u/3rdCoastCrypto

Alright. It’s been 6 hours since I consumed the 1.25 lemon tekked shot. Prepare for a shit load of text. My brain is still in process mode so this all might sound like total gibberish.

I’ve struggled with depression my entire life. About 2 months ago it got worse than it’s ever been. I was desperate. I started ketamine therapy through joyous, and started microdosing psilocybin 3x per week. I actually started feeling better. So decided I should face my fear and finally do a proper trip. I am very researched in psilocybin, and could probably teach classes on it. But I never went deeper than I did tonight. I was always scared to take a dose big enough to send me. I have dabbled with 0.7~ and micro doses and really enjoyed them. I’ve sat under the sun on 0.7 and felt so at peace so amazing. So I figure 1.25 won’t be too crazy. Well fuck was I wrong. lol.

I set a true spiritual intent with this trip and told myself whatever the trip gave me I would accept and integrate. Good or bad. Small or big. I was ready to really give this a go. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired and need a change. And I’m going to let the mushroom give me what I need.

I decided that 1.25 lemon tek of my home grown with love and respect cubes would be my first real trip dose. I’ve grown cubes for years but always just micro dosed and given them away to friends. Tonight that changes. Nothing was stopping me, no amount of fear would talk me out of it. I was taking 1.25 lemon tek and nothing was stopping me. I needed this. I knew I needed it. I’ve been wanting to do this for years and years and years.

And holy FUCK. It took me really deep and was way different than I imagined, but totally what I expected at the same time. I had no expectations but it’s what I imagined it would be. Looking back I wish it was more “euphoric, fun and enjoyable. but sometimes not everything you need is enjoyable.

I should mention that about a year ago I grew to multi spore strains , if I remember correctly one was penis envy and the other was golden teacher. For the life of me I can’t remember which jar this was. So there is a chance it was penis envy , which might be why this was so intense. But I might have just grown some really badass golden teachers too lol.

This trip was far more internal and intimate and “feely” if that makes sense. There wasn’t much “visuals” at all. it was just … very intimate and it internal and “feeling things” more than anything else. Like a purge or something. Like I NEEDED to see this internal sadness. And I was going to have to sit through the sadness fully exposed to that uncomfortable shit. Something about this felt therapeutic. As fucked up and depressing and sad as it was to feel it something about it felt therapeutic man idk how to explain it.

I’m still trying to process what all just happened. So forgive me if this sounds like gibberish.

As soon as I took the shot, 9pm, I waited about 10 minutes grabbed my bag pack, and started walking like I always do when I take smaller doses. Like my previous 0.7g.

As I’m walking things start to look “Shroomy”. Which is normal and cool. I got some low fi music on, and things are nice. Then about 45 mins after ingesting, I start feeling like I’m on the verge of crying, but I don’t know why. The sadness is coming on. There’s nothing happening acutely making me sad or want to cry. I’m clearly getting higher by the minute, so I actually turn back around and go home. Because I’m feeling like I just want to lay down. As soon as I get home, I lay on my couch and I start feeling like I’m losing it, but not losing it at the same time. I feel emotionally fragile as fuck. Like something is being stripped away but I don’t really know what it is and I’m just observing all of this happening. Then all of a sudden, the deepest level of profound fucking sadness I could ever put into words comes over me. But it feels like a purge. It feels like the shrooms are showing me the pits of my sadness. The depths of my helpless soul. Profound endless sadness. This has to be what “hell” would feel like. Just morbid sadness. I start crying and weeping. Forcibly. It wasn’t a choice. I was being forced to weap. But oddly enough It felt sort of good. In this moment I realized it was a purge. So I just went with it. (Not like I had a choice though) lol.

