r/troubledteens

I’m looking for insight from parents, stepparents, therapists, or even adults who recognize some of their own childhood behavior in this.

I have an almost-13-year-old in my family who is extremely intelligent, verbally advanced and very perceptive. He can also be attentive and sweet. But over the last couple of years, we’ve noticed a pattern of behavior that is becoming increasingly concerning and I’m trying to understand what could be driving it rather than simply labeling him a “bad kid.”

He is already in therapy. His therapist describes him as a good kid who is lonely despite having family and people around him.

The problem is that his attempts to connect with people often seem unhealthy.

Some examples:
• He contacts kids he barely knows or doesn’t know and sometimes creates stories about who he is in order to get them to engage with him.
• When someone tells him to leave them alone, blocks him, or removes him from a group chat, he sometimes keeps trying to communicate or find a way back in.
• Other kids have directly told him he needs to stop bullying people or be more respectful.
• He asks people things like “Do you hate me?” and seems very interested in whether people like/dislike him.
• He has previously sought out sexual/romantic conversations with male and female AI characters online.
• More recently, we discovered extremely explicit sexual conversations with people online and conversations with strangers he met through online games. With at least one person, we cannot verify whether the person is even another child. He was acting like he was a woman to decieve the man.
• He also appears to introduce sexual subjects/jokes to kids his age who don’t seem to be at the same level of sexual curiosity or comfort. One peer accused him in a text of making a rape joke, touching himself and then touching her/other kids. He was suspended from school for this.
• He can be deceptive. There has been at least one situation where someone recognized him and told him to leave them alone and he responded by pretending he didn’t know who they were talking about.
• He also seems to enjoy “poking” at people emotionally or saying things that he knows may produce a reaction.
At the same time, there is another side to him that confuses me.

His therapist has previously assessed him after we discovered the sexual AI conversations, including asking about inappropriate touching/sexual abuse. Nothing indicating abuse came out of those assessments.
What I’m struggling to understand is the overall pattern.
He seems intensely interested in relationships, people’s reactions, whether people like him, sexual/romantic interaction and where he belongs. Yet some of the behaviors he uses to get connection actually push other kids away. Then he seems to pursue the connection even harder.
It almost looks like:
loneliness → intense attempt at connection → provocative/sexual/attention-seeking behavior → other person becomes uncomfortable or rejects him → he pursues them harder → more rejection → more loneliness.
We aren’t looking to shame him for sexual curiosity or label a 12-year-old as a predator. We’re trying to intervene before these behaviors become more serious, both because we want him safe from adults/strangers online and because he needs to respect other children’s boundaries.
We’ve already involved his therapist, but “he’s lonely and he’s a good kid” doesn’t feel like enough of an explanation or treatment plan anymore.
Has anyone dealt with a child like this?
Did it turn out to be primarily ADHD/impulsivity, social-skills problems, rejection sensitivity, attachment issues, exposure to inappropriate internet content, something else or a combination?
Did a comprehensive psychological/neuropsychological evaluation help?
What type of therapy actually helped with boundaries, impulse control, online behavior and healthy friendships?
And if anyone recognizes themselves in this description from when they were 11–14, what do you wish the adults around you had understood or done differently?
I genuinely want to understand what need this behavior is serving so the adults in his life can address the cause instead of spending the next five years playing whack-a-mole every time we discover another account or conversation.

Hi everyone,

I'm working on a YouTube channel where survivors can share their stories, and I'd like to interview anyone who is willing to talk about their experience with attachment therapy. The goal is to help the public better understand attachment therapy and the harm it causes. I am also a survivor of attachment therapy.

Before recording, we'll go over the questions together and agree on what you're comfortable sharing. I'll only ask what you give permission for. You're welcome to add your own questions, and you can skip anything you don't want to answer.

You can drop out at any point, for any reason, and you don't need to explain. If you drop out after recording, your footage will be deleted and not used or stored.

You can stay anonymous. You choose whether to show your face, or use your real name or a different one.

Interviews:
Before anything is published, you'll get a private link to review your part. You can drop out at this time if you wish. There is no obligation at any time.

