u/09tailss

Hi there. This was on mobile, and there was a function with any song you’d play, if you scrolled down past the box of lyrics, there was an option to explore similar sounding songs/artists.

Spotify must have removed this feature recently because I can’t locate it anymore and I don’t even know where to look now without having to rely on google results/reddit recommendations for music.

It was an easy function to find newer songs, artists, and genres.

Now I don’t know what to do to find new songs/artists with similar sound/vibes if my ear is itching for a particular sound.

I already have my “Discover Weekly” playlist— and truthfully some weeks are hit or miss.
One other thing I Iike to use on Spotify is “Go To Song Radio” and that can be helpful but it’s not a faster way to find new music.

I really liked the old function I just mentioned to find similar songs. Much like a social-media story, it would play you maybe 30 seconds of the song, and you could continuously swipe through the songs til one would catch your fancy. It was pretty swift.
The lower left hand corner of the songs would have genres listed (oh god, all sorts of new sub-genres), and the songs would cast visuals/music videos across your whole phone screen.

I am 45+ messages behind with all of my different friend groups/group chats. - I forgot to wish a dear friend Happy Birthday 5 days ago. - My emails are racking up. - I need to call my little brother.

Who do you need to talk to, today?
Have you been isolating yourself from others?
When was the last time you called/texted someone important?

As a 9, I’ve come to the realization that I’ve idealized every person in my life that I got close with/to; even in recent times with a Type 7 that I fought hard not to get too attached to.

I’m also realizing that it makes sense why it would hurt others feelings…

Imagine it, being best friends with a 9 [who just wants to love on everyone equally for the sake of harmony] and the 9 suddenly grows similar closeness/fondness for another person. I know this now.

Sorry we can be hurtful sometimes.

I feel like I have lost touch to one of the most important things about the Enneagram (the spirituality). ...Forgotten.

“If there is a single overriding theme in our interpretation of the Enneagram, it is the need to acknowledge and understand our inner states so that we can begin to move beyond them. Self understanding is the prelude to transformation, to moving beyond the ego and all that makes up what is called “false personality”.

Transcending the ego is the gate to every spiritual path, and the Enneagram shows each type (us as individuals) what that gate is and how to pass through it. By helping us know that ego-transcendence and the integration of higher states of consciousness is possible; and by providing us with an understanding of the freer, more expansive qualities of our own being, the Enneagram encourages us to pursue them.

All of us are looking for answers to life. At some common human level we all are seeking a way to lead richer, more fulfilling, and graceful lives. 

The Enneagram helps us identify how (and why) so many people go wrong and bring unhappiness and various kinds of destructiveness on themselves and others.

‘We are free to go to those places or not, free to fall into many potential traps of psychic quicksand or not, free to scale the heights and move into new territory or not.’

If understood and used properly, the Enneagram is a map not merely of our states of personality but a map that points the way toward what lies beyond personality… Once we have transcended our egos.

Spirituality manifests itself in our daily lives as an ever-changing array of virtues.

Uncovering our virtues is one of the things we learn from the Enneagram, and this enables us to lead a good life—one that is profoundly fulfilled and that allows us to make valuable contributions to the world. 

I personally want to be my best and truest self.

If you are learning to observe yourself and let go of habits of your personality, then you are already on a spiritual path. No spiritual path can be followed without self-transcendence. 

This is the transformation of ourselves and our lives into something more fit for higher purposes.

The Enneagram is merely a tool and an intellectual system— a source of insight — It can provide us with wisdom to make good choices in our lives and the objectivity we need to see the truth about ourselves. 

These are no small matters, for they enable us to accept the gift of Grace, which alone can transform our lives.”

***************

Summarized/Paraphrased - From Don Riso’s Book: Personality Types - Preface (transformation)

Alice was my very best friend for nearly 7 years. We have a lot of history together; sharing deep dark secrets and vulnerabilities while also chatting daily. There was hardly a day where we didn’t talk. We never fought or had disputes. I was her favorite person in this entire world. And I ruined that.

June 28th, 2025-
Summer had shortly began and Alice invited me to go do something fun with her. We drove to a flower field and there was a festival going on. She and I spent hours picking flowers. When it came time for a break, we found a table to sit at and eat lunch together while Alice mentioned she wants to go camping soon. Alice asked me if I’d like to go with her. I say, “Sure, I’ll go” (not entirely positive if this was a real thing or not). Alice and I have taken trips before, quite a few times actually. But I also know that she has a tendency to cancel her own plans/fun when she gets depressed, so I wasn’t holding my breath. I thought it was a mere idea.

July 14th, 2025-
Sometime during a day at work (yes we are coworkers too), Alice brings up the topic again. Camping. She mentions she found a spot outside of state lines but she needs to make reservations in order to claim it. I say ‘sounds great’ before informing her I’ll need to talk to my husband about it. Alice and I both agreed to the date, Saturday September 5th, that is when we’ll be camping.