In this moment I’m going through what I can only assume is some form of ego death or atleast dissolution, because I remember thinking “ok look that’s my ego trying to hold on for dear life”. With my eyes closed it felt like I was merging with the eternal in some way, very expansive, and my ego did NOT like this. I was shaking, and I knew some profound shit was happening. Like the mask was being removed. As terrifying as it sort of felt, it actually wasn’t that scary. If that makes any sense? Like it was more of like HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THIS IS TERRIFYING, but it wasn’t scary? Idk how to explain this. I think because I’ve done so much research on ego death and psychedelics it’s pretty much what I would imagine “stripping away the ego” would feel like.

Closing my eyes sent me into the universe though. I felt myself expand into the mind. I could totally see how a higher dose would fully send me into that space and forget I even have a fucking body. This was a little intimidating but cool.

I start to feel judged and exposed and extremely vulnerable. But I am telling myself during all of this that if this is what the mushroom wants me to see/experience I will surrender and just observe it. Im here to be taught. So I continue to just try to surrender. I’m just going with it. Fuck it. I let it do its thing and I just surrender and observe this madness going on in my head.

I feel like I want to be naked so I strip naked, and end up on the floor crying and weeping. Saying “is this what you want me to experience? I will do it! I surrender!!!” I guess I was saying this to god? Or the mushroom? Idk. My dog is absolutely freaking out hyper ventilating so I put her outside and go back to the couch crying.

This lasts about 5-10 minutes I think, and subsides a little. I get up and tell myself ok I need to change the trajectory. So I get dressed and go back outside to walk. I start feeling like I’m in some kind of loop. I remember when I went back outside I kept trying to check to make sure I wasn’t naked and I actually put clothes on. Cause I didn’t want to be the crazy guy on shrooms but naked outside losing his mind. LOL.

So I Put music on, and I end up at my apartments dog park, and I sit down and I’m just observing this sadness , under these trippy lights. It was cool and introspective. I’m still feeling SUPER stoned and shroomy but At this point that insane ego dissolution madness part has subsided somewhat and I’m just really introspective and really trying to observe and understand that sadness I felt and just the entire experience. Where it came from. Why it was there. I knew it was inside me. It’s been inside me since I was a fucking kid. That deep deep deep self hatred and sadness. I’ve always felt it. But The mushroom just brought it out 100x and put it right infront of my face, like.. HERE BITCH THIS IS HOW YOU FEEL INSIDE NOW ACCEPT IT, AND RELEASE IT!!

After about 30-45 minutes of that, I start walking, and I end up in a better headspace where everything is just cool looking and I’m enjoying walking around in shroomland. I probably walked around for an hour. I feel like I finally got to the good part of the trip. The street lights look SO. FUCKING. BRIGHT. Like it felt like daytime that’s how bright they made everything look. It was cool. And I stared at a sprinkler for 15 minutes that looked like an angel with the wind blowing into the water coming out of it.

Then I end up back at my apartment. And the wave of sadness just comes back. So i begin just trying to understand it further and not let it pull me back in. I feel like calling someone to talk but nobody is available. I’m feeling pretty sad, it comes in waves. So I just turn some stuff on YouTube and here I am now. It’s been exactly 6 hours since I took it, I still feel weird and a bit out of it. But I’m not fucked up anymore. Just trying to process everything that happened.

The thing about this experience was… it was very INTERNAL. Like… no crazy visuals, Infact it wasn’t even really enjoyable per se…, other than the second round of walking around, that was pretty cool actually.

This was just a very intimate, and what felt like nessesary internal realization on how depressed I’ve been for a very long time. And some sort of purge happened by forcing me to see it, feel it, and observe it the way it made me.

The mushroom forced me into submission, crying and weeping but I had no idea why or what for. It made me watch my ego try to hold on to reality while whatever was happening to me was happening. it felt like something was released during all of this. That’s the vibe I get. But I still feel a bit sad after all everything. I think this is the part where I need to “do the work” and integrate. That was pretty fucking intense man. Shit. And was totally unexpected , but not unexpected at all if that makes sense. I told the mushroom prior to taking it what my intent was and I think I got it. I think I got exactly what I needed. But only time will tell.

