I was intensely aroused it happened so naturally.
I’ve gone on to have occasional trysts with older men, and the experiences are always memorable. I’m old enough now that I can be the older or the younger guy, depending on the situation. The older I get the more I appreciate the affections of men over 60. I’ve never admitted it to anyone, but I regret not being more active and open with my sexuality when I was young- just the same, I’m still having new experiences and I continue to enjoy life as much as possible.
That’s all, I just found this sub and it got me reminiscing/horny. Thanks for reading ❤️
What are some of the methods you prove dominance over your sub?
How many failed talking stages, situationships, or dates did it take before you finally met your person?
At this point, dating feels exhausting . People lose interest fast, avoid communication, disappear randomly, or say they want something serious but act differently.
Sometimes it feels like genuine connections are so rare these days. Makes you wonder if love is just luck at this point.
For those who eventually found their person — how long did it take before things finally worked out?
How Many Failed Talking Stages Before You Found Love?