42 M, single. I have done well in past couple of decades, initially struggled to get a job and now make decent. Quite sure have made tons of stupid mistakes.
But then I am wondering can I have a simple life with less struggles.
What is the one cheat code a normal person can have to improve his/her life in
- Health
- Wealth
- Relationship’s.
Did I miss any category?
As a 34 yo male who has been able to get with only two women his entire life, how can I get over this deep rooted low confidence? Im not here to throw a pity party I just need advice/guidance because the common thing I keep finding when I reasearch what it is that men who have had success with women is confidence. I have never liked who I was because of the way I look which is extremely young for my age which creates an uphill battle when it comes to dating. I also cant fight which makes it even worst because it reinforces my insecurities when i see bullies/toxic dudes getting the most attractive women. someone who has been in a similiar situation and improved what was it you did? I want to become confident in my overall life not just dating.
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1.Keep the promises you make to yourself.
2.Learn to say no without explaining yourself.
3.Stop scrolling. Start living.
4.Read everyday.
Even 10-20 pages a day can take you to somewhere new.
5.Listen to perspectives that challenge your own.
6.Watch something completely out of your comfort zone.
Watch a film that you normally scroll past
7.Move your body everyday.
Exercise doesn't always have to mean an intense workout at the gym. Walk. Stretch. Dance. Take the stairs. Do yoga. Move in whatever way feels good to your body
8.Take care of your skin, but keep it simple.
Skincare doesn't have to mean ten expensive products lined up on your shelf. Cleanse, moisturise, protect your skin from the sun, and do what works for you.
9.Keep two hobbies—one that creates and one that strengthens.
Sketching, painting, writing, pottery, photography, or playing an instrument can feed your creative side.
Yoga, swimming, running, dancing, or strength training can help you build physical and mental strength.
10.Give yourself a few quiet minutes every day.
Even 10 minutes of sitting quietly, breathing, and being present can make a difference.
11.Eat to nourish yourself.
12.Drink enough water.
13.Choose real food more often.
You don't have to completely eliminate your favourite foods, but try not to make packaged foods and sugary or carbonated drinks a daily habit.
14.Protect your sleep.
Aim for around eight hours whenever your schedule allows.
15.Be grateful for the good and humble through the bad
Express gratitude for every good thing that finds its way into your life. And when something painful or difficult happens, try to meet it with humility.
21M, immigrant in Canada, been here since 11, spent most of my conscious life here, grew up with western media, danny phantom, scooby doo, Phineas and ferb, the whole nine yards. Ive literally had the best grades of my class in my English courses since I came to Canada and have barely any detectable accent even though I do have a slight stutter due to anxiety. I’ve had literally every western value since I can remember, pro choice, for women’s suffrage, pro democracy, adamant about separation of state and religion, literally everything north american you can think of I like and enjoy and respect.
i pay honour to all the fallen soldiers of Canada when I can since the tomb of the unknown soldier is close to me, I’m a deist to atheist. Even after all that I still feel like everyone judges me off the fact that I was born in Pakistan and still have some tendencies from there like having a stand your ground attitude and aslo that I have very bad skin from neglect post injury that partially disabled me. I’m also a bit overweight and have gynecomastia which makes things even worse. I literally do everything to assimilate but literally I can’t post a single pic of myself without being called a pajeet or inbred and at this point I feel like what Ali said one time in an interview during the civil rights movement
>'What if there were 1,000 rattlesnakes outside your door, & maybe 100 of them wouldn't bite you, didn't mean you any harm, but they all looked alike? So you couldn't tell the mean ones from from the nice ones. What should you do? Should you open the door & hope that the 100 snakes that wouldn't harm you would come together & form a shield protecting you from the other 900 snakes that want to harm you? Or should you close the door & stay safe?
I just feel like if I approach anyone, women will think I’m a bobs and vagene creep and shoo me away or record me and post me on social media if I’m awkward and guys will just make fun of me.
i can’t meet people naturally through warm approaches because im partially disabled so i do highschool mostly from home and dont have many social hobbies. most people i meet have been through approaches post dropping out of high school once I got disabled, I’ve joined back again now though.
i dont think in my situation it’s even a good idea to talk to anyone at all. I have no money, I have no other friends, I don’t go anywhere, I feel like just drinking and smoking alone should be my outlet until I have a good job and money, my own place, maybe a car or be able to afford Ubers everywhere, have worked out to a decent enough physique, taken care of the gynecoma through surgery, and have had given my skincare routine enough time to clear absolutely everything and then maybe I can try being social again but right now I people literally just ignore me when I try speaking and when I do get someone’s number or socials they never reply so I feel I’m just wasting my time.