It Really made me realize that There is a lot of stuff I need to change in my life (which I’ve already known) and I think tomorrow I will wake up and really begin to do the work. Only time will tell if this experience was positive. But I get the vibe that it will be and that it was, it cracked me open in a way I’ve never experienced before. Especially the part where I was merging with the universe behind my eyes, all while crying like the world was ending, and observed my ego fighting it. That was nuts. Seeing that mask being removed was pretty intense. I’m SUPER intrigued what a higher dose would do, but fuck man…. Like after that, I have an idea where say 2.5-3grams would take me. FUCK!!!! lol. Makes my hands sweat just thinking about it. But I’m so interested now… I can’t lie though I would not want to experience that sadness again, but if I need to I guess I will.

I’m proud of myself how well I handled that madness though. Like for real super proud of myself because it got pretty fucking intense for a while there.

All of my years of research, knowledge and understanding, and reading thousands of trip reports, and my massive respect to the mushroom, really did allow me to surrender and just go with the experience. Even though IN THE MOMENT it was difficult.

Going to try to sleep now. Thanks for reading.

Edit : re reading this today after waking up, it’s obvious my brain was scrambled. I will not change anything in it though, and I hope this helps someone. Peace and love!

Hello fellow psychonauts! I am currently cleaning my space, and preparing for my 1.25g LEMON TEK trip tonight. I plan to grind up this 1.25, and soak in lemon juice around 8:30pm, and then in jest at 9:00pm. I have no expectations, and i'm going to just surrender and let the teacher teach me.

My intention with this trip is just to further let go of my negative self-talk, and the things that have been causing me some major depression in the last year. I have been doing ketamine therapy, as well as micro-dosing shrooms 3x a week, for about 2 months and feel a lot better than I was feeling. I took a week off micro-dosing shrooms to prepare for this trip tonight.

Some might scoff at 1.25grams, but everyone is different, and I am somewhat sensitive to all compounds. About a month ago, I took a small 0.7gram dose of this same batch, and it had me feeling really good for a few hours. It was quite nice.

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The funny thing is, I can't remember what strain this was. And there is a chance it is penis envy. hehe. I grew 2 batches about a year ago, and for the life of me cannot remember which jar is which. LOL. So i'm either taking 1.25 of golden teachers, or 1.25 of penis envy 😂

I will probably get some music ready, im a big low-fi lover, so I'll load that up, and when I start feeling the come-up I will probably just start walking. I hope it's a clear night, and the stars are out! And I shall report back later during the afterglow 😄

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I ordered mindbloom in 2023, recieved the first dose which is 2x 200mg RDT’s = 400mg total. They told me to hold then spit after 7minutes.

It’s all still packaged as I never did it. I have been on joyous for about a month and a half and I’m at 120mg with them.

Are these tablets from mindbloom still good? I’m considering doing them, as I did pay $360 for it.

I've been on joyous for about 2 months. Im up to 120mg. I gotta say, I feel worse than I did before starting to take it consistently above 60mg. It seems like every time I take a dose, I feel morbidly sad the next day. Like very low low's. And I will sit there and research other peoples experiences on how this happens to them, and read about how they feel "amazing" the day after that. But I never do. I just go back to baseline. Currently i'm feeling like stopping, and going back to microdosing psilocybin, which I actually felt like was helping.

I want the ketamine to work so badly, but it just seems like my anxiety, and depression is actually worse since taking ketamine consistently. I feel like i'm going to give this one more week, and then I might actually call it quits if I don't see an improvement. Because the level of low's I feel the day after I take ketamine is pretty awful honestly. And my anxiety which I felt like was gone about a month ago, has for some reason come back.

I have noticed after my last session which was my biggest so far (150mg) troche, that my depression feels absolutely crippling today. Like profoundly worse than before. My anxiety is also elevated as well. Both are substantially worse than before the last session. Infact before this session I actually felt like I was feeling somewhat better in general.

