u/AAA_battery

I'm 31 living in the Dallas area making 125k, have a long term GF, currently renting. While I feel like I have made good financial decisions so far I feel like I have also made a lot of dumb ones, specifically around wasting money on entertainment, gambling, food delivery, electronics I barely use, etc.

Although, I recognize I am probably doing better than many my age and I am grateful to be where I am, I just cant shake the feeling that I am not doing enough and falling behind, and have regrets for blowing a lot of money on useless things. every dollar that I've wasted on impulse spending haunts me because I know that money could have been invested and growing.

I find myself checking my finance apps on my phone multiple times a day and thinking and overall thinking about money every hour of the day to the point where it just seems unhealthy.

I grew up in a household that was very financially conservative, both my parents are retired with over a million dollars by just working their modest 9-5s and saving. They were always stressed about saving/not wasting money. I think this is why I hold so much anxiety about finances.

Net worth ~258k:

~98k roth ira - 90% VTI 10% VXUS

~59k 401k - 100% VTI

~40k brokerage - 50% VTI 50% VUG

~15k emergency fund

~ paid off honda civic worth 25k

~ Pokémon card collection worth 25k

How can I stop obsessing over money so much, move on from mistakes of the past, and dial in impulsive spending?

I’m on vacation for a whole week with my family staying on a Beach resort where I literally have no stress, just sitting on the beach and waiters bring drinks. This should be an incredibly relaxing experience that should be enough to give me some relief from DP/DR but it just doesn’t touch my 24/7 severe symptoms. Sitting at a gorgeous beach feels the same as sitting in a doctors office waiting room. My vision makes the sky and water look distorted.

If not even this experience helps me I fear nothing will. My nervous system must have some sort of severe dysfunction that is beyond fixable by just reducing stress and ignoring symptoms

Max easily dealt with both Porier and gathje who are more elite and dangerous than an old Conor coming off 2 losses, a snapped leg, and 5 years of inactivity. Max even had decent success against 145 Topuria who is one of the deadliest strikers in the sport.

What can Conor show max that he hasn’t seen a million times ?

My therapist seems confused when I say I have dp/dr 24/7 and that it never fully goes away it only slightly improves sometimes.

I think they are trained that dp/dr is episodic

Ive sold a variety of items on FB marketplace, usually things I dont need/use anymore or electronics that I have replaced with newer versions.

Nothing has brought out the absolute worst creatures on FB marketplace quite like a used MacBook.

I have a used macbook that regularly sells for $550 on ebay that I have listed on FB marketplace for $500.

I have received hundreds of "$250 cash today" messages. for whatever reason the lowballers are drawn to used Apple products like flies.

I’m not usually one to come on here and vent but I truely just need to scream into the void to see if anyone can help me stop my life from falling apart.

My story is in Jan 2022 I took just 7 pills of Wellbutrin for ADHD symptoms and developed chronic 24/7 emotional numbness, blank mind, fatigue, and other life ruining symptoms that have persisted for the last 4.5 years. I basically developed all of the symptoms of “PSSD” despite not taking a ssri

I have been in a constant battle since to preserve my career and relationships, I drag myself to my job everyday. Try to be there for my GF, try to keep in touch with friends and family. I’m just trying to hold until something hopefully improves. But so far nothing has.

What pains me so much is that my girlfriend who is a wonderful kind and understanding person has stayed by my side during this. She wants to get married but I can not in good faith get married in this state. She tries to stay strong but I know she is so saddened by this all. Sometimes I wonder if I should just let her move on.

My family lives 500 miles away. They know I am struggling but I have stopped talking about this to them as I feel like there is nothing they can do to help and it would just push them away or make them sad. My grandparents are nearing end of life and I don’t even have the emotions to feel sad about it or be there for them. I will likely have to attend their funerals while feeling absolutely nothing.

I do think I have some suppressed trauma surrounding my parents divorce and a life time of low confidence and social anxiety however in this state it’s impossible to work on these things as my mind is completely empty and my emotions are numb. Typical therapy does not work at all in this state.

Everyday that goes by just adds to the trauma and pure insanity of this situation. I don’t know how long I can preserve what I have before I lose my relationships, my career, everything…

Thanks for reading

who has recovered from this? This seems like the most severe impossible to overcome symptoms. You cant work through trauma or just ignore and move on with life when you have no thoughts and no emotions. its like trying to learn to walk again with your legs cut off.

Thought I was mostly normal my entire life. looking back anytime anything bad happened to me I just bottled it up and tried to act normal. In moments where normally someone would use emotions to deal with things I would just freeze up and go numb. I should have learned to deal with things properly. instead after 27 years of just bottling things up I reached a breaking point after moving across the country away from family, pushing myself too hard at work, having covid and then taking a stimulating medication. All of this pushed me over the edge into severe 24/7 DP/DR... Not sure what to do.