u/44Dann

I struggle with being too logical and straightforward when people are upset. I see a problem, and I immediately try to solve it to take away their pain. Instead of helping, it ends up making people even more hurt and defensive.

It hurts to constantly end up being the bad guy when my intentions are purely to help. I want to learn how to prioritise others’ emotions before offering logic. Any advice on how to change this?

Living with severe social anxiety means I feel insecure with everything. I’m scared to show my emotions, so at first I thought I was 3E. Looking deeper, I figured out that I’m more likely 3V. I’ve always hated how weak having anxiety made me feel. Not just having anxiety, but how I deal with it. I’m insecure of my emotions because I’m highly sensitive and it makes me feel weak. It’s not that I believe my emotions are invalid. I’m doubting 1E because I prioritise logic over emotion when making decisions. This is my baseline, I am a very logical thinker. I try to control my emotions with logic. Other times, my emotions can be so strong that I can’t control them with logic, and I don’t really care to. I’m very aware of other’s emotions and I’m empathetic, but I can also not care at all. When I feel things like envy, anger, etc, I can say/do horrible things. I don’t care about being a good person, but my emotions and opinions on people can change fast, so I can go from hating someone to feeling bad for them very quickly. I am easy to forgive, but I’m also easy to anger. Not because I’m naive, but because I understand people can change and can make mistakes. Plus, I don’t hate someone just for doing something “bad”. That’s not to say I’m heartless, I’m definitely not. But I don’t follow what society says as good or bad and I just follow what I internally judge.

I doubt 4F because I love engaging with the material world. I’ll feel a bit crazy if I don’t for too long. Like when I stayed in bed every day for years, I hated it so much and wanted to do something physical. I just have trouble sticking with it or starting it. I learn better with verbal instructions/experiences rather than words. I love dressing up because it’s fun and I like feeling authentic. Idk if this could be a higher function like emotion affecting 4F though. I don’t care about keeping my place tidy as long as the results are the same. I can feel disconnected from my body and the world when I focus too much on my device or something. I get angry when people use my stuff without asking me first, I don’t mind sharing, I just don’t like people taking things without my permission.

For logic, I hate when things are left unanswered. I enjoy the process of debate and stay open minded. I can feel insecure of my logic when proven wrong, but I can’t tell if this is just 3V or not. It just makes me feel dumb and I hate feeling dumb. I’m insecure of my lack of education. I left school at a young age and I haven’t learnt anything since, I also have bad memory so I can’t remember anything I learnt at school in the first place. As I mentioned before, I have difficulty starting things and sticking with it so I’ve never been able to seriously put my head down and learn. I think I could If I had some sort of teacher, but I don’t, so..

I hate my family so I suppress my emotions because it’s like they don’t deserve to see them. It’s also because I’m so socially anxious that I can’t express myself with family even if I wanted to. I don’t exactly know why I’m so anxious about it. I’m scared of being judged.. but even if I know I won’t get judged, something holds me back from showing my true emotions. I just feel anxious in my body. With people other than my family, well.. I don’t really talk to anybody else. This is another reason why I struggle to type myself, because I have been isolated for years without experience in the real world. A part of me worries all of this would change if I just stepped outside and interacted with different people. I don’t always care about being seen as strong and capable, and honestly I love being babied. Idk. Anger is the easiest emotion for me to show to anybody. I don’t feel insecure of my anger and never have. The only thing that stops me is anxiety or logic. Sometimes I do try suppressing my anger because I acknowledge it’s not worth it, like with my mum. I’ve had to deal with her every day for my whole life, so I know how her brain works and that my anger won’t help anything.

It seems as though every description I read focuses on how much a sx4 will externalise their emotions… but I don’t do that. I’m wondering if It’s impossible to type myself right now. I stopped going outside at all when I turned 14 and haven’t had a single friend or person to talk to (I’m 17 now).