I look forward to speaking with each of you!

I hate it when school forces you to trust them after literally traumatizing you. I was forcibly thrown into a mental institution due to me saying too much. Once I got back they immediately forced me to have one on one sessions with them. They literally expected me to trust them the moment I came back. They gave me an “emergency paper” full with instructions on what not to do to prevent what I had said that led me into a mental institution. They said that they’ll have a staff looking over the area to make sure I don’t do what I said.

Let’s just say I stopped following the instructions after like 2 weeks and that the staff never came up to me or were even near the area. They were chatting with students. I also stopped visiting the sessions after the two weeks, and they never called me back in. It was basically a “let’s traumatize you so you can trust us, and forget you exist and that you are immediately heal within less then a month.”

I went to a program a few years ago and based on my googling legally they should still have my records. I was wondering if other people had obtained their records how they had gone about the process? I just don’t know how to start the process and if it’s even feasible.

This is purely a personal rant and a reflection of my own annoyance with humans.

The phrase “everyone has trauma” is thrown around a lot, and it bothers me. It’s often used in the context of excusing shitty behavior.

I feel annoyed because the longer I live on this earth, the more I realize that NO. Not everyone has comparable trauma.

Being kidnapped as a kid, stuck in a child prison for years, abused in every possible sense, destroyed over and over and in all ways is not normal at all.

Because of that phrase, I’ve given way too much grace to others, forgiven too much, and I’m annoyed by it.

I also feel alienated by it.

Program trauma isn’t your everyday American middle class persons “trauma.” I want to reclaim the word.

TW: >!Violence, Neglect, Psychological torture, child abuse!<

ADHD, PTSD, BPD. 38, MTF trans. In case any of that matters to someone.

I was in therapy this morning and had some intense feelings come up that led me to remembering events of my teen years that were painful to process. I remembered the name of one of the places (i had been institutionalized 5 times among 3 facilities in texas and louisiana as a kid) The Meridell Institute is the one that was worst, and i was there 3 months. Probably why i remember the name.

I felt the need to share my experiences because it did not ever occur to me that there were other people who might have gone through similar things and a community around it.

When i googled the name i instantly understood there were others. I would also want you to know that i cannot remember most of anything before I was 18. That i think is a combination of dissociation and trauma and the overwhelming doses of medication they had me on. Its criminal. 800mg Remeron, 600mg wellbutrin, 100mg geodon (They put this in the injections they use to knock you out. My ability to sleep is damaged permananently because of this), Some thousand trileptal and another one I can't remember. 5 drugs in doses that would be high for an adult. I take meds now too (i didn't for a long time b/c of trust issues with doctors. Wonder why) But in the lowest doses that work...

These places, they put me on over 30 different psychiatric drugs. 23 of which i had allergic reactions to. I've experienced symptoms from terrible migraines (lithium) to shidding and puking at the same time (strattera) and yeah. Hallucinations, pick a side effect. I've probably had it. They sort of zombified me from 12-18. I never developed a full sense of self. The geodon i would take at night my mom would make me at 8pm. By 9, you are knocked out no matter how strong willed you are. My friends used to slap me and make me chug coke and stuff so i could stay up and game. I got good at resisting sleep. TOO good in a bad way. I hated sleeping.

I would wake up in the morning and barely get up, brush my teeth, and be dressed and riding to school. Then wake up again and realize it was a dream and i actually have to force myself up while it feels like an invisible force is dragging your brain and body down. They wouldn't lower the dose. My doctors resisted me until i was 18 and told them all to get bent. Cold turkey. Worst 3 months of my life, can't remember any of it. I'm sure the memories of withdrawls are there but suppressed. Things were unstable for a long time but at least i was able to start trying to get to know myself, right?

Like. I realize now that i'm writing this that i could not fit this into one reddit post not even close. How is it that i could never have considered even one time going to look for other people who have been through this and now that i know... i don't know what to do. I wanna tell my story somewhere to someone who cares. I'd like to hear other people's stories too.. maybe? Felt oddly good in a wierd way to let go of some of this. Thanks.