Is this normal? Because I feel totally not ok right now. You know that feeling where you are on the brink of crying, I guess it feels like emotionally unstable, this is also something I’m feeling today. I do have a lot going on in my life currently maybe that’s playing a role but that hasn’t changed and like I mentioned before this previous biggest session I felt like I was actually starting to feel better.

Can anyone please tell me if this is normal or how long it lasts? Because it’s making me want to stop ketamine all together. I have read that this is “normal” after a session but the way I’m feeling today/tonight is quite awful.

I should mention that I have noticed sometimes the day after a session I don’t feel too good, like the depression is more noticeable. But nothing like last night/today. This is pretty bad. I suddenly just feel completely hopeless, scared, worried and just awful. I hope this is normal and only temporary.

I don't have an integration therapist, I just go through joyous. But i'm just wondering how am I supposed to integrate if there isn't anything to integrate? Im on 120mg currently, and when I do take this dose, I feel drunk, and if I mediate it can be a deep meditation, but thats about all ive gotten from it that I can tell. Maybe there are things happening behind the scenes because the next day after I dose I feel somewhat depressed/sad again.

Im just not sure what I am supposed to be doing at this point, or how/what to integrate? Or do I just continue dosing, and wait for changes?

Thank you!

Currently with joyous , I’ve worked up to 120mg over the course of a month~. Today was my second dose at 120mg and I’m considering moving myself up to 200mg, and not telling them. I believe doing higher doses less frequently would work better for me.

Wondering what sort of difference I would feel at 200mg vs 120mg? At 120mg I just feel really wobbly, and sort of emotional. I have yet to have real dissociation, atleast I don’t think I have had any yet?

Also wondering if I decide to up the dose to 200, should just hold saliva for 10 mins then spit, as opposed to holding until it’s all just gone like I do with the 120mg. I don’t want to overwhelm myself but higher doses less frequently just sounds better to me than daily.

Hello.

So I am about a month or so into my joyous journey. I started with 15mg and today for the first time took 60mg. I slowly went up 15mg at a time just to be comfortable with the effects. 60 felt pretty good. I think I could handle more quite well. I just want to know if the effects I get are normal.

This is my K ritual

I will light an incense

Lay on my couch with a blanket

Put some 8k nature videos with peaceful music on

Around the 20 minute mark I start feeling really relaxed and that wobbly feeling comes on (which I actually somewhat enjoy) 60mg was pretty wobbly and if I try to walk I jsut feel really off balance and sort of disoriented. Not in a bad way it’s almost like being drunk without the shitty feeling.

I will usually close my eyes around the 30 minute mark and just observe the thoughts and sort of meditate. Sometimes I’ll take off the mask and continue watching the nature video sometimes I just want to be in pitch darkness observing the thoughts.

I have had some closed eye visuals, mostly just shapes morphing into what I’m thinking. Behind my eyelids it looks like a lava lamp, but it’s not usually colorful it’s usually black and white but the way the light moves around it reminds me of a lava lamp.

I’ll have some introspective thoughts but it hasn’t been too deep yet. I haven’t had any profound realizations or WOW moments. But I will say the wobbly intoxicated feeling is definitely noticeable especially if I open my eyes. But it’s not bad at all. It’s just there.

I’m wondering if 60mg gives me what I described above, what would 100mg give me?

I go into these with no expectations, and I let the experience just be what it is. But it would be nice to have some feelings of connectedness and deep introspection and realizations. I enjoy the dissasociative feeling. Atleast I think I’m disassociating. I sort of just feel like my awareness has kind of unplugged from physical reality but I still know I’m in physical reality.

This all lasts for about 2 hours and then it’s done. There’s a slight afterglow but I’m basically back to normal 3 3 hours later. I will say I feel substantially less depressed and anxiety than I did when i started. But I was also micro dosing psilocybin 3x a week too so that has likely played a role in the reduction of depression and anxiety also.

Im excited to try 100mg soon.