u/7_MyArtSucks

TW: TRANSPHOBIC AND RACIST RETHORIC

Well, I'm 18, still in highschool and I met people with queer pins, I wanted to befriend them and then realized they never wanted to be friends with me.

One day I thought that if I put a big rainbow flag on my bag, I'd make queer friends and be surrounded with people who'd pretend I'm a girl, well I was wrong.

I made a patch that I glued on the back of my backpack and instead of getting friends, I got troubles, there are still rumors about me, it's fucking unsafe for me to put that patch and guess what!? My fucking overmelanated ugly skin color and my shitty coily hair prevented me from being friends with people who are delusional enough to see a big, tall, clocky man and still call him a girl in my woke school. You're telling me that I risked getting beaten at home just to get bullied at school because I'm a gay on top of being autistic.

Guess blackness screams homophobia no matter the rumors that I'm not homophobic.

I don't wanna live out of spite, I just wanna live a happy life as myself.

I just checked the definition of "out of spite" and it's something like making people upset, revenge, hurting or something and the idea of living out of spite really hurts because that means me being alive let alone makes people upset or mad.

In other words, that means most people I had troubles with just for having a darker skin or simply because they think I'm a gay guy are upset that I'm still not dead.

Also, it's really dangerous to make someone who sees you as a subhuman upset, especially if they think they're stronger than you because one day I made my brother upset by just telling a lie and he had beaten me and threatened me to push me downstairs, another day I got beaten by a racist guy for asking to be respected.

In other words, living out of spite seems dangerous to me