August 1st, 2025-
It’s been a little over two weeks and I still haven’t discussed the camping idea to my husband yet. He’s away at the moment on a guy’s trip with his own friend. I mention it to both my husband and Alice that I will need his input on the camping trip. And I’ll need to know fairly soon so that we can make that reservation for the date, 9/5. 

When my husband returned home, I tell him about the camping trip and his face turns with doubt. His eyes also read ‘caution’. Yeah… I feel the same way. I’m not really sure if I want to go camping (especially with the way Alice camps: We’ll either backpack to the middle of the woods again with a foldable tent; or we’ll sleep in her car. Two things that I don’t look forward to). - While this is going on… I noticed Alice’s persona is changing. She’s growing to be more hostile with others, especially because of her unhappiness with her husband and her living situation. All the years of abuse has caught up to her and I’m not positive if I want to be associated with that when she starts acting up. There are certain things involving lawyers and court, even. She seems very angry. And stupidly, I figure…… maybe it won’t be such a big deal if I don’t go camping…. (I really should have said something). Instead, I swept it under the rug and ignored it, pretending the conversation did not exist. And that would be an end to it all right there. 

Eventually the subject fades away from us all; my husband and I don’t speak of the camping trip again (and there’s nothing to report to Alice). And she herself does not follow up with me.

In fact, Alice hardly followed up about the camping trip in general. We only discussed logistics 2 or 3 times and nothing more. So I figured it really shouldn’t be a big deal at all if we didn’t end up going. One other thing that was nice about our friendship was that it was okay if we did not feel up to things/plans; but the courteous thing would be to actually cancel…

August 19th, 2025-
It’s a new work day, and I have invited Alice to join me and another coworker/friend [Mary*] to a winery (for 9/5). This actual conversation was saved from Instant Messenger—

Me: How would you like to go to a winery for brunch with me and Mary on that day? [Sept. 5th] She wants to celebrate my birthday for the 8th and she said she wants to take us to her favorite location.

A: Sure. That sounds fun.

Me: SWEET!! Yaayyy!!! This will be fun. :) 

A: Yea, it will be a good birthday for you.

***********************

So she says she’ll go. It is at this point that she could have said something, anything, or even fussed about the camping trip. She had a couple of weeks to speak up and she didn’t.

The next few weeks were odd. I’m not exactly sure how this all came to be. Alice and I seemed fine. Completely normal as usual. We were talking normally as we always do and she was sending me memes, tik-toks, daily updates on her life, and she even complimented my recent hair cut. But then as the days go on towards September 5th, Alice grows quieter and quieter on me. And her responses became shorter and shorter.

September 5th, 2025-
The time has come. I have made reservations (with payment) for 3 gals at this beautiful winery my other friend/coworker [Mary*] had suggested. [*Mary is my friend of one year who absolutely adores me. She finds me special, and she has communicated it to me she wants to build a beautiful rainbow bridge with me to be good friends and keep close connections. So naturally over the course of a year we did grow closely to one another, but Alice was still my bestest friend. Alice has subtly expressed it before that my friendship with Mary does not intimidate or betray her. But I am not certain if that was true.] 

Before I left my house for the winery, I contacted Alice just to check-in and see if she’s still on for the day. She’s been so off lately that it comes as no surprise when she says she can’t make it. She says she’s sick. So Mary and I celebrated without her and we both had a really nice time over drinks and snacks. I was really happy that day and living my best life.

My birthday was a few days later on the 8th. Alice was kind enough to send me a short-but-flat HBD over text.

But then - it got to the point that Alice started to completely ignore me at work. She would not interact with me at all, not even over work-related situations. 

I noticed she took down all of our ‘best-friends’ photos off of her desk. I knew something was wrong. 

September 25th, 2025- 
I got fed up with Alice’s behavior towards me. She’d rush past me at the office; and once she snickered at me ungenerously when I tried to greet her one morning. I contemplated things and made the decision to write her this exact message:

Hey, I am not positive what exactly happened between us or what’s gone wrong but I just want to address some things.

-I know you’ve been icing me out by ceasing contact/communication. I know how you are when you’re done with someone (Like what happened with Cynthia, or Eli, or Jason, to name a couple of people)– Keeping your head down and ignoring folks that you do not want to connect with anymore. We haven’t really talk-talked since late August and it’s just abnormal to go from talking nearly everyday for 6+ years to complete silence or short cold responses.

-I happened to walk by your desk last week and noticed you removed all/any photos that include me. I wasn’t going to say anything but I feel the need to point it out that something is up.

-I know I am conflict averse but from what I learned over the years is that if someone/a relationship is worth it, you gotta face the conflict in order to fix it or make things better. At this point I am not positive if I am still your friend or just a coworker to you.

-I would like to fix the issue if possible. Being left in the dark has me questioning what exactly went wrong and I have a theory it had something to do with the camping trip. The one that we did not take. I take full responsibility/accountability on that if that’s the case, because I know I didn’t follow up anymore about it by mid-August and then came my birthday where I celebrated on the weekend instead; the weekend that we agreed to try and go camping (9/5 and planning to make it a long weekend). If a permit was bought or reservations were made, I’m sorry.

