Help a dream come true
I haven't felt actual JOY in decades...but when I look back some of my fondest memories had to do with water (Pretending to be a mermaid for hours in the tub, counting down the days until the Tell City Pool opened and always getting at least 1 slice of pizza before leaving cause it was the best, all the times we went to Tipsaw Lake over the Summertime, Playing Racquetball with my mom and then swimming or exercising in the therapy pool at the Health park~) The only thing I hated about all those times were all the people that were there, I always dreamed of being able to swim somewhere alone or just with family.
At some point I lost that dream but recently I made a new YouTube channel where I wanted to post my poems as ai songs (something new to try to occupy my mind until my brother gets home) but with a new channel comes new recommendations and I think because I had so many poems about sirens (which I didn't really even realize at the time) they started recommending a channel called The Magic Crafter...she's a professional mermaid, I watched a video and was instantly mesmerized...it ignited a spark in me that I thought was long since dead.
I wanted to be a mermaid...I always felt so at home in the water and I have that same yearning to swim in my own private pool as I did when I was a kid...just the thought of it brings a smile to my face. I know EXACTLY how I want it to look, I've had the exact same dream every night for a full week now that I walk through a door in my bedroom out to a 4ft. wide corridor that leads out to the backyard and into a big pool room (with a frosted skylight, porcelain walls and anti slip porcelain floors) I already have the pool picked out and some of the decor I want for the room...
The problem is we're all just getting by and we can't afford to have this built...we're going to be trying to save what money we can but if it's just us it'd likely take us 10 years to get enough money...I have cried over this, my heart hurts with a deep yearning to swim again~
I know this is a long story/rant but I wanted to give you the lowdown on my life... I started receiving disability due to mental issues in 2007 (My Grandma who was my entire world died from doctor's neglect when I was 12, going on 13 and it made me spiral into a deep depression that I never really was able to crawl out of...I lost interest in nearly every single hobby I had and the pain and anger turned to numbness and going through the motions on autopilot~
I was raised by a single mom with Bipolar, who was constantly wanting to move every 6 months or so...so I never really had stability either, we moved from apartment to apartment to apartment (sometimes moving to a different unit in the same complex~) My only real friends at that time were animals and most apartments wouldn't allow them so what little bit of joy I got from that would also get sucked out~
Finally in 2009 my brother got a mortgage for a double wide on a foundation and my mom and I moved in with him and thankfully that's where we have stayed since...however my phobias have gotten to the point where I haven't willingly left the house since moving in (I fear being around people (I have not had many people be nice or show respect in the past), I massively fear bugs (We have a lot of spiders and sometimes wasps and mosquitoes around our place~), I am obese and can't wear shoes (one foot is always super swollen and they try to cramp my toes the moment I try to put a shoe over them :()...I can't stand very long (less than 2 minutes without holding onto something) and I have horrible balance every since I had to be rushed to the E.R. back in I believe 2016? (it was one of those time where I felt forced to leave the house because I couldn't breathe) Turns out somewhere like 97% of my lungs were filled with Carbon Dioxide that I wasn't releasing...I spent 2 weeks in I.C.C. then spent 4 weeks in Rehab relearning how to use my arms, hands, and legs again...my balance never truly came back from that~
My entire day is spent sitting on my bed, doing a few things on my iPad every morning, then listening to YouTube while I play games on my phone trying to earn dribs and drabs of money here and there and trying to keep my brain occupied with something until my brother gets home from work (which is the highlight of my day cause then we can play games like World of Warcraft or 7 Days 2 Die to escape reality until he gets ready to go to bed.
I have a mini fridge and microwave in my bedroom so I spend 24/7 in my room and only ever leave to go to the bathroom...I don't really feel like I have a right to be in the living room (that's usually where my mom and her boyfriend is, and also where my mom's boyfriend's adult adopted daughter sleeps).
I know this would be a huge step to not only elate my mental state but it would also allow me to exercise (being weightless in the water helps joints so much) and swimming as a mermaid would help me strengthen my muscles, AND on top of all of that I actually think it would help me FINALLY be able to lose weight (I've already slowed WAY down on the eating because getting this done is my only thought right now and I want to look better as a mermaid.)
If you can find it in your heart to donate I would be eternally grateful and it would boost my faith in humanity, if you aren't able to help financially then PLEASE share this and try to get the word out...I finally have something that will bring me the joy I've so desperately missed most of my life. My GoFundMe link is here-> https://gofund.me/69a2f3faa