r/saudijournaling

يوم تسوي شي واو بنظرك وتتحمس انك توريه احد وتنصدم من ردة فعل بعض الناس البارده عليه

ببكي بطني طول اليوم يغثني كل الاكل يغثني حتى لو اعجبني بعده احس معدتي تقلب وودي استفرغ واحاول بس مقدر والحين ميته جوع بس الغثيان مقدررررررر منه تعبني مدري شسوي عطوني حل

ان شاءالله الالم الخفيف اللي احس فيه ما يحتاج حبة مسكن عشان انام، المهم ودي اصحى و القى تعليقاتكم اشوفها بكره الحين بتنام الباحثه ادعوا لها 🤍

اذا فيه اي احد تعوض ممكن يقول لاني بديت افقد الامل من كثر الاشياء الي صارتلي معد صرت اقدر اتخيل حجم العوض الي ممكن يقنعني اكمل حياه

لو فعلا فيه عوض ولا هي كذا الحياه للابد

سؤال يراودني

السلام عليكم

أنا عمري ٢٨ وعندي دخلي الخاص، ما قد سافرت برا السعودية وأنا انسانة مرة متفشلة من هذا الشيء

من الناس تسولف عن هالشيء استأذن اقوا بروح حمام ولا عندي مكالمة عشان ما يجيني الدور واقولهم ما قد رحت أنا اقدر اروح ومقتدرة ماليًا بس امي وابوب يعيون ولاهم متعودين واخواني الكبار يسافرون برا بدوني يروحون مع اصحابهم.

وإذا خذيت اجازة من دوامي نكد بنكد اصير مضغوطة من امي ادري إني قليلة ادب بس خلاص انا مكتومة دايم تسألني وين تروحين كنت طالعة امس الجيم بعدها خذيت ايسكريم واكلت قدام البحر وكنت مروقة لين ما امس يوم ارسلت لي بالواتس اب ويني وتهاوشت معها قلت لها متى تعامليني زي فلان ولا تدرين عني يا حظه مو حولك (فلان اخوي مبتعث ويصور مع زميلاته بالجامعة ويحطها ستوري سناب)

امي شاقتني بالدين والدين وانا خلاص مضغوطة مع إني ما اسوي اشياء حرام ولا شيء بس خلاص انا ما اقدر اتحمل حتى لو سؤال عادي وما حرموني من الطلعة ابي حياتي الخاصة خلااااص

والمشكلة دايم تشبهني بشخصيته واني نفس اطباعه وهو ما بقى ديرة ما راح لها

انا احب امي بس خلاص ما اقدر ابي متنفس الاجازة اخذها بس عشان انسدح وعشان ما يطير رصيدي ولا انا مو مستانسة فيها

دايم ادعي إني اسافر صار لي ٨ سنين

كيف تتعامل مع مشاعرك تجاه شخص انتهى من حياتك بدون مضرة

مع إن الموضوع ما أثر بوقته من سنة لكن توه تبدأ أعراضه حنين لا اله الا الله يضرب بقلبك، تحس تبغى ترجع تتكلم معه وتسمعه وتناقشه بنفس الوقت تحس ان فيه تردد برغبتك تجاهه ولو ان احتمال انتظاره لي كبير - اتكلم من باب اني جربت اجسه- الا ان ماعندي أي يقين يخليني أحاول

وش التصرف الصائب بنظرك وكيف تتحاشا هالمشاعر

اي كنت متعوده على روتين معين لمده ٦ سنين و الحين حاسه لما ابي اسولف مع احد ما القى و لازم ابحث و شعور غريب الناس اللي بعمري ما تبي علاقات جديده و مدري صدق بس الحمدلله كل يوم ابدأ صباحي اذكر نفسي اسعى لاخرتي ما بقى من الدنيا شيء لي، و هذا شعور الحزن اللي انا فيه مؤقت حتى لو ما كنت احس بالوحده فيه شيء جواتي وحيد مدري شلون اشرحها

يارب حول حالي للأفضل يارب

Today, I am a little bit too lazy to write. That's why I am now talking, and the technological thing is transferring my voice to text, or my speech to text.

I woke up at four and a half a.m. I just slept for around four hours. That's why when I woke up and had a banana and a cup of milk, I couldn't help but sleep again. So I slept and I woke up again at eight and a half a.m. in the morning, of course.

I then took a shower and dressed and put on some makeup, even though there is no special occasion. And yeah, my mom said we're gonna go to the mall in the afternoon, I mean by 5 p.m. probably. I don't know what we're gonna do there, but buy some jewelry for the upcoming wedding in two weeks.

And yes, I have good news: yesterday, I managed to read more than 10 pages of the book I'm reading. I actually read 8 more than 10 pages hahah.

I wrote some goals in the morning for today. One of them is to learn German for an hour. I'm so excited to start my learning session. I'll carry on with the vocabulary I was trying to learn yesterday because I didn't manage to learn all of them. I learned ten, and fifty words are still remaining. I will probably learn ten more words and revise the previous ten, or the ten I learned yesterday. So in total I'm gonna be learning and revising twenty words: ten new words and ten old ones.