-I’ve tried thinking of everything that went bad or wrong over the last few weeks that caused you to stop talking to me. I don’t know what that is. If it is something I did, I’d like to know. Like I said, I’m willing to fix/work on things because you matter to me.

-Lastly, I’ll respect it and leave you be if you decide to not reply to this message. I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure and stress and quite unhappy for several several months- I just hope it gets better from here or from when your personal/home issues are past this phase in your life. I’m still here if you ever want to open up and talk or even shoot the s**t like we used to. I won’t seal myself up.

***********************

Alice Responds: "You led me to believe that is what you wanted to do with me. You let me put in the time and energy into making the plans. You didn't have the decency to let me know that you no longer wanted to go and instead let me find out when you made plans with someone else! Who does that to someone they're supposed to be close with?! Even now, you're minimizing it. It's a big fucking deal, 09tailss! I don't need anyone else in my life who lies and lets me down. I wish you the best."

***********************

And then she unfriended me on all social media platforms. (I’m lucky I’m not blocked.)

I immediately apologized. There were no excuses, no defenses, just straight up apologies. I saw it from her stance, where she is in a place of hurt. I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to strike low like her loser spouse would; he who mentally/emotionally abuses her. I tried to approach this calmly and with good intentions. 

I attempted to talk to Alice via text message, quite a few times, since she refuses to speak to me in person. Even at work she will walk right past me. She dodges me if we’re both in the break room or the bathroom at the same time. She avoids me at all costs. (And it's hard to cope with that.). Nothing I did mattered.

These are the consequences of my actions. I lost my best friend. 

Fall and Winter had passed. I made one last ditch effort to earn back her love and friendship; myself, trying hard not to expect anything in return though. I drove to a gift shop and bought her a very sentimental card. The inside was blank, perfect. I hand-wrote her a letter inside the card, and ended it with “I’m sorry I let you down”, before confessing how much I miss her. I signed the card and sealed the envelope with nothing more than her name on it. While no one was at work yet, I slipped it onto her desk and proceeded to wait.

I don’t know if she ever opened that card or even read it. I have doubts that she did. She might have even tossed it in the trash (by now). During that morning, I could see from my desk (which was a few feet away… awkward) she picked up the envelope and curiously looked over it, perhaps wondering who it was from. And then I watched her place it in her filing cabinet. I didn’t see her open it. It’s been months now and nothing has changed. I hoped we would have had a nice re-connection especially when Spring 2026 arrived (a new season for new blessings). But nothing ever came of it.

And that’s okay. You can’t force people to do things.

I have learned a valuable lesson out of all of this.

I hurt my friend, and I never want to experience this kind of pain ever again. I do feel horrible for what I’ve done.

I am currently in the process of detaching, but like I said, it’s been really hard. Especially because I see her every day.

************************

♥️ Thanks for reading. Now that I’ve had time to write this & fully put it out there, I’m hoping this will give me the strength and motivation to move on. It’s time to put my focus elsewhere and be present to life.

From the names I could remember, I had about 10+.

Relationships came and went. It makes me a bit sad knowing none of them were lifelong like you’d expect them to be.

▪️ Is it true that this Enneagram Type defines itself *against* its environment?

▪️ What does it mean that Hexad types often show greater consistency in their core behavioral traits across different situations compared to the highly adaptable Attachment types? Can you provide an example for Type 1?

******

I ask because I’m a 9 (attachment) and I *was* best friends with a Type 1 who has completely cut me out of her life. The worst part is I still have to see her every day because she is my coworker.

When I say she’s cut me out of her life, I mean it in every aspect. I used to be her favorite person so much that she had pictures of me on her work desk. She’s wiped out everything related to me but she kept a few Enneagram Type 1 trinkets I gave her over the years and she still keeps those on her desk for display. But that doesn’t mean she’s still attached to me, I don’t think. (She also has disorganized attachment style (often called fearful-avoidant in adults), if that helps).

It’s hard seeing her every day knowing that I am so hated. So I would like some education behind this for Type 1s.

I am currently in the process of detaching (nine months later…) and it’s hard.

This Saturday did not pan out as normal between my spouse and I.

We had a very nice morning together (and with company in town), but something changed during lunch time and it ruined the rest of the day for us, between us.

Naps didn’t even solve the issue.

We were bitter with one another.

But just now, my husband gently asks me to come look at the moon with him, and suddenly, everything was right again. I am at ease, and love, and peace.

I am a very shy person, naturally. I like to keep quiet and keep to myself while still being in the presence of others. I like to think that I’m also very chill but my demeanor throws people off lately.

“Does she not like us?”
“You’re hard to read.”
“I get it, you need time before you can open up to others.”
- Things I have heard, things I have been told.

But with pot, it’s different. I actually get very chatty and it’s just about anything or some random thoughts I say out loud. And I say it so effortlessly, and with confidence!

I think I like it too, to fill a need for socializing.