I just feel like right now I should just drink and smoke to feel good rather than try to meet people and just get hurt and then go home and drink even more because rejection sucks and I don’t want to go through it over and over again and have it replaying my head. like there’s no point in trying because if I don’t make friends I will just get sadder and if I do make friends they will realize i dont have any other friends and then theyll get weirded out and leave and that will hurt too, I feel like I should just work on objective metrics that people care about most in relationships to increase my chances of meeting people and just presenting myself wrll and allow those who do want to interact with me to decide on their own.
I've been in leadership development and management for 15 years, thinking about how much of what we call "self-improvement" is really just the collection of external tools.
Someone struggles with their marriage, so they search for communication techniques. Someone struggles as a leader, so they look up leadership strategies. Someone doesn't like their health, so they find a new diet. Someone is unhappy, so they search for better habits.
None of these things are useless. But I think we often mistake tools for development.
Imagine sending someone into an ancient battle. You give them excellent armor, a sword and a shield. Those things absolutely increase their chances of survival—but only if the person wearing the armor knows how to fight.
If they don't, you've improved their equipment without improving the person using it.
I think we do the same thing with ourselves.
We keep asking, "What should I do differently?" when sometimes the more important questions are: Why do I think the way I think? Why did that make me angry? Why do I need this person's approval? Why am I so certain that I'm right? Why do I keep repeating this behavior?
That's why I've come to believe that self-awareness has to come before most meaningful personal development.
And self-awareness isn't simply knowing your strengths and weaknesses. It's developing the ability to turn your judgment back onto yourself.
Someone criticizes you?
Don't automatically believe them. But don't automatically reject them either. Treat their criticism as circumstantial evidence, not a verdict. Examine it.
Someone disagrees with you?
Before proving them wrong, ask yourself what evidence would actually be capable of proving you wrong. If the answer is "nothing," you're no longer reasoning—you've started defending an identity.
You feel angry?
The emotion is real. Your interpretation of what caused it may not be.
I think maturity begins when we become capable of separating what we feel, what we believe, and what is actually true.
Maybe becoming a better person isn't primarily about accumulating more answers.
Maybe it's about becoming the kind of person capable of questioning their own answers.
And perhaps that's why changing ourselves is so difficult: eventually, the person doing the investigating and the person being investigated have to be the same person.
So I’m 33 and live with two other male roommates around the same age. And generally have had no issues, but had a bizarre altercation yesterday with one of them. For context I generally walk around the aptm in my underwear if there are no guests around, usually because I’m just grabbing something from the kitchen. One of my roommates has asked me to wear pants more, and to an extent I have (other one could care less outside of some Walter White jokes). But I walked into the kitchen in my underwear and he was there, he said nothing but walked up behind me and no joke gave me a wedgie so bad my feet left the floor and my waistband ripped. This guy is twice my size, and he basically said he will do it again unless I wear pants around the aptm. I cursed him out and haven’t brought it up since. I’ve been wearing pants all the time now, but I feel like a pushover for not contacting our landlord. But I’m also embarrassed that happened to me as a grown man. Not sure how I should handle this
Cold Showers- When you have an urge don't sit there and think about it. Take a cold shower for 1 minute. The cold wakes up your body, clears your mind, and gets rid of the cycle. Most urges last only a few minutes. You need something stronger than the temptation.
Exercise- Your body needs a challenge. When you train your energy has somewhere better to go. Instead of chasing quick pleasure your building strength.
Stay Busy- Most urges happen when your bored. An empty mind looks for easy pleasure. Fill your day with work that matters. Study, build things, or learn new skills. The more focused you become the less time your mind has to wander.
Spend Time Around People- Being alone all day makes bad habits easier to repeat. Spend time outside, see people you get along with, spend time with your family. Real connections will always be better than fake ones.
Turn Your Energy Into Progress- Your energy isn't the enemy. It's how you use it that matters. Every time you resist an urge you have a choice, you can waste energy or use it to improve your life.