If I felt like I could learn even more and one hour is still not up, why not then? I think I will probably also write them down, because I heard, or I actually also believe, that writing down what you're learning is more effective than typing it, or just learning passively, or without producing something. I would probably also try to make my own example sentences for each word I'm learning, and then check their their grammar and how natural they sound..

Besides, I'm feeling good because tonight at 12 a.m., which is technically the 4th of October, or which is going to be the 4th of October by 12 a.m., I'll be turning 22. So it's gonna be my birthday. I honestly don't celebrate my birthdays, but I feel happy for some reason because I could make it. Actually, the very fact that I'm surviving despite all the struggles I've been through and the disasters that were part of my life is a fantastic thing to be happy for.

Basically, despite the fact that I planned what to do on this day, I still feel like I want some room for some unplanned things, surprises, let's say.

Planning everything is quite boring because it gives you a sense of reward even though things are not done yet.

Or it makes you depressed when you see lots of things unchecked.

I feel like I'm too happy to write. Meaning that usually when I write, I don't feel as happy.

I feel like verbally talking or orally, whatever they call it, and also talking to someone physically. I mean in real life face to face.

Honestly, even though virtual connection is great and sometimes we can make good friends online, but I still value, and I believe it's actually more valuable, When you communicate in real life because you can get more clues on what the other person is saying, or what they mean of something.

Technology is great, but sometimes too much technology is bad for human, for, for the humane ways of communicating and creating things in slow more time-consuming rythem..

Even though these typed words are mine, but I still feel they're not much myself because if I write them or I type them myself, they will look a little bit different. Like, for example, yesterday's diary. Yeah, my yesterday diary is quite more myself than today's diary. But it's okay..

Say that I'm happy, but there are a lot of bothersome stuff that is happening here and there. For example, my dad refused to pay for my gym subscription because he's too broke, like he told me, or maybe he just doesn't want to pay. Because I'm quite a daughter that asks for too much. And I had 1,000 riyals just a week ago. They're about to disappear now because I spent too much. Even though some things I bought were wit Tamara, still I'm gonna go broke again.

Thank God, thank God I would say for everything because I'm not that broke. I still have lots of things that I can maintain good living with, let's say.

Since the gym I want to go to is the same as mom's, she will probably take me with her, and I will convince her to pay for me, for the personal training. Because I'm really bad at training on my own. I don't know how. I went to the gym several times with no avail, because I just would open YouTube videos and imitate them. And, like, literally, I feel clueless. I've never worked out for long before. The longest period I was working out for was probably just one week, and it was at home.

That's why I thought probably it is a good idea to look for a personal trainer or personal coach and train with her for a month and then train on my own.

I really want to be healthier. Much more chubbier, because I'm just too skinny. And I sometimes buy children's clothes even though I'm probably an adult because I'm 22.

I feel hungry now. Obviously, since a banana and a cup of milk really don't do nothing to suffice my stomach.

That's all I guess for today. Nothing much is happening, but a lot of talking has taken place now, because I feel energetic, and when I get energetic, I tend to be talkative. So sorry.

So you can say I'm forming the habit of journaling on a daily basis because it feels really useful. It actually is useful. And also, it's kind of a to-do list sometimes because you talk about what you're gonna do, what you did, and the next day you check or you say if you did these things or you didn't, and you write about your emotions toward that. So it is great to just write. Or if you're too lazy like I am today, you can record yourself or transfer speech to text. But believe me, recording yourself feels awesome as well.

You can record yourself, um, a vocal, like recording, or you can actually record a video of you when you talk...

Have a great day <3

Hey again, yes, it's me, I was reading, and now typing my today's diary! 3 minutes apart from the day I was born... Eh, just a number, nobody cares unfortunately as much as probably do... I received a birthday messafe on discord just yesterday. But it didn't matter much since it came from a pereon I had little contact with. Anyway, don't care sweetie, I know there are still some cool friends out there that care about you as a person and care about what you care about like birthdays for example... I shouldn't be waiting for birthday letters/messages but I'm doing it, waiting for specific people to celebrate this day with me just in letters mabye... Am I wrong?

Well, whatever happens... it's cool... dear god, I want to make a wish: I wish that you make me happy that I start crying out of speechlessness, make every thing you plan for me accepted with a welcoming hear, and for this year and every year, make my heart go fonder to you every time I feel lost, needy, helpless, and also their opposites.

Oh god, help me be the person I look forward to being, genuinely caring, truly loving, and just sufficently sufficient. Feels like I'm imaging this day will be much more blessed and prayers are answered which I know not true perhaps but may I keep these prayers in my heart for ever...

Allah, help mind br calm, soul br comfortable, and eye get some sound sleep...

Words won't suffice, I didn't have the gift of words, but I do have a sensitive heart....

I always thought of people writing their own prayers as bullshit, and now I'm doing the exact same...

Well, that'll do for today... I feel better now ^_^